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Macmom
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Hi Moms! Its been awhile since I posted. We've been hit with a ton of bricks- my lovely 16-year-old daughter is currently in an impatient treatment center for anorexia nervosa. (She blames the isolation of homeschooling and the large family). Now, on the positive side, God has used this to bring me to my knees, and I don't take my joyful life for granted anymore- I can't take it for granted; its gone. Suffering is the tender embrace of God, right? I have realized homeschooling isn't enough to show your children you love them, you need to POUR yourself into them to make sure they are emotionally attached to you and the family. I guess I've gotten so busy with academics and making sure there were good "experiences" (crafts, books, 4H and scouts) that I wasn't connecting to the kidlets enough. So I've been trying to emotionally connect with the children more.
That book "Hold on to Your Kids" was a Godsend. Unfortunately, it came too late for my daughter, who is REALLY messed up.
Any other parents have ED (eating disorder) problems in their children?
Peace,
Macmom
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Catholic family life works on the same principle as a washing machine- clothes get clean by agitation.
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Waverley
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I don't have any advice for you but I did want to say I will keep you and your daughter in my thoughts and prayers.
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LisaR
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I have a close family member experience this as a teen/homeschooler. She went to Remuda Ranch and it was really a lifesaver for her.
praying for you all!
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
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insegnante
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No advice but praying for you and your daughter and taking your thoughts to heart.
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Theresa
mommy to three boys, 3/02, 8/04, and 9/10, and a girl, 8/08
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guitarnan
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Praying for both of you...and please don't take all the blame on yourself. Everyone I've ever known with an ED has come from a devoted and loving family. There are other circumstances and events that play into all of this.
{{{cyberhugs for you}}} {{{and your dd}}}
This is a long and tough road, and I hope our prayers will help to sustain you.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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teachingmom
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I am so sorry you and your family are going through this! I will pray for your daughter's healing and for all of you.
Macmom wrote:
Any other parents have ED (eating disorder) problems in their children?
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Thankfully, no. But with six daughters, I honestly fear it a bit. I saw a handful of girls go through this back when I was a youth minister, and know how easy it is for girls to fall into the "I hate my body" trap.
Thank you for the reminder to invest ourselves emotionally in our kids. God bless you and hold you close!
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~Irene (Mom to 6 girls, ages 7-19)
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MarilynW
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Lots of prayers for you. From what I know about anorexia it is usually a personal control issue and your daughter's age is typical when teens start realizing that there are many things in life that they have no control over. Also it can be a mineral deficiency problem too - I think zinc and magnesium - which of course if worsened by the anorexia.
We will pray for your dd and for you - I think it is often so hard for the parents who have to watch.
God is good - I know someone who had anorexia at 18 - did not even get treated medically, but recovered 100% through the grace of God, and has never had a relapse.
Hugs
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Marilyn
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missionfamily
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Macmom--Prayers and . I just wanted to chime in with an encouraging story. One of my closest friends in high school spent all of our four years there battling anorexia and the last two years in inpatient and outpatient treatment programs. She did not have an easy recovery and I honestly did not know if she would do it. She did not begin college with us and continued treatment.
And she recovered fully and joined us a year later....and is now a doctor with a thriving practice, a husband and children. There is great reason to hope...hang in there, and hang on to Him.
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Colleen
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Angi
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I really have no time to write, but I was anorexic as a teen. I never entered an impatient clinic, but it went on for quite awhile.
I can answer any specific questions for you.
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Lara Sauer
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Praying for you and your daughter.
St. Dymphna, pray for us.
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You can take the girl out of Wisconsin, but you can't take the Wisconsin out of the girl!
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Paula in MN
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This has been one of many issues in our family. I'm praying for all of you.
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 Paula
A Catholic Harvest
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Angie Mc
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I have a dear family member who suffered through ED as a teen who now lives a beautiful and faithful life. There is great hope! I'm praying mightily for your dd and all who are caring for her.
I'm also praying for you, Macmom, and hoping that you will be gentle with yourself during this difficult time. It is truly mysterious, from a human perspective, how and why teens are vulnerable and suffer, especially because there is such a sense of randomness connected to their mistakes, misfortunes, and/or misunderstandings. Even more mysterious and bigger than any of this, though, is God's desire for the salvation of souls. In Him, all is purposeful .
Love,
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Angie Mc
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Anonymous
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We have faced personal challenges with these kinds of issues with our daughter.
Anexoria, hair pulling and cutting have had to be addressed.
As a mother it is a heavy burden. Was/is it my fault? Could I have done something to prevent this? It is hard.
I would love to say they have gone away but they have not, completely.
Food is an issue and so is the hair, thankfully our dd is no longer cutting and is eating normally.
Anti-depressants and counselling have helped. Finding the right medication has been difficult and she is switching in an attempt to find a less sedating med now. One of the hardest parts of counselling is allowing her to lead and share when she is ready.I have been open in asking what I am to do to help.
After almost 4 years of this I have made some observations.
I do not believe we could have prevented this She is just more highly strung and just a sensitive kid.
Open communication did help so that we are part of the solution.
Too many girls experiment with bulimia and cutting and other destructive behavior at some point through high school and some make it a terrible habit.
A dear friend has a daughter who has been in in and out patient programs. She said that the hard part for her husband is realizing that it is not something that can just be cured. The process is long ansd their daughter is not broken.
Staying balanced and open to communication and not making about you as a failing Mom ,since you are not one, is so hard so I not only pray for your dd's recovery but for your spirit as well.
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Macmom
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Bless you all for the gentle replies! She is home from inpatient treatment (the house was so quiet for 2 months) and we have a waiting team to "catch" her- in other words, tons of appointments.
She was only serious about her eating disorder for about a year. Hopefully, the starvation didn't have long enough to effect her brain TOO much. Sadly, she spent a year PRAYING for an eating disorder. Dh and I wonder if there isn't some spiritual residue in some of this. Did anyone else find, not just therapy, but spiritual direction for a teen, was a good component to the healing process?
Peace,
Macmom
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Willa
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Macmom wrote:
| I guess I've gotten so busy with academics and making sure there were good "experiences" (crafts, books, 4H and scouts) that I wasn't connecting to the kidlets enough. So I've been trying to emotionally connect with the children more. |
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I think it's always good to try to improve; at the same time, I don't think you are to blame, nor is your daughter. I like what Anonymous said about being part of the solution -- that seems to be a good attitude -- how can you now move forward together? I've seen the blame game hold people back.
I struggled with an eating disorder in my teenage years. I came from a good stable home. I am very grateful that my parents supported me through it; in the end I grew closer to God through my problems. Whatever lacks there might have been in my environment or even in family dynamics didn't "cause" my disorder, I don't think.
I don't think we are promised perfect families of origin -- every family will have some lacks. I know that I often worry about some of my personal "issues" that could easily affect my children. One of the hardest parts of mothering for me has been realizing that I can't be everything my children need at every time, but I still have to try my best to improve and to work with my own children whatever their problems, and pray for them and for myself constantly.
Anyway, a long way of saying I will be praying. I often, often pray to St Michael for the teenagers, homeschooling or not, mine or not; they have a hard road nowadays and it is no easy ride for their parents either.
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Willa
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Eating Disorder in teens
