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amyable
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Maybe not necessarily a strict to-the-minute one, but essentially everything from that to a strict routine?
Dh has suggested several times "maybe a schedule would help you". Everytime I try one, something happens like we start a new co-op or I get pregnant and everything flies out the window. When I try to just do a "flexible routine" though, we get TOO flexible, and again, soon everything has turned loosey-goosey and I'm having anxiety attacks because I feel like all the children are out of control (among other things).
The kids are 10, 8, 5, 2.5 and 5 months - I think I may be trying too hard to "let them be kids" and I tend to not bother them with "schoolwork" when I see that they are happily occupied (because it seems so rare that they are in the same room and being pleasant   ). That's all well and good I guess, but it feeds into my problem here. But I feel like a bad mom if I am always the slave driver! (not to be uncharitible, but we have real problems here with laziness/attitudes).
Guess I just wanted to hear from nice Catholic homeschooling families who like to hang out on CM type message boards if you are getting schedules to work for your family ...how long have you been doing it, how it's working for you, why you chose to schedule vs. flying by the seat of your pants etc. Anything really.
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mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: March 05 2008 at 2:16pm | IP Logged
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amyable wrote:
| ...schedule vs. flying by the seat of your pants |
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Amy,
This changes by the season, the month, and---most definitely---the week.
This week we have a lot of structured outside commitments so it's high schedule time. Today is the only day we are home so it's the only day we're flying by the seat of our pants.
The last week of the month is usually zero outside commitments so we're basically free. And I love those weeks. I'm truly a fly-by person. 
But there are weeks where a schedule matters. The schedule keeps me sane and shows my children that the world works in an order and sometimes we must follow that order.
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
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mellyrose
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We follow a schedule in our house. The schedule changes, but everyone is happier when we know what to expect. When I let the schedule go for more than a day or 2, things get crazy around here.
This week, I talked it up how we were leaving our schedule behind because DH is out of town. Nate was thrilled, until he realized that I didn't mean we were also leaving chores behind. LOL! I'm not sure who he thought would do those things if we didn't, but he was still annoyed.
Some of our rarely changing things -- every day a certain type of laundry is done. For instance, on Tuesdays I wash and dry the boys laundry and they put it away. After a few weeks of complaining, they are finally getting the point that it happens ONE day a week and then they are done for a full week. Colin appreciates this more than Nate, but after 6 months or so of this routine it's finally old hat.
In the morning, we are very flexible as to wake up times. When everyone is awake, the boys get dressed, make their beds and eat breakfast. After breakfast dishes are cleared, schooling starts. They can have a break after a certain amount is completed and "extra" stuff happens after lunch. After their schooling is done, they can have a break, and then do their daily chore/s (which I created a chart so that there's no question about what has to happen on each day.) When they're done with work, they can play. I try to have their schoolwork planned out so they can see what is expected for the day, and allow them to choose the order in which to do things (within reason, so that I can help/teach/lead each boy in their separate lessons.)
Nate struggles with being interrupted in the middle of a game, which is why I discourage games before the "work" of the day is completed.
There are days when our schedule falls apart, or daily chores don't get done. On those days, I decide to just start again the next day and often double up on chores. Yesterday we spent the day at the zoo, so today I'm doing the boys laundry, as well as Lydia's. (Tuesday & Wednesday's laundry)
One thing that has really helped the boys be cooperative is that if everything goes to plan during the week, our Sundays & Mondays are free. DH has off Sunday & Monday so if we don't have a good week, then we have to use Monday to catch up. If everything goes according to plan, Monday is free for play with DH.
Our schedule is more this happens, then this, then this VS this happens at 9Am, this happens at 10AM, etc. Appointments or meetings can mean that we have to do certain things at a certain time, but for the most part our day is not tied to a clock.
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Melanie in AZ
Colin (11/00), Nate (05/02), Lydia (04/07)
My Little Patch of Sunshine
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CKwasniewski
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| Posted: March 05 2008 at 5:13pm | IP Logged
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Amy,
A typical weekday for us looks like this:
We all get up within a half an hour of each other, pray and eat breakfast. There is a little time for play (1/2 hour), then we do our "seat work" at about the same time every day. Then we play, have snacks, go to Mass. We generally read aloud on the couch after lunch. DH reads to the kids in the evenings after dinner. Then we get ready for bed and pray.
All this generally happens with give and take of up to half an hour on either side. Everything else is pretty flexible.
We try to schedule all outside activities, errands, etc., for the afternoon. I think this is essential to keeping sane! Otherwise  !!
That's where I would start, if I were you!! If there is an unavoidable morning conflict, or 1 activity you can't fit in otherwise, then just make it ONE day and ONLY ONE!
Maybe this seems very structured, but it's not --esp. if you consider that our "seat work" is only about 1 hr of work. And the dc know and accept that there will be plenty of time to play after they are done. I think most kids need a certain amount of structure just to stay sane too.
Also, none of this is "imposed"--it is simply the rhythm of our days which has come about organically. It may take some experimenting to find the right fit, and you may have to "impose" at the beginning in order to get some needed structure.
hth
ck
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JodieLyn
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Not that I'm great about following a schedule (even a flexible one)
But one thing that's helped me is to make up a schedule in excel.. AND then make up variations of the same schedule.. so that as much as possible stays the same.. but when we're doing swim team (summer) we have that incorporated into the schedule or lacrosse (spring) that's there.. and CCD and storytime at the library.
So I have all these schedules.. same schedule but with things moved around to account for outside commitments.
Oh and I don't lable school time as anything except "school" so we have flexibility within that category.. so we can read aloud or do math or whatever)
So I have lots of schedules labled things like "lacrosse, CCD", "lacrosse, swim", "soccer, ccd", "ccd, storytime"
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cathmomof2
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I would love to be a more spontaneous person, but I've resolved the fact that I'm not. A schedule works for us because I find that I'm more prepared the day that is before us when I know what to expect. Our oldest (6) does not deal well with ambiguity so a schedule works for his learning style/personality type very well as well. #2 (4 yrs) would have no problems with just doing whatever whenever, and #3 (2 yrs) is happy as long as we include her. :-)
That being said we don't have a rigid schedule. We are generally early risers and all try to be up to see off Daddy as he heads off to work. We have breakfast and then a quick (10-15 min) or so of some morning chores (straighten rooms, make beds, brush teeth, get dressed if they are not already), we have "ora" time (our prayer time), and then our seatwork side of school. After lunch we read, the youngest naps (sometimes I do do) and the other two do quiet activities or silent reading (or silent looking at books as is the 4 year olds case). The afternoon is free to do whatever. If we didn't get outside in the morning, and if it isn't too cold we try to get out in the afternoon for a little bit. Any appointments if there are any are in the afternoon if possible. Errands are on Fridays, followed by a treat (a trip to the library).
Now, we don't really follow a strict schedule. For instance I don't say that 9-9:30 is Math, 9:30-10 is Reading, etc... We just have a certain rhythm to the day that is generally followed.
It's funny to me that I need even that because as far as my parenting style goes (with babies) I'm the most non-scheduled type person I know. Ah, well. This is different.
Does that help at all? A schedule, but not a schedule!
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Lori B
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We have a "routine" rather than a schedule. There are no times attached, so it's flexible, but most things still get done each day.
Breakfast
Hygiene/ room tidy
Cleaning chore
Table work
Reading or lunch, depending on what time we started
Lunch or reading, depending on what time we started
Any other schoolish activities (notebook work, nature walk, etc.)
Free time
Tidy the whole house
Supper
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Willa
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I have a schedule -- but it took me a long time to realize that the schedule was going to be the equivalent of 100 percent pass completion in football. That is, not going to happen -- maybe one day in a fortunate blue moon, but not every day.
So my schedule is mostly to provide the "bones" of the day so that when I get derailed, I know where to pick up again.
It helps me to keep priorities in mind. If I have 2 or 3 things listed that I REALLY want to see accomplished, I put them on a short-list. That reminds me where my focus is for that day.
I schedule in more time for activities than it will usually take (an hour for math though generally it only takes 40 minutes, that kind of thing) because there are always those little things like stopping a pitched battle or getting juice for a little one that slow down the day.
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Willa
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Isa in Michigan
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I have a loose schedule that doesn't involve times (except for meals and bedtime). In other words, we have a list of stuff to get done for the day and we go from one thing to the next. This aleviates the stress of not sticking to certain times, but it gives us some structure.
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Rachel May
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amyable wrote:
| Maybe not necessarily a strict to-the-minute one, but essentially everything from that to a strict routine? |
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Ours doesn't have military precision, but from what I have gathered from reading posts here over the years, it's pretty tight. I can tell you by the clock what time things are expected to happen, and I would say that a lot of the time they do. But I can see that this sort of schedule wouldn't serve everyone.
Quote:
| Everytime I try one, something happens like we start a new co-op or I get pregnant and everything flies out the window. |
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I like to have our schedule serve us rather than be slaves to the schedule, but over the years I've found that fitting everything else to the family schedule serves us best. So, for example, we currently have one day a week that intereferes with nap/quiet time. That means that I won't add any more regular activities during the littles' naptime, but would consider something after naps, so as to keep an overall balance between the big and little kids' needs.
Quote:
| When I try to just do a "flexible routine" though, we get TOO flexible |
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Maybe you are starting to be flexible before the rhythm of your new routine is internalized? When a new baby throws our usual schedule off, I tend to cut away extras until I feel more in rhythm with our schedule again (seeing who is getting cranky from being out too much and correct that, for example), and then slowly ease into flexibility.
Quote:
| But I feel like a bad mom if I am always the slave driver! |
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This is the biggest struggle for me because although I do think that our schedule serves our whole family and encourages productivity and makes our days smoother AND leaves plenty of time for leisure, I find it sort of sick that the 3 year old says, "It's 7 o'clock on my clock, Mommy" instead of "Good morning." 
Quote:
| ...how long have you been doing it |
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9 years--since the twins were born basically
It has been developed in layers:
- sleep/quiet time and feeding routine
- morning reading time which became school at the table time
- activity/sports/free play
- chores
- occasional extra activities--like field trips
The reason why we don't go by the seat of my pants is that I get grumpy and disoriented when I don't know what is going to happen next, and the kids are like me. Also, I am the lazy one in our house and don't want the kids to learn my bad habits.
The draw backs are our unfortunate clock obsession, the tendency to become too into box checking, and sometimes a lack of spontenaity.
I think the main benefit is that, like many things that are "rule"ish, in the end the rules give us a great deal of freedom because we accomplish what we need to regularly and efficiently without tedious decision making. Good luck! I hope you find a system that works.
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JeniferS
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mellyrose wrote:
, and then do their daily chore/s (which I created a chart so that there's no question about what has to happen on each day.) . |
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Melanie,
I have children the same age as your boys (5 & 7), could you share your chore chart with us? I am organizationally challenged and am always looking for help!
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mellyrose
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JeniferS wrote:
Melanie,
I have children the same age as your boys (5 & 7), could you share your chore chart with us? I am organizationally challenged and am always looking for help! |
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This is what is expected of the boys daily:
Monday -- Nate empties trashcans throughout house. Colin helps me clean their bathroom.
Tuesday -- both boys bring their hampers to the laundry room. I wash/dry the clothes, then each boy takes his clothes, folds them and puts them away.
Wednesday -- the boys attend an enrichment program from 8:30 - 3:30, so they have no specific chores.
Thursday -- Colin empties trashcans throughout the house. Nate helps me clean their bathroom.
Friday -- the boys strip their bedsheets and bring to laundry room, they help me make their beds with fresh sheets. (or the same sheets after they're washed/dried.)
On a daily basis, Nate puts away the silverware from the dishwasher. They both help set the table, and clear the table after meals. They each make their own bed in the AM and tidy their rooms in the PM.
They run the electric broom in the kitchen and living room as-needed (usually a few times/week) They also clean the patio door weekly or so, and a large hallway mirror. They help pick up and put away clutter when asked (well, sort of, sometimes -- some days are better than others, LOL)
My 5 year old is much more helpful than my 7 year old, and I find that he actually does more household helping than his brother does. I think this is partly personality, and partly because he would rather be active when my 7 year old is happy to find a corner to read in.
On that same note, my 7 year old REALLY likes the chart on the refrigerator and he looks at it and determines what needs to be done, and does it - but doesn't like to be asked to do additional things. My 5 year old fights a bit more about the "routine" even though he is extremely helpful for the most part. So, when I need extra things done, I tend to ask Nate -- like last night I was working on cleaning the garage (a task that will probably take 6 months -- but I got some headway!) I asked Nate and Colin both to help, but Nate is the one who actually ended up staying outside with me and really working and helping me by running things to the trash, taking things in the house (and then coming BACK out), making piles, etc. Colin helped sort of, but really wasn't much help.
Maybe that helped?
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Melanie in AZ
Colin (11/00), Nate (05/02), Lydia (04/07)
My Little Patch of Sunshine
Pictures of our Life
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Elizabeth
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| Posted: March 29 2008 at 12:11pm | IP Logged
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What Rachel said  .
Speaking of Rachel, isn't your baby scheduled in for tomorrow??
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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mama251ders
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I have just started implementing rhythms in our house. We are working on our morning/school rhythm at this point. I like to call it a rhythm because it gives us a little more flexibilty than a schedule. Here is what we so thus far:
Wake up
Have breakfast
Get dressed, make your bed, brush your teeth
Circle time
School work time
Morning walk
Lunch
We will start adding to that when we are comfortable with what we have.
We have always had a bedtime rhythm which is pretty standard and starts right after dinner. Although with daylight savings and summer approaching, that rhythm will fly right out the window !
I think it does really help when the kids know what to expect. They get pretty antsy when things are up in the air.
Blessings,
Betsie
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Rachel May
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Elizabeth wrote:
| Speaking of Rachel, isn't your baby scheduled in for tomorrow?? |
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Ahh, this is another drawback of being a scheduled person. The number of times in the past 2 weeks I have had a beautiful labor pattern disappear completely when I look at my calendar and see that a) it's not the baby's day to come  and b) I don't have time to have a baby and be trapped in the hospital for 2 days right now. But tomorrow (after mass) is clear!
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Rachel
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Families where schedules work?
