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msclavel
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It is inevitable, my baby is about to turn one (next week), and I feel that little space in my heart for another baby feel very empty and how I long for a little sibling for her. There are 3 years between her and the next oldest, my biggest gap (we lost one in that time). I was talking with my sister, frustrated that my fertility hasn't seemed to really return. In fact I thought I might be pregnant and was heartbroken to see that negative. She lost her first baby last year and we were talking about trusting God in all things, even when we don't get to hold those precious little souls he lets us carry for just a short time. It was so easy to say the words, but so hard for my heart right now. I know some of this is hormonal. And I know so many of dear friends know exactly how I feel. I am blessed to have you all to share with. And I am greatly blessed with the precious children I do have to hold. TIA for listening.
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Elizabeth
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I know EXACTLY how you feel. My baby is about to turn one, also. And so, the novenas begin anew!
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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LisaR
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My "baby" is 2 years and 7 months. I am sad beyond tears. I am already fearful and having panicky feelings about how I will handle her being three if there is no baby on the way. It is SO HARD for me to stay in the present moment to all of my kids who need me so, and enjoy them in the now, when I am constantly (or it feels like it often) fretting and full of grief about not having a baby.
Praying for all who feel this way.
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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chicken lady
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Well my baby turned 4 yesterday  It feels so odd.... I always took my fertility for granted. Now I am 40, I don't know what will be, but I think I may know some of your pain. You will have my prayers.
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CAgirl4God
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mine is pushing three too and how I long to have a bigger family. but with four little saints in heaven and five here on earth I guess I do have my big family!
prayers for you
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Home is where the Coast Guard sends us
Jamie, married to John
JC, Nugget, Christina & Judy
Chowder
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LisaR
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Jaime, thanks for the reminder. We, too have 4 saints in heaven. It is hard not to focus on the clock ticking and be grateful - so very grateful for the gifts we have! I have so many friends who suffer from secondary infertility (inexplicable) after just one or two children. It all is a matter of perspective.
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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teachingmyown
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I don't know if this is an appropriate place to ask this question, maybe it needs it's own thread, but here is my question to you that have posted.
Has there been a time when you didn't want, or felt you couldn't handle, another? I know it is probably a silly time for me to even be worrying about it, at 29 weeks pregnant with #8. But, I just can't picture having more. Maybe it is because I will only be 38 when this baby is born. So, in my head, I envision a few more after this one. I know there are no guarantees, but the thought of doing this all over again scares me. I am wiped out and feel that I am unavailable to my family and that days and months are flying by as we struggle to "get by".
I feel ready to move on to that next stage. But I have not had my arms empty in 16 years. I have never had to long for a baby. I do know that when we used NFP briefly after #6, I decided that if I tried to "control" when I had the next baby based on my worldly perspective that there might come a day that I regretted taking my fertility for granted. I did feel a deep desire for another baby, and God blessed us with this little guy I am carrying.
That was a really long-winded way to ask have you felt like you were done, and did that change as you hit your 40s and felt that you chances of having another were slipping away?
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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LisaR
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teachingmyown wrote:
Has there been a time when you didn't want, or felt you couldn't handle, another? I know it is probably a silly time for me to even be worrying about it, at 29 weeks pregnant with #8. But, I just can't picture having more. Maybe it is because I will only be 38 when this baby is born. So, in my head, I envision a few more after this one. I know there are no guarantees, but the thought of doing this all over again scares me. |
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Molly, I think the important, and often very difficult thing to remember is to stay in the present moment. Right now you need to nurture the child within you, and be the best wife and mom you can with the gifts God has blessed you with.
Pray every day that God will allow you to use your intellect and will to glorify Him in all things.
When your fertility returns, if you are in the "habit" of discerning, it will be easier and less stressful than thinking about it now.
God's will sometimes IS for us to abstain/postpone a pregnancy. However, it is something that needs to be prayed about and discerned about day by day. Obviously if you look at today- and where you are at- you are right on track  .
So much can change in a year from now. I can empathize with you.
__________________
Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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LisaR
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PS- I recently had an Opus Dei Super Numurary I know tell me something interesting. She has 9 children- from College age down to a 4 year old. She said when we are in the throes of diapers, and maybe many little ones close together, we think that might be overwhelming, or a time to take a prayerful "pause" from attempting to conceive again. She told me that she has realized that her teens and college age kids need her much more than she ever imagined, and that she is "busier" and more overwhelmed than she expected to be at this point in life. Due to some very serious issues that her older kids need the parents 100% attention right now, they are abstaining from conceiving at this time. whereas she always thought that the "I'm in my 40's, I better hurry up and try for another" feelings would kick in....
The conversation began as I was marvelling to her how much ds, age 14 needs us now. It is not bad, just very different than I envisioned. I am up late into the night with my "baby" all over again! (and then up very early with others as well!)
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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Bridget
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I have never wanted to be done.
Lots of times I wish I could afford a maid, convenience foods, etc. But I never decided the answer was to not have babies.
There have been times when I just prayed God would use what little raising of my children I could manage for the best. There have been times when I had to live with messes that were unacceptable to me.
I have noticed that when we are going through trials that we seem to come out on the other side, stronger as a family than we were going in.
Time and again God has shown His glory through rough times for us. I still forget, lack trust and fret my way through them. But He is bigger than all that.
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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MarilynW
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I never really want to be done. But I sometimes feel a little worried (especially after recent comments) - I had a tough pregnancy and then have had a very sick postpartum - this has led to many comments of "well I hope you are done now", "your poor kids have not had a summer vacation" , "what happens to your kids if something happens to you after the next baby" etc - and I sometimes get a little fearful. The funny thing is that my kids keep saying that they are ready for another baby!!
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Marilyn
Blessed with 6 gifts from God
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msclavel
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I have never wanted to be done. I have felt exhausted, overwhelmed, insane , and wishing I had a maid and a private cook. Heck, my last pregnancy was rough, asthma kicked up, rare condition affecting my gall bladder, borderline GD, and everyone is going on about my body needing a "rest" but I so long for another. This time around, believe it or not, its because I really really want my little Agnes to have a sibling closer to her age than her older sister. Is that nuts? Perhaps...now, my dh, not exactly on the same page. He has never "longed" for another child. And yet, he is completely in love with Agnes and marvels at her every smile, and he is as giddy as he was with Madeline 13 years ago. And if/when we have another he will fall completely in love all over again. As for the rest of the kids, they full expect and pray for another baby, especially a little brother. 
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LisaR
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I finally have a nurturing little girl who "nurses" any stuffed animal or doll that makes it into her arms. She wants her older brothers to play baby with her all the time. She wants me to put her "back in" my tummy or at least lug her around in the sling!
It would take alot of work for me to conceive again. Lots of medical interventions prior to conceiving, many medications while pregnant, 9 months of strict bedrest, and medical care coming from specialists in TX (I live in IL)and much more which I do not want to go into.
I would love for a sibling for all the kids, Maria especially. However, we both feel it would be forcing things to go to such lengths. Maybe God has another child in mind for us, via adoption....or maybe a medical miracle. Who knows. Having Maria put me completely over the edge, physically, mentally, financially (you should see the medical bills ) . But without Maria we would not be who we all are today, and I would not finally have the answers to many medical mysteries and abnormalities that have plagued me for a very long time.
Have you heard of or read "Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence" by Fr Jean-Pierre Cassuade?
sometimes called "Abandonment to Divine Providence"?
this little gem is a treasure, always redirecting me to focus on the now.
__________________
Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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Lisbet
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I have never wanted to be 'done' either. I've wanted all the things Bridget has mentioned, but never to not have another child. I am young, only 32, but I certainly do not take my fertility for granted. If we have more children, one more, or even 10 more... that is up to God to decide. Tony and I promised Him going into marriage that our marriage was His, we trust Him more than our own stupid selves. So if we have no more or 10 more, again, He knows what is best for me, my husband and all of our children, no matter what age, what need, physical ailments, financial status...etc...
Sometimes I wonder the opposite of Molly. Am I crazy for wanting more? Even right away? (Mark is already a month old ya know...  j/k of course!)
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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juststartn
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LisaR wrote:
Have you heard of or read "Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence" by Fr Jean-Pierre Cassuade?
sometimes called "Abandonment to Divine Providence"?
this little gem is a treasure, always redirecting me to focus on the now. |
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This is an EXCELLENT book! I have it on tape...it made for great listening on a trip from NC to KS a few years back...
Rachel
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Married DH 4/1/95
Lily 3/11/00
Helena(Layna) 5/23/02
Sophia 4/19/04
John 5/7/07
David 5/7/07
Ava Maria, in the arms of Jesus, 9/5/08
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hopalenik
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I want more but only if it is one at a time. The thought of another set of twins makes me sick. My twins are 6 and they still drive the household nuts. So now that my baby is 14 months, I get scared. Scared that the next will be twins and have the same medical issues as my twins and need a transplant all over again. Then sometimes I think about the large families that I read about here and I get encouraged. But it is a very up and down feeling. I am 35 and wonder what my fertility will really be like because I smoked, did some naughty things in college and worked as a chemist on cancer drugs.
Holly
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LisaR
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Holly, I "double ovulate", and I've lost one twin 4 times. It is most likely that I will always conceive twins, just very hard to get even one of them to term.
I'm passing on a genetic disorder and it is scary to watch your child suffer because of it. I will pray for you. Who knows what any of our fertility will be like- I have studied how even our exposure to so much flourescent lighting/computer screen lighting is causing premature menopause....
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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momwise
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Maria...when's your baby's birthday? My "baby" turns 3 on the 1st...she was brought to us by St. Therese so that's appropriate. I was talking to a friend about this the other day; the idea that one day there will be a final baby with no baby of her own .
OTOH, I was reading the thread in the Over 40 section about what we're doing for our dh's and realizing there definitely will be more opportunity to serve him and his needs  . The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away...Blessed be the Lord!!
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Gwen...wife for 30 years, mom of 7, grandma of 3.....
"If you want equal justice for all and true freedom and lasting peace, then America, defend life." JPII
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Just one more
