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hereinantwerp
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| Posted: Oct 22 2007 at 12:31am | IP Logged
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well the subject line says it all--
I do not have the large families so many of you have, but I feel like I barely make it through the day! What I do have is a 2 1/2 year old girl with endless energy who NEVER NAPS, and does not fall asleep until after 8. Believe me, I take all the breaks I can get from dh (who is generous and willing!), and assign my older ones to watch her for 45 minutes or so in the afternoon, and she does sometimes play pretty well on her own (sporadic of course, one can't plan it--but it happens!). But the breaks never seem to be enough. I never reach the end of the day without losing my temper or losing my cool at least a few times. And I can never keep in mind the good things I do, because I always seem to blow it in the end no matter how hard I try, and in my mind that seems to color everything. I know I wanted these children but sometimes I just feel like such a failure, like I just don't have what it takes inside to be the mother I want to be--no matter how hard I try. So right now I just feel very discouraged, and daily tempted to put the older ones in school (though that wouldn't help me with the toddler, and that is where I am struggling the most, and in my heart I just feel I couldn't hand them over to the school, unless there was truly no other alternative).
I do know I don't do the baby/toddler years very well, I just find it easier to relate to them when they are older--and she won't be little forever. I'm trying to relax and enjoy it and not "miss it" because of stress and etc. But some days I'm just not sure how much longer I can do this, or if I'm really even able to do it---not that there's really any good alternative!!!  I don't really know where to look for help, or if there is any help, and I just have to keep bearing through it till it's over (which is sooooooooo negative, I hate it, but it's really how I feel many days). I'm sure my kids pick up on my "negativeness" toward them (seeing them as a stress instead of blessing), but I can't seem to change myself inside. Sorry, that is dumping so much. I'm feeling at my wits end these days, though I remember feeling this way when my sons were toddlers as well  .
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Angela Nelson
Mother to Simon (13), Calvin (9), and Lyddie Rose (3)
my blog: live and learn
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esperanza
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| Posted: Oct 22 2007 at 6:48am | IP Logged
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Angela,
Three of my dc have made me drop to my knees when they were 2 1/2 and full of energy. I could have written your post. I have spent many nights praying and weeping over sleeping dc after a difficult day.
I was trying to think of something wise and wonderful to post from my practical experience...but all I can think of is everything really is about you and God.
I mean ..for me I mostly had to focus on my relationship with God and work on changing my internal dialog. I am still working on this
I love the line"Its the bounce that counts!
When you fall, turn gently to Our Lord or the Blessed Mother for help. They are waiting to be asked 
I know so well that I can do nothing with out the grace of God.
Your post reminds me of a passage I read...something like ..
"We teach our children so much more overcoming our struggles in life than if we were already there (perfect)."
I pray you experience joyful moments today.
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In His Peace,
Tammy Gonzalez in VA
dh-Johnny
mom to Tara-'85, Noelle-'88, Jeremy-'91, Elizabeth-'93, Emma-'96, Dominic-'99, Gabriel-'01, Elijah-03
and Jacinta-06
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Vanessa
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| Posted: Oct 22 2007 at 7:33am | IP Logged
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I am sorry that you are feeling this way. I really don't have any advice for you but I just wanted to let you know that I will keep you in my prayers. I know when I am having a rough day with my kids it helps to just know that there are people saying a little prayer for me to have the strngth to get through the day. Know that I am praying for you.
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Lori B
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| Posted: Oct 22 2007 at 8:51am | IP Logged
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When my 9yos was that age, I made sure to take him outside Every. Single. Day. No matter the weather. When he had the opportunity to run just for the sake of running, swinging, riding his trike, etc. he was a *much* happier boy when we needed to be indoors (and he went to sleep earlier, too 
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22yod, 16yod (Asperger's), 14yos (dyslexia, APD, ADHD), and 11yod (JXG, glaucoma, legally blind)
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Oct 22 2007 at 9:32am | IP Logged
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Hi Angela,
I really am sorry that this is such a hard time...I identify. Some of the the things that have helped me under these conditions is to...
Read a book that focuses my thoughts and gives me options (I'm a big non-fiction reader so I would reading parenting books or spiritual growth books.)
Try something new. I find that if I can just wake up each morning with something new to try, something to give me hope in a new outcome (even if it doesn't work ), I am able to not get sucked into the same old routine of thoughts and behaviors.
Call or write or post to a friend . Just getting the frustraion off my chest really helps.
Increase prayer and mother nurture to the point of acceptance of my lot.
So...it sounds to me like you are doing a great job under difficult circumstances. For more ideas, you might want to read some of the topics about difficulty with teens and just substitute "toddler" each time you read "teen"  .
Oh...one more fave...
Change it. If you are inside, go outside. If you are dry, get wet. If you are loud, get quiet. If you are dragging, liven up. If you are grumpy, smile...even if you have to "fake it til you make it."
Have a good enough to great day, Angela  . I'm praying for you.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Mary Chris
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| Posted: Oct 22 2007 at 10:54am | IP Logged
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You may be already doing this but what about vitamins? I was feeling tired and discouraged also lately, since I have started vitamins I am feeling a lot better. I am sleeping better and have more energy.
Otherwise I agree with everyone else, try to get outside
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mom to MacKenzie3/95, Carter 12/97 Ronan 3/00 and wife to Jim since 1/92
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Stephanie_Q
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| Posted: Oct 22 2007 at 11:52am | IP Logged
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Mine are all little and it can be very frustrating and overwhelming. My 2 1/2 yo ball of energy needs a lot of time outside. He also needs a lot of focused attention. I really have to LET GO of the things that I want to do and SLOW DOWN to let him help me or do things by himself (with supervision). Some concessions that I make are 1) Letting him watch a 1/2-hour video or PBS show in the morning and one in the afternoon. 2) "Planned" messes. His favorite is standing at the kitchen sink with water to pour, stir, baste, etc. He'll need a change of clothes and I keep a towel to dry around the sink and the floor when he's done, but it's worth it. Prayers (and a PM) for you!
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Lisa R
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| Posted: Oct 22 2007 at 4:35pm | IP Logged
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Angela,
I can relate as well. I definitely don't have the energy for Hannah that I had when my boys were little. It doesn't help that her closest sibling (for now ) is 9 years older.
I don't have anything to add as you've been given great advice. I'll be praying for you!
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God Bless!
Lisa, married to my best friend, Ray and loving my blessings Joshua (17)and Jacob(15), Hannah(7) and Rachel (5)!Holy Family Academy
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hereinantwerp
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| Posted: Oct 22 2007 at 5:35pm | IP Logged
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thank you for the encouragements and prayers--
I've been trying to do all the practical things (take vitamins, time outside every day for both me and the kids, etc.) Trying to keep up "burnout prevention", the sort of suggestions in Elizabeth's book . . . it just doesn't seem to be working as well as it used to!
I feel like I've been in a "losing battle" lately--still engaged in the battle, fighting and not giving up, but losing ground--lots more bad days than good ones. So about a week ago I actually made an appt. with the dr. and started taking an antidepressent, a step I've been resisting for years. I always wanted to make it through without the help, not say, "I'm feeling better now--because of drugs!" But I guess at this point I'm just ready to accept any help I can get! And I think having a toddler does just make it harder to fight the battle, you just get physically run down or something.
But I took some extra time out this morning for prayers and the Lord gently ministered to me. He doesn't love me because I "get things right" or "don't blow it", but just because he loves me. I think inside I feel like he's up there making a tic mark on my report card every time I blow it, shaking his head each time----but that just isn't true. I desperately needed the "corrective"!
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Angela Nelson
Mother to Simon (13), Calvin (9), and Lyddie Rose (3)
my blog: live and learn
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Pamin OZ
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| Posted: Oct 22 2007 at 11:07pm | IP Logged
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Angela,
did the anti-depressant help?
Pam
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hereinantwerp
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| Posted: Oct 22 2007 at 11:08pm | IP Logged
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I don't know yet! has not quite been a week and it is supposed to be "cumulative" so you don't feel it at first.
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Angela Nelson
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SallyT
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| Posted: Oct 22 2007 at 11:26pm | IP Logged
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Just wanted to say that I can relate, too. My two youngest (of four -- I don't have that many, either!) are 5 and almost-4, and both of them have always been live wires! My almost-4 (a girl)has been quite difficult lately, too, and I turn 43 in two weeks, so I don't have the spring in my step that I had when her older sister, now almost 14, was this age and at least this difficult. We have intense personalities in our family, and I sometimes find it quite tiring.
So I'll be praying for you. Lots of good advice -- especially the bit about changing whatever you're doing. I also find that water play (in the bathtub, floating boats in the sink, etc) is a great way to occupy a fractious small person. I can keep an eye on the child in the tub while simultaneously doing something with an older child.
Two and a half is tough -- even high-maintenance kids get easier after 3, because there's so much more than they can play with safely. My little girl loves baskets of tiny plastic animals, and getting out something like that from time to time is a good way to keep her busy and distracted when I need her to be.
Even if she won't sleep, can you try instituting "quiet time" after lunch, where she's in her room alone -- maybe listening to a story on CD, or some quiet classical music or something? It's a hard age to try to start something like that, but a family "siesta" period can really help. I'm not nearly consistent enough about doing this, but when I do, it's good for all of us.
I hope the antidepressant helps -- depression can make you quite drained.
Saying a prayer for you.
Sally
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ShawnaB
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Angela, I have been thinking about this post since it first appears. You have really been on my mind because I too am experiencing the challenge of 2 years olds in the midst of trying to homeschool. I too know the agony of feeling like I lost it with the kids, got angry, and ruined the day...again. I really, really feel for you, and you have been given some great encouragement. I hope you take it to heart, and I hope that the physical chemistry issues will improve.
I'm not sure if you are interested or looking for "practical" input, but I'll just add that if my two year olds DID NOT rest in the afternoon, I don't know how I would get through my day. It lowers my stress level and raises my energy incredibly. My older kids NEED the break from the little ones. From a clinical perspective, 2 year olds need 11-12 hours sleep each night, and 2 hours during the day. If they aren't getting their sleep, it really shows in their behavior...and I know that is very true in my kids' case. My two year olds are not genetically related, yet their response to lack-of-sleep is incredibly similar.
I also believe (and have witnessed) that it is not too late to make changes in sleep/rest patterns, even at your daughter's age. SallyT mentioned that, and I couldn't agree more. If you would like more practical input on this, I'm your gal. PM me. However, I certainly don't want to offer unsolicited advice, as that is not helpful!
Thinking of and praying for you today!
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Shawna, wife of Jacob, mom to Abraham 8 Amelia 5 and Jillian & Jonathan age 3 years http://www.psalm121family.com
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stefoodie
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Angela, I've been there way too many times than I'd like to remember. Even now when I don't have a toddler anymore (or another one, yet). You've already received good advice here. All I can say is: I mostly remember that the best days were the ones when I totally relaxed my expectations and just let life happen, and focused on enjoying time with the kids. The older ones were allowed to relax on their lessons and just played with the toddler and me. We maybe didn't get things "accomplished", but we more than made up for it in relationship-building. Sometimes I think, after all is said and done, isn't that what homeschooling is all about?
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hereinantwerp
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| Posted: Oct 23 2007 at 6:59pm | IP Logged
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ShawnaB wrote:
Angela, I have been thinking about this post since it first appears. You have really been on my mind because I too am experiencing the challenge of 2 years olds in the midst of trying to homeschool. I too know the agony of feeling like I lost it with the kids, got angry, and ruined the day...again. I really, really feel for you, and you have been given some great encouragement. I hope you take it to heart, and I hope that the physical chemistry issues will improve.
I'm not sure if you are interested or looking for "practical" input, but I'll just add that if my two year olds DID NOT rest in the afternoon, I don't know how I would get through my day. It lowers my stress level and raises my energy incredibly. My older kids NEED the break from the little ones. From a clinical perspective, 2 year olds need 11-12 hours sleep each night, and 2 hours during the day. If they aren't getting their sleep, it really shows in their behavior...and I know that is very true in my kids' case. My two year olds are not genetically related, yet their response to lack-of-sleep is incredibly similar.
I also believe (and have witnessed) that it is not too late to make changes in sleep/rest patterns, even at your daughter's age. SallyT mentioned that, and I couldn't agree more. If you would like more practical input on this, I'm your gal. PM me. However, I certainly don't want to offer unsolicited advice, as that is not helpful!
Thinking of and praying for you today! |
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I wish I could believe it was a possibility for her to change those sleep patterns, but I just don't think it is. With my first 2 babies, I would have told anyone that "all toddlers need a nap--you just have to work to make it happen." With the boys I did "enforce" it at points, and they napped till about 4 1/2! But this one has just never needed a lot of sleep. The boys would "fall apart" by 4:30 or 5 without a nap. But Lydia will be happy and perfectly sweet until 8 pm, sometimes even later if we are out visiting! She does not even generally fall asleep on long car rides. She is not "hyper" or frenetic, just normal 2-year-old-busy (and that less so than my boys were!). But even as a tiny baby she did not take long or truly regular naps, usually only 1/2 hour-45 minutes at a stretch, and waking up very sweet. (I remember posting on this board at the time, LOL!) It does drive me pretty crazy, as I think I STILL struggle with the expectation that "this should happen!", and occasionally we still try. The past few days she's had a cold, and one would think . . . but no!
But we are working on it for the boys to give me a break. Today went better. My most frazzled time is early afternoon, when I feel like it's been a really busy morning and I'm just spent. But it seems to me that 2 1/2 is a little young for her to understand "don't leave the room". If she feels "barred" from me, that to her is just the worst. She needs . . . distracted! Hence the brothers!
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Angela Nelson
Mother to Simon (13), Calvin (9), and Lyddie Rose (3)
my blog: live and learn
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hereinantwerp
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stefoodie wrote:
| Angela, I've been there way too many times than I'd like to remember. Even now when I don't have a toddler anymore (or another one, yet). You've already received good advice here. All I can say is: I mostly remember that the best days were the ones when I totally relaxed my expectations and just let life happen, and focused on enjoying time with the kids. The older ones were allowed to relax on their lessons and just played with the toddler and me. We maybe didn't get things "accomplished", but we more than made up for it in relationship-building. Sometimes I think, after all is said and done, isn't that what homeschooling is all about? |
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THis makes me think of about a month ago my dh was away for the weekend. And as I'm not doing so hot anyway I decided to have absolutely NO expectations of accomplishing anything, and just follow the flow of the kids. We had a pretty nice weekend together. But I struggle because a goal of accomplishing nothing isn't very realistic most of the time, at the very least the laundry and meals need dealt with, but I can't seem to land in the middle, maybe! (between relaxing and trying to accomplish too much!)
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Angela Nelson
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ShawnaB
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| Posted: Oct 23 2007 at 9:24pm | IP Logged
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Oh Angela, I do totally believe your assessment of your daughter and her unique sleep needs (or lack thereof!) There are always exceptions to the norm, and no one is more qualified to identify that than a mom!
Its sounds like you are right on track for carving out a little quiet time though, with the help of your boys. What a great opportunity for them to learn and serve. I don't know about you, but even 20 minutes of quiet is helpful...especially if I maximize it, but NOT trying to accomplish tasks, but rather lighting a candle, drinking some tea or coffee, reading a bit of scripture...even laying down on the floor and trying to stretch and relax my tense muscles. It can really help. Praying for you!
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Shawna, wife of Jacob, mom to Abraham 8 Amelia 5 and Jillian & Jonathan age 3 years http://www.psalm121family.com
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Pamin OZ
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Could you have some quiet time together? I know you need space from her but maybe teaching her gently about quiet time and at the same time getting a liedown yourself? Then you can use that time that the boys look after her for a bit of space (and running around like a mad thing doing things!).
Pam
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Angie Mc
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Hi Angela,
I woke up thinking of your situation this morning . Have you read the book, Raising Your Spirited Child? I have one "spirited child" and started seeing the signs of "differentness" very young but it came to a head when the child reached two. Now, some would say that all two year olds are spirited, and there is some truth there, which makes this book a good parenting read for most. Yet, I call what three of my children have "spirited moments" while the other is pretty consistently "spirited." I can't tell you what a relief it was to find a practical book that discussed my challenge in positive and constructive ways. Here's the book outline.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Angie Mc
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I just searched "Raising Your Spirited Child" in the messages of this board and found many. You can use the topic titles to choose topics that deal with young children if you feel this might be an avenue for you.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: I am so tired and discouraged
