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mom2mpr
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| Posted: Sept 29 2008 at 9:29pm | IP Logged
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I was sitting with dd on the couch, enjoying doing her reading lesson and she say's," Mommy, I want to go to school. I don't care if I don't see the M's anymore or go to coop, I want to go to school."
Wow!! Hurt. Tore my heart out. Why, I asked. Because I want to. I want to have snack. Be with a teacher(just stomp on my heart, now). Be with other kids(not my cranky brother  -my comment, not her's ).
I so feel for her. She really needs some close, good friends.
The big problem with this issue is--dh isn't, and never really has been supportive of this homeschooling adventure. If he catches wind, he'll say,"why not."
I know what is in the public school here. When ds played baseball in the spring it was hard. I am still doing some damage control. It isn't REALLY bad but it isn't what I want her to be with ALL day. I also know she will love it. She'll be able to grow and be who she wants to be. BUT, Why can't she do that here at home.
Another issue. We visit my best friend since second grade monthly. Dd plays with her 7 year old and they play school. My friend works. Her dd LOVES school, is always talking about all the fun things they do, the songs they learn, the crafts they do, etc. I feel I am competing but yet, she has learned some of the songs at home--and it just isn't the same.
I am thinking we need a break from visiting this dear friend--but that is hard.
The little girl across the street also talks about how "fun" school is. She is in preschool. Her mom also mentioned how good it was that ds was playing soccer with other boys his age, huh? When I lived in VA it wasn't all about school. Homeschooling wasn't so weird. Ds really didn't care about going after he was able to sit on a school bus at the county open house.
I am just coming her to vent. See if anyone else has BTDT and how it all came out in the end. I am sad. My heart is hurting for me and dd. I want it to be different.
Anne
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folklaur
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| Posted: Sept 29 2008 at 10:05pm | IP Logged
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: Sept 29 2008 at 10:18pm | IP Logged
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Awwwwwwww....thanks, Laura. I needed that!
Anne
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: Sept 30 2008 at 12:00am | IP Logged
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Dear, dear Anne,
Yep! Been there and lived to write about it and updated it recently.
You'll be able to read some great advice that others posted.
My situation was very similiar to yours. Including the little friend who brags about her public school. Here were the lessons I walked away with (on page 2 update):
Quote:
1)Stay Strong!
2)Don't ignore your child's feelings and pleas but talk your child through it...talk, talk, talk.
3)Don't take it personally.
4)Look for creative ways to encourage him/her to take possession of his/her education and other interests.
5)Support those other interests.
6)Change the whole curriculum if you must.
7)Make sure your child hears "both" sides of the school experience.
8)Sit with your child over the hsing how-to books that inspire you and read them together.
9)Give it time. Be patient with your child.
10)Last but not least...Pray, pray, pray.
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Please visit our
Mother's Garden of Sorrow when you have a quiet moment. It was written with you and your daughter in mind for moments like these.
And if you go to this page and scroll down you'll see where it reads: "Loss of HSing Dream". You'll find some links, quotes, and guidelines to help you during your prayer time over the matter.
I'll be praying for you... 
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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Sarah M
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| Posted: Sept 30 2008 at 9:53am | IP Logged
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I'm praying for you, Anne- what a trial! I have no advice, but I just wanted you to know that I'm sending big cyber .
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myblessings
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| Posted: Oct 01 2008 at 11:24pm | IP Logged
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I have a 5 year old and she has mentioned several times about how she would like to go to school (and has told me she is going to send her kids to school when she is a Mama) I think that "school" has been built up in her mind as this great place you go to and play and have fun all day.
I just try to emphasize all the great things about homeschooling. We bought a curriculum and while we are learning all the time, we also set aside a time each day for "school" and sit at the table and work for 45 minutes to an hour. She loves it!! There is definitely a time and place for workbooks and things, perhaps (if you don't do this already) your daughter might be interested in something structured like that?
One of my daughter's main reasons for wanting to go to school, I think, was about friends. So I am trying (we are new to the area and I feel a little shy) to get together with other homeschooling families so she can have friend time and still get to reap all the other benefits of homeschooling.
Hope this passes for you!
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SallyT
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| Posted: Oct 02 2008 at 6:56am | IP Logged
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I do think there's always a strong component of "grass-is-greener" syndrome in so much childish (and adultish) dissatisfaction, and it can be good to see the other side of things. Yes, in school you're with kids your own age -- but what if some kid calls you an idiot (or worse) because you don't catch the ball? How fun is that? How fun is it to eat when the school schedule says it's time, not when you're hungry? How fun is it to go to the bathroom when the teacher says you can, not when you have to go? Etc. Those are some school realities -- kids may love their school, but they live with those limitations and unpleasantnesses, just as homeschooled kids may live with others. My kids were cured of EVER wanting to go to school (we hope) by my keeping a middle-school-aged friend of theirs for after-school care last year. Hearing about Emma's day every day, and seeing how starved she was at 2:15 because lunch had been at 10:15, was all a real eye-opener.
I've also seized opportunities to point out that while so-and-so may love her school/preschool/daycare, going there means that she doesn't see her mommy so much, and they can't just go to the zoo, out to lunch, to the park, etc, when they feel like it -- their whole family time is confined to weekends and bedtimes. That's made an impression on my kids, especially when they've really looked at what life is like when Mom works.
We're in something of the same boat, having just moved from a large, active homeschooling network to a small town where we don't know many people yet, and our homeschooling contacts are kind of far-flung.Nobody's asking to go to school, but loneliness is something of an issue right now -- though in fact I'm thinking the down time is good for our family. I'm trying to use it to concentrate hard on learning together, keeping to a steady routine, and using our new community as an opportunity for field trips and out-of-the-box learning. Trying to do that whole lemons/lemonade thing.
I love all Cay's suggestions. And I'll be praying for you.
Sally
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Castle in the Sea
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: Oct 04 2008 at 11:24am | IP Logged
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Good to hear I am not alone. What do you all think of visiting my friends family? Someone said I should not visit them again for a while. See if the school thing dies down--which I am pretty sure it won't.
Thanks for all your help.
Anne
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domchurch3
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| Posted: Oct 06 2008 at 5:37pm | IP Logged
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Hello,
I just want to ditto everything that's been said already but also add some insight into what has worked for us. My daughter turned 6 this summer and during the summer she started asking when she was going to "real school." Sometimes she would call it "play school." I found out that she was watching Calliou over at my parents' house and I overheard the episode about Calliou going to play school. Shows on PBS like Clifford and Calliou try to make school out to be this amazing fun-filled experience. I even hesitated to read the Magic School bus to my daughter because I didn't want her thinking that "yellow dogs" were these great vehicles that transported you through somebody's intestines or outerspace. (My husband is a band director and the kids call the buses "yellow dogs". It's a play on grey hound buses.)
In our case, I decided to take the approach that there may be a need of hers that was not being met in our homeschool. So I asked what it was about "play school" or "real school" that made her want to go there. She told me it was because they do lots of crafts and they have recess where they play games. I considered these legitimate needs of hers and decided to intergrate them into my homeschool. She already draws and paints whenever creativity strikes so I knew she wanted more teacher-directed crafts. We now homeschool 4 days a week with Fridays set aside for cleaning and crafts. I also incorporate a 10-15 minute recess which usually means cardgames right now.
The second issue that was coming up was that she would say she was bored and wanted to make and play with friends. At first I would call up a friend of hers and let her go play but then I read a book that through God's grace changed our lives for good. I highly recommend reading Hold On To Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld. The book talks about peer socialization and all the symptoms in our children that we come to think are normal but in fact are an anomaly and a relatively new phenomenon. It's about how children come to need their peers more because of the lost parental attachment. It gives you lots of tips on how to reattach your child to yourself and since I've incorporated these techniques into our home, she NEVER complains of boredom and NEVER talks about wanting friends. Does that mean she does not interact with other children? Of course not, but it's not a deep need in her anymore because what she needs her Mom and Daddy provide. What things have I incorported?
1) Morning Couch Time - We begin each day with me holding her in my arms and talking about whatever she wants to talk about.
2) Playtime with Mom- I set a timer for 20 minutes and she chooses whatever we will play.
3) Thought Box- Every evening we sit down and I honor her for things she has done and she brings out her thought box where she writes down anything that's important to her for us to discuss.
4) Bedtime Routine.
Something else we have done is point out all the people who homeschool. We were watching Little Women and we had a great discussion about how Amy hated school and wanted to be homeschooled like her sister Beth. Even Laurie homeschools with a tutor which she thoought was really awesome.
We did all of this on top of all the snuggling we do on the couch during homeschool time.
And guess what? I now have a daughter who got upset today because for some reason she thought I was going to put her in public school!
I hope our family's story encourages you. That's what it was meant to do.
__________________
Daniel's wife and mother to two children on earth, Bernadette (6 yrs old) and another child due in Jan 2009.
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: Oct 06 2008 at 6:57pm | IP Logged
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domchurch3 wrote:
Hello,
I just want to ditto everything that's been said already but also add some insight into what has worked for us. My daughter turned 6 this summer and during the summer she started asking when she was going to "real school." . |
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Thank you for sharing.
Anne
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: 5 year old begging to go to school
