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LucyP
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| Posted: April 16 2008 at 2:02pm | IP Logged
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How far do you go to protect the pattern of your days? Our children do so well with very predictable safe routine days. They can take one day off (like Sundays which are very different) but too much getting out and about, meeting people etc, exhausts and distresses them.
Thing is we do sooo little. I get guilted for it by family. Am I being neurotic? I can do, say, one play date for a couple of hours and maybe one more "event" (shopping, play date, small group etc) for a couple of hours. I have a nice new friend who wants to do more - meeting weekly for half a day plus, and other events such a new catholic home educators thing will take up nearly half a day with travel.
How much do you protect your routine? I keep wondering how much my children are struggling to cope with change and social interactions (DS is the "culprit" here) because I am an introvert, and how much it is just their disrupted, chaotic pasts catching up with them.
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Martha
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| Posted: April 16 2008 at 2:22pm | IP Logged
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depends
there are times when we bunker down and are quite happy to be so cozily arrayed.
there are times when I have an activity every afternoon.
then there's all the levels between
I don't think there's a hard and fast rule other than to do what is best for your family at the time.
If you feel your kids could use some particular activity or more activities in general then do so.
If not, then I certainly wouldn't feel guilt for not doing things you just don't want to do.
Are you not doing it because YOU don't want to deal with it, or because you genuinely don't feel it good for the kids? There's isn't a wrong answer to that, btw. There's times when the best hting for the kids is for mom to not go nuts living out of the van, regardless of how much the kids might be enjoying and benefiting from the experience.  It's also easy to get in a rut though and sometimes we need to make an extra effort to get out of one. 
Guess I'm no help at all! Just tossing some random thoughts for consdieration out there. This is really a very personal decision that has to constantly be evaluated as we go. 
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Martha
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Willa
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| Posted: April 16 2008 at 2:26pm | IP Logged
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What a great question. I have the same type of kids and am the same myself.
My first year homeschooling I planned WAY too much for my then 8 year old. He had chess club, piano lessons, seasonal sports, play dates. He finally asked if he could cut back.
We live in the mountains now so it is quite challenging to do anything outside of the pattern. That has had its good side, as we really weigh before we get involved in something.
I am afraid I don't have much wisdom because I have often dealt with this question -- but I hope you get some good answers.
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Willa
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SusanJ
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| Posted: April 16 2008 at 2:48pm | IP Logged
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Lucy,
We have gone back and forth with this--my kids are roughly the same age as yours. We have had seasons where it seems best to stay close to home and seasons--like now--when it seems better to be out more. I am a major introvert and I am easily exhausted by outings but I do see that my kids right now need to get out. They don't need so much to interact with other kids but they do need time to get out of our small apartment and yell and move around fast and such. Some of that involves other people. I try to balance their needs and mine. We have almost weekly opportunities with two other sets of kids. That would be two play groups a week but we don't usually do both. One group is better for me and the other is better for the kids so we sort of trade off. Other times we just get out in our neighborhood. I try to keep errands to a minimum as they exhaust all of us.
Do what you think best for now and things may change in a few months or a year.
Susan
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Mackfam
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| Posted: April 16 2008 at 10:13pm | IP Logged
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Lucy,
I'm pretty protective of our routine. That's not to say there aren't weeks that are disruptive, just that I try to be sensitive to when discipline issues start increasing, and I'm flustered because I'm not keeping up with the daily duty. When my sense of peace is disrupted, I interpret that as the prompting of the Holy Spirit to slow down and refocus my family behind the walls of the home.
I don't think you're neurotic for sensing the need to slow down or pull back.
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Erin
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 1:06am | IP Logged
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Lucy
From what you have shared your own instincts are already telling you the right pattern for your family. Listen to your own instincts, so often we don't and regret it.
What you are doing now is a nice balance, perhaps with the new friend she could occasionally come to your place?
I remember when my own children were little we went out all the time, one day it hit me when my young son asked, "where are we going today mum?" that he was relying on friends and not family to entertain him and that wasn't healthy. His behaviour at this stage was NOT good. I pulled right back out of many things and this particular child who was my most social (and still is) thrived with a regular routine.
I found that when we had a day out they needed a day to play, they would go around touching all their toys as if to orientate themselves. Even now if we are out one day they find it so hard to settle the next day, they want the day off lessons. Children are so stimulated by all that happens when they are out (so is mum.)
When I started pulling back it was hard for one friend in particular to accept, she used to say "It's just once a month commitment" etc, but I would answer that it was still an interruption. (I put it a little more politic) An older and wiser mum kept counseling me that Iknew what was best for my family. I often remember this and the fact that it will be my husband and Iwho answer to God no one else. This is my yardstick in many decisions.
 Lucy you are doing well.
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Isa in Michigan
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 8:17am | IP Logged
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I have found a good arrangement with going out once or maximum twice a week for field trips, activities, or get-togethers with other families. For us this seems to balance the need for variety and being with others while still allowing us enough time to get school work done.
That being said, we did sign the boys up for baseball two days a week, and on the third day they have Cub Scouts while our girls have Little Flowers. This is working out well because its during the late afternoon.
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emmsie
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 3:48pm | IP Logged
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We only go out once a week with other home schoolers. Then they go to Girls Brigade friday evening and Grandma's on a saturday morning. We spend the weekends on our vegetable growing. We get at least one hospital appointment a week as well.
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graciefaith
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| Posted: April 19 2008 at 5:19am | IP Logged
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I'm protective of our schedule. I do it more for my benefit, than for my chldrens. They deal with change well. If we get off schedule for too long, then it's extremely hard for me to get back on. I personally like to get school done by noon, at the latest. My girls are young so this is very doable. If we dont get school done in the AM and have some kind of appointment or arrangement, then im not likely to get to it when we come back home. So, that's why i try hard to schedule things at a time i know we will be done with our work.
Playdates are usually scheduled after 2:30pm since that is when the ps kids are out and most of my friends kids go to ps. When they are off and we make a play date, my friends will ask me what time is most convenient b/c she knows we go on with school even though they are off. If it's a field trip with our homeschool group, then we normally dont do any school that day at all. If we have a dr's appt in the early am, then we do school when we get back since it'll still be early or if it's later in the morning, then i try hard to get what we can done beforehand. If it's errands, then we do them after lunch time.
Weekly though, our schedule is pretty empty. They just have ballet on Mon and Tue and both times are in the afternoon-late afternoon so it doesnt affect us much. Playdates are pretty spontaneous. My friends and I dont usually make plans until the day before or the day of. I dont like to have too many commitments. I like our schedule flexible and relaxed.
eta:I am an introvert as well so it's a bit hard for me to go out and make friends.
Since it's spring, i've tried to change things up a bit but stay with our routine. On nice days, we go outside and do school. This is a big change and they love it. Like another poster said, sometimes they just need to out, not necessarily with other people. We take more walks and bike rides in the evenings now. I want to enjoy the nice weather.
I have friends, when our children were little, say toddler age, they would pack their schedules up and then complain on a lazy day how bored their kids were b/c all they've done is stay home. Honestly, hearing schedules like that wear me out! There's nothing wrong with that but it's just the opposite of who i am. Dh and I are very much homebodies and thankfully, my kids dont seem to mind. On the other hand, i have a hs friend who's husband is very outgoing and always has to be doing something. He is the type that cant just sit down and watch some tv, unless its an action packed movie or something scary. His idea of relaxation is mowing the yard. haha Their middle son is the total opposite and will complain after being out for a few hours. Sometimes it's hard on her dh. lol So, in other words, he is the type that has lots of plans during the week.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Protecting your schedule/routine?
