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Bookswithtea
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| Posted: Sept 12 2007 at 7:17am | IP Logged
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I have had babies in hospital and babies at home. I have never had a complicated delivery. Other than the preterm contractions due to not resting enough, this pregnancy seems to be going normally. I have 10 weeks left.
Last night, I was just overcome with dread at the thought of going to the hospital for delivery. I just don't feel like *fighting* over rooming in, IV's, icky L and D nurses, etc. I don't think that what I'm asking for is all that much and I understand that going to the hospital means you have to give in on some stuff. I'm used to that. But I keep thinking about it and I am just freaked out at the thought.
I hired a doula, and I am seriously considering calling her today to find out if I can still do a home birth instead.
The only thing that scares me about it is that we are 50 minutes from the hospital (I would have planned a home birth to begin with if we had lived closer to the city). I felt good about the decision to go to the hospital but have a doula with me (no CNM's in my area who are worth the money...they are all extremely pg-management minded). But now I don't feel good about it anymore.
And I can't tell if its just hormones or not!
Anyone care to talk some non hormonally driven sense into me, in either direction?
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and  due 9/10
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Elizabeth
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| Posted: Sept 12 2007 at 7:40am | IP Logged
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Yep, I do. Call me later.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Lisbet
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| Posted: Sept 12 2007 at 9:01am | IP Logged
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Books, I have had 8 of my 9 babies at home. My 8th was a newborn transport. We've considered hospital deliveries because of *minor* health concerns and costs. (We have awesome insurance b/c my husband works for the healthcare system.) But, bottom line for me has always been that I don't want anyone to have to fight for what we want for our family. I don't want my husband badgered regarding different decisions that *have* to be made in the hospital, etc... (our CNM's in this area sound ALOT like you describe of yours. Many of us call them MEDwives!)
Personally, I would never plan a hosptial birth unless is was definetly medically indicated, even if we were hours from the hospital. It just doesn't seem right to me. I can't quite articulate it. It was so reaffirmed for me after my last delivery.
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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mary theresa
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| Posted: Sept 12 2007 at 12:40pm | IP Logged
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Bookswithtea wrote:
Last night, I was just overcome with dread at the thought of going to the hospital for delivery. I just don't feel like *fighting* over rooming in, IV's, icky L and D nurses, etc. I don't think that what I'm asking for is all that much and I understand that going to the hospital means you have to give in on some stuff. I'm used to that. But I keep thinking about it and I am just freaked out at the thought.
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I could have written this. 
I know I've only had one so far, but I SO don't want to go through the hospital experience again. I could go on and on about what the hospital and nurses rob you of in the whole birth and mothering process. I still feel angry at the way the medical system works and the way they try to fit you into a certain mold . . .
I will restrain myself though. 
I'm only 25 wks now, so I haven't been dwelling on the coming hospital birth too much yet (my husband is adamently against home births  so yes, it's the hospital again ) but when I do my heart sinks, I get frustrated and feel like I have to gear myself up for the coming struggle to retain my dignity and my desires in such a setting. And I didn't have a BAD situation or different from most ppl who birth in hospitals, it was just somehow wrong for me. Not natural and beautiful and grace-filled. (Well, I did have a natural birth and of course birth is beautiful! But do you know what I mean??)
Like Lisa said, it is hard to articulate.
I still am not sure WHAT exactly frustrated and disheartened me so much. I had such expectations and hopes of my first labor and delivery and in many ways I felt that whatever I retained of those hopes was purely accidental and due to my good health and young age not to anything the nurses or doctors or hospital provided or didn't provide. I was there with my mom for my youngest brother's home birth 5 years ago and so I know how a home birth can be. Of course you do too!
(I do realize that all hospitals are different, this is just my experience.)
If I were you, and everything was uncomplicated and healthy, and I had a husband who agreed and someone I trusted who would deliver the baby according to my wishes I would stay home in a heartbeat.
That's just me.
But you have to do what you feel comfortable with! I so believe that the birth should be the way that is right for YOU and NObody should make the choices for you!
Guess this isn't much help. Sorry! I just wanted to say that I totally understand and I will say a prayer for your decision and that it gives you peace of heart.
God bless.
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Mary Theresa
mother to 3 little girls --March '06, Dec '07 and Jan '10
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Bookswithtea
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| Posted: Sept 15 2007 at 7:06am | IP Logged
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Thank you for your responses, ladies. I have been considering all of this since I posted.
I don't think its just hormones, but after reading here, talking with Elizabeth, and talking with Dh (who has no peace about this), I think I am probably going to stay with the hospital route. If I lived 15 minutes from a good hospital, the decision would be an easy one. But its just too far. I'm just going to have to trust that God will be there, and trust the OB (Catholic/prolife and a nice guy) and the doula (very cool and almost done apprenticing as a midwife herself).
I talked with my doula and she agreed to help me to labor at home as long as possible. I keep thinking that as long as someone is monitoring my progress and the baby's heartrate at home then that's pretty much what they do at the hospital anyway. And if I can get there and deliver within an hour or two, they won't have too much time to intervene.
I think I am going to just have to give all of this up to God and pray for Him to work it out.
Thanks so much. I needed to talk about it to process, I think.
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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JennGM
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| Posted: Sept 15 2007 at 8:36am | IP Logged
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Bookswithtea wrote:
I think I am going to just have to give all of this up to God and pray for Him to work it out.
Thanks so much. I needed to talk about it to process, I think. |
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I'm glad you've reached a decision and a little more at peace. I'm praying for you. I am a slow learner at realizing that God is in control, and let Him handle the job.
Remember the end goal is a healthy baby!
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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chicken lady
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Books, you have my prayers! I have had home births all wonderful, then midwife went to jail ( no reasonable fault), so I ended up with a hospital birth. It was great! Send your guardian angel to prepare the way, it is amazing how God has it all worked out already. (BTW I need to remember this myself!) I will kick up my prayers for you during this final 10 wks.
Just so you know, I know countless moms who have these feelings at the end of their pregnancies. I think (not that it matters  ) you are very normal 
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Bookswithtea
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| Posted: Sept 16 2007 at 10:23am | IP Logged
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Thank you all so so much for your support and listening. I feel peaceful about the decision, if not excited about it. But even more, I want to know I did what I could to make sure that this sweet baby arrives safely, and being far from a hospital is a risk I just feel uncomfortable with, no matter how much I prefer a home birth.
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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Topic: I think I am losing my mind (pg related)
