Oh, Dearest Mother, Sweetest Virgin of Altagracia, our Patroness. You are our Advocate and to you we recommend our needs. You are our Teacher and like disciples we come to learn from the example of your holy life. You are our Mother, and like children, we come to offer you all of the love of our hearts. Receive, dearest Mother, our offerings and listen attentively to our supplications. Amen.



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CrunchyMom
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Posted: Aug 15 2009 at 5:48pm | IP Logged Quote CrunchyMom

I'm curious, does anyone have a "method" for reconciling with their spouse?

Maybe something like an olive branch or a regular action that can be inferred (ideally for both parties) as "can we be friends again."

BBL if necessary to clarify

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melanie
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Posted: Aug 15 2009 at 6:09pm | IP Logged Quote melanie

I think you will need to clarify. Why not just an apology? lol...
I'm sorry if I'm being dense, but I don't understand what you mean I guess...   
Is this like a bigger argument, with hard feelings?

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CrunchyMom
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Posted: Aug 15 2009 at 6:29pm | IP Logged Quote CrunchyMom

No, not a big argument, but just when there is a disagreement.

Idk, sometimes I feel like "I'm sorry" isn't appropriate. I mean sometimes you just disagree and there is tension but no one really did anything wrong.

I mean, I could go and say, "things feel a little tense since we discussed x" but that seems to bring up x again. I guess I'm just such a verbal person, I get myself in trouble and when I mean to apologize and diffuse a situation, I just end up bringing whatever caused the tension to begin with again. I just wish there was some sort of "action" to test the waters. Yk, like flags on a ship, lol.

I probably just want an easy way when there is none cause people aren't easy.

I guess I just don't want to have to talk about it because sometimes its all in my head and if I said, "I'm sorry" when it wasn't clear, he might likely say, "for what?" Oops, what, nevermind. Pay no attention...

I'm sure if I brought it up with dh, it would probably sound strange and contrived as it apparently did when I first posted it. I just thought maybe someone had come up with secret signals or something, like if I could just say, "The goose flies South in November..." and get a clear response, it would be easier.

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CrunchyMom
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Posted: Aug 15 2009 at 6:33pm | IP Logged Quote CrunchyMom

I'm sorry if this is a silly question. I'm just not always good at reading dh, and I don't like to make him "discuss his feelings" iykwim, and that isn't always the answer. I just wish he had lights or indicators or something.

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JodieLyn
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Posted: Aug 15 2009 at 6:35pm | IP Logged Quote JodieLyn

How about a hug? you don't have to explain it and it generally difuses tension

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CrunchyMom
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Posted: Aug 15 2009 at 6:50pm | IP Logged Quote CrunchyMom

JodieLyn wrote:
How about a hug? you don't have to explain it and it generally difuses tension


Jodie, always so practical.

It always seems so simple when there is no tension and foggy when I perceive it

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Lindsay
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melanie
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Posted: Aug 15 2009 at 7:39pm | IP Logged Quote melanie

I agree, a hug or smooch...I think sometimes things hang because both sides think the other side is still irritated over it and arent' sure how to proceed. Someone has to break the tension with a "we're ok again" action.

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Posted: Aug 16 2009 at 10:27pm | IP Logged Quote sewcrazy

I usually offer him a service, such as make a meal or snack I know he likes, or rub his back or such. He will bring me chocolate!

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LisaR
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Posted: Aug 16 2009 at 10:53pm | IP Logged Quote LisaR

I think what would help if you knew his "love language".
Dh's is physical touch, and mine is not, so for me to offer a back or foot rub means so much to him, and then he in turn gives me words of affirmation for days later telling me how much it meant to him.

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Posted: Aug 17 2009 at 11:59am | IP Logged Quote juststartn

Wish I could get my DH to read that book....

But we (I mean, I) usually try to step back and calm myself (even if it is just tension, we can all get a bit emotionally wound up). I definitely then try to provide something in the line of Acts of Service....pamper him a bit.

(I know I'm 'speaking' in *my* love language, but fortunately it seems as though we overlap a bit, DH and I).

Rachel

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Posted: Aug 17 2009 at 1:54pm | IP Logged Quote Kathryn

For situations like you describe, ours is sometimes just a nudge shoulder to shoulder or arm to arm and a grin just to let him know I'm not mad anymore. It's easy, it's simple, obviously requires no verbage and yet it def. diffuses the tension and helps us move out of "that place".

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SuzanneG
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Posted: Aug 17 2009 at 11:34pm | IP Logged Quote SuzanneG

Well, I always resort to humor in these situations......

Sometimes, I just make myself look completely stupid and childish..... to sort of "break the ice"....like jumping up and down in front of him, saying, something stupid like "can we be friends again, huh? huh? can we? can we?"

Or, we tend to call each other by our original "hidden" nicknames.....I'll say, "So, hooooow's XXXX?" Which always makes us laugh and that diffuses the tension and let's the other know "i'm making amends" and helps remind of the "newlywed-feeling" that helps to outweigh a heavy heart (hopefully).   

And, I've started to say......"You remember, doncha, that I am your ticket to heaven, riiiiight?????     (when I know I've done something to annoy him)....... Or, when he does something that bothers me.....I joke with ...... "I'm am SO on my way to heaven!!!!"   

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Posted: Aug 18 2009 at 8:18am | IP Logged Quote stefoodie

Hugs and light jokes always work here too. And yes, a very contrite "sorry", softly spoken -- when necessary -- works wonders.

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JennGM
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Posted: Aug 18 2009 at 9:59am | IP Logged Quote JennGM

I do similar approaches like Janette. Or if it's really awkward, we say it in notes. Dh leaves a note in the morning every day, so sometimes it includes "I'm sorry" in various ways.

And I'll do the same, leaving it on his bag or next to his food to take.

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