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mcchatty
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| Posted: June 06 2009 at 6:02pm | IP Logged
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Dear ladies, an incident happened after mass a few minutes ago that has left me reeling.
My son is a serious baseball player. His team is doing well this year. Last year they all shaved their heads in solidarity with a temamate whose brother was having chemo. it was a huge bonding experience for the boys. This year they decided that if they got to the tournament undefeated they would dye their hair blue.
I know- ghastly. Well, they did. What I don't think anyone anticipated was just how well my boys hair would absorb the dye. (He is towheaded and has been in the pool for hours every day for two weeks now) Anyway- this hair is unreal. Brilliant, electric blue. There are no words for how much I hate hate hate this hair. But, the tournamnet is this coming week and he will buzz it off by next weekend. (See how i am being mature and coming to grips with this ;)
Now, I actually had reservations about taking him to Mass this afternoon. I mean, he looks horrible, and I don't want to attract all that attention. Hubby pointed out that God already knew what color the hair was, and this family goes to mass every weekend. So off we went. The 5:30 mass is incredibly casual at this parish- jeans , short shorts, marimba's and guitars.
As Mass ended a woman I barely know approached me and angrily said,"I want to thank you for ruining mass for me! Don't you know better? Mass is a serious thing, not a freak show!"
I was stunned. I stammered out that I was sorry her Mass was ruined, and she continued on"Well, it was. I won't be surprised when I hear he's selling drugs!" - Now this is absurd. I was sprouting a backbone to defend my son when our Priest approached us, ruffled my boys hair and said,"Hey you boys bring a trophy home! How is Brett?"(the brother who had cancer) As they chatted, The woman hissed,"I don't know why you bothered to comoe to church at all" and stormed off. Father had clearly not heard her (everyoen was exiting and the narthex was very loud.
I made it outside and promptly burst into tears. I am torn about this , because it irks me when people are inappropriately dressed for Mass. (perhaps God is giviing me a crash course in being charitable). So, I see her point- trust me, this is truly hideous hair.
But should i have left him home? I mean is concern about "ruining" someone elses Mass legitimate? ( when obviously, it's not a matter of deliberately provoking people or just carelessness.
I know it sounds silly, but I feel just hammered. (beaten up- not tipsy) And somewhat ashamed. I wish his team had done something else, but it's pretty harmless really. And we attend Mass every weekend. Period.
Please advise me. Are we so wrong I should apologize to her? Should I assume that if someone else "ruins" your Mass, the problem really isn't with the other person? Any advice / consolation much appreciated.
mcchatty
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Nique
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| Posted: June 06 2009 at 6:23pm | IP Logged
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I think you and your family did the right thing - by putting God first and attending Mass! Even your Priest was impressed! Good for you!!!!
About that "interesting person"..sounds to me she was too busy concentrating on everyone else around her!
You handled her accusation sensationally! Really! Much better than I ever would  However I am sorry she made you feel that way!
Imagine if this was your families first time in a Roman Cathoilc Church? And this was what she said? Ooooh!
I know that our God is a just God Who sees everything! He will be sure she finds out about the heroic sacrifice your son and his friends are making somehow, in some way.
In the meantime, I'd feel sorry for that woman and pray for her. She needs to stop looking around so much and concentrate on THE MASS!
And remember:
"Blessed are those who suffer persecution for justice' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven."
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I had always thought that once you grew up you could do anything you wanted - stay up all night or eat ice cream straight out of the container. ~Bill Bryson
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Mary Chris
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| Posted: June 06 2009 at 6:24pm | IP Logged
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Father didn't have a problem with it so don't worry about it. I would just try and say a prayer for her everytime her hurtful comments pop into your head. I try to do that whenever I am feeling hurt or slighted.
I hope they do great at the tourney next weekend. My youngest ds9 just shaved his head  for the swim season. BOYS! 
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Blessings, Mary Chris Beardsley
mom to MacKenzie3/95, Carter 12/97 Ronan 3/00 and wife to Jim since 1/92
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folklaur
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| Posted: June 06 2009 at 6:28pm | IP Logged
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in my opinion - SHE was wrong. Wrong wrong wrong and also downright horrible.
it is hair, for goodness sake. that kind of person would have found something else to be put out about.
your son was just an easy target.
so his hair is blue. so what? and she probably was even angrier when the Priest didn't care.
you shouldn't either. pray for her, and be easy with yourself. and if you can see this as God using it as a lesson to help you too, than just be thankful for that.
let him wear his blue hair proudly!
and wish your son good luck for me on his upcoming game too!
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MaryM
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| Posted: June 06 2009 at 6:32pm | IP Logged
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Oh, dear, I am so sorry, and I feel for you...
No, I don't think you should have left him home. Although I am sure from your description that is was a challenge not to notice him , this woman CHOSE to let it ruin Mass for her. Father clearly was fine with it... and knows your family and your hearts. God bless him. Anyway there are always going to be people like this - whether they accost the young mother with the slightly fussy baby and tell her that is what cry rooms are for, or make hugh assumptions about boys with blue hair.
I know it's hard and you are still shaken, but try to let it go, (and pray for her).
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Mary M. in Denver
Our Domestic Church
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Matilda
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| Posted: June 06 2009 at 6:34pm | IP Logged
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Oh dear! Please be consoled. I think you should take the attitude and encouragement of your pastor over the selfish concerns of that grumpy woman. We have been in a similar situation when a very hostile older woman came up to me after Mass and told me that my 2 year old son had ruined her Mass and distracted the entire church because he fidgeted. (We were thinking that compared to his usual routine he had been exceptionally good!) I was pregnant at the time so read: HIGHLY emotional and was in tears by the time we reached our pastor. My husband, after hearing her rebuff, asked Fr. point blank if our son was a disturbance to the whole parish. He lovingly said, "If your son is ever disturbing the Mass, I will let you know! Why do you think I have all of these altar boys? (He regularly had ten at each Mass.) So, my point is... if your priest was so encouraging and enthusiastic, then let his demeanor be your guide! I will pray that you receive some peace regarding the harsh words that were spoken to you and that the grumpy woman finds charity in her heart towards your family as you worship Our Lord and fulfill your Sunday obligation (or another Mass to attend ).
P.S. It cheers me to hear of such caring young men who are willing to swallow their vanity and suffer embarrassment in the name of emotional support for one less fortunate.
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Charlotte (Matilda)
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with bookend boys and a double girl sandwich
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mcchatty
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| Posted: June 06 2009 at 6:42pm | IP Logged
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Bless you all.
My son thinks this awful hair is awesome. From his perspective, it is the farthest thing form a sacrifice. it is a lesson for me. Years ago, I determined to myself that I would do evertyhing I could to make a woman with a fussy baby feel comfortable at church. I will never again look at a teenager in dreadful garb and think,"Not in my house." You all are lovely.
mcchatty
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sarahb
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| Posted: June 06 2009 at 6:43pm | IP Logged
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Im guessing she is very easily distracted more by her own anger issues than by other people's innocent choices.
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Willa
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| Posted: June 06 2009 at 7:04pm | IP Logged
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mcchatty wrote:
| Years ago, I determined to myself that I would do evertyhing I could to make a woman with a fussy baby feel comfortable at church. I will never again look at a teenager in dreadful garb and think,"Not in my house." |
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Totally ditto.
I've had enough unruly toddlers, sweaty pre-teens (making it to the only available mass after a weekend of baseball in our wide-flung mountain community) -- plus, my friend would take care of an autistic teenager sometimes -- so that I will NEVER judge anyone from their appearance and even when they act irreverent, I say a silent prayer.
Praying for healing for your hurt, and saying a prayer for that woman who MUST have had something going on in her life to make her act that way.
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Willa
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: June 06 2009 at 7:09pm | IP Logged
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I think that it's lovely you care about this woman's feelings so much. She's recieved an appology that may or may not have been deserved already.
But the color of his hair is no excuse to keep your son from Mass.
People are easily distracted, when they choose to be.
She could have chosen the solution I use for my kids.. we sit up front so that what's in front of them to pay attention to is not other people but the alter
Most people I know around here would shake their heads over the foibles of youth, especially ones involved in something intense like an important ball game.
But they wouldn't be judged by the silliness unless it permiated their ongoing attitude. And my feeling about coloring hair whether it's dyed blonde or blue or black is.. at least it's an easy fix. Especially for boys 
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Elizabeth
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| Posted: June 06 2009 at 7:11pm | IP Logged
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Um, I've been in the market for pre-tournament hair dye this week. Would you mind sharing what brand that was?
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Taffy
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| Posted: June 06 2009 at 7:23pm | IP Logged
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I totally agree with everyone who wrote already - you were ABSOLUTELY not in the wrong here, the grumpy woman who complained to you was.
Jesus said many times, in many ways, to not worry about the sliver in someone's eye until you've removed the log from your own. As a parent of a special needs child, and an aunt to a severely autistic child, I've learned this lesson the hard way myself.
So sorry you had to deal with such an ugly person (referring to the complaining woman here). And kudos to you for not letting your son's hair colour cloud your opinion of him. It's only hair after all!
Your son having blue hair is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You and your family owe no one an apology for it. Although it sounds like this woman could use some prayer.
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Susan
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Blestwith8
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| Posted: June 06 2009 at 7:50pm | IP Logged
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Well as my Irish Catholic Grandma would say "Pray for her happy death!" JUST KIDDING!
Honestly you were very gracious and very kind. Your son is just a kid having fun and we all know how silly superstitions about clothing and hair color etc.can bond baseball teams. It is a great experience for your son and obviously your Parish Priest had no issues, likely was ammused by it. It is such a kid/baseball kind of thing.
Truly the woman has issues. Pray for her. Pray that you can shrug it off. Good Luck to your son and his team. Trust me God knows peoples hearts and hair color means nothing! You were much nicer than I would have ever thought to be.
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Maria B.
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| Posted: June 06 2009 at 8:07pm | IP Logged
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You ladies have given me some good laughs just reading these posts! I agree with all of you.
A couple of Sundays ago at Mass, the woman sitting in front of us was bothered by every teeny tiny sound she heard. Every time my two year old or needy 7 year old whispered or squirmed in their seat, she turned around and glared at me. At the sign of the peace, she refused to shake our hands. I was so upset and frankly, steamed. When Mass was over, I approached her and suggested that maybe next time she should sit somewhere else, rather than sit their and disturb us throughout Mass with her dirty looks. She didn't say a thing ... just walked off with another nasty look. My kids were upset too. We all stayed after Mass to pray for her.
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helene
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Pray for that person. Your son's colored hair is a wonderful sign of his team's solidarity. Electric blue or green is a rite of passage for many teens and see how great he is for planning to shave it off soon. They're just having fun, together. I agree that woman must have some other crisis going on in her life. Perhaps she is estranged from her own children in some way and saw how close your children were to you and that set her off. It's hard when strangers accost us with harsh words. We never forget them. They parade as "truth" and come back to us in moments of insecurity and self-doubt. They are truly destructive. Try to let go of them as completely as you can and take the encouraging words from your pastor and this forum to heart instead. God bless your family.
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Happy Mom to five girls (20,17,13,11and 4) and five boys (19, 15, 10, 8 and 6)
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mcchatty
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| Posted: June 06 2009 at 9:47pm | IP Logged
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You all have been truly wonderful. Thank you.
Elizabeth- "Splat" in "blue envy", purchased at Walgreen's. don't say I didnt warn you 
mcchatty
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Loren
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| Posted: June 08 2009 at 11:50am | IP Logged
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Elizabeth, if you're going to Walgreen's for hair dye, they also sell colored hair spray. That's what I used when I was a reader on Mother's Day. Yes, I was reader at Mass and I had pink hair.
The only comments I got were about how young I looked with my new haircut.
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Taffy
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| Posted: June 08 2009 at 2:21pm | IP Logged
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Loren wrote:
Elizabeth, if you're going to Walgreen's for hair dye, they also sell colored hair spray. That's what I used when I was a reader on Mother's Day. Yes, I was reader at Mass and I had pink hair.
The only comments I got were about how young I looked with my new haircut. |
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I'm going to have to try that sometime - I've always wanted to dye my hair purple...
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Susan
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: June 08 2009 at 6:31pm | IP Logged
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Well, you were much nicer than I would have been.
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Jody
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| Posted: June 08 2009 at 9:05pm | IP Logged
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Mcchatty,
Of course you did the right thing! I'm steamed just thinking about that woman's comments to you!!!! She obviously has an ISSUE!
Well we all here on the forum will give her a lot of prayer so you may see some change in her opinion and maybe an apology........ all things are possible with God
Jody
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Jody,
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: Reeling and hurt, need advice!
