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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: April 04 2008 at 5:01pm | IP Logged
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In reading Dawn's question:I've Wasted So Much of My Kids' Time! I was struck by one thing that is something I think we have all, at one time or another, questioned. I know I have.
dawn2006 wrote:
| In short, I've concluded that I've been in survival mode for way too long. |
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When is survival mode too long?????
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
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msclavel
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| Posted: April 04 2008 at 5:17pm | IP Logged
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Hmmm, don't know...this whole week has felt like survival mode and I wish it was over...does that help?
Funny thing is, I didn't get my usual February burn out...I think it just waited until April 
Oi! That's sad "my usual February burnout."
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: April 04 2008 at 5:32pm | IP Logged
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You mean it is not supposed to be a permanent way of life? 
For me, this year, I realized that survival mode, for us, is actually synonymous for life. With eight kids, babies coming every other year, the occasional move, job changes, etc. life is all about survival.
I have told myself for years that things will be better, when I am not pregnant, or nursing a new baby, or packing for a move, or...
But even on those odd years when everything should have flowed smoothly, days slipped by and we fell into our survival habits.
So, this year, I came to some real conclusions. Homeschooling for me, is about family. I have accepted that we straddle the unschooler/relaxed homeschooler fence. I have determined to turn my FULL attention to my home and school. If I am fully present and living intentionally in the moment, even survival can be fruitful. But if I use survival mode as an excuse to be less than my best, than I am passing up the opportunity to grow along with my children.
Does that even answer your question? I have half a dozen voices around me making any train of thought a challenge.
Off to be fully present!
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Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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Nina
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| Posted: April 04 2008 at 5:39pm | IP Logged
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Same here,the burn out was "posponed".With me,it started in March.Maybe it's the pregnancy,but I just want this school year to end.These doubts that maybe I'm not doing enough and that the children would be better in a "real"school tend to get to me.
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JSchaaf
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| Posted: April 04 2008 at 6:09pm | IP Logged
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Cay, you can relate to this...
Survival mode started for us Aug 29, 2005 and it's just now coming to an end.
We lost our home in a hurricane, moved 4 times in less than three years, I struggle with depression that has been crippling at times (couldn't even get out of bed and let the 7 yr care for the 4 yo) and adopted a new baby.
My life is now stable (please, Lord, let it continue!) and I'm ready for survival mode to end. We should be here in Colorado for 2.5 more years and I'm looking forward to it!
Jennifer
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Meredith
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| Posted: April 04 2008 at 6:10pm | IP Logged
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teachingmyown wrote:
So, this year, I came to some real conclusions. Homeschooling for me, is about family. I have accepted that we straddle the unschooler/relaxed homeschooler fence. I have determined to turn my FULL attention to my home and school. If I am fully present and living intentionally in the moment, even survival can be fruitful. But if I use survival mode as an excuse to be less than my best, than I am passing up the opportunity to grow along with my children.
...Off to be fully present! |
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This is beautiful!! I'm posting this right next to my computer so I don't forget
Blessings,
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Meredith
Mom of 4 Sweeties
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JSchaaf
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| Posted: April 04 2008 at 6:15pm | IP Logged
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teachingmyown wrote:
But if I use survival mode as an excuse to be less than my best, than I am passing up the opportunity to grow along with my children.
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That was (is) me. Survival mode seems so normal that it's hard to strive for more.
Michael has been home since October (that was our last big change-and I realize now that even positive things can be stressful!) and it's now April. So when does survival mode become sloth and laziness?
Jennifer
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Willa
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| Posted: April 04 2008 at 7:56pm | IP Logged
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teachingmyown wrote:
I have determined to turn my FULL attention to my home and school. If I am fully present and living intentionally in the moment, even survival can be fruitful. But if I use survival mode as an excuse to be less than my best, than I am passing up the opportunity to grow along with my children.
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 I really liked this, Molly.
Dawn said that her solution to "survival living" was that she intended to live more purposefully.
I don't think it's necessary to be a supermom to live mindfully and purposefully. I think as you said, Molly, by being present and attentive you can have a purposeful life even if some days are a struggle just to survive
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Willa
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Aggie gal
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| Posted: April 04 2008 at 9:42pm | IP Logged
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teachingmyown wrote:
| You mean it is not supposed to be a permanent way of life..... But if I use survival mode as an excuse to be less than my best, than I am passing up the opportunity to grow along with my children. |
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Holy cow, Miss Molly, you just hit the nail on the head for me. I've been like this since we've moved to NOVA 20 months ago, and it's truly shameful. I could pull out any number of excuses I have neatly tucked away in case dh shows too much concern with how we've been spending our days, (moving here with a newborn, new place, new faces, dh having looooong hours, enduring three pregnancy losses, gearing up for another move in less than 8 weeks..) but the reality of it all is that I have chosen on a daily basis, me, Amy, to let things get in my way and I've remained a victim of circumstance instead of squaring my shoulders to my cross, and turning to Christ Our Lord and His Blessed Mother for help. And all the while my children have suffered because of it.  Perhaps noticeably to others or to themselves, but they have; I know.
Cay, thank you for posting this... I wanted to post something similar, but lacked the courage to do so.
Molly, thank you for your insight, I'm sure the Holy Spirit is moving through you to speak to me and maybe to others.
Pray for me, dear sisters in Christ, that I can become the mother and teacher my children need and deserve to have.
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Amy
Married to Rob, Momma to Patrick (17), Braden (14), Nathan (11), Benjamin (10), Aurea (8), Peter (6), Rosie (3) and Baby Blaise
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aussieannie
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| Posted: April 05 2008 at 4:28am | IP Logged
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I was slowly reading down this thread and came to Molly's posting, fully intending to cut and paste the whole lot as inspirational but everyone has done it before me in bits and pieces!  Anyway, thanks for sharing your thoughts Molly, just great.
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Bridget
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I agree with everyone, Molly said it well.
Whats the alternative to survival mode? Most people would say school, but I would be completely over the edge if I had school in the mix too.
We seem to go from one crises to another, either our own, or families close to us. Sometimes it feels like we only get a day or two of really good schooling between crises.
I have decided it's just life.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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Lauri B
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| Posted: April 05 2008 at 8:12am | IP Logged
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It takes as long as it takes! :)
I was in a car accident in Feb of 2007 and not only we were on survival mode for homeschooling but for homemaking, too, until May when I was recovered. Every day my children did: 1 - copywork of their choice, 2 - one lesson from math, 3 - X minutes of Silent Sustained Reading from either History, Geography or Science with either a written (older) or oral narration, 4 - listen to read aloud of literature (my big contribution), and 5 - Rosetta Stone german on the computer. In addition, they did all the house work and all the cooking! They were 10th, 6th and 2nd grade at the time - so not little ones. They survived just fine and I bet their handwriting improved a lot with all the copywork. Additionally, they grew in character as they really pitched in without a single complaint.
So, I think survival is OK for however long it needs to be. To everything there is a season, and it will eventually end.
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dawn2006
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| Posted: April 05 2008 at 5:31pm | IP Logged
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If I am fully present and living intentionally in the moment, even survival can be fruitful. But if I use survival mode as an excuse to be less than my best, than I am passing up the opportunity to grow along with my children.
nak
this is what i'm just coming to realizing. you put it perfectly.
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teachingmyown
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All I can say is "Wow!". I am certain it was the Holy Spirit, as Amy said, if I was able to bless you all with my words. I literally walked away from the computer after posting that thinking that I really blew it and probably should have waited for a quieter moment to post when my thoughts were more clear. 
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Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
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Isa in Michigan
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| Posted: April 07 2008 at 7:55am | IP Logged
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I think it's sometimes necessary to be in survival mode if there are certain situations that come up where it would be too stressful or impossible to keep a full-blown schedule. In those cases I've kept a minimum schedule going with the intention of making it only temporary.
I am now feeling the need to be more organized and disciplined about such things as setting my alarm clock in the morning to wake up at a regular time each day. It really helps the day go better if I'm awake an hour before the kids get up. This is not the easiest thing for a night owl like me!
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stacykay
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Cay, you asked a question that has been tugging at my heart for way too long. Or maybe I should say pricking my conscience. 
For me, survival mode began in Dec. 2000, when I found out my dear mum had breast cancer. 2001 was filled her heart attack, congestive heart failure, and many bouts in the hospital; many trips for us back and forth to FL, a miscarriage, another pregancy, gestational diabetes, insulin, delivery of a healthy baby, two major bathroom renovations while I was postpartum (yes, the time one NEEDS a bathroom!,) chickenpox, a baptism, and another long trip to FL to spend my mum's last two weeks with her. By 2002, I was wiped out.
It took me another year to get some semblance of hs'ing going, but I have always felt I failed my now 17yods. He began high school (private Catholic high school) fall of 2005. I have always felt that I missed some critical years with him, and somehow missed giving him what he needed at a time I hurt so badly I couldn't think straight.
Would it have been better for him to be in "real school?" It is a question that can't be answered. But, I did slowly discover that I had to bring more order into our home and reprioritize my days. I really need time in the morning to focus and get my bearings, to pray and get centered on what God wants of me. I can't do that with the boys, so I now get up earlier. If I don't, I feel flustered, lost and disorganized all day.
My two years of survival mode have taken me twice as long to dig out of (and actually, I am still working on it-I guess I am a slow study!)
I think everyone else managed their trying times and survival modes better than me! Sure wish I had known you all then! 
Gee, I really didn't intend to sound so down! I better close and send!
God Bless,
Stacy in MI
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Kristie 4
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Thank you Molly. I also felt inspired by your thoughts.
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12stars
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| Posted: May 10 2008 at 4:39pm | IP Logged
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Wow I did not realize that what I went through this year you gals have been going through for some time too. At times I wonder if I am doing the right thing by hs, this year was a little hard for me we had a baby in 11/07 and it has taken me a while to recoup. I feel guilty for not being fully present for my dd in K. I totally keep telling myself "ok next year will be better". And I also always wonder why am I doing this again? Oh yeah the Holy Spirit prompted me to do so, so I must continue because I know at ps the problems would only be different and worse, much worse.
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4Real Forums : Philosophy of Education
Topic: When is Survival Mode Too Long?
