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Ruth
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| Posted: Feb 28 2008 at 8:07am | IP Logged
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My husband has been reading a book called The Highly Sensitive Person and it has made us realize that our baby is definately highly sensitive.
If we don't go to our room and get in bed by 6 every night, she gets very upset. I've tried to hold her off until we're done with dinner by nursing, or putting her in the moby, but it does not work. She wants to be in bed. As soon as we go upstairs and get into bed she calms down and nurses peacefully.
She also gets overwhelmed if we're out during the day. Yesterday I had to take my husband to the train station at 6:45 am because my van was in the shop, so I ran a few errands in the morning since I was already out, and I also had to take our 18dd to work at 4. This was too much for her. We didn't get to go to bed until after 7, but it was too late. By then she bacame frantic. First, I tried nursing her in bed, but she refused to nurse and kept throwing herself back. Then I tried walking her in the moby, pacing back and forth in our room, but that didn't work either. I just kept praying Memorares over and over again. She did this until 9 o'clock.  Finally, my husband laid down with her and massaged her back and she fell asleep a few minuted later. I was beginning to worry that something might be wrong, but she slept well last night. She only nursed three times in the middle of the night.
She's been doing well the past few weeks, but that's probably because we go to bed so early. We've never had a baby like this. Does anyone know of any books that deal with babies and toddlers who are extra sensitive? The book my husband is reading doesn't really address babies. All he has read is that infants can't tell weather the dicomfort they're feeling comes from them, like gas, or from the outside world. Poor little baby. I want to be able to comfort her and do all I can to help her through it.
Any suggestions?
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Ruth
mom to 7 miracles
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Bridget
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| Posted: Feb 28 2008 at 2:24pm | IP Logged
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Ruth, I don't really have any suggestions but my fifth sounds a lot like your baby. She couldn't handle going anywhere. She would fall apart if someone new got in our van to ride with us, or the routine changed, wouldn't nurse well in public or with a lot of commotion...
She wasn't my first high needs baby but she was the most intense.
Mostly we just tried to have a sense of humor about it. If I could accommodate her needs, i.e. not going out at night, I did. But we called her the princess and tried to laugh and love her out of it.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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Ruth
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| Posted: Feb 28 2008 at 2:56pm | IP Logged
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Thanks, Bridget. I did want to say that she is the sweetest little baby. She wakes up with the greatest smile. She's usually very happy until the late afternoon. She just gets overwhelmed very easily.
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Ruth
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amyable
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Just tell her when she grows up the cloistered life is probably a better fit than a being a homeschooling mom of 5 kids under 11  Just kidding! Seriously though, I *am* that sensitive kid, and so are some of my children. They have outgrown it in varying degrees as they got older. My youngest (5mo) is worlds better than he was at 2-3 months, but still gets overwhelmed easily.
Basically, I jump through hoops at this age to keep things on an even keel as much as I can with the sensitive ones - like you are doing with going to bed early. I am finding that a very predictable routine has been helpful - right down to saying the same things at the same time (i.e. always saying "I'm going to change your diaper now" as you lay the baby in the same spot, and always changing her after a nap, etc).
There is also a book The Highly Sensitive Child by the same author that might be helpful - I don't remember, but maybe "Raising your Spirited Child" has an infant section?
I know I at this when people suggest if for our family, but keeping things as calm/dim/quiet as you can at least in the late afternoon is supposed to be helpful.
Have you ever read "Happiest Baby on the Block"? I don't agree with everything he says (at least in his other books) but his suggestions for the colicky/late afternoon screemies seem to work wonders for many babies - It's the 5 S's : Swaddle the baby tight, Side or Stomach while holding her (can put her on her back once she's asleep), Shushing or other white noise - (pretty firmly, and then quieter as she quiets), Swinging (I always did it on my legs, swinging them back and forth), and Sucking (on bottle, breast, pacifier, finger...). Do those all at the same time, and it's supposed to trigger the calming reflex (whatever that is, LOL). Google Dr. Karp Happiest Baby on the Block for more details.
Hmmm, I'm sure I've learned more tricks, but I can't think of any right now! My mind is foggy - on the one night the children were sleeping peacefully, there was some sort of CAT or other wild animal howling under my window for hours last night!   I'll come back if I think of anything!
Oh, I did think of one thing, but you may not be interested - I did find at one point (it has since changed a bit) that my son really cried LESS when I just swaddled and left him alone to go to sleep. He did cry - but it was 5 minutes as opposed to the half an hour plus that he would scream when I was holding him. I think it was just too much stimulation to be with me.
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SuzanneG
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amyable wrote:
| Just tell her when she grows up the cloistered life is probably a better fit than a being a homeschooling mom of 5 kids under 11 |
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Oh, Amy! Once again, thanks for making me spit my tea out all over the computer screen! 
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Kristie 4
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Have you seen The Highly Sensitive Child? My friend gave me the book to look at- I didn't read it because it didn't seem like it fit with the child she had in mind.
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organiclilac
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| Posted: Feb 28 2008 at 8:14pm | IP Logged
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I really like The Fussy Baby Book by the Sears.
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Lisbet
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Ruth, I thought about your question alot yesterday. A few things came to mind. For right now, I would absolutely accomodate her as much as possible, she is so little. I'm wondering, while you were out running errands, was she in the car alot? Was her physical contact with you limited by this? I would suggest limited your times out, and when you do have to do some running around (it is inevitable, I know!) either have someone else drive so you can sit by her and touch her and make eye contact or if you must drive, take time inbetween really 'connect'. One thing I do when I am behind the wheel and can't physically touch MB is give him the wrap we are using. Use the MOBY as her blanket in the car seat - that could be calming to her.
Another thought - the youngest baby in a big family gets alot of stimulation even if the whole day is just spent at home. (especially with those boys! AH THE NOISE!! LOL!) So maybe a trip or two out during the day, combined with the 'joyful chaos' at home is just too much stimulation for her right now.
I think you are doing a wonderful job by accomodating her by going to bed so early. If MB is not in bed by 8 I know it will be a rough night. 8 is a whole lot different than 6 though - that would be challenging. My sixth baby (Sammy) woke up each morning at 4:30, ready to go for the day. While it was hard, I'd get up with him and would spend the next 2 hours, just him and I, cuddling, rocking, lovin'! I think it was his way of having mama to himself for awhile each day! I look back on that time fondly! Sammy is still the first child up each morning, but now it's closer to 6:30.
I hope this helps. It really is a fleeting time. And how wonderful that you are in tune enough with her to recongnize her needs and temperment, and that you are willing to accomdate it.
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Ruth
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| Posted: Feb 29 2008 at 7:55am | IP Logged
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Bridget wrote:
If I could accommodate her needs, i.e. not going out at night, I did.
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I agree. I RARELY go out at night. Maybe every few months or so, depending on the occasion. We don't have any outside activities, except Legion of Mary on Friday afternoons. I don't like being out of the house past 5. I don't function well that late in the day.
amyable wrote:
| Have you ever read "Happiest Baby on the Block"? |
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No, I have not heard of that one, but I'll try to take a look at it at the library.
Kristie 4 wrote:
| Have you seen The Highly Sensitive Child? |
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I'll look at that one too. Thanks.
organiclilac wrote:
| I really like The Fussy Baby Book by the Sears. |
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I'm going to start with this one first. It was recommended by another dear friend.
Lisbet wrote:
| I'm wondering, while you were out running errands, was she in the car alot? Was her physical contact with you limited by this? |
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I didn't think so. I went to pick up the van, then Walmart to get a few baby items, and then the library. So I carried her while I walked around.
Lisbet wrote:
One thing I do when I am behind the wheel and can't physically touch MB is give him the wrap we are using. Use the MOBY as her blanket in the car seat - that could be calming to her.
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That is an excellent idea!!!
Lisbet wrote:
If MB is not in bed by 8 I know it will be a rough night. 8 is a whole lot different than 6 though - that would be challenging. |
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Yes, it is. We have dinner around 5, clean up, if she's doing ok, then I take her to bed with me, and she nurses on and off until she falls asleep around 8. The kids come into my room around 7 and we read in there, maybe play a game, or watch a video, do showers, and we say our prayers and it's time for bed. When our 18dd comes home from work at 9:30, she comes in our room to talk for a while and then she tucks me in.
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Ruth
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Caring for a "highly sensitive child"
