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mothermary
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| Posted: Oct 23 2008 at 10:40am | IP Logged
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I read a message by Helen last night about being open to new life and special needs children. I sent her a pm to ask her advice about posting a message of my own on a similar subject, and she told me to start a thread here. I just copied the message I sent her here.
Helen,
I don't know if I am doing this correctly. I was wanting this to go just to you, because I am not sure if it fits into the "thread."
I have never really posted anything before. I came to this thread, because "discernment about openness to life" has taken on a new meaning in our family recently. We are the parents of seven beautiful and healthy children ages 13yo-1yo. When our youngest was 4 months old (in January) we found out that my 45yo husband has Parkinson's Disease. There was a time in my life when I would have been relieved to have a "grave reason" to postpone pregnancy, but that was years ago and several children back. As our family grew larger, I grew more in love with having a large family. When we first found out about my husbands diagnosis, we just assumed that we would not seek anymore children from God. Mostly due to the prospect of my husband being unable to work sometime in the next 3-5years. But, I find myself more and more wanting another child. As I pray, I wonder WHY I feel so compelled to have another baby...aside from the fact that I just love my children, and my kids love each baby that comes so much, and babies...well a baby is a baby and that says it all.xoxo I wonder if having a baby is my way of clinging to life as I have known it all these wonderful years. My not wanting to move on to the future and the difficulties it holds with PD. I think of the joy one more child will bring to our family for all eternity...the love and comfort another child will bring my husband and children, and myself for the rest of our lives. One more life in the mix sounds wonderful!!! But, as an almost 40yo mother of seven with a 46yo husband with PD, is it logical or responsible to ask God for another. I have five daughters and two sons, shouldn't I be happy and content with the blessings God has given us and not "push it", or is it o.k. to want more? No answer required. It just felt good to say it all. I continue to pray, God will let us know. If it would be appropriate to post this somewhere, I would like to. I just don't know how to go about doing it. I would love to hear from others in similar situations. God may want to talk to me thru them.
mothermary
Mother Mary pray for us.
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MrsM
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| Posted: Oct 23 2008 at 11:15am | IP Logged
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I don't have any advice, but I wanted to say that I will be praying for your discernment and for the health of your husband.
When it comes to babies, their sweetness and the delight they bring to family life, it's no wonder you are longing for another one. I am also longing for a baby, but for medical reasons, we are hesitating. It's so difficult to know what to do! 
God bless you!
__________________
Lynn in California
Homeschooling dd13, dd11, ds10, and ds8
Mom to Miracle Baby ds3
Mom to darling Elizabeth and Francis, held in Mary's arms and always in my heart
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AnaB
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| Posted: Oct 23 2008 at 1:43pm | IP Logged
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I'm in a similar boat, but with only 4 children. My husband and I both have health issues. I ditto everything Lynn said. We're praying too.
I would add to keep your husband's feelings into the consideration. It was adding stress to my husband to even figure out how he could provide for us with his health problems much less add another. We weren't sure he would be with us from week to week. I also needed to take care of him, and with my pregnancies, I'm the one who's the patient (very sick, lots of bedrest). The Lord has used this time to make me available to take him to the hospital 24/7 and to take care of him when he needs it.
I will say that it took me a year to accept that we were done having children (as far as I could tell). In that time I realized that I (I'm not saying anyone else thinks like this) that I had focused my energy on yearning for another rather than enjoying and fully being there for the children I already had. I had to do a little mental switch. I am more content now, though that little pang never leaves.
If the Lord should surprise us, even by adoption, I would gladly receive it. Otherwise, we've had to delay.
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His By Grace, AnaB blessed WIFE to Jeff and mama to 4 blessings!
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folklaur
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| Posted: Oct 23 2008 at 2:40pm | IP Logged
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AnaB wrote:
I had focused my energy on yearning for another rather than enjoying and fully being there for the children I already had. I had to do a little mental switch. I am more content now, though that little pang never leaves.
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Thank you so much for being so brave as to admit this. I have had to do this also. We 'only' have three, and you are right, the pang never leaves, but making that mental switch has been a very important step in learning to be content with the blessings that God *has* given us...and that they aren't just 'only'...if that makes any sense...
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jdostalik
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| Posted: Oct 23 2008 at 2:45pm | IP Logged
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mothermary wrote:
I continue to pray, God will let us know.
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And He will--that is the beauty of being open to life--there is always that hope that God might bless you--you are never truly closed even when you might feel the need to prayerfully delay a baby. It's a monthly decision--not a permanent one. Much love to you, my dear friend! 
Prayers continue for you--we need to boost our Rosary intentions for ya'll...
__________________
God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
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aussieannie
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| Posted: Oct 23 2008 at 4:07pm | IP Logged
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Firstly I would say it is a decision that is prayerfully decided upon by husband and wife, who need to consider the guidelines of the Church on NFP, it is a very personal decision.
But it is an area that is very 'grey' and people love to look in on your circumstances and go 'tut, tut, tutt!' I know there would be some that would do this with my husband and myself.
I don't have the best of health, it fluctuates..I've had chronic fatigue in the past, battled to control better a non-functioning thyroid, being completely bowled over by a very severe case of pluerisy and pneumonia and since my last baby in January thought I was definately going to succumb to a nasty heart virus, to which I am still under the subtle influence of.
With all this, I am in great need of the support of my husband which I am so lovinging given, there are times or months where he has had to do some of the jobs that would normally be reserved for me...the only thing is, my dear husband is 21 years older than me, I am 38. I am sure that once again, others would look frowningly on this, I have even had loving family members say, "Well he is....?..can you be thinking of more children?" If I know they truly love me, I am not offended by their remarks, they have my interests at heart.
My husband does enjoy good health and people are shocked when we disclose our age difference, as he really looks much younger than he is, it comes down to his good European bone structure and unwrinkled skin.  Still at the end of the day, he is the age he is. But I look at it this way, my husband buries men often enough, in their late 30's and 40's, and accidents happen all the time, no one can know the future, there are children who have lost their fathers or mothers and they were young.
My husband is only 6 years off the 'official' retiring age, we were blessed that last year he got out of a more physically demanding job into funeral directing, it is a job where there are fellow directors in their early 70's, maybe my dear husband will be one of them eventually.
My husband and I would naturally love more children, what blessings they are!
I believe that if you pray faithfully on this intention, God will reveal His will for you all.
__________________
Under Her Starry Mantle
Spiritual Motherhood for Priests
Blessed with 3 boys & 3 girls!
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mothermary
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| Posted: Oct 24 2008 at 9:09pm | IP Logged
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Thank you ladies for all of your heartfelt replies, and for sharing your experiences and wisdom. Most especially thank you for your prayers. I hope I am able to make time to visit more often. I know I would enjoy developing friendships with all of you.
Mother Mary pray for us.
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Helen
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| Posted: Oct 25 2008 at 11:47am | IP Logged
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mothermary wrote:
Thank you ladies for all of your heartfelt replies, and for sharing your experiences and wisdom. Most especially thank you for your prayers. I hope I am able to make time to visit more often. I know I would enjoy developing friendships with all of you.
Mother Mary pray for us. |
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MotherMary, I look forward to hearing more from you and your generous heart.
__________________
Ave Maria!
Mom to 5 girls and 3 boys
Mary Vitamin & Castle of the Immaculate
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Open to life
