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Bookswithtea
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I've been thinking lately about what it means to be open to life in the late 30's/early 40's (I'll be 39 in a few months). Do any of you know moms who are still homeschooling in their 50's or close to 60? I'm going to be 58/59 when my 6th child graduates. Do you ever worry about finishing the race?
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mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and  due 9/10
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Maryan
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Books -- I'll be 39 soon and was thinking about how old my kids will be if God allows us to conceive again too... thinking that my back aches now and I'm not even 40.
But I was consoled by my mom. She was 40 when she had #6 girl whom she homeschooled from 4th grade to 8th grade (then went to Catholic high school). And did the same for my brother whom she had at 43.
I think it made her even more energetic... because right now I have a hard time keeping up with my mom who is now 68. Two years ago, she even took a kick boxing class with my youngest sister! The instructor was amazed with her -- especially because her shocking white hair doesn't let on to her athleticism!
Just encouraging thoughts on the matter...
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Maryan
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Bookswithtea
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She sounds very energetic...I am only of average energy levels.  I wonder sometimes if I will be able to homeschool into my late 50's, or if I will just be too pooped! I was pg with my first at 22 and started hsing in '98.
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~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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TracyFD
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Ok, ladies, I'll be 39 in October and we have four blessings so far. My husband would love one or two more but I, too, am questioning my stamina, physical health, and mental heath as well as the logistics of accommodating a baby as the children are involved in more activities and interests. It is difficult enough right now just to arrange an hour of piano lesson time before or after her nap.
I try not to worry about costs too - at various times of the year we pay swimming x3, piano x3, violin x3, summer rec soccer x3. Eventually it will be college x3! Maybe when the toddler is older the first three will have narrowed their interests and talents?
I have really been feeling guilty and selfish about this topic lately. I always thought that I would be more open to life as I reached 40, not less!
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LLMom
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I will be 57 when my last one is finished with hs if we aren't blessed again. Some days I have a lot of energy (last week I had the energy to go roller blading) and some days I can barely get out of the bed. I do worry about it at times and dh hates to think how long he will have to work to help these kids.
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Lisa
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Elizabeth
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I was sitting in the NICU, rocking Sarah, and thinking how much I would like being a neonatal nurse. I was in nursing school, with my eyes set on being a midwife, when a certain 6'4", handsome boy reminded me that midwives might have a hard time juggling a "hypothetical" large family. I changed my major the next day. I think I've gotten over my midwife longing, but that night in the NICU, I remembered how much I'd love to work in a maternity ward. So, I figured I'd just do it when I'm finished homeschooling. Then, I looked at Sarah and realized that when she's eighteen, I'll be 60. not exactly a spring chicken .
It hit me that while some mothers have a second career when their children are grown, I will have an extra-long first and only "career."
All that said, I've recommitted to fitness as of late and recognized that to some degree the quality of life is in my hands. I want to as Maryan's mom is. I want to be well enough to straddle being the mom of a teenager who is homeschooled and the helpful grandmother of lots of little ones.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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KC in TX
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I had been contemplating this exact thing before I miscarried. I had been sooooo exhausted and sooooo nauseous I didn't know how I'd make it.
On the other hand I was not in my best physical shape.
I'm not quite at 40 (I'm 38) and am in the same place as Maryan.
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Elena
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Bookswithtea wrote:
| Do any of you know moms who are still homeschooling in their 50's or close to 60? I'm going to be 58/59 when my 6th child graduates. Do you ever worry about finishing the race? |
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No. It doesn't do any good to worry. Whatever happens, happens!
But if its any consolation, I will be 50 with a 4 year old this summer. I will still have a 10th grader, 7th grader, 5th grader, and a 4th grader - so that is what I'll be doing in my 50s!!
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Elena
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Bridget
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I think the hardest part about all these homeschooling years has been the pregnancies. The ones I carried and the ones I lost. They have been the biggest physical and emotional challenge to school through.
When we're older, we'll have everyone sleeping through the night and the younger children will be less and less dependent on us for physical needs.
As this phase of our lives change we will be able to take better care of ourselves and the other demands on us won't be so physical.
We imagine trying to do what we do now when we're 50 and 60 and that's overwhelming, but our family's needs will be different. I think those years will be wonderful!
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Willa
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Elena wrote:
But if its any consolation, I will be 50 with a 4 year old this summer. I will still have a 10th grader, 7th grader, 5th grader, and a 4th grader - so that is what I'll be doing in my 50s!! |
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I would LOVE to be in Elena's shoes!
I will be 58 when Paddy turns 18....
I notice I have more trouble being small-child-centered nowadays with no babies around. I realize that the babies helped me key into the younger set.... I think partly the lactation hormones and partly just being centered on holding the baby and guarding the toddler.
Now that my youngest is six and all the kids can take care of themselves, I tend to drift off more into the world of the teenagers and adults. Even though Paddy still needs a small-child world, he gets it a bit less than his siblings did when they were that age.
I guess I probably would feel quite old if I were to get pregnant now at age 46. Still I do think that babies give you a little extra life that you don't have so much when they get past that age. I miss those days!
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Willa
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Maria B.
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Willa wrote:
I notice I have more trouble being small-child-centered nowadays with no babies around. I realize that the babies helped me key into the younger set.... I think partly the lactation hormones and partly just being centered on holding and baby and guarding the toddler.
Now that my youngest is six and all the kids can take care of themselves, I tend to drift off more into the world of the teenagers and adults. Even though Paddy still needs a small-child world, he gets it a bit less than his siblings did when they were that age. |
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Wow, can I relate Willa! It's not that I don't enjoy doing things with the younger set. It's just that there are so many more distractions that have a time element with teenagers in the house - more outside activities, figuring out driving and social schedules, college applications, jobs, more intense classes, etc.
One consolation I try and remind myself of often is this. Even though I may not spend as much one on one time with the younger set, as I did their older siblings, they still get a lot of attention from their older siblings. The older kids read to them, take them places, play games with them, etc.
All in all, I think it works itself out. Things like this are reminders of the beauty of having children from 22-2 years old.
My eighteen year old daughter has now made a decision about her college choice for this fall. The college is seven and half hours away from home. She's incredibly worried about missing her two year old sister (who she shares a room with)! She keeps telling me what I need to do, while she's away, to keep her "as perfect as she is now." (!!)
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mom3aut1not
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Books,
Well, I'm now 51 and expect to be hsing past 60. It's true that I have only one student left -- all the others are past high school now. (It's also true that I expect two of my kids to stay with us until we can't manage anymore. I'll have "kids" around until I'm old...)
I did find that I have less energy than I did at 44 or 45. Otoh, I really do need to get in shape. <sigh>
I have a few hours dedicated to my little guy alone so he does get "little kid" time, but I feel more scattered now that I have to juggle the schedules of young adults as well as that of a disabled little boy. It's easier to manage just big 'uns or just little 'uns imo, but I"m very glad my little autie arrived to introduce disorder in our lives.
In Christ,
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Deborah
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Bookswithtea
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I talked with a mom today at my hs group that is 53. She has 3 who are over 18/launched into the world, and 2 who are about 10 and 7, I think. I asked her what it was like hsing on the other side.
She said the weirdest thing for her is that most of her hs buddies are done hsing now, and she doesn't feel like she has much in common with the new sets of moms that have children similar in age to her youngest 2. She said its been a challenge for her to make friends and feel connected, and sometimes she doesn't feel like making the effort...has a bit of a "been there, done that already" kind of feeling for her. I can relate in some ways, already. I am in the nursery with moms who aren't 30 yet, 4 children about 9 and down. I am the oddball with a 15 yr old as well as a 1 yr old and definitely the oldest in the room. 
It was interesting talking with her. She teaches art at our little coop (its a very low key coop, mostly just art/choir/gym every other week). She's still doin' the stuff! I also know she is definitely a real old fashioned John Holt style unschooler. I suspect that's all she's ever done.
So here's a question...several of you mentioned exercise. Does exercise really change one's natural energy level? I'm all for being in shape, but do y'all really think exercise is a key component for not burning out?
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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Bookswithtea
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TracyFD wrote:
Ok, ladies, I'll be 39 in October and we have four blessings so far. My husband would love one or two more but I, too, am questioning my stamina, physical health, and mental heath as well as the logistics of accommodating a baby as the children are involved in more activities and interests. It is difficult enough right now just to arrange an hour of piano lesson time before or after her nap.
I try not to worry about costs too - at various times of the year we pay swimming x3, piano x3, violin x3, summer rec soccer x3. Eventually it will be college x3! Maybe when the toddler is older the first three will have narrowed their interests and talents?
I have really been feeling guilty and selfish about this topic lately. I always thought that I would be more open to life as I reached 40, not less!
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Fwiw, I think its common for larger families to do less activities. Looks to me like you have a very busy schedule.
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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Bookswithtea
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Bridget wrote:
When we're older, we'll have everyone sleeping through the night and the younger children will be less and less dependent on us for physical needs.
As this phase of our lives change we will be able to take better care of ourselves and the other demands on us won't be so physical.
We imagine trying to do what we do now when we're 50 and 60 and that's overwhelming, but our family's needs will be different. I think those years will be wonderful! |
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Well, this is a thought I hadn't had...it won't be like it is *now*. I'll have dd's and ds's who may be married with little ones of their own. I guess if my last years are with a couple of older children, that might be easier than it is now.
I hope I finish well. Becoming more relaxed about some things is a good thing, given that I am a mom who freaks out on occasion. But I hope I don't get lazy or permissive because I'm just too tired, mentally. 
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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Cay Gibson
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Bridget wrote:
...but our family's needs will be different. I think those years will be wonderful! |
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They are. They are. We must embrace each moment because we don't know if or what tomorrow will bring.
While I'm very sad that #6 has not come along, I am still very thankful for the 5 we are blessed to have and every stage has been beautiful and very interesting. 
I find myself enjoying all the babies in our hs group...and there are many. I get to hold them during they good spells and find myself having so much patience during their bad spells...because I don't have to deal with those bad spells 24/7. We also have the great nieces and nephews we see weekly and the godchildren. I'm waiting on 2 yr old Ms. Lucy to come stay with us as I type. My younger girls get lots of training with babies and toddlers.
I think God's giving me a taste of the grandparenting years. I'll be 54 when Annie turns 18 and I see us having invigorating discussions, wonderful trips, interesting studies, and grown-up experiences.
It's going to be great, because I will accept no less.
In the meantime, I have a corner of my living room that is filthy! Do you hear me? Filthy! With play-doh, crayons, puzzles, felt pieces and stencil. I'm fixing to tear into it then I'm going to find a couple of toddler toys we still have around here for Ms. Lucy.
It's all good!
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
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hylabrook1
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Having turned 55 last week, with 2 still homeschooling, this has been on my mind a lot. When my youngest graduates high school, I will be 60. I don't want to *go back to work*! I don't think I'd do well with a boss after 33 years answerable only to those whom I love and who love me (think: God, dh, dc, myself...). I don't feel lacking in energy, except when I forget to take my iron pills, but that has been true ever since I can remember, even when I was a *young* mom  . What I do notice especially this year, with ds off at college, is that the dynamic has really shifted around the house.Somehow the drop down from 3 to 2 has been the critical shift; from 6 to 5 to 4 to 3 wasn't noticeable. With fewer sibs around to absorb, deflect, or channel the energy of the *little girls*, their needs seem to have changed. Historically, I haven't been one to run around to loads of out of the house activities, and that was always fine for the children because they made their own entertainment. Now, though, we have times when the intensity of the interactions among fewer people makes me recognize that we need to do more outside of the house, spread the energy beyond our own four walls. So, I'm looking into outside classes for some academic areas -- not because I'm tired of schooling the dc. In past years, if a math problem had a child agitated and that child thought I was doing a bad job explaining the concept (imagine that! ), she could get big brother to teach it to her. Now, he said exactly what I had said, but it was clearer coming from someone who was not Mom.  (Ahh, perceptions!)So, now that it's just the *little girls* and me, I have to be flexible and learn a few new tricks, such as decompressing things by moving the focal point to another set-up. As far as what I will actually do when they are all up and out of here, and I am too old to start into a second career, I guess we'll just wait and see. There is no way God called me to have babies at 42 and homeschool them until I'm 60 without His having a plan that has yet to completely unfold. I think I'll just hang on for the ride!
Peace,
Nancy
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Bookswithtea
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hylabrook1 wrote:
| There is no way God called me to have babies at 42 and homeschool them until I'm 60 without His having a plan that has yet to completely unfold. I think I'll just hang on for the ride |
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I think I should tape this to my mirror in the bathroom!
As a corollary, I've also been musing about what it means to be a Catholic family...living a culture of openness to life in the waning fertility years, whatever that means for each individual family (for some, a very large family, and for others, different challenges). Its a vision that is different from the one I have read about in QF materials (we used to be protestant). I have been re-reading Cormac Burke, thinking about how the vision is so much bigger than our individual families. I'm babbling, I think. Is this making any sense? On the one hand, there is the very real reality of more limited resources, and on the other hand, the age old vision of the big Catholic family who prays together, loves together, cares for each other into the next generations, and refuses to cave to the mainstream. Its both inspiring and daunting at the same time. Do you think that if you came from a family with this kind of vision and example, its easier for the succeeding generations than if you are new to the whole thing?
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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Cay Gibson
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hylabrook1 wrote:
| When my youngest graduates high school, I will be 60. I don't want to *go back to work*! |
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Nancy,
I know exactly what you mean.
Corey came home last week with a short story to read for his English class: "My Mother Never Worked" by Bonnie Smith-Yackel.
He had me read it. Though I seriously doubt I've worked as hard as that mother did, the story was an excellent one to read and discuss with my adult son.
It's good to know that my children appreciate my "career" even when the rest of the world doesn't.
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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Anneof 5
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I am 51 and my youngest will graduate when I am 62. I agree with the post where Books mentioned the woman she met feeling less connected with other hsing moms. Many of the women I know are just about finished raising their kids. I don't feel I have a lot in common with the younger moms. My dh is six years older than I am and I just pray we are healthy and able to enjoy our children and hopefully many grandchildren...I would love it if I could help homeschool them in some small way.
Great topic!
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4Real Forums : St. Anne's Tearoom: Growing in Wisdom over 40
Topic: finishing the race
