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fishem001
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| Posted: Sept 26 2007 at 10:57pm | IP Logged
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Hi again...
All you ladies are amazing homeschoolers!!!! I am new to this journey so I enjoy watching all the things you do and do so well. I have 1 question. Do you ever feel isolated?
You see, many of our friends have sent their children to school now. We have less in common with these families than before. I am involved with a homeschool group, but I'm still trying to find my niche of friends I feel comfortable with. At times, it's tough. (And some times just get tired of defending our decision to HS.) I love homeschooling, but (at times) I also just feel very lonely. Is this part of the cross to bear?
Anyway, how do you ladies deal with loneliness?
Thanks for your insight,
Emily
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Angie Mc
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fishem001 wrote:
Is this part of the cross to bear?
Anyway, how do you ladies deal with loneliness?
Thanks for your insight,
Emily |
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Welcome aboard, Emily! You know...I do think that times of loneliness are common and part of the homeschooling package. I've dealt with lonliness off and on over the years. How do I deal with the loneliness? I've mostly hung out here  . Seriously...and prayed for IRL friendships. They come, and when they do, they are so rich and wonderful because they are based who you are now...not who you have been in the past. I also talk to my mom and sister (who is in a similar boat.) And I take advantage of the time to focus on my children, read non-fiction books by people I feel connected with, learn new skills.
Hang in there, Emily. You are doing worthwhile work and God is, and will continue to bless you.
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
About Me
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JenniferS
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Yes, I do feel isolated at times. We don't have a homeschool group in our area. There is one other hs'ing family in our parish, and we get together with them on occasion, but I still have times of loneliness. My very first year was the hardest year, but we pulled our kids from a small parish school, and not a lot of other families were happy about that. This is our third year, and it has gotten easier. I'm not necessarily less isolated, but I deal with it better, and I have seen some amazing things happen for my family's faith life. I think we have really built our domestic church much better through hs'ing then we could have otherwise.
Many prayers for you.
Jen
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Barbara C.
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It's been about four years since we sold our second vehicle for an out-of-state move. Financially, it was a smart decision, but it did leave me very isolated. After the move, we lived on the fourth floor of an apartment building with mostly senior citizens. There were very few opportunities to get out and make friends with common interests.
It was two years before we could work in an activity class for our older daughter(age 3 at the time) around my husband's schedule. Even with our daughter starting to get more social interaction with other children, our only "friends" were the lady who cuts our hair and the man who sells my husband his sports jerseys and a few people my husband works with. Unfortunately, my husband's co-workers live all over the Chicago suburbs making it hard to get together other than for work functions.
It's really only been in the last year that I've started to get out more and make more bonds. We moved to a different village that has more free family-friendly activities just across from our townhouse. We also have the library and an ice arena within a few blocks walking distance. We joined a homeschooling group which has allowed my older daughter to make some deeper friendships and given us both more opportunities to socialize. Unfortunately, we aren't able to take full advantage of the group since most of their activities are while my husband has the car at work. And I don't completely adhere to the group's method of choice, which kind of isolates me at times.
It's been a tough and lonely four years in some ways. But it has really deepened my relationship with my mother, who has really become one of my dearest confidantes. We talk more now than we did when we lived in the same city; we appreciate each other more. It makes me really want to stay in touch with many of my friends from college, who are also spread all over the country. And I'm starting to sometimes think that maybe it's good that we are more isolated. It keeps us from getting too hurried and worn out with outside commitments. I don't know how some people keep up the hectic pace of constant field trips, activities, and social outings.
And like AngieMc, I've found that this forum has really helped, too. There's a section to discuss almost anything you might need or want to discuss. And everyone has been really nice and respectful. Just reading many of the discussions seems to kind of fill the void at times.
And there are times like right now when the kids are fighting that I wish I was truly alone and isolated!
But to paraphrase Sting "seems you're not alone in being alone". Many of us feel the isolation to varying degrees: by homeschooling, by being stay-at-home moms, by our faith, or all of the above. It must be especially hard if you feel like you always have to explain yourself to others. (Sometimes I wish I had the opportunity believe it or not.)
Now I have to go make sure the kids haven't killed each other.
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JodieLyn
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I don't know.. I think there's so many things that can divide you.. especially when you have a lot of kids.. around here people with children the age my older few children are.. are done.. they were their last so that while my older children would have friends.. it's almost annoying to those people to deal with babies and toddlers and preschoolers at the same time.
And those with the littles don't have any older ones.
Or we're so busy with different sports or school choices (homeschooling or not) that we just don't have time to add in more..
But even then.. when you hit that break between the younger kids and high school.. all of a sudden there's all these other things that the one with the older kids is dealing with.. and there's not as much time for other things.
I love that my sister moved up here.. I actually have someone I can call and just say "I'm doing dishes, what're you up to" or whatever.. but it's the first time I've had that in.... forever.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Lisa R
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YES!!!! We've lived in our current location for 4 years and I honestly have not made any friends. This has never happened to me before (we're a military family) and it's been very difficult.  Yes, I "know" people from church, the adoptive community, etc. But real friends, none. Noone I can call and chat with etc. And the homeschool group here is pretty anti-Catholic.
This board is my refuge. Seriously. Although, I will admit sometimes it makes me lonelier for IRL friends. Especially when I read all the great things other people are doing with other real...live people.
But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm where God wants me to be and I'm doing what He wants me to do. We'll be moving in 18 months (yes, I'm counting!  ) and I keep praying that it's different where we're going in Ohio. At least our family won't be on the other side of the country anymore. 
I'll be praying for you.  It does get easier.
__________________
God Bless!
Lisa, married to my best friend, Ray and loving my blessings Joshua (17)and Jacob(15), Hannah(7) and Rachel (5)!Holy Family Academy
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chicken lady
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Lisa R wrote:
| I keep praying that it's different where we're going in Ohio. . |
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Where in Ohio are you moving Lisa? I am just north of Steubenville.
Emily I am glad you are here. Please know I will be praying for you and your loneliness. I like Angie's advice, pray for friends, I will join you in this petition.
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Lisa R
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chicken lady wrote:
| Where in Ohio are you moving Lisa? I am just north of Steubenville. |
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We're moving to the Dayton area.
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God Bless!
Lisa, married to my best friend, Ray and loving my blessings Joshua (17)and Jacob(15), Hannah(7) and Rachel (5)!Holy Family Academy
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lapazfarm
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Yes, I feel isolated a lot. I have no friends here IRL, and there are no homeschool groups, and dh is in Alaska. I rely on this board for my only peer companionship, which is kind of pathetic, but it happens to be true. There just isn't anyone around here I can relate to.
But.
I am not lonely or sad. My children are the very best company I could ask for and I do enjoy them immensely.My days are filled with joy.
I also have a feeling that when we move to Alaska friends will be easier to make. Folks there are so friendly. Plus, dh is there, which is a big bonus, to say the least!LOL!
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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juststartn
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I am like alot of the other ladies...
We're a one car military family. Dh is currently deployed, which makes things interesting anyway...and I had a set of twins in May--so I've got five dc 7 and under (which makes outings "interesting" to say the least). Being military, I've seen most of my friends move away--my best friend (and the boys' godmother) moved in July, to MO...we're in NC...we do have other friends we are getting up with, from our parish (which is 45 min away each way), but they live 45 min away on the OTHER side of the parish, so its over an hour drive for either of us to go visit the other, and there isn't much in between (she's also a military wife, and has five dc--and just found out she is expecting again in the late spring).
I was blessed to have my friend Robin here for over a year, and close at hand...but its hard. We're in a predominantly Protestant area. There are two hsing groups here in town, neither Catholic. One, doesn't have a SoF, but focuses mainly on older dc (older than my oldest, even), and the other one that I am going to be checking into, used to have a SoF I could not sign in good conscience, being a Catholic--if that makes any sense.
Combine the preemie twins with the five dc with DH being gone with being in a military town....and you get alot of loneliness. There are on post groups, I am sure...but we're not ON post, and since I rarely go there, its hard to know where to look, who to contact, etc, to even find out if there are hsing groups on post...
SIGH.
No. You are SO not alone. I am on this board and one other for the vast majority of my adult interaction. But then again, it's alot easier to back away from the computer when someone annoys me, than when I am face to face with a closed minded person snarking on Catholics/homeschoolers/large families/whatever.
(((HUGS)))
Rachel
__________________
Married DH 4/1/95
Lily 3/11/00
Helena(Layna) 5/23/02
Sophia 4/19/04
John 5/7/07
David 5/7/07
Ava Maria, in the arms of Jesus, 9/5/08
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vmalott
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Lisa R wrote:
| We're moving to the Dayton area. |
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Lisa,
We're east of Cincinnati, which is about an hour south of Dayton. Nice thing about the area is there are scads of homeschoolers and support groups in Cincy and Dayton. So, hopefully that will be good for you. 
But to join the rest of the discussion, yeah, it can be isolating at times, just by the very nature that you are doing something so different from the rest of the population. I'm more like Theresa, though, in that I find my children to be very good company on most days, and that's what gets me through the rough times. I have a couple of friends who "get it"...the homeschooling w/a large family thing, parenting a certain way, etc. because they are in the same boat.
We live in an area surrounded by neighbors. They are nice people, and we're on good terms...all our kids play together, but we're not chummy, ya know? They just don't "get it" and that's OK, I don't expect them to.
Oddly enough, the folks I enjoy being around most are the parents of the boys on my son's baseball team. Since he plays on a select travel team, most of us are together for a good portion of the spring and summer. All of us have developed some very close attachments this past year. The boys come from all over the Greater Cincinnati area, so there's no school ties, meaning that what bonds them together is the great sport of baseball. That's kind of cool...
Valerie
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Valerie
Mom to Julia ('94), John ('96), Lizzy ('98), Connor ('01), Drew ('02), Cate ('04), Aidan ('08) and three saints in heaven
Seven Times the Fun
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Lisa R
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vmalott wrote:
Lisa R wrote:
| We're moving to the Dayton area. |
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Lisa,
We're east of Cincinnati, which is about an hour south of Dayton. Nice thing about the area is there are scads of homeschoolers and support groups in Cincy and Dayton. So, hopefully that will be good for you.
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That's exactly why I can't wait to move there!!! 
__________________
God Bless!
Lisa, married to my best friend, Ray and loving my blessings Joshua (17)and Jacob(15), Hannah(7) and Rachel (5)!Holy Family Academy
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marihalojen
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I've felt more isolated since moving down to Key West than when we were 90 miles up the road in Tavernier, we had some friends nearby that were good for calling to meet up at the beach and such and the marina we were in was stupendous, we always said Marianna had 18 sets of Grandparents there. This marina is about 3x bigger and filled with military retirees, a few active duty and not many families at all. What is so very sad here is that there is a catamaran here with 2 girls Marianna's age but they are the most unfriendly, odd family I've ever run up against in my life. We'll be walking the docks (narrow, like 3 ft wide) and have to pass them and being the friendly sort we are try basic small talk - hey! How's it going, hot day, beautiful sunset or whatever and they don't say a word. This goes for the mom, the older son and the two girls, the dad is effusive and chatty.
They just weird me out now. What is with them? And it is hard on Marianna to have them right here and not even talking much less go swimming or boating or biking with her.
September is a slow month here in the Keys, all the locals head out of town in Aug. and Sept. as it is so very hot and the fishing is slow. But I've found two homeschool groups and they're just starting up again, we'll do our best to get to their meetings and start to make some connections I hope.
__________________
~Jennifer
Mother to Mariannna, age 13
The Mari Hal-O-Jen
SSR = Sailing, Snorkling, Reading
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fishem001
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Thanks for all your advice ladies and your prayers. I have felt them. I guess we're going through a time of transition right now. The loneliness is filled with the joy of my children. Thanks for reminding me of that too.
My prayers are with you as yours have been there for me!
Peace of Christ,
Emily
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Do you ever feel isolated?
