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simplemama
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| Posted: Feb 19 2008 at 8:59pm | IP Logged
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Recently, my dear husband brought up a worry of his with the prospect of home schooling that I will not be able to handle all the responsibilities of home schooling with the demands of the children/household etc. A fear he has is that the children may grow ‘behind’ if I am unable to devote the necessary time to each child in the midst of other duties or younger babies/toddlers. Although he didn’t say it, I’m sure he is also afraid I might lose it and go crazy or something ;) (I tend to ‘lose it’ every few months or so for a day as I get overwhelmed so maybe that is why)
He also made a good point that sometimes he wonderes if I am wanting to homeschool for the kids or for me. I admit, sometimes I get really self-involved with the issue and see all the wonderful ideas out there and forget about my 'real' family and my 'real' kids.
I don't want to prove anything to my dh but do need a little encouragement, as sometimes I do wonder (depending on the day) how I am going to managage it all.
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Wife to Worker Bee, Princesita (4) and Bubby Bear Cub (1)
A little bit about me:
http://thesimplemama.blogspot.com
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JuliaT
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| Posted: Feb 19 2008 at 9:32pm | IP Logged
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I am having problems starting this post. I want to be encouraging but yet I want to be realistic. For me, homeschooling and taking care of my family is the hardest thing I have done so farin my life. I only have 3 children but there are times when I feel like I am losing my mind in trying to keep on top of everything.
I love homeschooling. I can't imagine not doing it. I, too, wonder sometimes if I am doing this more for myself than for my children. My dh has accused me of this as well.
Even though, I feel at times like the walls are closing in on me, I keep getting back on the horse and try to find the right way for us. It takes awhile to get your rhythm as far as housework, taking care of the kids, your dh, homeschooling is concerned. But it is possible.
I have been feeling convicted about certain areas of my life recently and I have been making some big changes. I have been getting up early in the morning to give me some time to myself as well as to get an early start on whatever needs to be done for that day. I have also cut back on my computer time so that I can be 'present' for my kids. I have noticed that in just these two things, I have been able to keep my house relatively clean.
It may be rough for awhile as you begin this lifestyle but, if you tweak and change things, as well as being flexible about life, you will find a way to make it work.
Julia
mom of 3 (8,7,5)
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SallyT
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| Posted: Feb 19 2008 at 10:54pm | IP Logged
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I will say that, having had kids go to school, that's not necessarily an "easier" option. Living on a school schedule is stressful in many ways; having to be organized enough to get kids dressed in the right clothes, out the door, with lunches/money/forms/homework, and be on time for school is exhausting in and of itself. Makes me tired and anxious just thinking about it. And then you turn around and it's time for them to come home again, and another day -- poof -- is gone.
Looking back, I really think that whatever time I gained for myself, to do things that *I* thought I needed to do, was not worth the other headaches and the toll on the kids, especially my oldest. She did not handle school well -- that is, she was practically perfect at school, but in the afternoons she was a nightmare, having stored up all her own stress all day long, and mornings were difficult, too.
So, as Julia says, homeschooling and mothering are a hard combination sometimes, but I really think that that's true of practically anything and mothering. The best jobs are hard.
But as Julia says, you find things that work and ways of accomplishing what really needs doing. And kids do weather a little momentary mild neglect when you've got your hands full with babies and youngers. Whatever neglect or momentary behind-ness they might experience is more than offset by the experience of knowing and bonding with younger siblings, too -- when my third was a baby, the older two went to school, and he was like an only child most of the time. Now my olders (14 and 10) play happily and look after the youngers (5 and 4) in a way that I don't think would occur to them had they not been homeschooled and with those younger kids constantly for the past five years.
Like Julia, I can honestly say that I love homeschooling. Some days I want to tear my hair out, and some days the house is chaos and dinner is what I pulled out of thin air at the last minute -- but I can't imagine that I would be doing any better, or that my own personal weaknesses and sins would be any less if the kids went to school. Life just is what it is, but at the end of the day, I'm really, really, really grateful to be living it with my kids.
Hope that's encouraging!
Sally
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: Feb 20 2008 at 9:59am | IP Logged
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Just being on this forum for a while, I have learned a few things from the other lovely ladies.
1. It's not how many kids you have; it's how many you have under the age of five that can get you completely overwhelmed.
2. Older children are there to pick up the slack of housework and taking care of littles from time to time.
3. Even if formal school work is interrupted due to a new baby or some other family drama, the kids surprisingly seem to learn a lot and very rarely measure behind their peers.
4. We all get overwhelmed by the sometimes unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves and our children.
Many husbands don't have the time or the desire to delve into all the homeschooling research. And while they may see certain benefits, they may not truly understand the flexibility that homeschooling can afford and may have a harder time realizing that children are constantly learning even if they aren't sitting at the kitchen table working out of textbook. They are used to how they were schooled and may not be able to fully think outside the school box in which they were schooled. So sometimes we have to pass on the positives.
Is there any guarantee that you wouldn't still have these meltdowns from time to time if you didn't homeschool? Is it possible that his doubts are actually about homeschooling and not about you? Have the two of you sat down and discussed your goals and expectations for homeschooling? These can be very different from family to family. And you may also need to discuss what his housekeeping priorities are so that you know the areas where you can slack off without guilt from time to time.
I started out hesitant about the idea of homeschooling; I actually only studied it so I could debate against my friend who mentioned that she and her husband were considering homeschooling. Then I got hooked. I could really see the benefits that homeschooling could offer my children (especially in light of things my husband and I each experienced in school). At the same time, it really breathed new life into my feeling of purpose. I was really lost for awhile after I came home to be with my first baby. Even though, I knew it was the right decision for her; I felt like such a drudge doing housework.
So I do homeschool partly for me. I think having homeschooling to keep me intellectually stimulated helps me to be a better mother and wife, because I really feel like I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. I always thought I wanted to be a teacher, and now I am. That doesn't mean that I don't get overwhelmed with life in general sometimes, too. I go through down periods where things seem harder. (I think mild depression runs through my family.)
But the more I have read, the more convicted I am that homeschooling is best for my kids. And if our financial circumstances changed, I would make any sacrifice I could to keep them at home for school. Sending them to a "real" school would be an absolute last resort. So I feel like it is a win-win situation for me and the kids.
And maybe it is kind of selfish, but I would hate to think of my kids having all those lightbulb moments in a room with a teacher who is so busy with twenty other kids that she doesn't have time to notice. I love being there to see the connections being made; it gives me a total high. My kids bring me so much joy every day that I can't imagine sending them away for seven hours five days a week, except for those times when they make me want to tear out my hair; thankfully, the happy and the frustrating moments can both happen with any ten-minute span. 
That's just my two cents.
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Barbara
Mom to "spirited" dd(9), "spunky" dd (6), "sincere" dd (3), "sweet" dd (2), and baby girl #5 born 8/1/12!!
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simplemama
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| Posted: Feb 25 2008 at 9:23pm | IP Logged
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Sorry it has taken me this long to reply, been trying to limit my online time and actually live life. Anyway, thank you all so much for the encouragment, worth more than just two cents for sure!
After reading throught these and thinking some more, I realized that home schooling, as an extension of my motherhood, can only happen with my husband's support. Like it was said, I can't expect the same level of enthusiams or knowlegdge about it, but knowing that he is supporting me is the only way it will work.
We had a good heart to heart (again!) and this time with very little arguing and no tears! We have come to a great resolution for now, and feel like we are finally done 'fighting' about this for the time being. I feel like a HUGGEEEE weight has been lifted and suddenly, I am confident again that yes, we can do this. I have had more bounce to my step and certainly have been enjoying my days with everything they bring a lot more. It's amazing what a husband's support can bring.
Thank you all again.
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Wife to Worker Bee, Princesita (4) and Bubby Bear Cub (1)
A little bit about me:
http://thesimplemama.blogspot.com
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snowbabiesmom
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| Posted: Feb 26 2008 at 2:24pm | IP Logged
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Grace! God will give you the grace. He will be with you through the crazy weeks and the great weeks.
You are raising saints, not scholars. Your children will learn by your example. Take Jesus with you every time you open a book with them. Start off your morning with the Guardian angel prayer. Remember how Mary responded to her call:
" I am the Handmaid of the Lord, let your will be done."
We give up self to give self to our families, no matter how many or what age. Giving of self through homeschooling means, no leisure strolls the the mall alone, no "let's go to lunch with friends" or grab a cup of coffee. Its laundry, dinner, groceries, schooling, nursing, and the list goes on, but by God's Grace...He will carry us through our day with our children he has entrusted us with.
( my two cents in a moment where kids are napping or reading and piano)
Prayers for you and all who are called to homeschool.
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Handling it all and staying focused
