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Michaela
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| Posted: Nov 12 2007 at 3:17pm | IP Logged
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Saturday, I committed to watching my 9yo niece. She spent the night last night so my brother could attend a black-tie event Sunday night and go to an early morning meeting this a.m.
After committing, Teresa has come down with a fever of 103 and has been crying, non stop. Even while hearing all that over the phone that didn't phase my brother. I was too wimpy to backout.
So, I'm a little on edge, but want to be a good aunt to a child who lives in a very non traditional home (mom married to another woman....dad living in the bedroom at my mom's).
How do you handle the little things like when a child (guest) tells us, clearly, that she doesn't like the food being served? (Goodness, I'm thankful that I'm even able to cook! Teresa is sooooo unhappy.) I thought I'd get away with sloppy joes, tater tots, a veggie, and salad for dinner...kid fare?....nope.
Cooking for breakfast, after being up allllll night....I was told she doesn't eat cold cereal.
It's been an interesting day! I have finally got Teresa to sleep after my mom drove over to bring teething medication....to ask for help is so humbling, but it was necessary. Well, while putting Teresa to sleep, someone instigated a water fight inside the house!
I'm here because I'm so tired, and after threatening to call my brother to get his dd, they are quietly playing monopoly jr.
For some reason I'm not taking it very well. My brother is now done w/ his meeting, but she wants to stay because she has no friends or siblings. Yes, it's my choice to let her stay, but could you help me change my attitude? I'm getting off line and praying for a better day.
Thanks for letting me vent here. If I call DH, he'll get upset while at work and maybe even call my brother.
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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jdostalik
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| Posted: Nov 12 2007 at 4:09pm | IP Logged
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Michaela wrote:
Yes, it's my choice to let her stay, but could you help me change my attitude? I'm getting off line and praying for a better day.
Thanks for letting me vent here. If I call DH, he'll get upset while at work and maybe even call my brother. |
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Praying for you, Michaela. God will reward you for your faithfulness to this child. BUT, remember that you need to take care of yourself, too...Hugs to you! 
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God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
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guitarnan
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| Posted: Nov 12 2007 at 7:14pm | IP Logged
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Your heart is in the right place, but you don't have to overextend yourself when your own dd is ill and you have had no rest. Were I you, I'd call my brother and have him pick up his daughter.
(Now...I was a daycare mom for a couple of years and had to learn how to be assertive...I know how hard it is!)
Please don't let your brother take advantage of you (and don't let his dd, either...if she has no friends, perhaps she needs something you can't give). It doesn't sound like he is trying to do this, from your post, but you definitely have to put your ill child first.
I'm sorry to hear that your brother and niece are trying to recover from a tough situation. It must be very difficult for them, and for you.
Perhaps as Christmas approaches you could involve your niece in some activities where she can really help, such as gift-wrapping, putting stamps on Christmas card envelopes, etc. She'd probably feel a true sense of pride and accomplishment. Or, if your dc are making Christmas gifts or cards for family members, you could invite your niece to do so as well. Adding one extra child to a pre-planned craft/wrapping event isn't too hard, and would certainly count as giving her attention and exposing her to traditional values.
On the food side, my ds was a very picky eater for a while, and here's what we did. I tried to cook at least one thing he'd eat (but didn't cater to all his wishes, otherwise we'd only have eaten chicken nuggets and mac & cheese). If he didn't like anything else, I offered bread and butter. That gave him at least 2 things to eat that he liked. (My dd's godparents started us on this idea, and as we ate at their place every other weekend, he got the same treatment there...so it became familiar very quickly.) Within a relatively short period of time, two things happened. First, I stopped stressing about feeding him balanced meals. I knew he was getting 2 or 3 food groups at a minimum, and the things he ate were healthy because I had cooked them. Second, he learned that the food universe was not centered around him...and he became curious about those foods he saw the rest of us eating. Some he liked, some he didn't...but all of us had an acceptable way out if he didn't like the foods he tried. There was always either a meat or veg he did like, plus bread, butter, and milk to drink.
In other words, you're within your rights, as the mother of your family, to cook what you normally would. She doesn't have to like it. You don't have to cook an entirely different meal for her. Offer bread and butter or PBJ. You can, even, point out that it isn't polite to say she doesn't like something. She could, instead, say, "No, thank you," and you could also tell her she can always ask for (fill in food item you always have on hand here...for us it was bread and butter). I was very dubious about this approach, but I saw it work on my ds in our friends' home and it made sense.
Today I can report with joy that my ds (15) loves an amazing array of food...he still won't do seafood, but he enjoys Thai, Chinese, German, French (well, he turned down frog leg casserole and cow muzzle in France 2 weeks ago, but I did as well!), Mexican, Italian, Greek...you get the idea. He doesn't like everything, but he'll try it. Seafood will come, I am sure.
And, when he doesn't like what we're serving, there's always bread and butter. Even now.
Take care of yourself and your darling little one, OK?
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Michaela
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| Posted: Nov 13 2007 at 9:03am | IP Logged
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Thank you for your kind replies.
I really want her to enjoy her time here, but realize I am putting too much pressure on myself trying to keep her from leaving with any negative feelings about being here.
Nancy, you gave me such useful advice. I know some solutions seem obvious, but I just didn't know how to handle the food issue or the little things that aren't a problem when dealing with my own children. (....and still be a family she enjoys spending time with.  )
We've had to come up with a couple of new rules since she has started staying over on the weekends.
Even though she was able to get two of my three to say they also don't like what's for dinner  they all enjoyed it enough to have seconds. It was hard to figure out if she didn't like dinner or is just accustomed to having it her way. Plus needing to care for Teresa who was screaming during all this. The PB&J is a great solution in case she honestly doesn't want something. I just realized....maybe I should ask my brother if there is something she won't eat. My oldest won't eat eggs.
Imagining the same situation, but with my son..... it's probably best to ask my brother for the next time.....it wouldn't have been wise to call him right then, but I can bring it up this week before she comes next weekend. 
I'll also try to have a few activities or preplanned crafts available, like you suggested, to help slow the pace next time and also to create some positive memories for her.
Her visits should go smoother. I'll stop pressuring myself to be the favored Aunt or the example of a "traditional" family.  I told my brother that my door will always be open...so I better just relax and be myself or this won't be fun for any of us.
Thank you for helping me see things clearer.
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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guitarnan
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| Posted: Nov 13 2007 at 10:34am | IP Logged
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My dd loves drawing and we have tons of crayons, pencils and paper around. With Christmas coming, you can probably find some good St. Nicholas pages (try the St. Nicholas Center website...they have printable crafts). You could just leave the things out and all the children can enjoy them. Paper snowflakes are another fun and easy craft.
I was stumped with my ds until dd's godparents showed me the path to stress-less meals...I hope our ideas help!
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: sick baby & watching niece
