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insegnante
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Joined: April 07 2006
Location: Virginia
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Posts: 1143
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| Posted: Nov 08 2008 at 3:52pm | IP Logged
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I'm not sure this will make sense to anyone. It might just make me sound crazy and/or horrible. I guess I'm just thinking aloud (I mean, on Web.)
We were leaving Costco and stopped for the door person to review our receipt. He turned the receipt over and I wasn't sure why he was making a mark on the back too until I realized he was drawing a fairly elaborate smiley face, which he then showed to our kids.
Okay, so believe it or not, I was thinking about how we were losing, like, 20 or 30 additional seconds to this. And it wasn't out of simple, overt impatience but some idea I've allowed to become ingrained, only over the past few years, that our family time is so much "first" (among earthly concerns) as a matter of principle that how dare this guy take our time in such a way without asking. To me this was coming from the same principle as not taking on some volunteer activity in a way that will take time away that your family needs. But honestly, the phrase "Get a grip" (which I've never actually used) comes to mind...
I'm not cold and hard enough not to smile and say thank you to someone who does something like that in a "well-meaning" way though so I did and then on the way out I started to think how ridiculous it is that I now frequently react to things this way. If 30 seconds is going to make that much difference then I guess the whole framework of my life needs adjustment (and it does.)
It reminds me of how I try to avoid (this is going to sound bad... and probably is) walking by this house on our block where this old lady lives... because she likes to stop and talk. I think, "But I need my exercise and I barely feel like I have the time we allot!" or "We need our family time and it's hard to accept that we should even all take time for a walk and my husband shouldn't just be working instead!" Because she will talk for several minutes in what seems to me an "I'm lonely and just want to talk" way and I spend most of the time wondering how I'm going to wrap up in a kind and respectful way (and I'm not even good with social situations where the person isn't owed that "really old person" level of respect.) So instead I just take different routes if it is still light out and she might be outside. I have this vaguely wrong feeling about it though. But I think, "Well, I see family comes to visit her. She's not that lonely. We have so much other stuff to take care of."
Maybe I am actually misprioritizing that I need an uninterrupted 30-minute walk instead of an interrupted 25-minute walk (or just spend extra time altogether) to spend 4 or 6 minutes talking to a lonely old lady (whom I also know is Catholic) even if I am not very comfortable doing it?
Anyway, it's not like I don't find other time to waste during the day, even when not just my kids but my husband are available for "family time." I don't exactly know why I'm posting this, it just struck me in some profound way when I realized that my initial reaction to the Costco guy was, "He thinks he's doing something nice, but why doesn't he realize we might have something more important to do?" More important to do with 30 seconds...
There were also some other relationships I think were affected by my "prioritizing" this way, like with another non-related old lady who died before we "got around to" seeing her again, and others where opportunities to be a positive influence on receptive people with their faith life may have been missed.
Plus, lately I feel really acutely the "community" we're missing (we used to have more of one, long story why I pulled away.) Even as we have SO much to take care of, I feel what's missing with our everyday contacts pretty much just being the five of us.
__________________
Theresa
mommy to three boys, 3/02, 8/04, and 9/10, and a girl, 8/08
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juststartn
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Joined: Jan 17 2007
Location: Oklahoma
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| Posted: Nov 08 2008 at 6:54pm | IP Logged
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I kwym...I have had to try and force myself to make time for those things--the stopping and saying "hello" and giving them an ear for a few moments. I've had to really really "back off". I so rarely get out by myself that that time is very very precious...and when I am out with the family, it is so hard to not keep thinking "Oh, Lord, let me get the dc into the car before someone "snaps" and it becomes obvious that naps/meal/something has been delayed too long (I try to plan around it, but ykwim when I say that that is really not possible all or most of the time, with more than one dc to consider)...
It is sad to say, but I have to make myself slow down...I have to make myself take the additional 30 seconds, or 5 minutes, or shoot, just slow down when driving the hwy from home to town. It doesn't really take *THAT* much skin off of my back, and it may make ALL the difference to THEM.
((HUGS))
Rachel
__________________
Married DH 4/1/95
Lily 3/11/00
Helena(Layna) 5/23/02
Sophia 4/19/04
John 5/7/07
David 5/7/07
Ava Maria, in the arms of Jesus, 9/5/08
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: community, family time, priorities
