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doris
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| Posted: June 19 2008 at 4:47pm | IP Logged
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Someone posted on our UK Catholic Homeschooling yahoo group requesting a penpal for his 9 yo daughter. They are Catholic home educators living in the US. I emailed saying that my dd would be interested, mentioning her name and her interests.
Then I got cold feet and suddenly panicked about whether it was genuine or not. The man has emailed me back saying that his daughter is keen to start corresponding, giving the address and asking me for ours.
I emailed to say something along the lines of 'How do I know this is genuine?' but am I being paranoid? How do I make sure that it is safe? I'm assuming that if this is a real parent of a real daughter, he'll understand my worry and do something to convince me -- but I can't think what.
Any advice?
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Home educating in London, UK with dd (2000) ds (2002), dd (2004), ds (2008) and dd (2011).
Frabjous Days
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LisaR
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| Posted: June 19 2008 at 5:47pm | IP Logged
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why is the dad doing this?? I suppose 90% or more of the time, it is mom to mom, although I suppose a male could easily pose as a female as well...
I'd rather establish penpasl with kids of moms I already kind of knew, like through this forum or something...
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
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Paul 14
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Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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insegnante
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| Posted: June 19 2008 at 5:50pm | IP Logged
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I'm not sure I'd do that via the Internet, especially giving my home address, if I didn't have solid reasons to believe I was dealing with someone "real." Nor am I sure I'd be comfortable with an offline penpal service for my children, for that matter.
There are women who have posted so much of substance on this board over such a long time that I can't imagine they are a front for something nefarious, so since I'd probably be prereading the letters anyway, it wouldn't be a real concern. There are Internet situations where I think someone could post a lot about an innocent topic with ulterior motives but you probably know what I mean about the unlikelihood of someone who is really after something else having enough patience to post meaningful content over two years on everything from sewing to grammar curriculum to Montessori philosophy, especially since many women here have some in-person connections to other posters. I guess with someone you know less of online you could Google the names/location for other evidence, like that there is really a John and Jane Doe who have been mentioned in the bulletins posted at the Web site of a parish in their stated area, perhaps including some mentions of homeschooling group activities or something similar, and/or that they participate in some established forum to the extent that I described above -- if you have the time for that much investigation.
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Theresa
mommy to three boys, 3/02, 8/04, and 9/10, and a girl, 8/08
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Carole N.
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| Posted: June 20 2008 at 3:10am | IP Logged
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My dd has a penpal that we received through one of the online Catholic yahoo groups. This happened before we left the states and they have been very good writers despite our moves.
I saw that same post yesterday, Elizabeth. I do know of several dads that homeschool their children, so it could be innocent. Do you know if he is registered with the yahoo group? Maybe that would lend more information.
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 Carole ... in Wales
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12stars
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| Posted: June 20 2008 at 3:26pm | IP Logged
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My girls go through St. Maria's Messenger http://www.saintmariasmessenger.com/and they get to monitor the girls activities so it's like a double check through me and them and I love those girls they are so responsible and respectful. When my girls have picked a pp they run it by us first, and the girls have to be on the list to participate so it is very helpful other wise I would not do it I am very paranoid.
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Claudia in Southern California
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Mom to DD 14, DD 10, DD 7, DS 4, DS 2, 1 in heaven, and now due 5/11.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: June 20 2008 at 3:53pm | IP Logged
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Since you've already contacted this person and expressed your concern.. perhaps this could be an email correspondance? that would protect your address and still let you follow through.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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lisae
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Hi I'm Lisa Edwards from illinois Just today I joined this forum and have made my introduction on "Tea and Conversation." I have a similar situation regarding penpals. My dd 12 has been begging me for one year to allow her to get a penpal through some website she's heard about. I'm not at all comfortable with this!! I like your ideas and appreciate any additional ideas.
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SallyT
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My 9yo has a penpal in Belgium who is the daughter of someone I have known, though not in person, for a good while -- and trustworthy real-life friends of mine do know him in person, so I felt comfortable responding to his request for a penpal for his daughter (and yes, this was the dad, who is English -- his wife is Belgian. He seems to be the one who does the bulk of the communication with English-speaking friends, or at least he's the one with more online presence, commenting on Catholic blogs).
I don't think I'd exchange personal information "cold," with someone I knew nothing about. Email addresses would possibly be all right, though I think I'd create a special email address for the child for that purpose and delete it if anything seemed not right. I probably would not let a child do a penpal thing through any kind of anonymous website/clearinghouse situation, but correspondances that have grown up in a serendipitous way between our children and the children of both real-life and online friends have been very life-enriching. My 9yo loves having a friend in Belgium, and the letters they've exchanged have been very sweet.
I think the idea of doing some background checking is a good one -- for starters, does anyone else on the yahoo list know this family? Is there anyone you can message privately to find out (obviously you can't just post on the yahoo list that you're fact-checking this man to see if he's legit or not)? If you can't get a feel for the reality of the situation, you can just let the matter die.
Sally
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Ensuring safety when getting a penpal
