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mellyrose
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| Posted: March 31 2008 at 10:51pm | IP Logged
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My MIL's imminent death is weighing heavily on my heart. She is 64 years old, and it has struck home to me that Lydia will be only 24 years old when I'm 64.
I've been thinking of what I want to leave my children. It doesn't look like I'll be able to leave them any money (LOL), but I want them to know who I am, etc. I'm sure many people think of this, but I was wondering if any of you have done anything about it?
Do you keep a journal for your children to give them when they become adults? I started one with Colin, but haven't written in it for a long time.
Do you scrapbook? I haven't scrapbooked since I had kids
I'm feeling my mortality pretty strongly right now and am looking for ways to make sure my kids know how much I loved them. I'm not doing a very good job at explaining my feelings at the moment . . . but maybe some of you wise women can run with it 
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Melanie in AZ
Colin (11/00), Nate (05/02), Lydia (04/07)
My Little Patch of Sunshine
Pictures of our Life
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SallyT
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| Posted: April 01 2008 at 11:36pm | IP Logged
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Interesting question -- and I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about these things. My dad's death almost three years ago really triggered a lot of these thoughts, and I've mulled over them ever since.
I tend to think in terms of keepsakes, though they maybe aren't as "me" as a journal or something would be (though my kids will have reams of writing to wade through, should they so desire . . . ). My 4yo daughter has become attached to a set of three blue-and-white china teacups and saucers, which I bought for about 50p apiece in a charity shop in England when we lived there. They are not fine china (which is why I let her drink tea out of them), but they're pretty and she loves them, and I've told her that when she's grown, they will be hers. I'll give them to her even if I'm here to hand them to her in the flesh, so that's not really a legacy in the same way that you mean, but it's something which I hope will evoke memories for her, of sitting at the kitchen bar drinking her very milky tea with me.
My 14yo daughter already has a ring from me, which my mother gave me and which came to her from her grandmother. It's a lovely little old dinner ring, and it's very much a family thing, handed down now to three generations of teenage girls. Again, not really a posthumous legacy, but something which connects her to me . . .
I don't know what I would leave my boys, as something specifically from me . . . my husband has pieces of furniture, inherited from his grandfather, which will certainly be divided between the two of them, but a gift from me is harder, since they're not really into teacups and rings.
I'll have to go mull over that one. We need to revise our wills anyway, and as I think we're probably through having children, it would be nice to be able to designate specific keepsakes to go to one child or another. Though sometimes it's hard to know in advance what's going to be meaningful to somebody. My dad did not expect to die when he did, and he had nothing designated to go to my brother and me, but when we went to clean out his law office, I took home a number of pastels of birds he had done, which I had never seen before, and they are among my most treasured possessions. He didn't make them for me, but they express what I loved about him: his artistic ability and his loving eye for small, beautiful living things. I also have all his potted plants from the office. And I think of him whenever I work in the garden - he was a marvelous, creative gardener. So in a way I think of my love for beauty, especially outdoor beauty, as a gift from him, though he probably wasn't all that conscious of having given it.
Anyway, thoughts on an interesting topic . . .
Sally
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Castle in the Sea
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RenB
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 3:53pm | IP Logged
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With my husband facing his lung disease, our older children have already prompted much the past few years. It's definitely something to think about as we age, particularly if we have a large family with young ones still at home in our middle age. I want to pass along the baton to my faith more than anything, and hope my children 'walk in his ways' and choose their forks in life wisely. Other than this, tangible items are a visual reminder for most people, so these are my top faves.
*Family videos preserved onto DVDs;
I've taken select photos and music to design and make family video presentations for special occasions to cherish forever. Some have still photos, and video clips mixed in - cherished!We made one for our 30th wedding anniversary, half an hour of our teen years to engagement, wedding and birthing children, many family times, extended family and friends. My husband and I watch it almost every night (wink) and our big married kids tell us it's their number one favorite DVD in their home.
*My older children think 'things' and all think they should buy their dad an Ipod touch for father's day. When the time comes for him to be in the hospital for his major surgery, they want it filled up with photos of the family and grandchildren, music to soothe him, and family videos uploaded for him to watch to pass the time away. Instead of all the things my husband has been thinking for THEM, they turned the tables and they've been thinking of HIM. It's a real tear jerker, sometimes too emotional to handle.
*Make books on tape with your own voice on them to give your children, for their children...to hear YOUR voice years from now.
*Scrapbooks with lots of special family times inside.
*I made heirloom baptismal gown, and first communion dresses, ring bearer pillow, and all have a liner I embroider names and dates on after being used.
*Wedding rings gifted and engraved inside.
*Holy card collections (my grandma gave me hers!)
*Make a book with your favorite prayers, photos from the liturgical year (just got another one of the paschal candle and easter Sunday in our church to put in mine)
*Things for celebrating the liturgical year made with love to each child for their hope chests.
*Write a love letter to each child, even if you only ever write one, do it once. Tuck it away somewhere special, like with your wills.
These are a few things off the top of my head, ones I've already been working on here at home. I also wrote an article about heirloom loves on my blog and have intentions of posting some more examples very soon with my heritage sewing and other "memory" items. If only though, think of the senses, hearing a voice, seeing a photo, holding something someone dear held or wore, what they thought/believed, get it on paper. Hope this helps...and not loads you up with more than you need. God knows your heart, take care.
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Blessings;
Renee
Mommy to eight, cherished treasures sent to us 22 years apart. Nana to seven lovelies...so far.
"Go East," they said
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Chari
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 10:05pm | IP Logged
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Thank you, Renee....this is good food for thought
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Chari...Take Up & Read
Dh Marty 27yrs...3 lovely maidens: Anne 24, Sarah 20 & Maddelyn 17 and 3 chivalrous sons: Matthew 22, Garrett 16 & Malachy 11
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Alice R
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| Posted: April 19 2008 at 5:40pm | IP Logged
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My mother was diagnosed with cancer when I was 27 and died when I was 30. I am an only child and I have no relationship with my father (who died shortly after my mother anyway).
This question is near to my heart:
Things I wish I had from my mother:
1. A JOURNAL 
Her thoughts, her feelings, her reactions to world events, thoughts on God, thoughts on anything! Just a piece of my mother's soul that I could read and reread.
THis is my motivation for keeping a blog (a little behind but at least I'm doing it!).
#2. Special jewelry
I have her cross from her Confirmation. Her special necklace from her mother. That's it. They were poor and couldn't afford much but it is a blessing to hold them in my hands. I know she loved her cross and it makes me happy to know she wore it and now I wear it.
#3. A Bible or religious study/prayer book (for lack of a better word)that were meaningful to that person.
I know my mother recited some Lutheran prayers but she had them memorized and it never occured to me to actually ask her what exactly she was praying...you don't think of those things until they are too late. 
3. Things that you do on holidays. I am keeping a notebook of all the holidays and making a few notes on each one. Nothing impressive but just a few notes that we alwasy have shrimp for Christmas Eve and we always have rice pudding on Christmas morning. I have pussy willows on my table right now because my mom always had them up for Easter. Stuff like that. Some things I can remember and some things I can't.
4. Recipes, of course
5. Anything that you use that is meaningful and has some value. A pitcher that you always use for dinner. A vase that you always use. It helps to tie in your mom's "she always used that" to your everyday...like a piece of her is with you.
6. A lot of pictures
7. Favorite religous music.
8. A JOURNAL! (Did I mention that???) 
Blessings,
Alice
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Mom to Nathaniel (10), Noah (8) Alise (6) Rebekah (3)and expecting another blessing Faith, Grace and Family
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Alice R
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| Posted: April 19 2008 at 5:46pm | IP Logged
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Oh, to add:
My mother knew she was dying so she bought gifts for some grandchildren she hoped I would have but she knew she would never see. That is really sweet for my kids. She loved them before they were born. 
Oh, Christmas decorations is another big one. Holidays are HORRIBLE for me. Everyone talking about their moms and the grandparents and all. It helps to at the very least, put up some stuff and say "this was your grandmothers"
Ok, I think I've depressed myself enough for one post.  It's a good idea to plan ahead a bit and make your child's life easier when we pass on.
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Mom to Nathaniel (10), Noah (8) Alise (6) Rebekah (3)and expecting another blessing Faith, Grace and Family
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mellyrose
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| Posted: April 19 2008 at 7:08pm | IP Logged
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Thank you for the responses!
The last few weeks have been hard, but I'm determined to organize my photos and update the kids' journals this year. I never thought of passing on recipes, but that's a great idea, too.
I know this is a terribly difficult thing to think about, but handling the aftermath is horrible as well. My MIL had less than 3 weeks from diagnosis to death -- and she went so rapidly that she was bedridden after just a few days. She had no time to do anything at that point, and it's so sad to realize.
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Melanie in AZ
Colin (11/00), Nate (05/02), Lydia (04/07)
My Little Patch of Sunshine
Pictures of our Life
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chicken lady
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| Posted: April 19 2008 at 8:02pm | IP Logged
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I write letters to my dc on their birthdays. I seal them and store them in their baby boxes. I try to write them letters on other special days, but I don't always do it.
Great question!!!
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4Real Forums : St. Anne's Tearoom: Growing in Wisdom over 40
Topic: thinking of the future
