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Syncletica
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| Posted: Sept 10 2009 at 11:14pm | IP Logged
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or my brain..or something. It's constantly fuzzy and on overload. My children are not behaving well. I can't even sit down and think about what to do, my mind is not letting me. I'm so busy thinking about things all day long....have to improve their behaviour, have to plan for school (haven't a clue how), need to get organized, need to figure out low cost meals, worried about so many things and now I can't think straight at all. Today all I did all afternoon was cry. My children have gotten quite disobedient it seems, they bicker and fight with one another, even get very physical - hitting each other - goof around when it's time to do something like school or chores. I'm expecting them to be rebellious when they get to their teens and all my efforts to keep them innocent and pure will be lost. I've gotten very pessimistic and sad about thinking about all this. I'm expecting the worst to happen and thinking maybe it'd be better if I wasn't around at all. That somehow I must be causing all this. I pray throughout the day for help in knowing what and how to do and nothing comes to mind. I draw a blank. Always. That causes more tears.
Yes, I'm needing some advice. And for what exactly, I can't say, b/c I'm not sure.
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Nique
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| Posted: Sept 10 2009 at 11:51pm | IP Logged
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Oh sweetheart, didn't you just have a baby? Maybe you are being alittle hard on yourself! Can you ask your Hubby to get the kids outside more, for some exercise while you nap with your baby? Is there ways he can help them blow off steam? Have you told him how you are feeling? You are still recovering yourself! Maybe your expectations are too high, with this new little one to your family. I wish I lived closer to help! You can definetly count on my prayers though  hugs
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I had always thought that once you grew up you could do anything you wanted - stay up all night or eat ice cream straight out of the container. ~Bill Bryson
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Mackfam
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| Posted: Sept 11 2009 at 8:23am | IP Logged
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Hi Syncletica.
First, I want to encourage you to check your thyroid. Postpartum thyroid issues are not uncommon. Jodie offered some very do-able ways of checking those by just charting morning temps at home. I'm 18 months postpartum and my thyroid is just returning to normal numbers on paper (though I know my thyroid function is still low). It has affected mood and weight loss. If you think of your thyroid as part of the engine that runs your body - if it speeds up every bodily function will speed up, if it slows down every bodily function will slow down. This would include weight gain, depression, constipation, and others. Check into a potential medical reason for the challenges you face.
Next, I'm going to say, "Be gentle on yourself"!!!!!!!!!! You've listed exactly 6 BIG challenges we all face:
** fuzzy brain
** behavior issues with children
** planning for school
** getting organized
** planning low cost meals
** serious depression
You've just had a baby, school has started, and I'm certain you are holding some challenges within the safety of your own heart aside from the ones you've listed.
All of these BIG challenges take time and energy and focus - each one of them. I find that if I feel like the home is in chaos, the children are bickering and disobedient, and life is in general spinning out of control -- I must go to prayer and re-focus. I know you said you have taken this to prayer and come away from it feeling dry. I want to encourage you there as well. Blessed Mother Teresa, to whom I have a very great devotion, is such an example for you and I! She spoke often of the great dryness she felt in prayer, the lack of consolation. Yet, in faith, she kept plugging away. She was obedient to her vocation and to God's call. So, keep praying! God has not abandoned you!!! I can say that with complete confidence!!! He loves you and will equip you with the grace you need to meet each moment of each day!!!!
One more thing I think we often overlook is that looking at everything all at once is daunting and we can drown in the immensity of it all! God wants us only to look at the present moment. Like the manna He sent from heaven for the Israelites as they were wandering in the desert, His grace is there for the day's needs...only for that moment. We can't anticipate His graces or our ability to get through tomorrow, next week, or when our children are teens. His grace is sufficient for the moment only. Trust that He will provide for the day, and throw your heart into cooperating with the grace He provides for that day, that moment. HE WILL PROVIDE!!!
So...advice...I'm going to break your list down for you to help you see where *I* might prioritize things. I would work on one big issue at a time. I'd give it all my energy and trust that God will meet me in the moment with the grace I need to discern and become a more faithful daughter to Him.
Depression
This is a serious one, Syncletica, and your words above concern me. With God's grace, look into reasons for this and address this so that you can approach the other challenges with clarity and the virtue of hope.
Children's Behavior Issues
Slow and steady here. Sit down and make a list of the biggies. If you don't have them, borrow all of Dr. Ray's books from the library and read them. They're set up so you can approach one challenge at a time. It takes time and consistent effort to correct a behavior issue. Allow yourself to focus. The house will be a wreck. That's ok. The meals will be survival meals. That's ok too. Focus on restoring a level of respect to the home. Know that our children will ALWAYS be presenting a new challenge in their behavior, so you're never going to be able to just "check that box".
A sense of organization and routine
This will go a long way towards helping you and the children with expectations for the day. Don't overthink this!!!!!! Just sit down and spend an hour thinking of a very simple day - where meals would normally be in it, prayer, lessons, bedtime. Of course, there will be days you get off track and that's ok!!! Just give yourself permission to pick up with where you should be in the day and thank God for sending you the redirections. And roll with it!
Meal plans
There are so many organizational helps out there for this, and you could probably tackle this easily if you didn't feel overwhelmed in other areas. I know meals will be bland and predictable if you slide this to the backburner, but I think giving yourself permission to prioritize and focus on the biggies will lend you more of a rail to work on so that you can feel less overwhelmed with everything else and able to focus on pleasing, low cost meals.
In the end, there are just days...
There are. Our Lord allows us to experience these moments, these days, that overwhelm us, challenge us, humble us and bring us to our knees. Thanks be to God for the Sacrament of Confession!!!!! Go there often and gather up more graces for your days!
to you, Syncletica! You're NOT alone. Your children will never be better off without you!! Never question God's providence! He gave them to you for a reason! Of all the mothers on earth and throughout time, He chose YOU for these children! It's mind-boggling when I think of that in relation to my own children, and so humbling, but if He believes in me, if He is always faithful (and HE IS!) in assisting me with His grace, then I have to pick myself and do my part - which is cooperate with His grace!!!
You are in my prayers!!!!!!!
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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Mimip
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| Posted: Sept 11 2009 at 9:08am | IP Logged
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I really cannot put it any better than Jen just did but I just want to add my prayers for you. Remember to think one day at a time right now.
Also you have people praying for you, sometimes that knowledge is enough to seek help and peace. Maybe some alone time in Adoration? Just 15 minutes might be enough or more if you can. I have a dear friend who used to take her newborn with her to adoration and nurse her for the whole time until she stopped and fell asleep. Then she went home and was able to do other things at home because the baby was content.
Lots of
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Mimi
Wife of 16 years to Tom, Mom of DD'00, DD'02, '04(in heaven) DS'05, DS'08 and DS '12
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stellamaris
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| Posted: Sept 11 2009 at 9:45am | IP Logged
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Praying for you. It sounds as if you are just physically exhausted and perhaps not well. The children's behavior could be a direct result of your level of fatigue; you just can't deal with discipline issues if you are totally exhausted yourself. Do you have an understanding physician you can go and see? I know low thyroid was mentioned, and there are other medical issues it could be as well, among them adrenal fatigue and blood sugar issues.
The sense of being immobilized, unable to think or deal with the tasks at hand, guilt, and inadequacy are most likely a consequence of the exhaustion you are experiencing. Be kind to yourself, try to rest if you can, and seek medical help.
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Caroline
Wife to dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
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Bethany
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| Posted: Sept 11 2009 at 10:12am | IP Logged
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Syncletica,
I've been feeling the exact same way lately. My patience is zero at exactly the time when I need to have the most. I'm 9 weeks pregnant, so I'm sure that's effecting me, but I feel just hopeless sometimes. My middle two (almost 4 & 6) have really been pushing my buttons. They're inseperable, but have really begun to bicker and mess with each other.
I don't have any good advice, because I feel like I'm in the same boat. Just lots of .
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Bethany
Wife to Mike, Mommy to Amelia (6/02), Sarah (10/03), Martha Grace (10/05), Rebecca Anne (12/07), Laura Catherine (3/10) and Reed Michael 7/4/14.
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Booksnbabes
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| Posted: Sept 11 2009 at 11:27pm | IP Logged
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Syncletica,
I could have written your post a few weeks ago!!! Sleep has been the biggest factor in working through all the fuzziness and negativity here. I wish I had been disciplined enough to make myself get the sleep, but I actually had to physically crash to get the message.  It took a pretty big "frying pan" to the head to get me to realize that if I wasn't taking care of the very, very basic things--sleep, shower, food--I couldn't take care of anything. Everything was overwhelming. I had to break it all down to basics again until I really could handle more. I had to admit I had no control, and asked humbly for guidance from the Holy Spirit. (I tend to have perfectionist tendencies, and an inability to accept help or even admit I might need help...)
Slowly I began to set goals for the day--no more than two or three. If I was able to get meals on the table and clean up the kitchen, it was a good day. I shelved school and just read books with the kids--this allowed me to focus on the kids in a more positive way (I felt I did nothing but discipline--and none too gently at that  ). I forced myself to go outside with the kids and just be out in the sunshine and fresh air.
It was soooo difficult!!! I felt I had this gigantic mountain of things I must get done, and I felt I was constantly failing!
I still cried, but not as often. I still had a ton of things to do, but I found that after I'd accomplished my little list I might sneak a couple extra things in--and that made me feel like I'd not only accomplished, but exceeded my goal.
I found a lot of my children's negative behavior went away as I crawled, bit by bit and with quite a lot of backsliding, out of the dark hole in which I found myself. We still have some really bad days, but now that I'm back into the routine of taking care of the basics, things are getting better. It is easier each day to work through everything coming at me. I feel less like I'm living reactively.
I do not know if any of this helps, I do hope it lets you know that you are not alone. Know that I am praying for you as you work through this!!! I'm sorry for the abrupt ending, but it is late here and I'm becoming fuzzy-brained. And there's the baby!!!
Hugs and prayers!
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Wife to wonderful DH, mom to SIX beautiful gifts from God!
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: losing my mind...
