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amyable
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| Posted: Jan 15 2006 at 6:07pm | IP Logged
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My poor oldest daughter (8) is the only extrovert surrounded by 5 introverts. She has always been extremely outgoing, verbal, bossy, and needs people (and especially talking to people) just as much as the rest of us need down time, alone time, and quiet. Honestly, by the end (middle?  ) of the day we are overwhelmed by her and she bounces from one to the other of us to get attention. As I've tried to maintain a calm atmosphere in the home (to avoid yelling and snarkiness in myself) I realize that dealing with this dd is one of my biggest triggers. 
I am not an extrovert, grew up with all introverts, and don't understand what she needs or how to give it to her. I also want her to understand *our* needs and respect them. Is it too much to have time during the day when she is NOT allowed to talk or interrupt me or her sisters?  There isn't a neighborhood of children here to play with, and playdates happen but they are few.
Do any of you have thoughts on this, from any perspective?
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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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PDyer
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| Posted: Jan 15 2006 at 8:49pm | IP Logged
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Oh, my, will I be watching this thread. My four year old bounces between my son and me all day and has a terrible time being by herself. And unfortunately, we also don't have many alternatives to the two of us. Looking forward to this thread!
Patty
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Patty
Mom of ds (7/96) and dd (9/01) and two angels (8/95 and 6/08)
Life at Home
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Bookswithtea
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| Posted: Jan 16 2006 at 11:52am | IP Logged
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We have a mix of introverts and extroverts in our family. We always have a "quiet time" in our house. EVERYONE has to be alone for that time period, involved in something quiet like reading, coloring, playing dolls alone...that sort of thing. This coincides with the time my baby takes a nap, and serves as my recharge time to either doze with the baby or just have some peace and quiet (I'm borderline extrovert/introvert). My oldest sometimes completes his schoolwork during this time before playing the guitar. Quiet time is no less than 1 hr and sometimes up to 2 hrs. Its too hard on the extraverts to go for 2 hrs regularly, but it does happen occasionally.
If your kids aren't used to quiet time, they have to be trained into it. I'd start with 30 minutes and up it by 10-15 minutes each week till they are used to maybe 1 1/2 hrs? Younger extraverts often appreciate mom setting up a tape player with autoreverse to listen to stories or music (what is it with extraverts not liking silence! lol). This is a great time, btw, to introduce tapes and cd's with saint stories or classical kids cd's.
After quiet time, they clean their rooms (or the space they've been using...1 dd is in the craft area of the basement because she and other dd share a bedroom) and then come out for a snack. After that, unless the weather in horrible, its time to go outside.
We've done this routine consistently for many years now. It really works for us. We usually start school by 8:30 (aim for 8am, sometimes its as late as 9am) and have lunch around 12:30. No one but ds has anything to do in the afternoon and his stuff is mostly reading at this point (one CM concept I really adopted was the "no school after noontime" idea).
We sometimes have to let 3ish aged children watch tv during this time. They are too young to be alone in a room but drive everyone else crazy if they are left to roam and interrupt everyone else's time. By the time they are 5 its usually not a problem to just cut out the tv time and move them to other activities.
Even my extraverts like quiet time. It allows everyone some time to just think and daydream and not have to do what anyone else wants to do. And I've noticed that they are usually refreshed and ready to play with each other afterwards. When we get off schedule and quiet time goes by the wayside for a few days, they start to get on each other's nerves more.
hope this helps!
~Books
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SaraP
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| Posted: Jan 17 2006 at 4:58pm | IP Logged
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I really struggle with this also.
My 4 year old is as extroverted as they come and a non-stop walker/talker. I am very introverted and get easily ovewhelmed by too much noise . . . not an easy match.
We do an hour of quiet time every day, but my talker just paces in his room and talks (loudly) to himself the entire time so it isn't really all that quiet and, quite honestly, the difference between 11 and 12 hours of constant chatter isn't really all that significant for me. This is something I am really hoping gets easier as he gets older.
There is some good advice on how to smooth the differences between older extroverted kids and introverted parents in the book Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka . . . maybe your library has it?
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Mama to six on earth, two in heaven and two waiting in Russia. Foxberry Farm Almanac
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ALmom
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| Posted: Jan 17 2006 at 10:15pm | IP Logged
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When they are younger and non-stop talkers, it does help when they have an extroverted sibling to tag with and go places with. Also a phone call to Grandma works wonders followed by some cuddle time reading a book. But I do get stressed - I really have trouble with noise as I get overstressed and jittery and short tempered when the noise has been too constant. Also soothing music sometimes helps.
I have noticed, however, that some of my non-stop talkers would talk incessantly the tireder they got. When we called their bluff and would just ask if they were trying to stay awake, one would smile and then settle into more silent play and fall asleep. Perhaps your dc that talks to herself loudly, is really just trying to stay awake for fear of missing something. You might try asking her with a smile if she is just trying to stay awake and see if you get a sheepish grin.
Janet
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Topic: Care and feeding of the extrovert?
