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DianaC
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| Posted: Feb 26 2009 at 10:40am | IP Logged
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Let me preface by saying I feel very selfish just posting this, but it has grown into a problem and I'm wondering if anyone has wisdom in a tactful way to handle it.
I have lent out our books and videos that I bought for our homeschool/domestic church use (and with the intention of sharing!) but noone returns them!
In a couple of instances, I have tried to subtly ask if they are finished with the material and could they bring it by soon and I get just a vague answer.
I hate to sound selfish, but almost everything that we lent were books or videos that we loved and knew we would want to read or see again - or lend to someone else who would really benefit from them.
Should I just let them go hoping that they are blessing those that have them? Or is there a charitable way to ask for their return?
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SusanMc
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| Posted: Feb 26 2009 at 11:58am | IP Logged
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Would you be willing to be direct and specific, as in:
"You know that book I lent you last month? I need it back now, I can come pick it up from you next Tuesday morning. Will you be home then?"
I'd give that a try before giving up either on the return of the material. I find that if I try to be "charitable" before being direct and specific it is a sure fired way for me to build a resentment.
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Martha
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| Posted: Feb 26 2009 at 12:05pm | IP Logged
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do what Susan said.
and my hard earned lesson has been to never loan what you aren't willing to give away and never see again.
presume you are giving it away and be happy to get it back IF you do, this is true for money and just about anything else.
otherwise you'll start to feel taken advantage of and bitter and these things can ruin relationships. I've been burnt enough times to make this a very strict rule
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Martha
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Feb 26 2009 at 12:19pm | IP Logged
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or just have a horrid memory and can't remember who you lent it to in the first place 
Susan gave good advice.. there are many people who simply won't get a hint.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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Angi
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| Posted: Feb 26 2009 at 1:53pm | IP Logged
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As a person who tends to forget to return things - and that includes library books   - please be direct. I know that I often need reminders to return a friend's book.
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MrsM
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| Posted: Feb 26 2009 at 4:51pm | IP Logged
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I'd also suggest telling them in the beginning, when you loan out the item, that you'll need it back in whatever time frame you are comfortable with. Anything longer than a month and they are probably more likely to forget. Put an address label and your phone number on the item as well.
In the end, however, I also don't lend out things I wouldn't be willing to give away. Keep your prized books and videos, and only lend those that you can afford to lose, with the hopes that they will be returned. Maybe if someone shows a pattern of returning lent items, then you could loan them some of those more precious things.
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Lynn in California
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Shari in NY
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| Posted: Feb 27 2009 at 10:23am | IP Logged
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I agree with Lynn. Don't loan anything you want back. I'll say you are welcome to come over and look at it but we are using it now (or will be soon). I've tried Susan's method only to be told, "Oh, I'm sure I gave that back to you already." So frequently ,when someone borrows something they don't actually use it and it gets lost in the shuffle.
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DianaC
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| Posted: March 09 2009 at 9:58am | IP Logged
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Thank you for the advice! I decided to try the more direct approach and had a perfect opportunity to ask one friend about a video she had borrowed. First, she said "what are you talking about?", then she told me she had, just the day before, given it to someone else because she thought that that person had lent it to her.
I will take the advice of not lending unless I'm willing to give it away closer to heart! I feel quite greedy with that thought, but I also feel quite hurt that people have not returned things that I lent in good faith. 
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 09 2009 at 12:11pm | IP Logged
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yes, marking your name on it can really help.. one that my dh does is writing out last name on the edges of the pages.. you don't really see it on the individual pages but when the book it closed you can read it.
I tend to use address labels like mentioned for books.. but for dvd's or such.. I'll write on them in sharpie..
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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sewcrazy
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My dh bought me a stamp that read "I hope you enjoyed me, when done please return me to Lee Ann" It is designed to stamp along the pages of a book, or on the inside cover and works on labels to put on cases and tapes. It has helpes a lot. I want to be able to loan out stuff we aren't using. I don't like my books and such to sit idle on the self till next we need it. But I do believe people need reminding. Also I keep a spread sheet of whom I have loaned stuff, so I am not racking my brain trying to find a "missing" item.
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Betsy
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| Posted: March 10 2009 at 7:23am | IP Logged
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sewcrazy wrote:
| Also I keep a spread sheet of whom I have loaned stuff, so I am not racking my brain trying to find a "missing" item. |
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I do this as well. I even keep a list of things that people have lent me so that I can keep track of all that I have from others.
Betsy
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Lending Homeschool Materials
