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MarilynW
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My husband and I are discussing how much technology for our children.
Please share your views.
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Marilyn
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Martha
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I have zero problem saying that I am the adult here and thus I have the freedom to do things they do not yet have the maturity to do. My blog is not private, I am on several message boards, I have a facebook acct (thanks to nagging of dh's cousins!)
None of the kids have their own thing yet, they share one cell phone and only use it for calling dh or I. I just opened 1 email address for them to share, a son can get emails from his spanish tutor, they have an email to give friends.. etc...
The only time the older kids are on the computer at all is to do a specific search or to type in an assignment for Seton or a written final draft. Teh olest also has spanish lessons 2 x's a week.
They certianly do not have message boards, email groups, or facebook accts and I have zero inclination to let them anytime soon.
I am contemplating letting them have their own blog, should they want it. they take pictures, write comics and other stories, and I think they'd like that outlet.
The "draw" as you put it is a major concern to me. As you note, and I'm sure anyone on this board can understand, us adults have to be careful of the draw for ourselves and I do want them to be careful of that.
Our general rules for all electronics is evolving into:
1. if it's pretty outside - no electronics
2. if there's company - no electronics
3. if there's work to be done - no electronics
4. if they nag, scheme or argue of it - no electronics (to me that's addictive behavior)
5. if you can speak in person - do so.
6. look in our books before look on the internet
which means that basicly electronics has become the last resort option.
By no means am I a technophobe. I am a HUGE gadget and electrnics nut (met dh computer programming waaaaaaaaay back when C had no gooey or ++. 
I simply think that we should master the electronics and it should serve to improve our lives, not make us slaves or remove/impede personal relationships.
And yes, I have online friends. They are real people. Many I've met in person. My life has been blessed by having known them. But just like IRL, friends come second to what my family needs.
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Martha
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CrunchyMom
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Martha, I was hoping you would weigh in on Marilyn's question. I've been meaning to ask you--at least I think it was you--what the book is that you recommend about children and computers. I think it was written by a computer programmer who won't allow his children to be on the computer until they are teenagers and insists that they will have more imagination and be better able to use a computer for it.
Or something like that.
If such a book doesn't exist, maybe you could write it? 
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Lindsay
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Mackfam
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Agreeing with Martha!
I found great inspiration and insight in Pope Benedict's document New Technologies.
The computer in our home is an appliance, and a very useful and helpful one. It is not a substitute for personal dialogue.
The following represent the guidelines used in our family...they are prudential decisions arrived at through prayer. We are constantly assessing and discerning these decisions and are open to the prompting of the Holy Spirit as He makes us aware of His plan. By listing these I in no way assign judgment to others who use different guidelines.
:: We use Safari to restrict internet access. Our parental settings are so tight that they only see what we allow them to see. It isn't a filter at all. So googling for them is out. I google when we research something.
:: Email privileges are just that - a privilege. Only our oldest dd has email privileges right now. We read everything incoming. If there is a point that we can't keep up, we'll have to pull back on some online privileges, but I think so much of this is based on individual temperaments and inclinations. I'll just be prayerfully open to the future and the promptings of the Holy Spirit there.
:: The computer is often used in educational ways, but even those are limited.
:: I've seen in my own family that my young boys especially have a real talent and proclivity towards the computer. Left alone, they get in a "computer box" and don't come out. I treat their computer time much as I treat tv time - it is an appliance, used occasionally, but not at the expense of real life. My children enjoy the creative outlet of blogging. My husband and I decided to keep them private and that is a decision we are happy with so far.
I think online friends are quite real! I cherish them! I've met a few of my online friends IRL and those are memories to cherish as well! As long as we consider the person behind the keyboard, dignity is conveyed. If/when that respect and awareness is removed from the equation it's time to step away.
Consider how you use your tv in your home, Marilyn. Each family has different prudential guidelines for tv useage, but I find that our computer philosophy reflects our tv philosophy a lot. That might be a good place to start. I think both the tv and the computer can be good as Martha points out, as long as they are kept in perspective and used in healthy ways not to the detriment of the valuable time building imaginative expressions and dialogue within the family.
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Jen Mackintosh
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Wildflowers and Marbles
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MarilynW
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Mackfam wrote:
Consider how you use your tv in your home, Marilyn. Each family has different prudential guidelines for tv useage, but I find that our computer philosophy reflects our tv philosophy a lot. That might be a good place to start. I think both the tv and the computer can be good as Martha points out, as long as they are kept in perspective and used in healthy ways not to the detriment of the valuable time building imaginative expressions and dialogue within the family. |
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Jen - our kids do not really watch tv at all. The younger ones watch signing time and veggie tales. The older ones watch family movies with us. We have no cable.
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Marilyn
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Willa
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Martha wrote:
Our general rules for all electronics is evolving into:
1. if it's pretty outside - no electronics
2. if there's company - no electronics
3. if there's work to be done - no electronics
4. if they nag, scheme or argue of it - no electronics (to me that's addictive behavior)
5. if you can speak in person - do so.
6. look in our books before look on the internet
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I do like your list, Martha!
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Willa
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Kath
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We have been using NetNanny for almost a year now, and we're very happy with it so far. That being said, we don't have any kids old enough to use the computer, but my husband asked me to research and buy software so that we don't have to see any of the garbage. All we use is the filtering, but it also has time controls and other features. It was very highly recommended by PC Magazine, and I *think* you can download a trial version to test it out before buying.
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Katherine
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Ruth
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Martha wrote:
Our general rules for all electronics is evolving into:
1. if it's pretty outside - no electronics
2. if there's company - no electronics
3. if there's work to be done - no electronics
4. if they nag, scheme or argue of it - no electronics (to me that's addictive behavior)
5. if you can speak in person - do so.
6. look in our books before look on the internet
which means that basicly electronics has become the last resort option.
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Yes, Martha. great list! I'm going to add those to our list. Here are more rules for our family:
1. If prayers haven't been said (Rosary, reading about the saint for the day)- no electronics
2. If chores aren't finished- no electronics
3. If we have not read aloud- no electronics
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Ruth
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Martha
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CrunchyMom wrote:
Martha, I was hoping you would weigh in on Marilyn's question. I've been meaning to ask you--at least I think it was you--what the book is that you recommend about children and computers. I think it was written by a computer programmer who won't allow his children to be on the computer until they are teenagers and insists that they will have more imagination and be better able to use a computer for it.
Or something like that.
If such a book doesn't exist, maybe you could write it? |
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well off the top I can't think of the book, there's probably several though that I've referenced in the past. I tend to pass on the link as I get them or stumble across them
I know Mr. Robinson of the Robinson Curriculum was a strong advocate of this as well.
ETA: as soon as I hit send I remembered, I think Elizabeth posted a thread a bit back mentioning a book she was reading on this to make some boundaries in her family... gotta go nurse the baby or I'd search it myself.
Also, note that I said my rules are "evolving"... 
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Martha
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Mackfam
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Martha wrote:
CrunchyMom wrote:
Martha, I was hoping you would weigh in on Marilyn's question. I've been meaning to ask you--at least I think it was you--what the book is that you recommend about children and computers. I think it was written by a computer programmer who won't allow his children to be on the computer until they are teenagers and insists that they will have more imagination and be better able to use a computer for it.
Or something like that.
If such a book doesn't exist, maybe you could write it? |
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well off the top I can't think of the book, there's probably several though that I've referenced in the past. I tend to pass on the link as I get them or stumble across them
I know Mr. Robinson of the Robinson Curriculum was a strong advocate of this as well. |
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Was it the "Geeks guide to ???something???" ?????I think???? Does that ring a bell, Martha? Is this the one you're remembering, Lindsay? I remember it being referenced in a few threads and wanting to remember it...and now I've forgotten. 
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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Mackfam
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CrunchyMom wrote:
| Martha, I was hoping you would weigh in on Marilyn's question. I've been meaning to ask you--at least I think it was you--what the book is that you recommend about children and computers. I think it was written by a computer programmer who won't allow his children to be on the computer until they are teenagers and insists that they will have more imagination and be better able to use a computer for it. |
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I found the conversation you were remembering, Lindsay...Kids and Computers. Books mentions the book but doesn't remember the name of it. Books are you around???
I still can't find the "Geeks..." book link I was remembering.
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Jen Mackintosh
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SuzanneG
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Bringing Up Geeks by Marybeth Hicks
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Suzanne in ID
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MarilynW
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only one hand - but I think the book is Raising Geeks and may be by Mary Beth Hicks - not sure - i will check amazon when i have 2 hands. i am planning on reading it. for those who emailed me i can post links to some other articles on internet safety and children. now that i am researching this i am realizing how we need to educate our children on internet safety.
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Marilyn
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Mackfam
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YES!!!! That's the one I was remembering!!!!
Whew!
I've done 12 searches so far...thank you for saving me from hours of searching here, Suzanne!!!! I was determined to find it since I had neglected to remember on my own!
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Jen Mackintosh
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Wildflowers and Marbles
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SuzanneG
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Thread from the archives: Teens and Technology
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Suzanne in ID
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Erin
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Marilyn
I'm going to clarify my definitions of computers. There is computer games, personally owned CD games, not online. And then there is online use/time. And of course there are plain old Word documents.
My children are 15 down to 9 months. As Martha has wisely pointed out it is all evolving. When my oldest was 5 she never used the computer, now my 2yr old plays. Circumstances change; we live in a very small house which has had a huge impact on our computer usage and I now have older children, so I have to have rules.
Presently the children have a computer binge on a Friday afternoon if they have completed all their lessons for the week. By computer I mean CD games. They are not allowed online games, simple. Then they are done, no more computer for the week 
Any of the children are free at any time to type up stories (no way am I going to put any restrictions on this ) Ds, 10 does like to search for images to go with his stories/narrations. I try to be present for this or have Dd, 15 who has good instincts to be there.
Now online time; Ds, 14, is more drawn to it than anyone else. The children have a joint email address and he checks every morning. Usually only mail from their referring coordinator. They all have public blogs, the boys are more faithful writing than the girls, they don't get any comments (except from Abby ) Occasionally they get into a bit of a 'time waster' where they want to keep checking their site meters, but are pretty good. I have explained to them the need to not share anything too personal, ie. location.
If they are researching a topic that we don't have the information for in a book they are free to do a google search. I help the younger children so I can screen but I do trust dd15, she has quick instincts.
Dd, 15, has been the most disobedient reading G A Henty books online for hours (I worry about her eyes) but then she has been known to do that with hard copies too.
What we allow is what we are comfortable, ie. I'd pick emails over MSN any day. I do find Pope Benedict's document insightful.
Martha, love your list; but I really love your number three Ruth.
It is an individual position that is constantly evolving. (I've sure evolved )
At the moment playstation is more of an issue here. sigh.
Regards time online, I think we can waste time in other ways as well as the computer; if we are doing a time stocktake don't forget the phone and even reading books.
Oh and I definitely treasure my online friendships.
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Erin
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MarilynW
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Thanks everyone for your opinions.
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Marilyn
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MarilynW
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I want to add too that our rules are very similar to Martha's and Ruth's - but having gone through a tough pregnancy and being tired postpartum, we were not as good about enforcing the rules. Our children are good, kids - but the draw of computer is a huge temptation for them. And although computers are generally harmless with proper rules - we have explained to our children that if they cause them to be disobedent or neglect more important things, then we have a problem. (same as if I spend too much time online and neglect God, my family and my home)
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Marilyn
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stefoodie
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Marilyn, this is a great thread and you've received lots of good advice -- I'll add my prayers for your family's discernment. It's a tough issue and one we need to revisit on a regular basis!
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stef
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JenPre
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This thread is wonderful. I haven't got children who I need to moniter yet....that will be in a few years. But as I'm reading this I'm thinking about MY computer habits 
I am constantly on the computer. It starts off as "just checking e-mail" but then quickly evolves into checking this forum; checking blogs; reading an article etc. And before I know it at least a half hour has passed! And there's no need for THAT multiple times a day!
Thank you Marilyn for posting this as it's given me much food for thought for down the road when I do have children I need to protect (especially as a new baby will be here in a few months and I've been contemplating beginning a blog!).
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Jen
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Computers and our children
