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SaraP
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| Posted: April 18 2009 at 4:21pm | IP Logged
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Tell me about your rules for early elementary aged kids playing with other kids in the neighborhood.
Do you allow your kids in others' yards?
In their houses?
May they knock on doors and ask if neighbors can come out to play?
Do you allow other people's kids free access to your yard when your kids are out playing?
Would it make a difference to you if you couldn't see/hear the kids most of the time even when they were on your own property (we are on 20+ acres and about half of that is woods)?
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KackyK
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| Posted: April 18 2009 at 6:58pm | IP Logged
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I don't know if I can articulate our reasons per se, but our rules are no going in others' houses (unless asked for, and we always say no), no neighborhood friends in our house either (even if they are allowed), depending on the age of the kid (meaning my 8yold and up) they can go a block down (which is out of my sight), others must stay within sight of our house. They can play in others' yards, again, must ask permission. So far, most kids in our neighborhood come to our front door and ask to play when my kids are out back, so I just send them around the house.
I have no idea about your last question...again I think it is all about age and maturity.
This probably wasn't much help 
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KackyK
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LisaR
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| Posted: April 18 2009 at 8:47pm | IP Logged
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my kids hang out in our front yard and that is kind of the "signal" that they can play. the other neighborhood kids do this, too, and even if we can't see their homes, you can usually hear them if they are in front yard.
I don;t like my kids knocking on doors, and I really dislike it when kids do it at our house, too.
As a neighborhood, we've talked about putting a certain color flag of some sort (green?) if our kids are available, ha ha.
my kids have different neighborhood boundaries depending on their age. I need to still see/hear the 7 and 4 year old- they totally cannot be trusted!
I've talked with most of the other neighborhood moms- we've all agreed that we want to keep the kids outside- if you need a drink or have to go to the bathroom, go back home, bring your own water, etc.
(although in the hot summer many of us will set out a big jug of water and some plastic cups on the front porch)
if my kids are in someone's home,(a family we know and trust) I've confirmed it with the mom that it is ok, and I give her a set time (usually 30-90 min, depending on the activity/kid)to send my child home.
If on the occasion I've let the playing move indoors at my home (usually due to rain, etc) I ask that the kid/kids call their mom right away to ask/check in.
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Lisa
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SusanJ
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| Posted: April 18 2009 at 9:05pm | IP Logged
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Dh and I just discussed this last night as our oldest is starting to want to play with neighbor kids and was inviting one inside the other day. We agreed that there would be no visiting on either side in the house. I didn't think of knocking on doors but I know I would be pretty annoyed by that so I would definitely teach my kids to not do that. Glad this thread popped up--we have to start thinking about this!
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12stars
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| Posted: April 20 2009 at 12:37am | IP Logged
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SaraP wrote:
Tell me about your rules for early elementary aged kids playing with other kids in the neighborhood.
Do you allow your kids in others' yards?
In their houses?
May they knock on doors and ask if neighbors can come out to play?
Do you allow other people's kids free access to your yard when your kids are out playing?
Would it make a difference to you if you couldn't see/hear the kids most of the time even when they were on your own property (we are on 20+ acres and about half of that is woods)? |
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No, no, no, no, and yes.
Now that I sound like a mean mom let me explain.
This is something that I feel we walk a fine line of looking like overprotective snobby parents, which we are to a point and I don't feel too bad about. We only let our children play with a few neighbors. Most of our neighborhood kids are not very well mannered and so we have had instances that we just will not give in to. Along with this we have a offender a few houses down. So I have to know where my kids are all the time.
I would love to live in the woods and not feel as though I am hawk mom, unfortunately that is not the case.
My kids are used to it already, and we do park days with other catholic homeschooling families, along with weekly family events.
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Claudia in Southern California
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Mom to DD 14, DD 10, DD 7, DS 4, DS 2, 1 in heaven, and now due 5/11.
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sarahb
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| Posted: April 20 2009 at 7:29am | IP Logged
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We play with our neighbors and befriend them. Naturally, visiting back and forth has become a part of that. We have always been fortunate that we have some homeschooling neighbors. Sometimes my neighbor and I have an informal teachers lounge session at the kitchen table or the deck. 
None of our neighbors have ever been catholic but I don't allow their religion to determine whether or not we associate with them. We had some interesting experiences with some evangelical children who were after converting my son, but it was a good learning experience and when that wasn't going on they were excellent playmates.
We do have people knocking on our doors sometimes. I don't really mind. At one point we had a sign which said "still doing school" or something so the kids wouldn't be interrrupted by their (earlier rising/ finishing homeschooled neighbor) friends.
All in all, I think knowing neighbors is more of a blessing than a curse. I guess it depends how you look at it. We look at it as an opportunity to make some new friends.
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Maggie
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| Posted: April 20 2009 at 7:32am | IP Logged
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Not to scare anyone, but this came up a couple years ago with a dear friend of mine. We live in a very safe, beautiful neighborhood...tons of kids! She had a very firm rule with her 8yo son that he was never allowed in friends' homes...he never understood this and constantly begged his mom to let him...especially at a particular friend's house. He would say, "Mom, but my friend's dad is home and will watch us! We'll be fine! Pleeeeaasssee!"
My friend and all those neighborhood children do not home school, and after school, many of those friends would hang out at that particular little boy's home where the dad was home. Toward the latter part of the school year, it was found out that the dad molested at least 8-9 children in the neighborhood...and possibly more.
My friend was terrified and sick...that she had to have this conversation with her eight year old...that whether he was or not, the conversation had to be had...and his innocence, in some regard, tainted forever...that she had to determine if he really never went in the home...that her son could have been one of those children since he adored that man's little boy.
Later, the mom told me that she would have never guessed...that this man was friendly and seemed very decent...it's one of those things that you hear about on the news...but never ever ever think will happen in your neighborhood...
Moral of the story: you never know.
Indeed, we are super-strict in this regard...but my child has one soul, one body, and one life...and as his or her parent, it is my job to protect and make sure they get to heaven...
I don't feel bad about being over-protective in that regard, as hard as it may be...especially as my children grow in age...
God Bless,
Maggie
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Nique
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| Posted: April 27 2009 at 12:48am | IP Logged
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"Moral of the story: you never know... my child has one soul, one body, and one life...and as his or her parent, it is my job to protect and make sure they get to heaven..."
Maggie, as scary as that is, it is real and very much out there! Thanks for reminding me of how important my children's souls are! No more going to others houses for my kids ~ even if nothing did happen, so far!
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sewcrazy
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| Posted: April 27 2009 at 6:09am | IP Logged
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WE have a homeschooling family right across the street. Our children match pretty well up in ages (they have 1 more) Our children have free rein of each others houses and yards. In fact the traffic is so heavy in between, that their dog treats both yards as his "territory".
Other than that...Only very rarely are they allowed in other homes. This long nasty winter, this rule was relaxed quite a bit though. It was just too cold to be outside, and we were all getting tired of each other But other than the 4 year old, my kids are 10 and up. We have 2 other neighbors whose houses they can go in, and they go together, at least 2 at a time.
The 4 year old is only allowed out of the yard with a sibling, the 10 year old can go a block in either directions, the teens have a far broader range.
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LeeAnn
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Anne
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| Posted: April 27 2009 at 7:45am | IP Logged
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I am interested in the 20+ acres rule. We are about to build on 36 acres and will have this same delima. When we go to the property now we have allowed the children and their friends to go off in a group. I never allow anyone to go off by themselves, yet.
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Servant2theKing
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| Posted: April 27 2009 at 12:21pm | IP Logged
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When we first moved to this home, with 20 acres, we encountered a group of neighborhood kids who asked if they could use our long winding driveway for bike-riding and skateboarding...not having a good feeling for their demeanor and attitudes, I simply told them our property was private property and not for public use. I later learned, from a homeschooling family in the area, that the leader of that group of kids has gotten involved in satanism...the other homeschooling family, whose son had befriended the young man has had a great deal of difficulty with him entering their home wihout permission, helping himself to their belongings, to the point that they have had to lock their doors, whether home or away, to prevent his entering. We were fortunate that we felt led to avoid getting to know all parties involved.
When we lived in a neighborhood, we had a younger child who would come uninvited to our yard and was acting out sexually around neighborhood children (he was being abused). We had to make a rule that none of the neighbor children could visit our home because we didn't know which of the children had been effected by this one child. Later we had a similar experience, involving a homeschooling family we had known for years. As a result of that experience we have a steadfast rule in our home, or at get-togethers, that all children play within sight or hearing of the adults and never behind closed doors...parents frequently check on children in a positive, reassuring way, to see how they're enjoying their time together, but also to assure that interactions are healthy and appropriate. The parents we know are aware of our reasons for such rules and they respect and honor them.
On our land, our own children are only allowed to explore with an adult, or as a group, but never during hunting season, since we've had problems with hunters coming on our property, and hunting without permission, in spite of carefully posted "No Hunting" signs. When friends visit, the children are instructed to play in the mown areas around our house, unless an adult can accompany them for hiking or exploring. The issue with hunters, the young man mentioned earlier, known offenders in the area, as well as previous experiences with children who have been abused, have all made us much more careful in protecting the physical and spiritual safety of our children and all other children. We are certainly not living in the kind of era many of us grew up in, when children could roam freely and safely.
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Fuzzy
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| Posted: April 27 2009 at 1:28pm | IP Logged
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I am curious about the not having anyone in your home. Are the reasons along the lines of snacking/potty/drinking? Or is it more than that? Do you not allow them in your home because they aren't allowed in other's homes? I kind of like to have an ear/eye on the kids, so I am a fan of having kids in my home, then I can be involved and listen. Maybe because my kids are so young and they don't go out without me yet is why I am asking.
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 Fuzzy
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Maggie
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| Posted: April 27 2009 at 2:13pm | IP Logged
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Fuzzy,
I don't allow neighbor kids in house without their parent because today is not the same as it was even 20 years ago. People are accused of improprieties and worse...only to be exonerated later...but it can ruin lives. I don't trust people unless I know them exceptionally well...and just don't want anyone to come up with tall tales, therefore, I remove the temptation to do so. Make sense?
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Lisa R
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| Posted: April 27 2009 at 4:30pm | IP Logged
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We have a no going in houses rule as well. I've been relaxed about it in the past however I just learned my neice was being molested by a friend of our family when she was 5 - 10 years old! My family has known this man since my brothers and sisters and I were babies!  No more relaxing the rules for me. We live in a sad, sad world.
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Lisa, married to my best friend, Ray and loving my blessings Joshua (17)and Jacob(15), Hannah(7) and Rachel (5)!Holy Family Academy
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Jen L.
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| Posted: April 28 2009 at 3:34pm | IP Logged
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Not in their houses. Not just molesters (which is obviously enough motivation) but movies, internet, etc.
And I need to be able to see them (or at least shout to them!)
I live in the opposite of 20 acres - a town house.
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Jen
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Sarah M
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| Posted: April 28 2009 at 4:08pm | IP Logged
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Our rules are currently:
**no going to neighbors homes OR yards.
**neighbor kids can come in/come over if I say it's okay. I usually do. But I make it a point to be present to the conversations occuring at these times. All of our neighbor kids come from homes of very different values than our own, and so I have to be there to "buffer" the coversation and direct it in a healthy way if things are getting out of hand. This can be exhausing, so if I'm not feeling up to it, I say no visitors.
Our next door neighbors are our best friends, with kids the same ages as ours. So for the most part, our kids play in their backyard/our backyard, or each others' houses- or play games through the fence-- every day. I love that. We have been so lucky.
But the other neighborhood kids are starting to present problems.
My oldest is doing the begging act because she wants to play in the street with the other neighbor kids, but I just consistenly say no. She gets really upset about it, but I stand my ground. That said, I've been *way* too easy on the neighbor kids when they come over. The last few times, they've broken things/said inappropriate things (which they think are perfectly fine, but are not allowed in our family), so I'm gearing up to crank it up a notch, and let them know that if they can't follow our family rules, they can't come over at all. They love to come over, because pretty much all of them are home alone all/most of the time (they are all about 9-13). My kids are a lot younger than them, so it does frustrate me that they want to come over at all, but I'm trying to see it as an opportunity to share love and kindness with them, especially because so many of them come from really broken, hurting homes.
It's getting harder every spring/summer. Totally makes me want to move out to the country.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: playing with neighborhood kids
