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glinNC
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Would I be alone when I say that I won’t allow girls of any age, from preschoolers through adults, to come to my pool unless they would wear a one-piece bathing suit?
I have a house full of boys, ages 5 up to husband.  We don’t allow that type of displays in our home via TV, etc., and I need to prepare myself to tell family and friends of this requesat who might come over this summer … how to word it in a charitable manner. 
Also, what would you say to “curious” boys ages 6 and 7 who look at immodestly dressed women in public? (It’s everywhere now that the weather is warmer! And so very different than they see in the home school environments we so frequently partake!) (And, of course, most of them are also tattooed.  ) I have told them that it’s not nice to stare at people, but I know I need to teach them more than that.
I want to address these issues with a Theology of the Body mindset. Thanks for any thoughts you’d share!
glinNC
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Maryan
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I would have the same rule... if I had a pool. Not sure how I would word it.
I think with boys I would ask my dh to talk to them if I noticed them doing that... but perhaps you could read "The Squire and the Scroll" and address the issue and custody of the eyes when you get to the part in the cave with the gems and the evil faces??
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Helen
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Well, glinNC
We don't even go to public beaches where we will see women or girls in full piece bathing suits.
OUr boys wear shirts and our girls wear modestwear bathing suits or the like and only places where others wear the same. (So, that's not too many places.  )
So, if you feel radical  you can think of us and feel much, much more mainstream and go with your convictions!
HTH!
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missionfamily
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What if you kept a supply of t-shirts near your pool and asked all girls and boys to put them on when they swam...saying something like "It protects our bodies from the sun and our souls from immodesty." Then you would not have to make the call of who was modest enough and could maybe avoid some sticky situations--everyone wears a t-shirt while swimming--PERIOD.
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glinNC
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| Posted: May 05 2008 at 8:38am | IP Logged
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Yes, Helen, we're the same ... we don't GO to those places either, which is why we got a pool last year! However, it seems that family and friends *expect* to come over yet they don't embrace the same values that we do when it comes to modesty.
This is how I'm thinking of wording it ... "We have some pool rules ... not just safety for our bodies but safety for our souls." (At which time I am sure the "alert" flags within them will all come up!) Then I will state something to the effect that I don't want my boys exposed to that type of swimwear. (I can hear my family now ... "that's just the world," to which I usually retort ... "well, that doesn't make it right." )
Do you think that's too much? Do you have a gentler way of stating it??
Maryan ... Thanks for the reminder of the Squire & the Scroll. I will need to pull my book out and read it to them again!
I appreciate the feedback!
glinNC
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glinNC
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| Posted: May 05 2008 at 8:42am | IP Logged
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missionfamily wrote:
| What if you kept a supply of t-shirts near your pool and asked all girls and boys to put them on when they swam...saying something like "It protects our bodies from the sun and our souls from immodesty." Then you would not have to make the call of who was modest enough and could maybe avoid some sticky situations--everyone wears a t-shirt while swimming--PERIOD. |
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That might work for the first time to charitably bring the subject up ... then maybe they'd come better dressed next time ... if there *IS* a next time! However, I can already hear the complaints about wearing a t-shirt from my sun-worshipping family who thinks a 5-yr old's bikini tan lines are cute!
Woe is me!
glinNC
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Helen
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| Posted: May 05 2008 at 8:57am | IP Logged
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glinNC wrote:
Yes, Helen, we're the same ... we don't GO to those places either, which is why we got a pool last year! However, it seems that family and friends *expect* to come over yet they don't embrace the same values that we do when it comes to modesty. ...
Do you think that's too much? Do you have a gentler way of stating it??
...
I appreciate the feedback!
glinNC |
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For awhile, we considered getting a pool because of the bathing suit issue. We didn't so I haven't really had to go through what you're going through. But, when we were thinking about getting a pool, I first showed my family my type of bathing suit. I wore it for them (to much shock and amazement.) It was really a funny moment.
I thought about buying a collection of these bathing suits for people to wear. I did buy one of my sisters this swimsuit. This is probably not a great idea though. I like Coleen's idea of the T shirt better. (I think some of my family would have appreciated if I kept a bathing suit for them.)
I also thought I would make a pretty sign to hang on the gate to the pool with pool rules.
The Carmelite monastery in Buffalo has a sign which indicates the type of clothing expected. In Rome, guards enforce the dress code as they also do in Turkey.
Fundamentally, this is an issue of grace. A novena of prayer for this intention is probably the best course of action. Let the Holy Spirit plow the hearts of your family so that they may see the value of your convictions.
(Here's a link to wholesome wear)
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cvbmom
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Thanks for bringing up this topic. We just moved to a house with a pool and I want to set the rules BEFORE we open the pool for the first time so we don't have to deal with it as much on a case by case basis. Your post reminds me that it's time for dh and I to sit down and figure this one out. I have 2 younger (one is age 19) sisters, who want the most skin they can to be tanned  . I think I'll run the t-shirt idea by dh as well. Hmmm. I look forward to reading more...
God bless,
Christine
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Molly Smith
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We put in a pool two years ago, so this is only our third swimming season. We don't have many guests, but our friends have always dressed very modestly. The girls all wear either one-piece suits or the swim short style. We don't live in a typical neighborhood, so no one just drops by to swim. Everyone who comes are friends who share the same values that we do, so it really hasn't been an issue.
Now, I do allow my own daughters (age 5 and 12) to wear tankinis, but the tops come very close to the top of the bottoms. There's very little skin. The suits are attractive and modest. Really, it's only to make bathroom breaks easier!
I would have no issue asking someone to put on a shirt. And I think having a sign made up with pool rules is a fantastic idea, especially if you expect to run into problems.
One last thing that someone recommended about having a pool, especially if you live in a neighborhood. They put up a red flag if it was family-only pool time, a yellow flag to call first, and a green flag meant "come on over".
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CrunchyMom
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I think you are right. I don't know how I would word it. I think some of the more modest mainstream swimsuits are technically "two-pieces"--the swim skirt and tank. Though, I suppose if you were to have a rule about "no two piece swimsuits"--people would realize you meant no midriff baring suits.
I think I would just state it simply, though. However you decide to define it and not make a "preachy" statement about purity. Not that I would find you preachy, but people with different worldviews might, and I think they would probably know why you have the rule if they know your family at all.
I think the t-shirt rule suggested could be good for gatherings. (Make sure they are colored ) That way any family that doesn't share your convictions can still feel welcome without having to buy a new suit or something to come to your home.
I'm pretty stressed about our upcoming trip to the beach with my family. Its the first time my dad has ever done a joint family vacation, and he just remarried in the fall, and he and his wife are getting a large beach house to share. I like his wife, but the only times I've met her daughter and my own sister's SIL who will be there for the week, they wore *extremely* immodest dresses to the two weddings. I'm pretty sure their beach attire will leave much to be desired in the way of material. I'm kind of glad my boys are only just 4 and 2 and hopefully a little young to be completely aware.
You are blessed to be able to have these family gatherings at your home on your own terms!
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Sparrow
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CrunchyMom wrote:
I think I would just state it simply, though. However you decide to define it and not make a "preachy" statement about purity. Not that I would find you preachy, but people with different worldviews might, and I think they would probably know why you have the rule if they know your family at all.
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I agree with this. I would just add the suit rule into a general list of rules (i.e. "no running, no eating and drinking, no bikinis) and expound on it further if someone pursues it.
I never, ever thought I'd buy my girls a two piece, but I admit, when dd2 was a year old there was a little sailor type two piece that was too cute, I couldn't pass it up! She only wore it in the kiddie pool in our yard but on a baby it looked sweet. Though now that I look at it in hindsight, it would have been problematic if my then 5 year old had wanted a 2 piece, also (she has one why can't I). Thankfully she's always worn 1 pieces and never thought to ask about a 2 piece, but I suppose that's something to keep in mind now that she's getting older.
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CathinCoffeland
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We do two peices but those peices are board shorts and a rash gaurd shirt so our 2 pieces probably cover more than many ourfits worn to MASS around here let alone in the pool .
You can pick up a cute rash gaurd shirt for girls cheap at target or old navy and keep it by your pool just incase someome comes with a less than appropriate suit.
Maggie
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JodieLyn
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I like the idea of a list of rules.. and just have something simple like
no bikinis (t-shirts available)
We're involved in competitive swimming.. but what I've found is that the girls all wear the one piece racing style suits and they stay up and down where they belong.. so they tend to be modest in that sense.
My boys wear the racing jammers.. it was so hard getting trunk style shorts to stay up on them (thin kids) and I started looking around for what others did.. and saw boys sitting on the side of the pool with legs gaping clear to their , and sliding down their torsos until very little was kept covered.. the racing jammers (those are the ones that go to mid-thigh) are skin tight.. but they stay put!
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Alice R
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We have a pool and we are pretty modest dressers (skirts etc.)
When we invite someone over, we simply say in a very nice tone of voice
"oh, by the way, we try to maintian Biblical modesty so if you could please just throw a t-shirt over your suits. Thanks so much. It's just that I have the two boys and everything. It just makes it easier. You understand. Clothing today, you know? Not like when we were kids. The mall is pretty shocking"
I kinda turn it into a conversation and by the end, everyone is saying "yeah, I know what you mean. Shocking." I also say "we TRY to maintain modesty" so I don't sound all preachy. Like we are humans and just really do try, not all rule oriented and bossy. It softens the whole conversation. And they do bring a t-shirt!!!
Most of our friends do not wear anything shocking to begin with so it's pretty easy.
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PDyer
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JodieLyn wrote:
We're involved in competitive swimming.. but what I've found is that the girls all wear the one piece racing style suits and they stay up and down where they belong.. so they tend to be modest in that sense.
My boys wear the racing jammers.. it was so hard getting trunk style shorts to stay up on them (thin kids) and I started looking around for what others did.. and saw boys sitting on the side of the pool with legs gaping clear to their , and sliding down their torsos until very little was kept covered.. the racing jammers (those are the ones that go to mid-thigh) are skin tight.. but they stay put! |
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My son wears the racing jammers when he's racing , and long trunks when he's not racing. It can be quite difficult to find a trunk suit that has a functioning drawstring; you know, one that actually pulls tight.
My daughter wears tank suits. She really likes her tank suit with matching skirt, too. We went out yesterday and bought her a rash guard shirt for sun protection. Florida sun is much stronger than Ohio sun...
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SimplyMom
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I have seen several very immodest one piece suits at our local pool, so I don't think one piece is safe and, as stated earlier, some technically two piece suits are better.
Maybe the rule would be better stated something like: "Ladies: No bare mid-riffs, thongs, high cut hips or low cut fronts. Please, remember we are hopeless prudes and humor us."
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Waverley
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I think SimplyMom makes a good point about the immodest 1 piece suits. Also, as a woman with a long torso, I can't find a one piece suit that fits. I can find a tankini with a long top and a skirt. There is no skin showing.
Good luck.
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DeAnn M
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I think it is perfectly appropriate and within your rights to ask for modest bathing suits. I would definitely be specific as SimplyMom stated.
As far as teaching your 6 and 7 year old...it's tough. We want them to know that the body is beautiful because it is created in God's image. We also want them to know that we show respect for our bodies and for others by covering our selves appropriately. The thing that is so tricky and frustrating about a Dressing with Dignity attitude is that I've seen far too many cases of extreme judgement and looking down upon people. Those people who aren't quite dressed as we think they should be dressed have dignity as well and we need to treat them as such both in our minds and with our words. You have no idea where some of these poor souls have come from...what kind of home life they have, etc. They are obviously crying out for attention. Maybe the attention that they can get from us and our children is that of compassion and prayer rather than judgement. That's the sort of attitude I want to instill in my children.
Remember the goal is to redeem our bodies and sexuality, not repress them--that leads to a different host of issues. At 6 and 7, they are not going to be able to understand everything about Theology of the Body and how it relates to our view of ours and others' bodies and sexuality, nor should they. I think the best thing you can do for them now is intill in them a confidence that they are special, beautiful, one of kind and so are their brothers and sisters and everyone else for that matter because they are made in God's image and therefore have a special dignity that we need to respect. Unfortunately, most folks in the mall have no realization of the dignity God has given them and therefore no reason to act and dress in a dignified way. At the mall, or wherever, I would not draw attention to it. Maybe distract them and if they ask a question, pray that the Holy Spirit would give you the appropriate answer. I don't think you would be avoiding the issue by distracting them, but rather protecting them for now. When the hormones kick in a few years from now...that's a different story.
Just a few thoughts. I'm trying to figure out the same thing myself. Someone needs to write a book about how to instill TOB in our children appropriately.
God Bless and don't be afraid to protect your children by asking for modesty!
DeAnn
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LLMom
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Here is what my girls are wearing for summer water fun. Target had 3 piece skirt, and bikini top/bottom. I pitched the top and bought a rash guard shirt and they are wearing the bottoms (we call it underwear because that is what bikinis are IMO) and the skirt.
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Alice R
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| Posted: May 12 2008 at 10:51am | IP Logged
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Lisa!!!!!!! 
That is the exact suit I bought for my daughter and I did the exact same thing as you, put a board shirt on top.
Great minds think alike!!!!!!!!! 
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: Bathing Suits/Theology of the Body
