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Angel
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| Posted: Aug 12 2008 at 2:08pm | IP Logged
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Mackfam wrote:
Angel wrote:
Angel wrote:
Jennifer, I would love to see one of your actual days. I find the same things you do with my little guys, who *live* to test boundaries, but I have such a hard time finding the time and energy to match their needs. |
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Angela - What do you want to see about my typical, average day? How I go about assessing? How I discern the needs of a particular child (and in this case the 3yo)?
I'm not sure there's anything at all scientific about it.
Tell me what are you looking for?
I will say that my greatest improvements in this area have come not from more organization, or greater structure. It was a surprising source for me. For some time I have been begging Our Lady to help me to be a gentler mother. I have been seeking her example in everything I do in the home. What I found was that when I had quieted myself interiorly, I spoke more gently and I could see with more tender eyes the needs my individual children had. I was really surprised how this played out in the practical goings on in our days (though I shouldn't have been. I don't have enough faith, pray for me.) I was able to do less impulsive reacting - notice I don't say that I stopped reacting - I still did that, but then I felt prompted by the Holy Spirit to seek a deeper understanding of a given situation. I could be gentler with a child, so instead of going from 0-100 in a matter of seconds, I went from 0-40 and then realized I needed to throttle back to a level that would allow me to *see* a need and answer it gently either with discipline or a creative solution and sometimes both. Then, I just started looking for and praying for solutions that might have seemed out of the box - like the bed jumping solution. That might not be acceptable to some families, but it was here and it fulfilled that need my son had to jump.
I'm not sure this answers your question at all, and I'd be happy to tell you more about the days 'round here if you're interested. Just tell me specifically what you're looking for. I did want to be honest and let you know that my ability to begin to creatively answer the needs I see my children presenting has come not from a delicious little organizational program or an easy to research link, but from the Blessed Mother directly. It is only as I more and more seek to be like her - gentle and pondering more in my heart - that I find myself mothering in a way that better fits my children. |
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I felt guilty for hijacking
the thread about 30 month olds, so I decided to start my own over here.
Jennifer had said earlier in the thread that she devotes not just one time in her day to being especially with her 3 year old, but many times during the day, and that this helps head off problems with him because acting out is often a result of needs not being met or attention not being given. I find this with my little guys, too, but there is only so much of me to go around, only so many hours in the day.
So my question stemmed from a practical concern: How *do* you stop and give a little one special Mommy time throughout the day, especially when there are several other children all in need of special Mommy time as well? I think this may be particularly difficult in the case of twins, but maybe it's just me, too. 
Even though my initial question was practical -- what does a typical day look like for you? -- I appreciate the emphasis on the spiritual in your response, Jennifer, so I don't want you to feel as if you didn't answer my question!!! This Sunday in his homily our priest gave an example from his life in education, saying that when students got out of line, he was encouraged to say to himself, before reacting to anything, "Remember that you are in the presence of our Holy God." And that was enough to take the charge out of the situation so he could take a few steps back and see best how to react.
I think this is especially good advice when dealing with toddlers!  And I definitely needed to hear it. I often give in to despair when it seems as if all my children *need* so much that I can't seem to provide. My kids are very input-driven, and when they're bored - ugh. Life is not fun. But I often find myself in a viscious cycle of reacting to the behaviors of bored children instead of taking a step back and taking the time to provide them with activities or *me* that would make them feel less bored, more engaged, more loved -- etc.
--Angela
Three Plus Two
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websterm
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| Posted: Aug 12 2008 at 3:08pm | IP Logged
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I have noticed a BIG difference in my days with my kiddos since I started saying the Rosary daily. I have said many times over that I was raised to go to church, but not so much taught how to LIVE my faith. I started praying the Rosary for a want - I wanted help with something specific...what I have found though is that taking the time to pray the Rosary has given me much more than I ever could have imagined. I think I was a pretty balanced mom to begin with, but I have noticed a big difference in my days since I began intentionally praying every day (not just at bedtime) 
I know this didn't go along exactly what you were talking about it, but thought I would share it here.
Marcia
On My Mind..
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Mackfam
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| Posted: Aug 12 2008 at 10:39pm | IP Logged
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Ok, Angela...my day...times are ishy...
We're up by 6 am - breakfast and dishes done by 7 am
7 - 7:45 is set aside for morning chores - these are explained in such a way that a lawyer couldn't find a gap in there!
7:45 - 8:00-ish is morning prayers.
8:00 - 8:45 - Family block I love starting the day with family reading. It is quiet (usually) and my kids love read alouds, especially the 3yo.
*We start with a devotional story or a reading from the Bible or a particular saint - this follows the liturgical year and often includes a book from the Catholic Mosaic list.
*Next, are picture books. These are selected by me at the beginning of the week and usually focus on a theme - animals, insects, things that go...
8:45 - 9:30 - Family block
*Science time for the two older
*Handwork/Practical life work for JP - could be a coloring page, sometimes sculpey or beeswax molding, paper folding, scissors time, metal/wood polishing, flower arranging, etc. I love Jan Brett's site for printables and coloring pages...and since her books are often in our picture book line-up it is enjoyable for JP.
9:30 - 10:00 - Family Block
*Penmanship/Copywork block for older children
*JP pushes baby in baby stroller or jumps on bed but !!!!something active!!!! Sometimes, he is actively engaged in his practical life or handwork from earlier and stays engrossed in that work or chooses something else from those choices. Sometimes he vacuums the kitchen for me or helps me with chores.
10:00 - 11:00 - Lesson Block
*S - Religion/Confirmation
*M - Right Start Math then Montessori Choice time
*JP - Montessori Choice time (If I finish early with M., I present something to JP during this time.) He is usually most agreeable during this time.
11:00 - 12:00 - Lesson Block
*S - Language Arts
*M - Religion then Montessori Choice time
*JP - Help Mommy with laundry and lunch. Check mail. Wash dishes or play in water in sink.
12:00 - 1:00 - Angelus and Lunch
1:00 - 2:00 - Lesson Block
*S - Algebra lesson
*M - Independent Reading then Montessori Choice time
*JP - afternoon picture book time (Sometimes M. reads to him, sometimes I do, but he always winds down with a couple of picture books)
2:00 - 3:00 - Lesson Block
*S - Latin then Montessori choice time
*M - Primary Language Lessons then Montessori choice time
*JP - napping :)
3:00 - Divine Mercy Chaplet and small snack
3:30 - 4:15 - Family Block
History reading. There are many read-alouds here so JP listens in or chooses work off the Montessori shelves.
It's important to note that if one of the children is focused on something and pursuing an interest, Montessori or otherwise - I don't interrupt just because the time is up!!! The time is just to help me gauge the day. I give myself complete permission to ignore the times, or completely rearrange the day if I need to! My children thrive on routine and knowing that there is a plan for the day. M., my 7yo almost can't breathe without it. The times are helpful in allowing me to feel that there is plenty of time to cover short lessons and/or presentations and still be attentive to little JP and Katie.
I try to very consciously alternate something quiet and focused like picture book time with something active and engaging. I keep a big dishpan of rice and small scoops in the kitchen for him. I also bought a nice, shallow bin with a latching lid from Target and I keep cornmeal in there for tracing and finger play. I buy Palmolive by the bucketload at Costco because he loves to play in water in the sink. I have resorted to filling the bathtub in the middle of the day. I've mentioned that we use our sad and aging bed as a trampoline. I keep lots of active play ideas up my sleeve.
In terms of creative re-directing, I try to be watchful. If I'm teaching and constantly disrupted by JP, I go through the obvious first - Is he looking for more focused attention from me? Is he just acting out? Either way, unless there is real defiance and behavior meltdown, I'm inclined to sit him in my lap with some beeswax in his hands for a few minutes while I finish a lesson. If he is up to no good - climbing to the top of the washer, jumping from couch to recliner, walking along the back of the couch like it's a balance beam, cutting his hair with scissors - I try to re-direct to a productive activity that is safe and offers reasonable boundaries. I might redirect some misguided hair cutting into trimming the flowers in the flower pot outside...that's my strategy anyway.
Hope it helps some...
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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monique
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| Posted: Aug 12 2008 at 11:12pm | IP Logged
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Great ideas there, Jennifer! You have been very intentional setting up your day so that your children are set up for success.
I think I find myself, getting very frustrated when I have to work with several children at one time. For instance, I could barely make it through this last year. I had a pretty strict schedule and we would start with morning prayer and then work together as a family on several things (history, copywork, memory work, etc.) but it seemed like the 3 yo was always finding something to do to be naughty. I know he was just trying to get my attention but I was so frazzled after trying to get work done with the other three that I had no patients left for the 3 yo or the rest of the day! I cannot believe how much time you spend working with your kids. I'm usually exhausted by 11:00 when it's time for lunch. Sometimes I can go back to doing work with them after lunch but sometimes not. I'm really looking at our schedule and how I can make it work for me so I'm not hating it! Realistically, I think I can only work with one child at a time. Right now I have individual blocks for each of the children. My 6 yo is waiting for new materials to arrive so he really isn't doing anything. But I have a block in the morning for my daughter and a block at night for the oldest son. I seem to much more able to cope with everything life throws me with 5 kids with this schedule. I'm thinking I'll add a block in the afternoon for the 6 yo when his books arrive. Maybe it's just my kids and their inability to get along but I just don't think I can go back to working with everyone at the same time. I originally did it to save time but I think we ended up wasting time because I was having to discipline so much. I think maybe I could add a short block in our day for the 3 yo where he gets focused attention from me. I really do need to read to him more and I think scheduling helps make things happen. For instance, I've scheduled the Rosary at 8 pm and guess what -- we don't miss the Rosary now because everyone knows (even hubby) the Rosary is at 8 pm.
I think I'm rambling now. Thanks for "listening".
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Monique
mom to 5
Raising Saints
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Angel
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| Posted: Aug 13 2008 at 2:25pm | IP Logged
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Thank you very much, Jen, for taking the time to post your day for me. I can see here already that I just don't have enough *directed* activities for the little guys, in case they are unable to occupy themselves. I usually do err on the side of not enough structure, I think, even though we do have a reasonably firm routine in place. (We wouldn't be able to function with out it.) Part of my problem right now is simply: summer. I haven't got the learning room set up, we don't really have choice time, but it has been raining so much lately it's keeping us all indoors when we are usually outside. It's amazing how much energy the twins have to burn off which is just bottled up when they don't get a chance to lift and run and push and pull outside. This is always the time of year I start dreading winter. 
I am wondering how JP acts when you're presenting math to M in that 10-11 block. This is what happens around here -- today, for instance (and granted, I have an extra 2 year old and a 5 year old to add into the mix): I get my 9 yo dd set up with some base 10 blocks so I can attempt (again) to explain subtraction with regrouping to her. It's review, but she's totally forgotten it, so it's like we're starting over. As soon as we get the blocks out and come over to the table, both twins and my 5 yo are there, too. All of them want to use the base 10 blocks at the same time as my dd. My 5 yo decided to do playdough instead, which is fine. One of the twins starts building a block tower with the thousand cubes. I go to get the Pink Tower for his brother, who is shouting that he wants blocks, too. They're settled with blocks for approximately 10 seconds. Then the one with the Pink Tower starts pretending it's a crane and smashing playdough with it. His brother is knocking down thousand cubes. When I turn to deal with that, the Pink Tower twin starts licking the playdough.  Finally, I grab them both, football style, and haul them into their bedroom. I take away the blocks, clean up any playdough not being played with by my 5 yo (who is making a "cast" of his hand), and then go get the boys out of their room again. (They're screaming in there). I provide juice as a distraction. In the middle of this, I've spent 5 minutes with my dd, who has miraculously understood what she needs to do, and has made up about eight or so problems amid crashing thousand cubes and screaming two year olds. The only thing missing from this picture is the baby, who is asleep for his twenty minute morning nap.
Now I can say here: well, I will just have to prevent them from building with the thousand cubes, if they can't handle playdough I have to take that away, the Pink Tower goes, too, but -- we can't do rice because they'll always dump that on the floor and then the baby will choke on it, if I put them at the sink the entire kitchen will be covered in water, I certainly can't let them paint unless I have a lot of energy (!)...
Now I'm rambling, too, and trying to figure out what my point was. I guess I'm just wondering if you have found that dedicating more time to your little guy has made him less likely to want to do everything that the big kids do? Every day is not like this, of course, but enough are that I really need to get a plan in place to deal with it by the time we are ready to start "real" school mid-September.
Any suggestions at all would be appreciated.
--Angela
Three Plus Two
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AndreaG
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| Posted: Aug 13 2008 at 9:23pm | IP Logged
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Jennifer- Thanks for sharing your day! I am finding this year that my little 23 month old has become quite the active one- throwing montessori materials around the room, dumping entire boxes of cereal (the only food a certain picky eater child will consume) into the toilet, scaling the kitchen counters, all while I am trying to help his 3 older siblings with their lessons.
Angela - You have your hands full with those little boys! I just have one (my 4 year old daughter doesn't have a boyish bone in her body and sits coloring for hours), while you have 3 + the baby! I'm not sure this is feasible but maybe you really should simplify your plans for your older kids, or give them things they can do very indendently, like -I can't believe I am suggesting this workbooks or something? So you can devote more energy to managing the hoards? Or can your older kids take turns doing montessori activities or gross motor games with the little ones? My desperate last resort is always to have one of mine play catch with my toddler, or take something from his toddler shelf and "teach" him with it, they love to feel like teachers!
Some advice I got when I first started homeschooling, that really has been effective when I can bring myself to do it, is to start the day with the youngest child and go up in age. That way the toddler has his attention needs met and can play more independently. I have trouble doing this b/c I always want to get the oldest (whose work I feel is most important) taken care of first!
Just some thoughts- I'm sure prayer will bring some solutions!
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Andrea
GrayFamilyCircus
Read Through the Catechism in a Year- For Moms!
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Mackfam
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| Posted: Aug 15 2008 at 9:29am | IP Logged
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Angel wrote:
| I guess I'm just wondering if you have found that dedicating more time to your little guy has made him less likely to want to do everything that the big kids do? |
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I have! BUT...and this is a big but, I only have one toddler and one baby to juggle with the older children, and you have 4 under 5.
I wonder if dedicating more of your time and day to the younger crew would help some. So, rather than seeing them as the 4 you've got to juggle while you work with your older two, maybe structure your day completely around them, and juggle the older two. Make sense?
Plan some read alouds, some Montessori work, some active play, art time, more reading together, lots of safe things to keep their hands busy. If there is some money in the budget, perhaps consider the purchase of a few educational type toys to be used during special times of the day...some of our favorites...
Magna Tiles
Wedgits
Dado Cubes
Design and Drill Activity Center
...you might have alot of those, and I could link several more that we love, but I didn't really want to emphasize the buying of more stuff when I know you're trying desperately to find logical places for the stuff you've already got!
Anyway, once you have the littles engaged, you could try to focus your time on teaching. Perhaps as Andrea suggested, more independent work for the older two for the year. One more suggestion might be a hard and fast rule about quiet time for the twins and the 5yo in the afternoon. They don't have to sleep, but they have to stay quiet and in their beds for an hour - I allow books in beds. This is strictly enforced around here! Very, very strictly!
I do have moments like you describe (only minus a twin and a 5yo ) where JP pulls out all the stops and discipline is necessary in the middle of everything...screaming is involved waking up the baby during the only time during the day that I would have had to introduce something to one of the older children thus eliminating not only a lesson but the only small window I had to get dinner on... It's frustrating. I don't want you to think our home life or school days look perfect and ordered. They don't. To borrow Elizabeth's word, I was very intentional about spending and planning my time with JP so that I could *see* that he was being focused on and less a peripheral to always trip on, or work around.
You do face some specific challenges though, Angela - the twins, a baby, Katydid's ongoing headaches, chickens, your husband's unpredictable schedule (I think I remember that?) - so I think you should give yourself permission to let your plans and home organization reflect those challenges.
My .02.
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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4Real Forums : Nurturing the Years of Wonder
Topic: Providing for the needs of little ones
