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mom2mpr
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My in-laws are Baptist. We are going to see them for the weekend in a few weeks. I mentioned to dh that I'd like to go to mass at the Catholic church down the road from their home on Sunday, or Saturday night. He wants to go with them to the Baptist services.
I expressed my concerns:
-I don't want my kids separated from me--in Sunday school classes or whatever-with total strangers.
-Sounds funny, but I don't want to be there all morning :)
-I am raising the kids Catholic and ds even knows it is a sin to miss mass on Sunday. Dh scoffed at this and rolled his eyes. He is not into the churches "rules" as much as I am. I am trying to teach my children to look for mass wherever they go because we must. I used to love to go to church during our travels as a kid. More than my home parish.
-I am worried ds will have to defend his faith or they will teach something that is not in line with our church. He is 10.
Dh feels one time will not hurt. I am feeling like it is opening the door for us to attend services with them every visit.
I also have some old "wounds" from my time in SC as a Catholic. I have problems with Baptists recruiting.
I need to be better about this but even talking to people I thought would "get it" that I was happy in my faith and not leaving would still bother me or my kids. They sure didn't respect my wishes to be left alone.
I am thinking I need to let the chips fall where they may and try to get to confession on our return. It will keep the family peaceful. We have been there on Sundays before and they usually skip church to visit with us. We however have not attended mass while there. I don't want them to think we think our church is any better than theirs(while we know it is  )
I am sure others have had this issue and am wondering how it was resolved.
Also, pray for dh as he was raised in this church and converted and sometimes I really think he wants to return to his roots. It can be hard.
Thanks,
Anne
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Michaela
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mom2mpr wrote:
| My in-laws are Baptist. We are going to see them for the weekend in a few weeks. I mentioned to dh that I'd like to go to mass at the Catholic church down the road from their home on Sunday, or Saturday night. He wants to go with them to the Baptist services. |
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Well, what I would do isn't how everyone would handle it. I would tell my husband exactly how I feel. He knows what it means to be a practicing Catholic and what I feel about the "rules".  In other words, as a family, we would attend the Catholic church down the street. (I've been through the alone in the pew...now I've dug in my heals.)
Another option....It may be too much, especially since you will only be there for a weekend, but could you attend Mass on Saturday night then go with your husband and his family to their church on Sunday? Also, keep your children with you while visiting their church rather than the Sunday school classes. It's a lot....you may have to explain to your children that if there is a communion service at the visiting church not to receive.
Whatever you decide, you have my prayers. 
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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folklaur
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Like Michaela said, I will also pray for you!
Also, like Michaela said, we would not miss Mass. We would maybe go to both, but no, we wouldn't miss Mass, NOR would I let my kids be separated from me at a Sunday School class like that.
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MichelleW
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My husband's family is also Baptist, in fact his parents were missionaries in Argentina (a Catholic country) his whole life. We have spent over 20 years dealing with these kind of issues. My advice is to pray and obey the Holy Spirit.
If it were me, I would go ahead and attend their church. I would discuss with the kids that denying ourselves, sacrificing for the sake of others takes various forms. This is an opportunity to deny our greatest desire (to be with the Lord in Mass) and offer up this as a sacrifice to the Lord instead. This is in keeping with the commandment to Honor Our Father and Mother. I would also keep the kids with me.
When we visit my in-laws we go to their church. Always. It is important to them. I think that it has, in fact, strengthened the kids' faith to see us honor their grandparents. However, when my in-laws visit us we take them to OUR church. Always. This has led to many great conversations and while they have not converted (my father-in-law is a pastor) they no longer are anti-Catholic. In fact, my mother-in-law has started defending Catholicism when she hears anti-Catholic comments. Their change in attitude is miraculous.
So, my advice is to ask the Lord what He would have you do. Obey Him. But don't avoid the Baptist church out of fear. You have laid a foundation that won't be shaken so easily. God can and does use anything offered to Him in love.
I'll be praying for you and your family.
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Michelle
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Lara Sauer
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With all due respect to Michelle W. you can NEVER choose an evil (skipping Sunday Mass) for the sake of a good (family unity).
I would do Mass on Saturday evening or early Sunday morning with my children (and husband?) and the Baptist service on Sunday (later in the day from Mass if possible), keeping my children with me throughout the service and using your attendance there as a means to teaching my children more about their own faith and more about the faith of their relatives. The Baptist side of your famiy will never "go away" and you will always have to work on somehow "marrying" the two.
Compassion for the interests of your in-laws should not require you to sacrifice your own faith life. If your husband is Catholic now, it would be a beautiful sign to his own family that he has "left his own father and mother" and is now "cleaving to his wife" should he be willing to attend Mass with you on Saturday evening.
You will most assuredly be in my prayers for a beautiful weekend with your in-laws. Remember the beautiful words of St. Francis de Sales: "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar!" Be pleasant and accomodating about their faith and self-assured and confident in the beauty of your own.
Christ waits for you in the Most Blessed Sacrament of the Altar. Go to him with a heart the recognizes that He indeed "makes all things new!"
God Bless.
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You can take the girl out of Wisconsin, but you can't take the Wisconsin out of the girl!
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PDyer
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Lara Sauer wrote:
| I would do Mass on Saturday evening or early Sunday morning with my children (and husband?) and the Baptist service on Sunday (later in the day from Mass if possible), keeping my children with me throughout the service and using your attendance there as a means to teaching my children more about their own faith and more about the faith of their relatives. The Baptist side of your famiy will never "go away" and you will always have to work on somehow "marrying" the two. |
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I think this is excellent advice.
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Patty
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SallyT
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We're converts, and our family are all Protestant, so I know how your dilemma feels and will be praying for you. And I would echo the prevailing advice: Vigil Mass or early Sunday Mass, then attend with your in-laws and let your children stay with you. There's no reason for them to attend Sunday School, any more than there would be a reason for a Baptist child to attend PRE.
We have on occasion gone with my mother to her Methodist church (where I grew up, and we were married), and my kids are not remotely tempted to be Methodist. If anything, the experience plays up the depth and beauty of Catholic tradition.
Sally
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insegnante
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Yes, it's an understandable impulse and I don't mean to sound harsh, but to have contrition in Confession isn't there a need to think "I should not have done that and would do differently if in the same situation again?" I don't think you can both plan to do something and plan to genuinely regret having done it, if that phrasing makes any sense.
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Theresa
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guitarnan
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I would do both. If the children balk at spending so much time at church, a little ice cream reward might be in order...
Don't send your children to Sunday School, though (maybe preschool would be OK, but not age 10). If the Baptist SS teacher turns out to be anti-Catholic, things could get awkward for your son.
Praying for you...
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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mom2mpr
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Thank you all for your input and suggestions. Here is an issue that might come up with going to church twice. We only have the weekend to visit. Other relatives are going to be there. Going to mass Saturday night and (all) Sunday morning means less visit and "fun" time. Especially with those who won't go to either--other family members. My dh will have a problem going twice and missing time with other relatives. I guess I could phrase it as "a little time is better than us not going for the weekend at all" 
Thank you all for helping me through this...
Anne
By the way, dh is a big "kid"--really. It makes things like this so hard. The children would be OK with church twice. Dh, not as much. Then it would trickle down and.....hard, hard, hard.....
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juststartn
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Well, Mass is the priority. Whether or not the rest of the family goes on Sunday morning to their Baptist church is a whole 'nother issue. YOUR job is to go to Mass and take those dc with you--even if DH doesn't go. Mass is what, 1h15 min or so? Really, that's not THAT long--it's less time than a lot of trips to the grocery store, here (we're 20 min ea way from the closest Wally World, lol).
Let DH be the kid. But we should *never* put another's opinion of whether or not we "ought" to attend Mass on a given weekend ahead of what God wants us to do--He wants us in Mass, so we should be there (barring extreme situations like serious illness, inability to get there due to distance or lack of transportation, etc).
If your DHs family gets their underpants in a wad (pardon me), well, that's their problem. THEY are not the ones who are going to be sitting in judgement on your immortal soul. HE is.
That's my take.
Go to their service Sunday morning, if that becomes an issue, but you need to go to Mass, regardless of what they decide about their own attendance.
Rachel
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Michaela
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MichelleW wrote:
| This is an opportunity to deny our greatest desire (to be with the Lord in Mass) and offer up this as a sacrifice to the Lord instead. This is in keeping with the commandment to Honor Our Father and Mother. |
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There have been a few prayer requests because of strife in extended family and trying to avoid it. Specifically on Monday I read a request. I promised to pray for the person along with my own prayers for problems with my mom. The fourth commandment to honor our mother and father is always playing in my head.
Afterward, while thinking about what Our Lord wants regarding the 4th commandment, I heard the Gospel reading on EWTN, which in part, was this:
Matthew 10
34"Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.
35 For I have come to turn a man against his father,
a daughter against her mother,
a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law -
36 a man's enemies will be the members of his own household.'
37Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; 38and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
--------------------------------------------------
My faith is so young, but the simple faith I try to live and also teach my children is
JOY
J - Jesus is always first (that would be above our parents)
O - Others
Y - Yourself
There is no guilt trip in doing what is right. Yes, you may be persecuted. Yes, it is HARD.
Jesus. Receiving Our Lord in the Eucharist at Mass.
Please understand that I'm not just using lip service. I completely understand the challenge when your husband may not be on the same page. I wouldn't miss Mass. My husband would rather enjoy his only day off (if he is even off) his own way. I understand it makes the situation more difficult because you two aren't united about attending Mass.
As I wrote in my previous response... I will be praying for you....with the understanding that it isn't easy...it could make things uncomfortable...that you would be attending a lot of church on vacation...if you decided to go that route.
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Michaela
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JodieLyn
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We've found when visiting non-Catholic relatives/friends that an early Sunday morning Mass works best.. we get up early (most people sleep in a bit on weekends) and get to a 7 or 8am Mass.. and we're back by the time anyone else is really up and about and ready for the day to begin.
Even with relatives who are early risers.. we find we're not really expected to be up and about for visiting before 9ish anyway.. so we get up early and go to Mass and are back in time to spend the visiting hours of the day with others.
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Maddie
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Jimmy Aiken answers this question well.
Missing Sunday Mass deliberately/knowingly is a mortal sin, dig your heels in.
Praying for you,
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~Maddie~
Wife to my dh and Momma of 9 dear ones
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Servant2theKing
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I've been through the situation of being unequally yoked in faith and all that it entails regarding family relationships, visits, holidays, etc. One particular incident in our early marriage stands out... we attended my husband's family's Protestant service (Church of Christ), rather than Holy Mass (my husband had not yet converted), and allowed our children to be separated from us to attend the church's Sunday School...our daughter still recalls that as being a very traumatic experience for her...if I could turn back the hands of time I would follow the wise advice so many have shared here. If I were in your place I would go to Mass early on Sunday, before everyone is able to be together for the "fun times"...if you choose to attend services with the family, definitely keep your children with you and use the experience as a teaching tool to lovingly and respectfully help them understand the differences in beliefs between the Catholic Faith and Protestant denominations.
We just returned from a three day weekend with
out-of-state family and truly understand how limited your time together can be, but such matters pale in comparison to Eternity. St. Aloysius Gonzaga often said, "What does this action have to do with my eternal salvation?" Those words are perfect for helping discern difficult choices in life.
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MichelleW
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I think the test is this:
After praying, do you feel that the Holy Spirit is telling you that to miss Mass would be sinful? If the answer to that is "yes" then you MUST go to Mass. If you are not sure what the Holy Spirit is saying, then you MUST go to Mass. But if the Holy Spirit tells you to submit to your dh, then you must submit.
Michaela wrote:
37Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; 38and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
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This is exactly why I say you need to ask the Lord Himself. God's word is alive and He will use it to speak to you. There are many places in Scripture where verses are seemingly contradictory. They are not actually, it is just that different situations merit different choices. Go directly to God Himself.
For years my husband did not like for me to go to Mass. I spoke to a priest about it and he told me that I needed to obey dh as much as possible and pray for a change of heart. I did this. We attended dh's church and my heart broke every Sunday for many years, but God changed dh's heart. Not only does he allow us to attend Mass, but my children have all had their 1st Communions!
However, this may not be God's plan for you. I had another priest tell me that some people are called to be Catholic Ambassadors, to step into other churches and build bridges. He told me I did not need to confess missing Mass if I had missed because I was submitting to my husband's wishes. On the face of this, I know it seems that God could not possibly have sanctioned this, and yet the fruit has been unmistakably His. As a result of my submission to dh, I have now taught 6 classes at Baptist or "Bible" churches, spoken to 1 Evangelical youth group and 2 Evangelical women's groups on the topic of what Protestants can learn from Catholics. Many of those people have asked me about converting. Two men who had left the Catholic church and were active in their respective Bible churches talked to me about the hurts they carried from their Catholic days and we were able to correctly relabel those hurts as injuries suffered at the hands of men, and not the Church herself.
I am not actually attempting to convince you to make one choice over another. I am attempting to convey that God is very big, and at the end of the day all that matters is that you obeyed Him.
I will now leave this thread to other wiser women. I pray for blessings on you and your family. That this is a concern for you speaks to the beauty of your heart. Your children are very blessed that their formation is in your hands.
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Michelle
Mom to 3 (dd 14, ds 15, and ds 16)
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mom2mpr
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MichelleW wrote:
Your children are very blessed that their formation is in your hands. |
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Thank you for this. It brought tears to my eyes. I have never been told it, while I know it is true. You made my day--in the midst of a lot of stress about this issue.
Also, thanks to everyone else for the ideas and discussion.
A good catholic friend mentioned I should go to mass alone and let my family know when I will be attending. I might end up going alone, with just ds, or the whole family. I would pray mightily, while at mass, for my entire family. If ds does not go it would not be a sin for him. He is caught between his father and me. After, or around confirmation age it would be a different story. I am not sure how I feel about it but it is another option I need to pray about. To later turn around and go to the other services with family(after I attend mass alone) doesn't sit well with me.
I do appreciate everyone's time. I will read the newer posts and links in more detail later today.
Anne
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Michaela
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MichelleW wrote:
I will now leave this thread to other wiser women. |
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Please forgive me, Michelle, if what I wrote contributed to you leaving this thread. (I only can pray you come back to read that.) I imagine you are further along on your journey than I am.
Ladies, I am sorry with all my heart.  I'm still learning. There is much I don't understand...or have a full understanding of.
I have to leave to an activity in two minutes so I won't even try to back peddle or whatever. I'm new...I'm learning...
Personally, I would think I was getting the message from the wrong place if I thought it was God telling me to miss Mass. Oh, ....gotta go.
Usually, I don't participate in threads like this. Forgive me.
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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Angie Mc
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"The Sunday Eucharist (meaning "Holy Mass") is the foundation and confirmation of all Christian practice. For this reason the faithful are obliged to participate in the Eucharist on days of obligation, unless excused for a serious reason (for example, illness, the care of infants) or dispensed by their own pastor. [Canon Law # 1245] Those who deliberately fail in this obligation commit a grave sin." (C.C.C. # 2181)
Love,
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Angie Mc
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MichelleW
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Michaela wrote:
Please forgive me, Michelle, if what I wrote contributed to you leaving this thread. (I only can pray you come back to read that.) |
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Oh, yikes Michaela! I didn't mean it like that at all! I am not offended at all! I'm sorry if it came across that way. I just cannot add to a theological argument because I am not qualified. It's not that I am "leaving" this thread, just that I have nothing more of value to contribute to it and didn't want to take up space from those who do.
For what it worth, I love the example you gave of the Holy Spirit speaking to you through the Gospel. Thank you for sharing that.
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Michelle
Mom to 3 (dd 14, ds 15, and ds 16)
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: what would you do?
