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Lisbet
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| Posted: Nov 12 2007 at 8:32am | IP Logged
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It looks like it has come to this in our house. My husband just applied for a second job, part-time. This is a job he worked in college, it is very physically demanding but he longs for more physical activity. We just really need a bump in our income right now, we've been hit with so many unexpecteds lately and we still hope to move soon.
So, he'll be working his full-time job 7am - 4pm, then his second part-time 5pm - 9pm.
We have a very solid nighttime routine which heavily invloves him. I am thinking of starting our day later so I can keep the kids up later so we can keep this nighttime routine with dad. That means kids would be up till 11 on a regular basis. Now they are all in bed by 9.
I imagine things being way more relaxed around here, and I know I'm going to have to work a bit harder too, to help releive his burdens.
Has anyone else done this? Is it too much for one man? I am trying not to worry or stress and let my husband lead us in this.
Thanks for any input or stories of how others have done this.
__________________
Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Nov 12 2007 at 9:34am | IP Logged
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Hi Lisa,
My dh works two jobs. His full time job is 8-5 plus a long commute and some travel. His part time job is 2 evenings a week plus odd hours. He is also on-call 24/7. It is hard but doable.
There was a time when our schedule ran late so that the children could be with their dad at night. Currently, we can't do that because of obligations that start early in the morning. I think the key is to figure out the most valuable use of dad's time, considering his needs for rest, too. A few years ago, my dh started to deploy to provide emergency assistance during disasters. It was then that the children and I started seeing ourselves as being called to run the house without him. It took time and hard work and delegation (I found someone to help us with our yardwork,) but at this point, my dh is relieved of most household duties. This frees him up to be with us at home without having to do regular chores (although he chooses have a to-do list that keeps him involved with household stuff that doesn't need to be done on a regular basis.) At first, my dh didn't want to "be relieved." But as time went on and his work duties piled up and his sleeping hours decreased, he simply needed a break somewhere. Now the children pride themselves in being able to "hold down the fort" so that they can have relaxed, fun, or project-driven time with dad when he is home.
I'll pray for you during this transition. I'm confident that with the help of the Holy Spirit, you will find just what you need for your whole family.
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Maddie
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| Posted: Nov 12 2007 at 10:22am | IP Logged
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My husband is currently working two full-time jobs. Monday through Thursday he works 1.5 hours away. He leaves at 6:15am and returns 8:45pm; then Friday through Sunday (yes, he has to work Sunday, it totally stinks)he leaves at 4:30am and arrives home at 7:30pm. We are praying this season will not last long but with the economy the way it is in our state it's either sink or swim. Sinking is not an option with 8 children to support.
Our nighttime routine has also suffered, my dh read to them, brushed teeth, got jams on them, and said their nighttime prayers. Now, since he has an hour a day with us, I try to have them in their jams with teeth brushed so all he has to do is relax with them and read a story to them and say nighttime prayers with them. I try to make his entrance into the home at night as peaceful as possible so he gets quality time with the children and he really needs that family time after dealing with traffic and outside folks all day.
I keep in touch with him during the day as he loves to hear the small details in our home life, it helps him stay connected to us. He loves to hear simple home life stuff like, Baby #6 went on the potty today three times! He loves to be consulted about home matters, I could easily make the decisions myself, but again, it helps him stay connected to us.
He likes a small dinner when he gets home, he hates sleeping on a full stomach, I try to have that ready for him. A muffin, cereal or a small child size portion of what we had for dinner is usually what he like. We miss him so much for dinner. He gets home Sunday evening at 7:30pm so we try to at least have that meal together.
Right now I'm encouraging him to exercise as all the commute time and sitting he does at work (computer guy) is starting to show around the middle.
It's hard on the children but they understand it's necessary at this point for survival. I subtly remind them how wonderful their Daddy is for sacrificing so much for his family, I don't want them being resentful of him not being there for them, physically anyway.
Marie Bellet has a beautiful song about a working father called "One Heroic Moment", it always makes me cry. I am so blessed to have the dh I do in a world where men like him are rare. It's hard, but I remember stories from the Depression era where men had to leave the state to find work to provide for their families, it could be worse. We have a lot of kids in a two income world, with milk nearly $4 a gallon ( and we drink 16 a week) and gas prices the way they are, it's a miracle we are were we are anyway.
It's do-able but not ideal. 
God bless!
__________________
~Maddie~
Wife to my dh and Momma of 9 dear ones
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Nov 12 2007 at 10:36am | IP Logged
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Maddie wrote:
| Marie Bellet has a beautiful song about a working father called "One Heroic Moment", it always makes me cry. |
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Me too  . Lovely post, Maddie.
Our children know that this isn't ideal yet they see our reality. Daddy isn't working so hard because his work comes first (think: Cat's in the Cradle song  ) but because his family does. My dh doesn't work because he wants great stuff but because this combination of work is what is needed now. Also, when he isn't working, he's with us (except for the gym which, like Maddie pointed out, is even more important for my athlete dh as he grows older.)
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Nov 12 2007 at 11:05am | IP Logged
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My dh doesn't exactly work two jobs.. but in the summer his main job is often upwards of 12 hrs a day.. and on top of that he's a volunteer fire department. It doesn't really work for us to adjust the our schedule because dh's is not set and is pretty random.
What's I've done for bedtime.. is if they're all ready for bed (jammies etc) then they may stay up 30 minutes past bedtime waiting for Daddy. And Daddy will check in on them no matter when he gets home so that if they're still awake they'll get to see him.
But I've found that with dh not home as much that more than ever I need some downtime in the evenings. But then my dh can also be gone overnight or even out of the area for weeks.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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folklaur
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| Posted: Nov 12 2007 at 11:54am | IP Logged
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Until now, my dh has always had to work more than one job. He has his main job, then he also works for the IATSE Union, also at ASU on-call when Broadway shows come through or they have a big event, plus another local performing arts center, plus at Church each weekend doing sound, plus any contract work he can get himself (such as building museum exhibits at the Natural History museum.) Actually, I don't know that he has ever had just one job since we have been married, now that I think about it  . And, sadly, this is mostly very labor intensive work, which doesn't pay that well.
This job in Las Vegas will almost be doubling our entire income, with just one job. We have NEVER had just one job (we are giddy at the thought!)
But, since he has to leave in 18 days or so () I know the kids and I are going to have to be here, 5 days each week at least, without him, for months, until this house sells. I have no idea how I am going to do this.
I do want to try and be sure that when he does have his (hopefully) day and a half home each week, that I don't have a "honey-do" list for him. I mean, he will already be flying or driving back & forth, and I just want the kids and I to be able to enjoy him being home. I want this to be a haven for him, since I know he will be stressed, etc.
Have you talked to your dh about his thoughts for adjusting the schedule/rhythm of your routines?
Maybe just adjust their bedtime slightly, and just have dh maybe read the bedtime stories/do prayers when he gets home, but have them in bed already? That way they will only be going to bed a little later? If dh finds reading relaxing, that might help him wind down?
How early does he usually get up in the AM? Do the kids usually wake up at that time too? I would worry about them staying up later, but still getting up early, and then you will have cranky children...which will wear you down quickly too....
I'll be praying for you!
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Lisbet
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| Posted: Nov 12 2007 at 2:25pm | IP Logged
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Thank you all for sharing your experiences with me.
Maddie, your post gave me much to think about. Thank you for sharing how you've made it work.
I want to make our home his haven, and work to keep him connected with the children (and myself!) without making him feel like he is missing everything. His 7-4 job is a desk job (computer guy too!) The second job would be very physically demanding, but he says he looks forward to that again. It could be good for him!
I have a very dear friend that I know will be there to help me deal with the long hours alone with the children. I just pray that I don't get myself too stressed out and then in turn stress him.
He he is attending an orientation meeting on Wed. This could start as early as next week. Please keep us in your prayers during the transition time. Thanks!
__________________
Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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Ruth
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| Posted: Nov 12 2007 at 3:46pm | IP Logged
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Dear Lisa. You will be in my prayers.
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Ruth
mom to 7 miracles
My family blog
Loreto Rosaries
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ladybugs
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| Posted: Nov 12 2007 at 3:54pm | IP Logged
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Hey Lisa,
My dh works two jobs and his schedule is 7 days a week. Currently, he works M-F 8-5 (computer job)and Sat/Sun 5am-5pm (trucker dude).
It's awesome because we have him at night and we can all snuggle on the big bed together - the down side is that the weekends can be kind of lonely and he's missed the kids' soccer games.
But since we have struggled financially for the past several years (I've lost count) this is taking some pressure off - meaning we can pay our bills on time. It's a blessed relief that God has allowed us and I am so thankful for it.
When he first came to me and told me he was going to keep trucking on the weekends, internally I freaked at the thought of having to be "on" 24/7 with no rest. But we've adapted and everyone has had pitch in a little bit more. I've had to remind the children that their Daddy is doing this to help our family even thought we don't see him as often.
Better run...I hear some frustration...hope that helps.
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Love and God Bless,
Maria P
My etsy store - all proceeds go to help my fencing daughters!
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Husbands with 2 jobs...
