| Author | |
anniemm
Forum Pro
Joined: Sept 19 2006
Location: Texas
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 348
|
| Posted: Oct 08 2008 at 12:09pm | IP Logged
|
 |
|
I am fairly certain that the "love language" of my oldest daughter (4) is touch. I, on the other hand, am NOT very touchy-feely (I would say that's #5 of the 5 love languages for me!). I am really struggling with her constant touching, rubbing, kissing, etc. I try hard to offer hugs and kisses on the cheek. I let her sit on my lap. But eventually I get so irritated. She has a bad habit of rubbing me in the chest area, which just really drives me up a wall and makes me want to stay far away!!! It makes me crazy just thinking about it! During Mass, she'll often keep kissing me and kissing me on the arm, hand, leg, whatever and not only are the actions distracting, but so is my internal irritation.
Does anyone have a child like this? What do you do?! I need so suggestions! I really don't like being touched in general...unless it's my husband. I want to be loving!
__________________
Andrea
__________
Wife to Charlie (03)
Mama to four little girls (04), (05), (07), (09),& my 1st little guy 11/11
www.hiswillmypeace.com
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Rachel May
Forum All-Star
Joined: June 24 2005
Location: Kansas
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2057
|
| Posted: Oct 08 2008 at 12:48pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
One of mine loved to rub my upper arms under my sleeves which for me is like having sandpaper run over my skin. I would ask him not to do it except just before bedtime and told him why. Then when I tucked him in I would prepare myself--take a deep breath, close my eyes, and try really hard not to let my face show how irritating it was--until I could not take it anymore. Then I would say, "Ok that's enough!" in a happy tone. It was Very Hard, but he needed it. He was little--4 or just 5--and my husband was deployed.
His preferred touch has changed but he is still needs it more than the other kids so I have tried/try to rub his hair or face, to hug him until he lets go, or to ask him to tell me if he "needs to be loved" so I will take a little bit of time to give him the affection he needs. He remembers clearly the arm rubbing from years ago. Several times we have talked about it and how we were able to give us each what we needed by our agreement about how and when to give those loving touches. He never seems resentful but instead thoughtful about the whole situation. I would love to know what lesson he draws from it.
We have the same kissing at Mass problem with other kids, and I do remind them ahead of time that we do not kiss during Mass, our focus is on Jesus and that it isn't appropriate to be kissing in church etc. Anyone who wants one gets a peck at the kiss of peace. 
Sometimes I have to offer up--like with the arm rubbing--for the good of the little one, but mostly we have found ways to be affectionate without it driving me crazy. My husband has a similar struggle with the same kid compounded by the weirdness of them both being "boys" but he has worked it out in a similar way. We always remind ourselves that if they are not receiving love from us, they will look for it elsewhere which especially concerns me with someone who feels loved through touch....
Good luck. I'm praying for you. And congratulations on your newest little blessing!
__________________
Rachel
Thomas and Anthony (10), Maria (8), Charles (6), Cecilia (5), James (3), and Joseph (1)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
lapazfarm
Forum All-Star
Joined: July 21 2005
Location: Alaska
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 6082
|
| Posted: Oct 08 2008 at 3:36pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I am also not a touchy-feely type and my dd is. My response has been similar to Rachels--"That's enough now" with a big smile.
Some ways I try to give dd what she needs is through brushing her hair and lots of big hugs, pats on the back and tickles.
__________________
Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Booksnbabes
Forum All-Star
Joined: July 20 2008
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 4141
|
| Posted: Oct 08 2008 at 6:20pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I have one like this. I have been recently trying to cheerfully channel that touchiness into touch I can stand--like a back rub or foot rub (works at home, not at Church!  ). At Mass we try to do the same as Rachel, remind them that the behavior is not appropriate for Mass and try to offer an alternative (just having an arm around them, for instance, or holding hands). I think 4 is old enough to understand this.
I would explain the chest area is not okay touching, that it is uncomfortable, and offer an alternative (difficult when you already feel so touched-out that you want to run away screaming and hide on a remote mountaintop!). That area is also a major trigger for me, and I have found if I grit my teeth and bear it I carry resentment afterward. So I have found setting boundaries to be extremely helpful. Also, offer to touch her instead of having her touch you--a simple back rub can do so much, or smoothing of the hair. I have to do a lot of this in Mass unfortunately, but find I can actually concentrate quite well while giving this kind of touch.
I feel for you! I am less than loving sometimes I must admit (can't always manage a convincing smile when asking for the touch to stop), but I just can NOT handle it--especially when I'm nursing and already touched-out. DH is really great about taking over the touchfest when I (discreetly--usually) let him know I'm losing it. Touch is probably his #2 language, so he's better at it than I am anyway. He never minds being a human jungle-gym while that is one of my ideas of torture. 
One other thing--is it touching you or just generally needing to touch something? Would a silky blanket or stuffed animal take over some of the action?
Not sure if any of this is actually useful, but I can offer a healthy dose of empathy!!!
__________________
Wife to wonderful DH, mom to SIX beautiful gifts from God!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
anniemm
Forum Pro
Joined: Sept 19 2006
Location: Texas
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 348
|
| Posted: Oct 08 2008 at 7:17pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I am so glad to hear that I am not the only one this happens to! Books...wow. The way you describe carrying resentment after allowing chest touching is EXACTLY how I respond! Like you mentioned, part of it is because I'm nursing AND newly pregnant, and that is just more than I can handle. Touched. Out.
I like the suggestion of channeling the touch to something I can stand. I'm going to really try that, I think it will help. She's a major space invader also (not only to me, but also to her sisters, dinner guests, any one she likes, really).
I also need to work on the positive response you guys mentioned!
__________________
Andrea
__________
Wife to Charlie (03)
Mama to four little girls (04), (05), (07), (09),& my 1st little guy 11/11
www.hiswillmypeace.com
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
Forum Locked) 
4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Struggling with "love language" of child
