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tovlo4801
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Such great conversation about introversion. It seems that there are at least a few people who've read The Introvert Advantage and others who are very comfortable with their temperament. I wondered if anyone would be interested in discussing with me how you manage some of the difficulties of functioning as a homeschool mother (or any other arena of life) as an introvert. I've got one to start, but I'd love to hear what others struggle with and how you manage it.
I'm not done with the book, but I just came across a section that is a real struggle for me - interruptions. It certainly made me feel better to understand that it's natural for introverts to feel agitation at interruption and why it is so disruptive. Especially that it can take a while to focus on the person who is interrupting and that it can a great deal of time to get back to where you were in your project.
Interruptions are such a huge part of living in a family. My family is small and its a huge factor, so I can only imagine how stressful it must be in a bigger family. The suggestions for handling interruptions in the workplace were all things that I just don't see as being realistic with children in a homeschool environment. They all involve setting up times for questions or basically discouraging interruption. Obviously (or maybe not?) that's not workable in a homeschooling family.
How do you guys handle the natural interruptions to thought process or work? How do you keep from getting agitated when your work or thoughts are interrupted? Or is this just one of those things that has to be offered up?
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Courtney
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Wow, Richelle. I think I need to read this book! I'm not the introvert, my dh is. I will be lurking on this topic so I can learn (once again I'm a slow learner with this) how to be more supportive instead of surprised by his reactions! I can't tell you how many times my dh has talked about interruptions driving him batty. One thing that helps him is for whoever is interrupting him to say his name first to get his attention. I have a bad habit of just starting to talk without thinking about the fact that he's reading the paper.  He of course then misses the first 20 words of mine and then I repeat it. When I think of how to show my dh love, this is truly one of the things I think about. It is work for me to think like an introvert and try to think about how he perceives things. I've been with him for 14 years and it's still hard to get. Of course, I know he can't understand how I love being with all my sisters and having 3 conversations at once! 
As I said in another thread, I really do think dh's introvert personality is a huge (probably primary reason) he doesn't really want more than 2 dc.
Thanks for bringing this up, Richelle. I look forward to learning more how to better understand the perspective of an introvert.
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Courtney in Texas
Wife to Mike since 3/94 
Mom to Candace 10/97 ,Christopher 4/00 and Connor 11/11
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theNetSmith
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Richelle, I haven't ever tied the annoyance of interruptions to my introversion, but it makes complete sense. I am not the kind who can juggle several different thought processes at once -- I like to focus on one thing at a time -- and I have to make a "clean break" from that one thing before I can turn my attention to something else.
I can readily sympathize with Courtney...in the past, my behavior led to a lot of frustration for my wife -- she would try to talk to me about something when I wasn't giving her my full attention, and she did not like repeating herself. We worked through it, tho, and it took time. Fortunately, she recognized that it was a behavior pattern and not a lack of concern on my part.
-T
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Courtney
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| Posted: Nov 06 2005 at 10:28pm | IP Logged
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I think my dh has been more frustrated than me b/c it's taken me so long to realize that this is just how he is wired! I grew up in a house of 6 girls (me being the youngest) and constant activity. The first Christmas that Mike came to my house (while we were dating)there were 5 sisters and their husbands and 9 kids under the age of 6 running around. I thought he was going to pass out after about an hour. I, of course, loved it!
Fast forward to the next Christmas when we spent it at his parents house. There were 2 other sisters of his there with their husbands and no children and it was so quiet! Everyone would talk a little, then silently retreat to do their own puzzle or reading. It was the longest 3 days of my life! Both my dh's parents are introverts, therefore he was raised in a quieter household and a lower tolerance for lots of noise or activity as I call it.
I think my point is that I feel like even after being with my dh for 14 years, I am still trying to understand all the facets of his introvertism (I'm sure that's not a word) and how to respect our differences rather than get irritated or take it personally. I was thinking yesterday how interesting it is that many of my close friends and one of my sisters that I'm closest to are introverts.
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Courtney in Texas
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Mom to Candace 10/97,Christopher 4/00 and Connor 11/11
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cctabb
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| Posted: Nov 07 2005 at 12:52am | IP Logged
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I think I finally get the whole introvert thing (this topic and the introvert/sin topic)! I read all the posts for introvert/sin and still didn't get it until I read what Courtney posted:
Courtney wrote:
Fast forward to the next Christmas when we spent it at his parents house. There were 2 other sisters of his there with their husbands and no children and it was so quiet! Everyone would talk a little, then silently retreat to do their own puzzle or reading. |
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That is us An introvert married to an introvert with an introvert child. Since the three of us all need our own time we have always respected that, more instinctively than planned. Then on top of that I am an extremely organized introvert so we don't have a lot of chaos going on in our house. Pretty much everything runs on a schedule and if the schedule gets interrupted I get a bit weirded out.
That is not to say that as a group we don't have our moments. But for the most part our chaos is because we all need time away from the ordinary and daily chores, school, etc fall by the wayside.
That said, now I know that I don't have to feel guilty about not feeling guilty for my alone time, especially since it is scheduled - 9 - 11:30 p.m. nightly.
I do have to thank God for giving me an introvert dh and dd. Until this week I didn't realize how much people struggled being married to or raising children which might be opposite from themselves. This has given me things to think about and helped me realize why I have so little tolerance for a couple of dd's extrovert friends. I'll have to work on patience  a lot!
Charlene
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esperanza
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I'm waiting to hear some advice here as well....Richelle.
I think I am mel/ phleg or visa versa...honestly I am trying to sort out issues of not meeting my needs as an introvert...but definitely introverted. My dh is mel/chol
and having 13 people living in my home right now is very challenging for me (I get jealous that dh gets to drive to work by himself) Sometimes the interruptions
I have a friend that would turn to her "interruptor" and ask "Jesus, how can I help you?...sometimes aloud. One time her youngster replied "Mommy, I'm Jude!"
Living in the present moment with the help of Brother Lawrence's book ---"Practicing the Presence of God" has helped my to offer up interruption easier. But, I still struggle with finding my time to recharge...as I get muscle tension and dizzy ...gee I have struggled with this for a while.
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Tammy Gonzalez in VA
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and Jacinta-06
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Elizabeth
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What a great topic! Last night, I had a major "discussion" with my biggest introvert. He was annoyed with the noise and the interruptions. He blew a fuse and was really unkind to his younger siblings. I got all over him for his negative grumpiness. But I also understood. It IS difficult to be an introvert when one is home all day with eight other people. I remember what a relief it was to live in a three bedroom apartment with one other roommate after having lived in a house with 33 sorority sisters. Just the fact that I can remember exactly how many of them there were twenty years later is some indication of how much I felt their presence! I've got no answers, though I'm glad to have you all to ponder this with...
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Willa
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tovlo4801 wrote:
| How do you guys handle the natural interruptions to thought process or work? How do you keep from getting agitated when your work or thoughts are interrupted? Or is this just one of those things that has to be offered up? |
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I think it depends on the family. I'm a "melancholy meltdown" person -- I let frustration build up for a long time and then have a meltdown, sometimes directed at someone who is basically an innocent bystander, sometimes directed at MYSELF in the form of a depressive crisis. Working through all this has made me see it's not very healthy and I might be wise to be a bit more proactive and make a little room for my own peculiarities.
My experience is like Tim's except in reverse. My DH works at home and when he comes out of his office he is ready to chat and "extrovert", though he is basically an introvert too. But see, if I'm working on school with a child, or on the computer, or lesson planning, or trying to cook and also cope with the intensity of two "babies" around my legs, I find the pure over-input completely overwhelming.
This is not a complaint! Obviously everyone's intentions are excellent. I suspect DH thinks I am either constantly stressed OR that I don't want to talk to him, which isn't the case. I usually offer it up, but I am realizing that I simply CAN'T change tracks that fast, nor can I expect my family to simply read my mind and know what's going on. So I'm trying to figure out some way to make the situation work.
The weird thing is, usually I am finally changing gears just about the time the interaction is ending. IE, DH or the child is walking off and I feel the urge to run after them and connect, even though a minute ago I was completely overloaded. So it's pure temperament, but I realize I don't manage it very well.
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Willa
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tovlo4801
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WJFR wrote:
My experience is like Tim's except in reverse. My DH works at home and when he comes out of his office he is ready to chat and "extrovert", though he is basically an introvert too. But see, if I'm working on school with a child, or on the computer, or lesson planning, or trying to cook and also cope with the intensity of two "babies" around my legs, I find the pure over-input completely overwhelming.
The weird thing is, usually I am finally changing gears just about the time the interaction is ending. IE, DH or the child is walking off and I feel the urge to run after them and connect, even though a minute ago I was completely overloaded.
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YES! My introverted dh tends to come home from work ready to chat when I'm frantically typing away at my data entry. It's mindless work and that does tend to be a time when my mind is working over things. So even though there's no possible way my husband could see it as interruption since everything he's interrupting is going on in my head, it sure feels like it to me. I am the same way too in that by the time he finally gives up on me listening and walks away in frustration, I've finally come out of what I was going over and focused on him.
The author of The Introvert Advantage seems to like the idea of quirky props. She brings it up a lot in different contexts, and that is SO not me. However, one of the little sidebar stories has me thinking. It was a story of a worker whose boss is an introvert in a very hectic office environment. Apparently she's a little quirky because she developed an assortment of colored signs to wear around her neck that tell people what mood she's in. Some examples: "Do Not Disturb", "Come on in, I'm ready for questions", "On Break; Prefer not to talk about work", "Do not disturb; trying to meet a deadline", and "Sorry, I'm in a bad mood".
So I'm thinking maybe this can be adepted somehow. Like a sign around my neck that tells my dh, "I'm thinking. If you want to talk, give me a few minutes to switch gears." Or one for the kids that says, "Burnt out, don't ask me to find something that is right in the middle of the living room floor." 
Still thinking this through.
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Willa
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Elizabeth wrote:
| I got all over him for his negative grumpiness. But I also understood. It IS difficult to be an introvert when one is home all day with eight other people. |
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I have a son who could definitely sympathize. I think this is part of the reason this particular son is a night owl. He was my only kid who wanted to go to sleep in his crib, not in my arms or next to me on the family bed. Plus, "go to sleep in his crib" meant for him, waiting until the siblings who shared his room were asleep, and then PLAYING, big time, very intensely, for about an hour. This pattern has continued up to the present time, only now instead of playing he reads, writes, gets a midnight snack, does his chores without anyone tripping over the broom, etc He seems to really need that time when the house is quiet.
He also gets stressed when we are doing our daily overview and the "babies" are being loud, especially if he's trying to concentrate. I figure he is perfecting his tolerance for chaos, and he will no doubt need that tolerance in his life someday, but I certainly try to make sure he has some time alone too.
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Willa
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Willa
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Oh, and I also printed out Lissa's husband's blog for this son of mine to read -- figured he might like to know he wasn't the only "recluse" in the world
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Willa
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Laura
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esperanza wrote:
Living in the present moment with the help of Brother Lawrence's book ---"Practicing the Presence of God" has helped my to offer up interruption easier. But, I still struggle with finding my time to recharge...as I get muscle tension and dizzy ...gee I have struggled with this for a while.
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I am quite sure that many of you here are like me and whenever a book is mentioned we go off to amazon to read reviews.
I am guilty of ordering too many books and so now I make it a habit to always check my library or the web to see if it is online. Well, unfortunately my library doesn't carry too many Catholic books, but I did find this one on-line.
It is a fast read. It repeats his method again and again, but it does offer some food for thought. I kept thinking while reading, "Yeah, but your not a mom with lots of little ones around!"
But, I wonder if with discipline this could even be possible for moms???
He definately is more along the lines of Holiness for Housewives then MROL.
www.PracticeGodsPresence.com
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Laura
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Managing introversion
