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monique
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| Posted: Jan 30 2009 at 6:28pm | IP Logged
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I have a problem. My four year old runs away when we are out in public. He just takes off without a care in the world. It is very scary. We've tried everything I can think of to keep him from taking off. He try to get him to sit in carts when we are shopping but he getting kinda big for those and strollers.
Is there anything you've tried that's worked well?
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Monique
mom to 5
Raising Saints
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guitarnan
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| Posted: Jan 30 2009 at 6:55pm | IP Logged
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Have you asked him why he runs? My ds was prone to running off when he was that age, and it turned out he was trying to escape strong odors (to him), like the meat department - things I, allergy-impaired mom, cannot smell.
If you can't find out what triggers it, your best bet is to keep him confined (car, stroller, whatever) even if he seems too old for that. Better temporary confinement than a tragic accident. If he asks why, you can calmly explain that he runs away and you can't allow him to do that, but when he is older he will be ready to stay with you.
(It took me a couple of years to find out about the smells thing...ds didn't have enough words to explain it to me. I appreciate your frustration!)
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: Jan 30 2009 at 6:58pm | IP Logged
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Is he doing it to purposely disobey?
Or is it more because he's distracted, curious, and/or excited?
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Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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SuzanneG
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Nancy and I were cross posting.....
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Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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JodieLyn
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A harness!! I know people think that's treating your child "like a dog".. I say it's treating your dog like a child.. we care enough to keep them from getting hurt when they can't control themselves.
Start without it but with the direction "one hand on the cart all the time". Give a warning.. if you can't keep your hand on the cart, you'll have to wear the harness.. next time very matter of factly put on the harness for the rest of the time in that store.
Realize that you're going to need to really be paying attention at first so that you can grab them before they get very far at all.
Next time you start over.. so they get a new opportunity to hold onto the cart themselves and keep from having to wear the harness.
Once they reliably hold onto the cart.. and you want to start giving them a bit more freedom.. my next step is.. you have to be able to touch the cart.. and then as we go through the store it's a game for me to check on them by asking them to touch the cart.. I give leeway for needing a bit of a lunge to reach etc.. but when it's obviously too far.. they get a warning.. if they can't stay close they'll have to hold onto the cart.. and if they can't hold onto the cart, they have to wear the harness.
My children found getting to be "free" a very motivating reason to follow the rules.
In the parking lot or such the rule is always hand on the cart.. close doesn't cut it for little ones.. close works for the 7 and 8 yr old not the 4 yr old 
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Red Cardigan
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I know a harness is probably the first choice, but if that doesn't work for some reason or you want to move beyond it, I wonder if one of these might do the trick.
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http://www.redcardigan.blogspot.com
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lilac hill
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DD#3 was a terror and too quick in stores.
For years she only went in stores if absolutely necessary. I know that is not always practical so I used the harness that my Mom used for me (pink for girls blue for boys) and strapped her into her stroller or the grocery store cart.
In later years she said she liked hiding in the racks.
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Viv
Wife to Rick (7/83), Mom to dd#1(6/87), dd#2(1/90), and dd#3(6/94) in central PA.
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Maddie
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I just love Hilaire Belloc!
Jim
There was a Boy whose name was Jim;
His Friends were very good to him.
They gave him Tea, and Cakes, and Jam,
And slices of delicious Ham,
And Chocolate with pink inside
And little Tricycles to ride,
And read him Stories through and through,
And even took him to the Zoo—
But there it was the dreadful Fate
Befell him, which I now relate.
You know—or at least you ought to know,
For I have often told you so—
That Children never are allowed
To leave their Nurses in a Crowd;
Now this was Jim's especial Foible,
He ran away when he was able,
And on this inauspicious day
He slipped his hand and ran away!
He hadn't gone a yard when—Bang!
With open Jaws, a lion sprang,
And hungrily began to eat
The Boy: beginning at his feet.
Now, just imagine how it feels
When first your toes and then your heels,
And then by gradual degrees,
Your shins and ankles, calves and knees,
Are slowly eaten, bit by bit.
No wonder Jim detested it!
No wonder that he shouted ``Hi!''
The Honest Keeper heard his cry,
Though very fat he almost ran
To help the little gentleman.
``Ponto!'' he ordered as he came
(For Ponto was the Lion's name),
``Ponto!'' he cried, with angry Frown,
``Let go, Sir! Down, Sir! Put it down!''
The Lion made a sudden stop,
He let the Dainty Morsel drop,
And slunk reluctant to his Cage,
Snarling with Disappointed Rage.
But when he bent him over Jim,
The Honest Keeper's Eyes were dim.
The Lion having reached his Head,
The Miserable Boy was dead!
When Nurse informed his Parents, they
Were more Concerned than I can say:—
His Mother, as She dried her eyes,
Said, ``Well—it gives me no surprise,
He would not do as he was told!''
His Father, who was self-controlled,
Bade all the children round attend
To James's miserable end,
And always keep a-hold of Nurse
For fear of finding something worse.
We have used this one and Matilda Who Told Lies and Was Burned To Death and Rebecca Who Slammed Doors for Fun and Perished Miserably.
I realize it's not everyone style of mothering, so disregard if you hate it!
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~Maddie~
Wife to my dh and Momma of 9 dear ones
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mellyrose
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When my boys were younger, I bought small dog leashes. At the store, I would clip the end to the cart, and hand them the other end and tell them they had to help "walk" the cart. I would have one boy on each side of the cart. Yes, I got some very strange looks, but I made it fun and it worked for a while.
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Melanie in AZ
Colin (11/00), Nate (05/02), Lydia (04/07)
My Little Patch of Sunshine
Pictures of our Life
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: run-away preschooler
