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Vanna
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| Posted: June 21 2008 at 3:48pm | IP Logged
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difficult 2 year old. I realize that there are a lot of difficult 2 year olds in the world but I'm starting to think my youngest is secretly in some contest to take the title of "THE MOST DIFFICULT CHILD IN THE WORLD".
He yells. He bites. He hits. He demands. He throws things. He clenches teeth and fists. He stomps. He screams. He kicks. He wants something...no he doesn't want that anymore...he wants that...no not THAT...THAT ONE...NOW!!
**breathe in breathe out**
Then...he is the sweetest, cutest, kindest, kissiest, loviest boy in the whole world...until you cross him.
He really is exhausting me. I need to get an evening job due to financial difficulties but my husband is panick-stricken at the thought of having to deal with this child every evening.
He won't even go to the bathroom for anyone but me. I'll say, "Daddy is going to give you a bath tonight." He says, "No way. Mommy do it."
Has anyone been there with a 2 year old? How did you handle it?
I've tried scolding, time outs, praise for good behavior, Happiest Toddler on the Block, taking away toys, stickers when good, etc. etc. etc. etc. The Happiest Toddler approach works best but I just can't seem to keep up with it constantly. Sigh. Maybe I just need prayers.
Thanks for letting me vent. Whew.
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Sparrow
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| Posted: June 21 2008 at 4:28pm | IP Logged
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I feel your pain! My first dd was like that, VERY strong willed. I really liked Parenting the strong-willed child because it was easy to understand and utilize.
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Katie, blessed wife to Tyson and mom to all girls! Bailey (7) Riley (3) and Rory (3/17)
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folklaur
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| Posted: June 21 2008 at 5:00pm | IP Logged
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Oh, big  ! 2yo can be hard!
I do have a question, when he does this:
Vanna wrote:
| He won't even go to the bathroom for anyone but me. I'll say, "Daddy is going to give you a bath tonight." He says, "No way. Mommy do it." |
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does Daddy still give him the bath? Or do you break down and do it, just to avoid further turmoil?
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Erin
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| Posted: June 21 2008 at 5:35pm | IP Logged
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Vanna
Is there any chance he could be affected by what he is eating? It could be worthwhile keeping a list of what he is eating and noting his behaviour in the same notes. Children can react up to several days later after eating something that affects them. My oldest ds could turn into a terror after eating something that he reacted with and at other times be an angel.
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Erin
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LisaD
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| Posted: June 23 2008 at 8:54am | IP Logged
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I hope you get some more responses! My dd has christened my 2 y.o. the "B.P.E." or "Biggest Pill Ever!" He hits, kicks, spits, screams, yells "I hate you!" (where did that come from?!), and then can turn right around and be a sweetheart. I dread taking him anywhere. He is also very smart and very verbal. Which means when he is mad, other people can actually understand the awful things he is saying.  I feel like I've read every parenting book under the sun...and I'm just waiting for him to outgrow this. He will outgrow this won't he?
Vanna, you have my sympathy, and I will say a prayer for us both!
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Mama to dd(99), ds(01), ds(03) and ds(06)
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Vanna
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| Posted: June 23 2008 at 9:27am | IP Logged
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OK. So, I've done a lot of praying and soul searching this weekend. I've come to the conclusion that we/I have totally created this problem. Sigh.
I had to work when my oldest was growing up. I always felt like I missed out on so much. Then when our surprise baby came along (when my oldest was 10) I told my husband that I would absolutely NOT be returning to work. At that time, my oldest was in public school so I literally had 8 to 9 hours a day (for the past 2 years) that was just my baby and me. I would be hoarse at the end of the day from reading and singing to him so much. My arms would ache because I never EVER put him down. I would spend hours just staring at his cute little face and inhaling that wonderful baby smell. Then after school, my oldest would come home, run in the door and grab the baby from me, spending the next 2 hours whispering to him that he LOVES him so much...that he is the luckiest big brother in the world to have such a perfect baby brother. Then...husband would come home and swoop him up, and ooh and ahh over him for the next few hours. Then he literally slept on top of me at night. The next morning it all started over.
LOL We are truly pathetic. 
Now..what to do about it? That is the problem.
I have wondered if maybe he does have a slight allergy to some sort of food. I can't eat wheat or much dairy or I get really moody and grumpy. Maybe he has the same thing.
I do give into him. I know that is terrible but the screaming and fit throwing is just more than we can bear some nights. I know that has to change. Yikes.
Thanks for the prayers and advice. I truly appreciate it.
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Vanna
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| Posted: June 23 2008 at 9:31am | IP Logged
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LOL at the BPE (Biggest Pill Ever)!
That is much nicer than my oldest came up with...he plays the guitar so he wrote a song called "Crazy Baby" to the tune of "Pretty Woman"..
"Crazy Baby walking down the street...Crazy Baby the kind no one wants to greet...Crazy Baby I can't believe it but it's true...no one is as crazy as you...Mercy."
LOL...so mean...but true. 
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amyable
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| Posted: June 23 2008 at 9:46am | IP Logged
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Don't have any great advice but a little hope (hopefully, LOL)...my youngest girl was a complete handful from 14 months or so until the end of 2 years old. She just turned 3 in May and is now only half a handful, LOL. There is a little joy there in that cute face instead of just constant anger and tantrums.
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: June 23 2008 at 10:16am | IP Logged
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Vanna, you think your "baby" is acting this way because he's been spoiled. When I was pregnant with my first, someone told me that you can't spoil a baby with love. It seems you think you spoiled your baby with love. I don't believe you can spoil a baby with love, either, but I think you can spoil it with other things like laziness, fear,or control. I think Laura/Cactus Mouse was hinting at this with her question about who ended up giving your son the bath...giving in to avoid turmoil.
I would consider the food allergies. I would consider making sure he is getting enough sleep; my 2yo always gets more destructive and does that "I want that, no I don't want that" screaming when she is tired. I would look into books about temperament to see if he is a "spirited" child with behavior triggers.
And I would look at you and your husband and see how you are handling (or not handling)his behavior. And understand that part of this is just being two. At this age they are becoming more independent and sometimes they want to be able to do things that they aren't physically able to yet. They can get very frustrated, but they need to be taught how to handle their frustration without hurting people.
I read something in a parenting book that really rang true to me..."You spend 18 months treating your child like the center of the universe, and then you have to spend the next 18 years teaching them that they're not." And that was not meant as a criticism of the first 18 months, the author was making an observation of how it should be.
All that love and attention your family has given him as a baby will give him lots of security and reading all those books with him should do a world of good, too. But now it is time to start teaching him to look outside himself more. That being said, if you are going back to work, you will need to gently disengage yourself. I just mean you can't make a ton of changes to his routine at once.
And he might fight you on some of the changes, but he won't be traumatized for life if daddy gives him his bath. And you might try leaving the area or leaving the house during these transfers to daddy, let daddy approach him with "Hey, little guy, it's bathtime now" while you hide out. And let daddy arrange his own routines with him. I know from experience it is tempting to want to demonstrate for daddy how "you" do it, but your little guy might think it's special and look forward to doing something slightly different with daddy.
I hope some of these ideas help. I'm no expert my any means.
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Topic: Advice on how to handle a...
