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mom2mpr
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| Posted: April 20 2009 at 3:03pm | IP Logged
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We moved to a very media involved culture/area a few years ago. I am not thrilled but have dealt. Now, I am tired of fighting and am going to have to let the dc see PG movies, have video games, etc. Dh is fine with it all. He has never had a problem with it. I see how neat my kids are, but it is just getting too hard for me to be filtering everyone and everything constantly. So, some friends are giving ds an old Playstation with some decent games and we may be watching more TV. I am sad. I loved my life without the "noise."
What limits do you set? How do I get over my disappointment and try to enjoy the junk with them? Has anyone else ever been able to keep their kids from Hollywood until they were 11 and 6? How did they do? Were they so into it that they left their good literature and books in the dust? Classical music-done?
What should I expect?
Anne
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folklaur
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| Posted: April 20 2009 at 3:23pm | IP Logged
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My kids have gameboys and have seen movies and watch TV.
They also love reading and books, being artistic, playing outside, drawing in their nature journals, etc.
They listen to the Beatles, and they can recognize a song by Vivaldi, and tell you about him.
It isn't one or the other....
The only thing I would be worried about is making some things seem like the "forbidden fruit." That can sometimes backfire when they get older. :( I have seen it happen, in children you would least expect.
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: April 20 2009 at 3:43pm | IP Logged
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I don't understand why this "has to" happen. Why do you have to let them watch tv or go to movies? If you aren't happy about it, follow your gut!
My kids don't watch tv, don't go to movies and rarely listen to pop music. We have some video games and rent movies from Netflix. I learned a lesson about trying to appease an older child in the hopes he wouldn't rebel when he got older. It was a horrible mistake. Nothing was enough, maybe he realized that I was going against my conscience and wanted to see how much I would allow. I think it showed him my lack of resolve and willingness to endure the tension that being more protective would have caused.
I do not take lightly the idea of letting the world in my front door. 
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Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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folklaur
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| Posted: April 20 2009 at 3:58pm | IP Logged
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teachingmyown wrote:
| I don't understand why this "has to" happen. Why do you have to let them watch tv or go to movies? If you aren't happy about it, follow your gut! |
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I agree with this - to a point.
She said her DH is okay with it. That could mean he could take it or leave it, or it could mean that he actively wants to be able to sit and play video games with the kids for some down time, or it could mean something else entirely. I think what his gut says has got to count for something too. just my opinion.
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: April 20 2009 at 4:02pm | IP Logged
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Oh, I totally agree that mom and dad should confer and compromise. It just sounds like Anne is giving into things that she doesn't agree with.
A lot of times, a dad just needs to hear the mother's reasons for avoiding things. No offense to all the dads here, but I think dads don't always look as closely at these types of things. FWIW, my dh is always stricter than I am!
There are plenty of video games and other fun stuff that we can do with our kids without opening the door to modern culture.
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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folklaur
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| Posted: April 20 2009 at 4:05pm | IP Logged
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teachingmyown wrote:
There are plenty of video games and other fun stuff that we can do with our kids without opening the door to modern culture. |
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totally agreeing!! 
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Bookswithtea
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| Posted: April 20 2009 at 4:08pm | IP Logged
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What kind of pressure are you dealing with? I'm trying to picture what locale would be more media saturated than another?
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~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and  due 9/10
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Erin
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| Posted: April 20 2009 at 4:54pm | IP Logged
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Anne
For nine years we were without TV, DVDs, computer etc then we bought a screen and video player, and things kind of slid, this year the dc even got a playstation!!
I mourn those years but for various reasons media is in our life with its positives and negatives. The thing is we still control much of it, dh and I agree on the acceptability of what the children view, although we do disagree on the amount. (which creates my frustration)
We have strived to teach our children discernment, (we allow very little PG movies although now the oldest three are 15, 14 and 12 we have been investigating what is acceptable) so teen culture is not allowed, they know to switch off or skip scenes. Always watch with the remote in hand, or if I am not there dd15 has the remote (she is even stricter than I.   Truth to tell we have chosen to allow more violent movies over teen culture or adult themes.
As you are select with books, what you allow, how you immerse them in quality and not twaddle try to apply the same to movies. There are some lovely classics out there, and the older Disney's are lovely. With the modern DVDs you have to pre-watch or listen to friend's recommendations (difference of opinion can occur here though)
You need to set time limits, this requires alot of self-discipline and 'mean moummy' moments, sigh. You have to decide here how much, studies do indicate no more than an hour a day for young children. For an example currently I am saying no 'screen time' (DVDs, computer, playstation) till a Friday when all schoolwork is done. Other times I have allowed an hour a day but they always seemed to creep more in and it was like they couldn't settle to anything else as they were 'waiting'. One big all afternoon blast is working best for us. As is say dh is more lax here than I so I have had to get tough (hard as it's not my personality)
Still read to your children, encourage their reading, play your classical music it is not all out the window. View the media as another tool and teach them how to use it wisely. Books are still our reigning passion.
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Erin
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Martha
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| Posted: April 20 2009 at 5:36pm | IP Logged
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well I'll tell you what I told a friend the other day about how it works in my house - electronics are just like alcohol.
when you are having a couple rounds with friends after work or on the weekend - it can be a great fun bonding time.
but if you're doing it all alone in the dark and getting no work done - it just ain't healthy.
so that's my rule. if they are together and having a god time and it's not affecting work or relationships negatively - then it's okay.
almost all of our wii, xbox, and DS games are multiplayer and the kids play them together with just as much fun as a boardgame and only after school work and other obligations are done.
between homework, meals, chores, social engagements and all that - you'd be surprised that there's not much time left to play video games.
and there's some really fun ones out there that are not hollywood scary. some are even rather educational!
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Martha
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: April 20 2009 at 11:52pm | IP Logged
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I am trying to fit myself in. As I said, dh is all for all means of entertainment(and is a lot less discerning than me). Ds is 11 and playing Wii at others' homes and enjoying it. He wants a Playstation as he is not impressed with the Wii .
I find the kids come over and get bored quick. It is just the way it is. I would rather they be here than someone else's home. I am trying to find my middle ground. Make it fun and comfortable here but also not offensive--as far as games, movies, etc.
So, I will muddle through. I do get a little miffed that dh gets to sit on the couch with them and watch a video when I am the (very tired)one trying to run off energy all day
So,my journey to "be in the world, but not of this world" begins. Thanks for the input. It is nice to know it can be done.
Anne
If it were up to me, and I had support, we'd be TV-less, game-less and all, forever. But, I also need to teach my dc how to discern and understand it isn't all good.
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LisaR
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| Posted: April 21 2009 at 8:59am | IP Logged
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mom2mpr wrote:
He wants a Playstation as he is not impressed with the Wii .
I find the kids come over and get bored quick. It is just the way it is. |
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this made me chuckle. my sons think the graphics on the Wii is laughable, even though it might be the only gaming system that perhaps could interest me! so for now we "only" have the xbox 360, and it IS really neat to watch a roomful of boys ages 7-15.5 (mine and neighbors!) cheer eachother on with madden, or MLS, or some racing game.
as far as kids coming over and getting bored quick, I'm assuming you are talking about boys, and talking about being bored without media?
We live in the "city" and don;t have a huge yard, but it's got trees and enough space to do some target work with air-soft guns and homemade bows and arrows made of PVC pipe and who knows what else.
bewteen that in the backyard, and the basketball hoop in the front, they are able to rotate fairly fluidly between out and in.
I love the analogy of media being like alcohol, or anything else that can have addictive properties.
my oldest ds immediately overrode the music which came with a few of the games, and made his own mix (mostly U2, Christian rock type stuff)that plays.
I like that when the boys, with or without dh, watch sports, they automatically turn off the TV when the commercials come on. (we don't have DVR or TiVo or whatever)
I'll be praying for you!
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
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Servant2theKing
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| Posted: April 22 2009 at 10:58am | IP Logged
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Another element in considering just how much media enters into your home is the amount of consumerism media tends to generate. Since we eliminated TV from our home many years ago and have limited our exposure to electronic media, we've been much less inclined to suffer from the "got to have it" mentality. One more reason to limit family exposure to media and the worldly culture it promotes.
None of us are immune to the insidious effects of electronic media. I've noticed that internet, and even discussion forums like this, can easily infect one with the consumerism bug. It takes great self-control to resist the inclination that one just has to have the latest doo-dad or curriculum that everyone's talking about.
We like to practice what we refer to as "Positive Peer Pressure"...Anne, rather than totally abandoning the ideals you feel led to uphold for your family, in order to fit in with others around you, perhaps your family can impact others by showing them that there is plenty of life and pleasure without all the hyped-up media.
There are some exciting and amazing things just waiting to be discovered outside the world of electronic media! Have your kids investigated building trebuchets or catapults? Have they ever seen a potato cannon? How many trick plays can they come up with in basketball or football? When was the last time their friends played a new card game or board game? How much trivia can they stump each other with? The possibilites are endless and many ideas can be gleaned from free sources available at your local library.
There truly is life outside the realm of electronic media, but, our media-driven culture strives diligently to make us believe otherwise! May the Lord guide you and your family in finding a healthy balance that best suits your needs.
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homeschool4Him
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| Posted: April 22 2009 at 11:14am | IP Logged
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cactus mouse wrote:
My kids have gameboys and have seen movies and watch TV.
They also love reading and books, being artistic, playing outside, drawing in their nature journals, etc.
They listen to the Beatles, and they can recognize a song by Vivaldi, and tell you about him.
It isn't one or the other....
The only thing I would be worried about is making some things seem like the "forbidden fruit." That can sometimes backfire when they get older. :( I have seen it happen, in children you would least expect. |
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Very wise post. Very wise.
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KerryK
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| Posted: April 22 2009 at 1:59pm | IP Logged
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I am working on a master's thesis right now that deals with this very issue: how families make decisions about what types/how much media to let into the family.
Naturally, everyone is concerned about the content of the media, and noone wants to end up with kids who are "addicted" to video games, but my reading so far has shown that one of the most powerful impacts media of all types is having on children (and adults) is (as servant said above) consumerism. And it is everywhere!
Sometimes I have to stop reading blogs for a while because I feel so tempted to click on every link, which then leads me to some great product, or (even more tempting for me) book. If it's hard for me, I can only imagine how hard it is for kids!
We have a wii, we have gameboys, we have one tv upstairs in my bedroom. Noone wants to go all the way upstairs just to watch tv, so they just don't really watch it unless we rent a movie. The computer is probably the biggest temptation in the house, and maybe it's because they see how much I love it !
When other kids come over here, I limit the electronic use but don't forbid it. Some kids are excited to be here and actually do different things like play boardgames or do art...others just want to stay on the wii all the time, it varies.
This is hard stuff no matter where you live - it's everywhere! We live in the middle of nowhere and are surrounded by it.
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Kerry
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Letting the media in....
