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Matilda
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| Posted: Jan 24 2008 at 9:47am | IP Logged
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My 3 year old started telling us back around Christmas that he was afraid to go to sleep because he was afraid to have nightmares. When we asked him what these nightmares were about, he said over and over "the scary lady with the spotted puppies" (101 Dalmations...Cruella deVille, the original animated movie). First of all, I find it ironic that this use to be my oldest's favorite movie and he was a kid who was afraid of everything!!!). Now, they hadn't seen it in a long time so a few months back when everyone was sick, we turned it on.
I guess what I am trying to say, is that I find it hard to believe that this one character from a movie they watched months ago is really the cause of his nightmares. I think he is using this character to express his fear.
I am wondering if anyone has any suggestions about how to get him over this difficult time. I know that he is at the right age for this kind of thing We had this happen with my youngest daughter although we were able to identify a few triggers and help minimize the number of times it happened. (Temperature of her room, no chocolate after 4 pm, using an apple cinnamon fragrance spray and telling her it was "no nightmare" spray) None of these cures are helping him. In fact, sometimes he is so scared he won't even get into his bed. We have been letting him sleep in our bed, but he still will talk and whimper in his sleep, so I know he is dealing with something scary in his mind.
Any advice would be appreciated. I am not going to force him out of my bed, but we don't have a family sized bed right now and so that means that one of the grown ups ends up on the couch sometime during the night. I would like to help him back into his room where his big brother sleeps on the top bunk but only if he is feeling safe and secure there.
Thanks in advance!
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Charlotte (Matilda)
Mom to four (11 , 10 , 9 & 5 ) an even split for now
with bookend boys and a double girl sandwich
Waltzing Matilda
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MaryMary
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| Posted: Jan 24 2008 at 11:30am | IP Logged
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Matilda,
We have a nearly three year old boy that is going through something similar right now (not so much with nightmares, but with being scared at bedtime). He doesn't sleep comfortably in our bed (and neither do we with him there) so we join him in his room when he is scared. Some nights he needs us there until he falls asleep, other nights we can excuse ourselves a bit at a time saying, "Mama needs to ..., I'll be back in a minute". When he knows that we will be back (and we usually do come right back), he seems better, and he usually falls right asleep.
When nightmares abound I pull out the Holy Water and sprinkle it around their room, letting them know that nothing scary can be where holy water is  I also make sure that their bedtime stories are happy and calming.
I'll pray for your little sweetie, Matilda!
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Mary
Wife 2 1
Mum 2 four blessings on earth and two in heaven!
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Matilda
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| Posted: Jan 24 2008 at 11:41am | IP Logged
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Thank you so much Mary! I can't tell you how it helps to know that my kids aren't the only ones with these problems because then that turns to thinking that the only common denominator is me and "OH MY GOODNESS....I"VE BROKEN THEM!"
We tried exactly what you described for a while and it was working, but all of the sudden, last night he cried and screamed and wouldn't even go in his room. He cuddled with me on our bed, but even then, he was skittish and nervous. I was surprised that he didn't calm down once he realized he wasn't going to sleep in his room. My husband turned off the light by accident for a brief second when we were in there and Blaise screamed and cried out that it was too dark. I have sympathy because I remember being deathly afraid of the dark.
Thank you for the prayers and just letting me know that there is hope that we can get him through this.
I wondered if his brother's birthday on Tuesday might have triggered this latest set back. Or maybe the amount of sugar consumed? Or maybe the guests we had last weekend? Have you ever noticed anything like that triggering a set back with your little one?
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Charlotte (Matilda)
Mom to four (11, 10, 9 & 5) an even split for now
with bookend boys and a double girl sandwich
Waltzing Matilda
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MaryMary
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| Posted: Jan 24 2008 at 3:41pm | IP Logged
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Matilda wrote:
I wondered if his brother's birthday on Tuesday might have triggered this latest set back. Or maybe the amount of sugar consumed? Or maybe the guests we had last weekend? Have you ever noticed anything like that triggering a set back with your little one? |
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A lack of sleep, a change in diet and/or routine always seems to bring some sort of consequence with it around my house, too!
With our son, I detect this bedtime skittishness is a developmental turning point. It is almost as though he recognizes that he's getting to be a "big boy", and he WANTS to be recognized as a big boy, but at the same time he's SCARED to be a big boy. And all of these growing-up issues all seem to come out at bedtime or nighttime when their guards are down and they're more vulnerable. Does that make sense? He wants to fight dragons during his play time, but he's scared of dragons at night. He is OBSESSED with the David and Goliath story and begs me to tell him the story(and, trust me when I tell you that I haven't overemphasized any of the violence or scariness therein!), but when he goes to bed he says, "I'm scared of Giants, Mama Puuurrr-tect me!!!"
I'm sure that 'this too shall pass' for both of us Matilda. And I'm confident that you are doing a wonderful job!
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Mary
Wife 2 1
Mum 2 four blessings on earth and two in heaven!
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humanaevitae
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| Posted: Jan 25 2008 at 10:51pm | IP Logged
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We got our son a large picture of a warrior St. Michael who is on the wall by his bed.
He gets holy water to bless himself with everynight. During the day we discuss how to handle scary situations...start praying, get holy water, say the name Jesus.
If he still is having nightmares we gave him a fisher-price tape player that sits by his bed. If he wakes up from his nightmare and can't get the picture/situation out of his mind, he can turn on the tape player which softly plays Christian music of the lullaby nature.
I started by brainstorming with my son how he could handle this. What would help him? (ds wanted a play sword to sleep with!  )I tried to empower him into handling this with God's help.
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Nicole-Zane 10, Elizabeth 7, Xavier 4, and John Patrick 2
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LucyP
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| Posted: Jan 29 2008 at 6:10am | IP Logged
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Our son has always suffered a lot with night terrors and nightmares. I think with him it comes from deep-seated trauma pre-adoption. To be honest, the one thing that killed them dead was moving him to our room "for good". The knowledge that it was every night and "for ever" helped him relax very deeply and now he no longer has the dreams.
One thing we were told was not to engage with the dreams becasue that just increased the fright and reality of it. To just say it was gone (we would open a window and say "get out" and do a prayer to his angel) and leave it at that, which sort of worked sometimes.
I said a prayer for your sweet little chap.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Nightmares
