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Chari
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| Posted: Dec 05 2005 at 11:36pm | IP Logged
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I was ShawnaB's house today.......and we were talking about women who were not content with their lives.
One of Shawna's questions was: have you ever known a woman who had a career AND a family AND was at PEACE about everything? Have YOU??? we do not know any....
In particular, Shawna wonders if the women's lack of contentedness in their lives, their lack of peace, was related to their lack of embracing their homelife, their family-life, as WHAT THEY SHOULD BE DOING at this time.
I am sure that I am simplifying........I am trying to write this quickly.......maybe Shawna will find time to chime in here.......to say it better 
so, beside the question above: are YOU content? Did you have to CHOOSE to be content?...or, did it just happen to you?
comparing Shawna and I........we find both of us content.
and, last question, HOW do you HELP someone else find that contentedness?? seems you need to be at peace with God to be content?
just wondering what some of you thought about this.....
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Chari...Take Up & Read
Dh Marty 27yrs...3 lovely maidens: Anne 24, Sarah 20 & Maddelyn 17 and 3 chivalrous sons: Matthew 22, Garrett 16 & Malachy 11
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Kathryn UK
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| Posted: Dec 06 2005 at 2:20am | IP Logged
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Good question Chari! I do know people who work and have children and are at peace. I think the critical factor is that they have found a comfortable balance between work and family and don't prioritise work over their children. There are a couple of common links between the people I'm thinking of:
(1) Their children are all at school - no toddlers or preschoolers.
(2) Either they only work during school time, or they work part time and have enough holiday entitlement or flexi-time to be home for a fair amount of the school holidays and to collect children from school most days. If they aren't always able to be home when the children are out of school they have good childcare arrangements and are confident their children are happy.
The women I know who are not at peace are those who work full time, and who almost without exception do so because they have to, not because they choose to.
As for me ... yes, I'm content  . I'd say it just happened, and there hasn't been any point of being home with my family at which I haven't been content. Before having children I think I vaguely assumed I would work, probably part time (we had no idea then that we would end up homeschooling) - which I have done, off and on, mostly from home. When I've worked outside the home (finishing my post-graduate studies, and then teaching a couple of evenings a week), I've usually been able to leave my daughters either with my dh or my mother. I enjoy being at home full time, but I've also enjoyed the work I've done and have never felt it has been detrimental to our family life. I'm a fairly upbeat person, and contentment is my default setting. If I found myself discontented it would come as quite a shock  .
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Kathryn
Dh Michael,  Rachel(3/95) Hannah(8/98) Naomi(6/06)  (11/07)
The Bookworm
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Mary G
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| Posted: Dec 06 2005 at 4:54am | IP Logged
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I'm a product of the 80s -- when you could do it all. Joe was born in '89, Cate in '91 and it was just assumed that I would go back to work -- after all, I had my own career to worry about  . I can't believe I bought into the fact that putting a newborn (8wks for Joe - he was a C) and (6wks for Cate) into Day Care was a sane idea. I worked all day on the other side of Atlanta, picked them up by 5:30 and we were home by 6 -- after my husband died, we picked up fast food ALOT.
When my brother and SIL starting hs'ing their kids I thought they were crazy. Through the grace of God (and three kids later), I fuond my way to hs'ing and am VERY happy. My career is my vocation -- wife and mother -- and I bring a bit of money in on the side by free lance writing, hand-knit designing and working for WriteGuide, Inc. as a writing consultant. It keeps me busy during naps and other less active times.
YES! I'm very content -- I just wished I'd seen the light back when Joe and Cate were starting out!
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MaryG
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my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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Erica Sanchez
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| Posted: Dec 06 2005 at 11:59am | IP Logged
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Very, very content! Especially now that we are retired from Youth Ministry! What peace to not have to work outside the home (even though most of that work was done from home). I think I was content during those youth ministry years with a new baby coming every two years - just so incredibly busy that I don't think I had much time to really think about it. That doesn't mean it was necessarily good for me, my family, or the youth at church. Now that I'm just a wife and mom there is so much more calm and peace. Not getting much more done as far as school and projects like I thought I would.........just more calm and peace.
I think as far as helping other women find that contentedness...for myself I can just be an example. If I am truly content in this vocation, I should be joyful and positive when speaking about what I/we do. Realistic, sure, but truly joyful. That's not something you can teach. Other women will definitely take notice. Maybe it will come in the form of "how do you do it" or other comments like discussed in another thread, but more than likely it's admiration and a bit of jealousy.
I hope to never work another day in my life. Volunteer later in life, yes! But, work, no! I hope that doesn't sound lazy.....
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Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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Rachel May
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A funny thing, my husband last night asked me if I thought he could ask a fellow MBA student why in the world she would put her kid in daycare to get an MBA and then work instead of just staying at home?  I told him he could ask, but I rephrased it in a neutral way for him.
I find that the rare times that I am discontent with my life, it is usually because things are not in balance, much like the working women you've mentioned. Either I've overcommitted to volunteering at church or helping friends to the detriment of my family's peace or my husband is so busy with work that his life is out of balance which throws ours out too.
I defintely like Erica's advice for helping other women find contentedness. Showing that being the mother of quite a lot is not the result of your husband needing to be fixed (got that again today) and is a conscious and joyfilled choice is the way to go.
Sitting in my warm quiet home with a beautiful snow filled landscape is making me feel especially content right now.
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Rachel
Thomas and Anthony (10), Maria (8), Charles (6), Cecilia (5), James (3), and Joseph (1)
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ShawnaB
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| Posted: Dec 06 2005 at 8:22pm | IP Logged
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Erica Sanchez wrote:
I hope to never work another day in my life. Volunteer later in life, yes! But, work, no! I hope that doesn't sound lazy..... |
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Erica...you are a mother of 6...that doesn't sound lazy to me...it actually sounds like WORK!
But I hear what your are saying. Here's my theory on the whole content thing: Chari and I discussed this yesterday as a result of a run-in I had with a very dear but very discontent friend. At first, my theory was that it seems impossible for a woman to balance a career and family and find contentment. I have just seen the struggle too much. You really can't "have it all"...its a lie IMHO, and no one can serve 2 masters.
However, on further reflection, I don't think that discontentness has to do so much with having a career as it does the belief that a woman's role of tending to hearth and home and children is NOT ENOUGH. I observe that often a woman who does not believe that God has called her home will look outside the home for that sense of purposefulness and fulfillment. However, I do have friends who are wholeheartedly mothering and managing their homes, and do work some outside the home, but the outside work tends to be a means to an end for accomplishing their GREATER purpose.
For me, I would say that I am very, very content. My family, my home, my marriage, my relationship with God are completely ENOUGH for my life to feel extremely full and purposeful. I believe that I am fulfilling my God-given mission on this planet, and that gives me great peace and joy. I am also discovering that this awareness of purpose is not something shared by all women, and I am very grateful that my heart is content in a world where there is so much confusion and sorrow.
Now to be honest though...I do have MOMENTS of discontent...but they are usually due to passing circumstances (like potty training or pregnancy week #39). But as I look at the BIG PICTURE, I certainly wouldn't want to be doing anything else.
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Shawna, wife of Jacob, mom to Abraham 8 Amelia 5 and Jillian & Jonathan age 3 years http://www.psalm121family.com
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Meredith
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| Posted: Dec 07 2005 at 9:46am | IP Logged
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ShawnaB wrote:
For me, I would say that I am very, very content. My family, my home, my marriage, my relationship with God are completely ENOUGH for my life to feel extremely full and purposeful. I believe that I am fulfilling my God-given mission on this planet, and that gives me great peace and joy. I am also discovering that this awareness of purpose is not something shared by all women, and I am very grateful that my heart is content in a world where there is so much confusion and sorrow.
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Wow, Shawna, I couldn't have said that any better myself and this is EXACTLY how I feel!! I'm coming late to this discussion, but I had an old acquaintance call recently and she happens to have a life that is SOO opposite mine, full on working career woman, single no children, and leads a VERY jet set life, I felt so completely comfortable talking with her and knowing that MY life is so much the way it is supposed to be, do God's will for me and my family. Thanks for this thread, very inspiring to hear so many women feel the way I do!
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Meredith
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Willa
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ShawnaB wrote:
| However, on further reflection, I don't think that discontentness has to do so much with having a career as it does the belief that a woman's role of tending to hearth and home and children is NOT ENOUGH. I observe that often a woman who does not believe that God has called her home will look outside the home for that sense of purposefulness and fulfillment. However, I do have friends who are wholeheartedly mothering and managing their homes, and do work some outside the home, but the outside work tends to be a means |
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I think you're exactly right, Shawna... I started off motherhood feeling that "just" having babies and changing diapers and cuddling was not enough. ANYONE could do that, even a primate! was my underlying feeling. So I was discontented and felt frustrated by the demands and neediness of the kids. I looked for the easiest way to bring them up so I could have extra time to do things that really "mattered". Seems strange to me now! I wasn't a Catholic and our Blessed Mother has been a model for me in moving away from that discontent.
If I now HAD to work outside the home for some reason it would by a means, not an end. ... a way to be a better mom and wife. By the way, I think the same thing is true of married men as well... their primary role is as husband and father and their job or vocation is a means of better filling that role!
I now think both men and women can accomplish many things in addition to their primary role, look at the Proverbs 31 woman for example who had her own business and ran a household with servants and all, but the point is that they need to accomplish those things within and through their primary roles, not *in spite of* them.
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Willa
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Are you content?
