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homewith3
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| Posted: March 18 2009 at 11:25am | IP Logged
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How do you define sheltering? What are your thoughts? In what ways do you shelter? What does the bible say about sheltering our children?
Thanks
Debbie
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asplendidtime
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| Posted: March 18 2009 at 2:43pm | IP Logged
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I read this article a couple of years ago, I re-read it every so often, helps me with perspective... HTH
It's called "Solving the Crisis in Homeschooling by Reb Bradley"
My children are still young so I really appreciate his perspective.
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stellamaris
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That is an excellent article. Having grown children myself, I know first-hand some of these stumbling stones. How hard it is to let teen children have independence, but if that is stifled they really do rebel later. I have been fortunate that my older children have many of our values, but none of them have ALL of them. Each human being has been given free will and even God respects that. They must practice making wise choices, and this sometimes leads to bad results. Chief Seattle once said something like, "Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement." We don't want to throw our children to the wolves prematurely, but neither is it wise to shelter them from all difficult decisions and situations. It is consoling to realize that even the perfect Father had children who disobeyed (Adam and Eve!), but He never stopped loving them.
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Caroline
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 18 2009 at 4:11pm | IP Logged
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It's comparable it to a physical shelter.. everyone needs shelter.. the littler you are the more you need it and the more you need someone else to provide it.. as you get bigger you can start providing your own but there are some things that you might still need help with.. and even adults sometimes need help.
And what other people think is only of peripheral interest to what dh and I decern is right for our family.
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All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Bookswithtea
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| Posted: March 18 2009 at 5:30pm | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
It's comparable it to a physical shelter.. everyone needs shelter.. the littler you are the more you need it and the more you need someone else to provide it.. as you get bigger you can start providing your own but there are some things that you might still need help with.. and even adults sometimes need help.
And what other people think is only of peripheral interest to what dh and I decern is right for our family. |
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I'm with JodieLyn on this one. I've read the Reb Bradley article before. He makes some good points, but I think he's pointing more to some of the ultra-sheltering tendencies within homeschooling, not what JodieLyn is talking about...
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~Books
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Maddie
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| Posted: March 18 2009 at 7:37pm | IP Logged
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Preparing Children for the "Real" World
You may enjoy this article.
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~Maddie~
Wife to my dh and Momma of 9 dear ones
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stellamaris
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I agree absolutely that it is the parents' responsibility to discern what is appropriate for their own children. Only the parents have the intimate knowledge and deep love of their children to know when a certain exposure is helpful and when it is harmful. This varies also with the child, some are more sensitive of nature and need a longer, more sheltered childhood. At some point, though, parents need to begin to loosen the reins a little and let their children begin to make some decisions and benefit from or suffer from the consequences. They learn this way, and I believe it also gives them confidence to know that you are allowing them to begin to make these decisions. I'm not saying to leave them entirely on their own, but a gradual period of transition is important so that they don't go out on their own and go nuts. Really, I've seen it happen so many times, it's sad. For my children, this process happened from about 16 to about 18 or 19, and then a settling down and return to "normalcy" after about 20.
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Caroline
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sewcrazy
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I think people confuse sheltering and isolating. It is my job to provide shelter for my children. I protect them from things that they lack the maturity to deal with properly and provide a filter for them as they learn to deal with the "real world". My sons have reassured me that I don't "smother" them, but have allowed them to deal with life at their ability level.
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LeeAnn
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asplendidtime
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| Posted: March 19 2009 at 7:27pm | IP Logged
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Bookswithtea wrote:
JodieLyn wrote:
It's comparable it to a physical shelter.. everyone needs shelter.. the littler you are the more you need it and the more you need someone else to provide it.. as you get bigger you can start providing your own but there are some things that you might still need help with.. and even adults sometimes need help.
And what other people think is only of peripheral interest to what dh and I decern is right for our family. |
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I'm with JodieLyn on this one. I've read the Reb Bradley article before. He makes some good points, but I think he's pointing more to some of the ultra-sheltering tendencies within homeschooling, not what JodieLyn is talking about... |
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Books,
Maybe a fresh re-read would help a bit, he does discuss isolation, but he also talks about the value of good sheltering. Then helping your dc come to experience things in the world that they are going to have to deal with, but with Mom and Dad at their side. He makes pains to talk about going to Walmart and having his son see the immodesty, then talking about what a healthy perspective should be for his son. I think he is right on with what Dr. Ray Guarendi and Steve Wood have to say about not over doing sheltering, but accompanying your young person along the difficult portions of the journey.
It is not dealing only with ultra-sheltering... But besides is that not perhaps pertinent to the O.P.? We do have problems with ultra-sheltering in Catholic circles too don't we?
I also think lots of parents can benefit from asking themselves if they are sheltering to lift their ego... Or because their dc is reflecting something about the parent, that the parent wants others to see. We were guilty of this ourselves.... These ideas are prevalent in homeschool circles, when our focus needs to be harder on what God's plan for this unique individual is, His call, His vocation....
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stellamaris
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| Posted: March 19 2009 at 8:41pm | IP Logged
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8smallones wrote:
I also think lots of parents can benefit from asking themselves if they are sheltering to lift their ego... Or because their dc is reflecting something about the parent, that the parent wants others to see. We were guilty of this ourselves.... These ideas are prevalent in homeschool circles, when our focus needs to be harder on what God's plan for this unique individual is, His call, His vocation....
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This is really something I have struggled with over the years-my own pride and ego-investment in my children. As a young mother, I really thought I had all the answers and I was going to "do it right". It took me a long time to even recognize and acknowledge that this was a problem. The Lord has spent many years teaching me a small bit of humility in my parenting vocation. It's been a big project for Him! I am truly grateful for this, as I now can look at my children with a more compassionate and loving eye, wanting what God wants for them, wanting to love them as they are, while encouraging them to become what they should be...not to please me or to prove that I am some kind of perfect, holy parent, but to become the people God created them to be. I think as parents our egos are always invested in our children to some degree, but we need to try to limit that as much as we can. Also, I think this can happen in any family, regardless of their level of "sheltering". Pride can be one reason to "shelter"--trying to produce the perfect child, but there are legitimate reasons as well, such as a really difficult moral environment or a very sensitive child. Only by serious prayer and continued openness to the illumination of the Holy Spirit, as well as frequent Confession, can we each examine our hearts and move in the direction of a more whole relationship with our children.
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Caroline
Wife to dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
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Angie Mc
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Since you asked  ...our culture, as a whole, doesn't shelter or protect children properly. Shortly after birth there is a rush to separate infants from their mothers as soon as possible, young children are exposed to a dizzying array of cultural influences early and often, and adolescents/teens/young adults are left to their own devices, all under the guise that they need to be independent. Anything that smacks of attachment, parental sacrifice, and family centered decision-making is suspect. With so many children suffering from neglect and worse, I find it odd that the topic of "sheltering" gets as much air time as it does.
When can protecting our children become something that isn't good for a parent or a child? I'll guess based on the thinking and attitude distortions that, in general, can derail us. The biggest temptation may be to believe that parents are omnipotent, that we can control everything about our children and their surroundings. This may be close to the truth when my child is an infant but this couldn't be further from the truth when my child is 18! No wonder we can struggle to find what is appropriate sheltering for a particular child at a particular point in their life, especially when you consider individual needs, temperaments, gender, etc. As the mama I find myself well suited for the early years of sheltering and meeting the real needs of babies and young children. As they grow older, I find my dh well suited to help usher the children into the world. We've also been blessed by having a great variety of friends and community members who are helping our children to grow in the world.
Debbie, I hope I didn't over answer your question or answer too bluntly! No time to edit and I pray that I'm close enough . Thanks for asking.
Love,
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Bookswithtea
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Angie Mc wrote:
| Since you asked ...our culture, as a whole, doesn't shelter or protect children properly. Shortly after birth there is a rush to separate infants from their mothers as soon as possible, young children are exposed to a dizzying array of cultural influences early and often, and adolescents/teens/young adults are left to their own devices, all under the guise that they need to be independent. Anything that smacks of attachment, parental sacrifice, and family centered decision-making is suspect. With so many children suffering from neglect and worse, I find it odd that the topic of "sheltering" gets as much air time as it does. |
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I completely agree.
Angie Mc wrote:
As the mama I find myself well suited for the early years of sheltering and meeting the real needs of babies and young children. As they grow older, I find my dh well suited to help usher the children into the world.
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yup.
Above, I was asked about re-reading the article. I didn't mean to insinuate anything negative about the article in particular. Sorry if I was unclear.  I think I was just struck by different things in the article than perhaps others were struck by?
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mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: What are your thoughts on Sheltering?
