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insegnante
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| Posted: Oct 15 2008 at 5:21pm | IP Logged
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I don't know if it's better bonding, or am I just different now or what. Have you found with later babies that you enjoy life in the moment more, you don't feel like you're biding your time until they start doing interesting stuff? I never understood before women specifically missing having a newborn rather than just generically wishing they could have another child -- now I think I will in the future.
My feelings for the first two newborns were certainly well within the realm of normal maternal gushiness, but yeah, as to the experience of day to day life with them I was biding my time.
With this baby I feel like she is so wonderful as she is that my imagination can't do justice to the baby she will be even a month from now, and mentally fast forwarding leaves me kind of cold. She's the first baby after whom I have had thoughts like "Of course we hope for more children, but will I feel bad about not feeling this amazed by the next baby's wonderfulness, since I'm not sure how I could?" Rationally I know I feel this way because she's the baby God gave us and not because she's really better than any other baby, but those feelings sure are strong!
The strange thing is shortly before she was born I was very irritable and slightly depressed enough to mostly think "Oh dear" when I considered that soon we would be adding a child who might hardly ever let us sleep and could spend a lot of time crying, would need to be constantly supervised and would have zero verbal reasoning. I didn't feel much emotional bond yet with the baby I'd only seen via sonogram, I just intellectually wanted good things for her, and I was afraid I wouldn't form a good bond with her since I was gritting my teeth to get through the days with my other kids (and I was expecting to end up with a third c-section and be dealing with that instead of the VBAC I was surprised worked out.) But not only did I quickly become crazy about her, it seemed like my maternal feelings toward the older children also increased after she was born. They probably got more unbegrudging attention after she was born than for a little while before.
Oh, and her sleep schedule was kind of a nightmare for the first month or so, having her awake-and-slightly-fussy time just about EXACTLY when and for about how long parents would ideally have been sleeping (I didn't know how it would have worked if my husband didn't work at home and set his own schedule!) -- so it wasn't because she was unusually "easy" that the good feelings flowed.
I'm posting a lot lately, I wonder if there's some inhibition-lowering effect of all these good maternal feelings? 
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Theresa
mommy to three boys, 3/02, 8/04, and 9/10, and a girl, 8/08
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Maryan
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| Posted: Oct 15 2008 at 5:37pm | IP Logged
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I think I have enjoyed each baby more because with the first babies I was 1) learning so many new skills and 2) learning how to cope with no sleep that I didn't have as much time to enjoy them. So Baby #3 and I just fell in love from the start. And it's been the same ever since. 
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Maryan
Mom to 6 boys & 1 girl: JP('01), B ('03), M('05), L('06), Ph ('08), M ('10), James born 5/1/12
A Lee in the Woudes
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Oct 15 2008 at 5:43pm | IP Logged
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also with later babies you're so busy with having the older children as well that the days move all too fast. When you only have one or even 2 things aren't always so fast and while you might have more time to enjoy them.. you also have more time to get "bored" and want the baby to be able to DO something
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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LisaR
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| Posted: Oct 15 2008 at 6:30pm | IP Logged
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Theresa, some of this also might have to do with this being your first ? (did I read that right?) VBac. going into labor naturally sends a mega boost of the mothering hormone prolactin surging and levels can be elevated for quite some time over a scheduled C sec. this also might be why it is more difficult for a moms milk to let down after C sec/nursing issues than with vag. birth, but i've really digressed. (and I'm not trying to critique C Sec's at all)
for me, I felt most relaxed and bonded to the infants where I had the least traumatic delivery/postpartum bleeding/nursing issues. but I grew to appreciate and "enjoy" the baby time more with each child, kind of savor the moment, kwim??
congrats again!!
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
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Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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domchurch3
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| Posted: Oct 16 2008 at 8:41pm | IP Logged
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I'm hoping I'll have more of those feelings with our second that is coming along. I know the feeling of having 1 child and wishing she would hurry up and grow so I could get to the fun stuff of sharing stories and jokes and crafts. Several miscarriages took place and several years passed before God allowed me to carry our baby boy who is due in January. I'm thinking I won't want to rush. I won't take it for granted anymore that I'll get another chance to hold a newborn. Anyways, I hope this will be the case. And I don't think I will be bored. The days already go by too quickly homeschooling our 6 year old daughter.
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Daniel's wife and mother to two children on earth, Bernadette (6 yrs old) and another child due in Jan 2009.
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VanessaVH
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| Posted: Oct 16 2008 at 9:05pm | IP Logged
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Theresa, thanks for sharing your experiences! I felt much more in tune and bonder quicker to number 2 after having a scheduled c/s than to #1 who was an emergency c/s followed by a week in NICU.... I think as others have said, it is harder when you are learning new skills and when there is trauma involved. Prayers going up that my 3rd c/s might happen to turn into a VBAC as well, good to know it's possible!
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insegnante
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| Posted: Oct 16 2008 at 9:45pm | IP Logged
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Vanessa, I actually planned a VBA2C attempt with a supportive OB but was not too optimistic that I would have one. I mean nothing pushy by this and realize you may have a firm and well-informed decision not to attempt one, but if you do happen to be interested in exploring the options for planning for VBA2C, feel free to PM me for some links to stats to help assess the risks v. potential benefits and resources for helping find providers.
I think the way the birth went and the fact that I wasn't recovering from surgery and facing the realization that I would almost certainly have surgery for all future births were probably quite significant in helping us bond, but I can hardly know it's the only reason I feel the way I do about this baby. I'm 30 now as opposed to 23 and 26 with the first two, and the gap was 48 months as opposed to 29, so I guess all those things might lead to me being more likely to cherish each moment.
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Theresa
mommy to three boys, 3/02, 8/04, and 9/10, and a girl, 8/08
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VanessaVH
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| Posted: Oct 17 2008 at 8:34am | IP Logged
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Well, I am not really sure what will happen, I say number 2 was planned, but only in the sense that I wasn't in labor when we did the c/s. We wanted very badly to do a VBAC, but I just never went into labor, so a day short of 3 weeks overdue we went ahead with the c/s as the dr felt it was too risky to induce. (he is actually very supportive of vbacs, in fact his wife has had four vbacs)
This time he suggested we schedule a c/s for a few days after the due date, but if I go into labor before that, we will try for a vbac. I still really want a vbac, but not to the point that I could endure the stress of going that far over again.... I also have somewhat of a concern with this pregnancy being so close to the last, they will be only 18 months apart.
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insegnante
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| Posted: Oct 18 2008 at 3:59pm | IP Logged
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Wow, a day short of 3 weeks past your due date -- sounds like you truly do have a VBAC-supportive doctor! And generally supportive of mothers at that. I wish I knew off the top of my head what the stats were about length of gestation and interpregnancy interval. You're right, studies (or at least one study but probably more) have shown increased risk with a short interval between births -- and I'm pretty sure "18 months" is a number I remember as the dividing line from at least one study.
This cesarean and VBAC site has a lot of statistical info about VBA more than one C. Don't be put off by the "plus size" in the URL if you're not, because the VBAC info is definitely not restricted to that.
Praying for the best start for you and your baby, whatever is the most prudent choice and the safest way for him or her to be born!
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Theresa
mommy to three boys, 3/02, 8/04, and 9/10, and a girl, 8/08
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: enjoying the newborn phase
