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Michaela
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| Posted: Oct 18 2008 at 5:59pm | IP Logged
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Again, I come to ask for your wisdom.
My 12yo son....
He wants to go to confession every week. I'm sure you will tell me that's nothing to complain about, but how do I handle this?
If I don't take him, he won't receive Communion!
I know he cannot have serious sins. He is a very good boy who may, at the most, argue with his siblings or have to be told to do something more than one time.
He's even spoken to our priest about his scrupulosity.
Last night, he came into my bedroom in tears, explaining that he wants to learn more. He knows some bible verses, some information about the Church, but he wants more. This child certainly knows more than I did at his age, but that's not saying much because I was told Jesus wasn't real. I don't really understand how much he's supposed to know, but I don't think I can satisfy him. It's something deeper.
I'm at a loss. Confession started three minutes ago, and he's upset I told him that he doesn't need to go every single Saturday (especially w/o serious sin).
Help!
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: Oct 18 2008 at 6:04pm | IP Logged
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I'd try to take him. At least make some "plans" you can deal with--every other week, perhaps.
I have the opposite problem and was going to post about how to get ds, almost 11, to confession as he hasn't been since before his FHC!
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Oct 18 2008 at 6:37pm | IP Logged
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To me both sound like a need for education.. but starting not on the child's part but on the parent's part 
You need to find out what it is that they think is how things are supposed to be done. Why they think they do or don't need to go to confession.
My 11.5 yr old is being confirmed in just over a month so we're in full out prepartion here. Needing to go over not just the information but what she knows about the information. For instance one of the questions she was given to study is what is meant by the Redemption. Now she knew all the information pertinent to this.. but she was still confused. So we went over what does the word redemption mean and then we talked about all the parts that go along with that.. and she was able to put it all together after that. It's not that she didn't know it.. it was that she needed to put together information she had in a new way.
Now I could have just had her memorize the information but instead I found out what she knew and then helped her rebuild the information for the new way of thinking about it.
Depending on what's been taught it would be perfectly reasonable to think either that you have to go to confession all the time (which isn't a bad thing) or practically never. Perhaps someone emphasized things like confession is only needed for mortal sin, and since they haven't killed anyone (or some such BIG thing) someone could have the idea that confession isn't needed. Or someone could have emphasized how the Pope goes to confession as often as he does and that we need to go frequently etc. and think that they must go to confession for even the tiniest venial sin.
When you know what it is that's going on in their minds.. then you'll know what information you need to look for to help them have a more balanced perspective.
But you'll need to talk about it when it isn't an immediate emotional issue or it'll just be muddled.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Willa
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| Posted: Oct 18 2008 at 8:08pm | IP Logged
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Michaela wrote:
He wants to go to confession every week. I'm sure you will tell me that's nothing to complain about, but how do I handle this?
If I don't take him, he won't receive Communion!
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My son was like this. Desiring frequent confession is a wonderful thing, of course, but fearing to receive Communion is as you said a sign of scrupulosity. Scrupulosity can escalate -- with my son it got to the point where he couldn't even believe he had made a worthy confession, so he came out of the confessional worried he was even deeper in mortal sin.
What's recommended is to get some spiritual counsel and a specific recommendation (from a priest or authority figure) for how often he should receive communion and how often he should go to confession. Or at least, I read that this was recommended and in the end this was what solved my son's dilemma. The scruples persisted for a while but by obeying the priest he was able to ignore what amounted to a "temptation" or at least an intense trial of faith.
ETA I suppose if he talks to a priest he can also confide and get guidance and perspective in whatever sins or temptations are bothering him right now. Adolescence is a tough time and if a child has a delicate conscience, that is a good sign of devoutness and promise, but the devil seems to take the "scruple" road when he can't find another way to make the kid stumble.
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: Frequent Confession - for children
