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SusanJ
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| Posted: Aug 04 2008 at 9:10am | IP Logged
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My daughter will be two next month and I'm feeling very close to the end of my rope with her. When she's happy she's the sweetest, smartest, most loving girl out there. Unfortunately those are fleeting moments in a typical day. She's been a screamer and a tantrum-thrower since birth. My almost 4yo son is Mr. Laid Back and the poor guy has been completely neglected for sometimes hours a day over the last two years while I try to get his sister to sleep or try to calm her down or try to find what minute detail of her environment needs fixing.
My son is paraplegic and cannot just go find something to do for himself--he needs a lot of help navigating our house, getting materials, getting a new book, etc. I'd really like to start something like "school" with him this fall. Because he can't stand or even sit unsupported he has really weak fine motor skills. So, for example, I'd like to work on scissor skills with him. I'd also like to get in a good chunk of read-aloud time each day.
But his sister totally prevents things like this from happening. When we read a story we seldom get more than half way through before she wants to take the book away. Neither dh or I has ever been able to redirect her when she is settled on what she wants. And when she doesn't get her way she throws a tantrum--these can last as long as an hour.
She still naps two hours a day and ds could go either way on naps. I've been just giving him "rest time" on the couch during her nap because I really need a nap each day when I'm pregnant. But I also feel like I need the down time in my day at nap time. It's normally the only time to get online or get some chores done. Dd tends to scream and throw all her weight against me when I'm doing the dishes, for example.
Maybe I just need some encouragement but practical advice would be appreciated. I'm feeling so worn down by constant tantrums and guilt about my son--his personality gives me too much freedom to leave him alone when his sister is going crazy.
Thanks,
Susan
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Mom to Joseph-8, Margaret-6, William-4, Gregory-2, and new little one due 11/1
Life Together
[URL=http://thejohnstonkids.blogspot.com]The Kids' Blog[/UR
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Vanna
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| Posted: Aug 04 2008 at 10:43am | IP Logged
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((hugs))
This is a tough situation. The only thing I have found that works with my two year old is time-out. The first few times I did it, it took me 2 hours to get him to sit in his time-out spot for the designated two minutes. I stuck with it and now he gets one warning, if he does whatever it is that he is doing at the time again, he goes straight to time-out.
I make sure that when I am putting him in time-out I squat down to his level and say, "Gibson, you are in time-out because you were hitting me while I was trying to do the dishes and that is not ok." Then no matter what, I never speak to him again or make eye contact with him again until his two minutes are up. If he gets up, I just pick him up (looking over his head instead of making eye contact) and set him down in time out again. I don't say anything.
Once the two minutes are up, I go over (get down on his level again) say, "You were in time-out for hitting me when I was trying to do the dishes. I need you to say sorry for hurting me (or whatever the child did)." He will usually say sorry, if not, it's two more minutes.
This has worked WONDERS with my temper tantrum prone boy. He usually stops on the warning and I don't even have to proceed with the time-out. I think the most important part is to be consistant and once you put them in time-out, explain briefly while they are there, do NOT let them engage you.
I know this is difficult and even more so with the addition of your son. Maybe you could have a couple of bins made up with supplies for a simple project that he could work on when you have to deal with your dd?
((hugs))
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Jess
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| Posted: Aug 04 2008 at 10:51am | IP Logged
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I don't have any practical advice but I do have a book suggestion. I am currently (yet slowly, don't get a lot of reading time) reading "Parenting the fussy baby and high-need child" by Dr Sears. Maybe if you are able to get it at the library it might have some practical tips on how to deal with her tantrums. Praying for you.
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Jess
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wife to dh('96)
mama to dd(13), dd(11), ds(9), dd(6), and dd (2), and baby girl born Sept 14!
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doris
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| Posted: Aug 04 2008 at 4:03pm | IP Logged
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I don't have a lot of time but I wanted to send you lots of sympathy -- my 4.5 yo is still like this  . A book suggestion I gleaned from here is 'The Difficult Child' by Stanley Turecki. It's a very interesting read despite the rather dodgy title. It might give you some ideas on prevention.
Thinking aloud -- maybe if you're keen to get read-alouds in, try the time-honoured trick of doing it at mealtimes/bathtime/other random time when your daughter is happy and occupied? Give her a long, long bath while you are in the bathroom doing those scissor skills with your son (or whatever)? As he's still only young you can still be very relaxed about when things happen, I'd have said.
Prayers...
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LucyP
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Oh Susan, I really feel for you. I have similar thing with mine - my son is 4.5 and my daughter is 16mo, and with them it is a case of taking it in turns or in the worst case both kicking off at the same time.
I really have no advice. I just literally pray my way through the day. Most of the standard parenting advice doesn't fit my two because of the trauma they suffered as adopted children, but I have found that accepting them and their behaviour, trying to see Christ in their faces even when they are screaming, and just trying to really work on attachment parenting has helped. A bit.
I find if I can keep on top of meeting needs (for my two, basically to hang off me all day long) and be ready to be 100% available whenever they want me, they are calm and happy. But that is so hard to do in the midst of real life.
I know why mine carry on like they do. If your dd seems unusally needy to you, maybe you could ask for her to be checked out re ongoing pain, allergies etc. It might be something quite subtle that makes her find life hard.
Praying for you.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Please help me with my daughter
