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At_His_Feet
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| Posted: Aug 29 2007 at 8:41pm | IP Logged
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My dh and I have 3 sons.
We practice NFP, and are not planning on having any more children for several reasons. The first being that I have a kidney disease that will eventually see me on a dialysis machine probably when I'm in my 50s. So I've been told that it's risky in terms of kidney damage to keep going after 35 (I turn 35 next month!)
Also we have a child who has Asperger Syndrome and I don't know if I would be up to the task of another aspie or child with autism.
And lastly, my dh doesn't want to add to our family. 
I've become increasingly aware lately that there are many families who at first glance have more reason than us to not have more children, but they trust in God and remain open to life. That must take enormous courage and greater faith than I have. I really admire such people.
I don't really have a question to pose, I suppose it's more of an observation and affirmation of those families who are open to life when to the world it looks like madness.
Today I was reading of a family that had a 75% chance that their children would be born with a condition that mean that they would die before age 2. They had already lost 2, but they had 2 more healthy babies!
So if you do have a story to share, I would love to read it! 
Tricia
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Tricia
Mum to 3 boys 17, 15, and 10.
Do whatever He tells you
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Martha
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| Posted: Aug 29 2007 at 8:56pm | IP Logged
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I guess I would be in that catagory?
I don't think there is any more courage or faith in it?
It's just life as I know it?
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Martha
mama to 7 boys & 4 girls
Yes, they're all ours!
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Willa
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| Posted: Aug 29 2007 at 9:51pm | IP Logged
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At_His_Feet wrote:
So if you do have a story to share, I would love to read it! |
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Mine's
here
My two youngest have the same birth condition, and there is a 90 percent chance that if we have any more children, they will also be affected. The disease used to be fatal over 90 percent of the time, and the 10 percent that survived almost always needed a liver transplant; now there is treatment, but at present it is intensive and expensive. However, it is effective, and my younger one's disease resolved completely.
DH and I would love to have another.
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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dawn2006
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| Posted: Sept 25 2007 at 1:45pm | IP Logged
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I've become increasingly aware lately that there are many families who at first glance have more reason than us to not have more children, but they trust in God and remain open to life. That must take enormous courage and greater faith than I have. I really admire such people.
I don't think that's necessarily true...about others having more faith or trust than you. You said your dh is not ready to add to your family. For now, that sort of makes it a nonissue for you, in terms of decision making. ((hugs)) At any time we are trying to make the best decision we can for our families. And I always remember that story that St. Terese's sister (??) told her about different size cups both being full even though they hold differing amounts. So, feel free to compare yourself to others as long as you take away from that inspiration or hope or joy... but try to do less of it if it brings you feelings of despair or envy or anything not productive KWIM? ((hugs)) Plus, you juse never know what God has in store for you, KWIM?
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Dawn Farias | wife to Ariel | mom to Gabriel 9, Daniel 7, Elizabeth 5, and Michael 3 | blogger at Be Absorbed | native Texan but currently living near Seattle
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LisaR
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| Posted: Sept 25 2007 at 3:55pm | IP Logged
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Tricia, I have some very serious health issues that we just now are getting to the bottom of. I struggled through all of my pregnancies, literally hemoraging with 3 of them during the pregnancy, and then bleeding for 12 weeks postpartum-with all of them- enough that I could go through a bag of pads in one day for weeks.
If I had been totally honest with my Dr and Midwife, I would have ended up with an emergency hysterectomy long ago. I really think I was in denial about alot of my health problems. I thought that I needed to "suck it up" and God would bless us and take care of me/us because we were having another child. (that is a very very simplified and condensed version)
I did not let on to many people the extent of how bad my pregnancies really were. On the outside it looked like we were "perfectly planned" with the kids all about 3 years apart. Part of my condition means that I literally produce milk 24/7 and there is no "off" switch- so every single time I nursed for months and months each baby any time I let my bra cup down milk would spray out from about 10 little ducts.
I changed my shirt about 8-12 times a day, and going out in public was sheer torture.
Anyway, we really know without a doubt that God gave us an intellect to discern issues such as baby spacing for serious reason. (and no, the overlactation was not it, I just threw that in there because it was something else so unusual and very difficult to get to the bottom of) That it could actually be "God's Will" for us NOT to have another child atm. It is very very painful for me to read/hear comments like "we let God plan our family size" as if somehow my dh and I are not "letting God" or somehow we are "planning it ourselves" I am quite certain that God IS planning our family size and that through much prayer He IS telling us not to have another at this time.
It would take much medical intervention for me to conceive again, I also have lost one twin 4 times.
It really hurts when I have people tell me that I need to "trust God more" and just "go for it- it will all work out!" I really think that yes, God can show his grace through our choices, but that it would be selfish to try to manipulate my body (not to mentions the 10's of thousands and thousands that we do not have) to try to have another.
I DO have a very very cool story to share about Maria, especially. My Dr said that in his over 25 years of practice she is the one true miracle that he believes in. (He is non Christian)
I DO long for a baby in a way. My heart aches for Maria- I just never wanted to have a "baby" of the family, kwim?
Maybe through adoption or through a medical breakthrough miracle we will have another. I need to stay in the present moment, and give my 100% to what I HAVE been blessed with. (I am the only one in the US that they know of to have had 5 babies!, so I need to feel special about that, LOL, instead of feeling down that I do not have more)
Maria was Blessed while in utero with St Gianna's First Class relics. Everything took a turn for the better after that, and Maria's middle name is Gianna bacause of this.
this might not have been the post you were looking for, thanks for hearing me out  and I would love to hear about others medical struggles and or miracles!
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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hopalenik
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| Posted: Oct 11 2007 at 10:01pm | IP Logged
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Hi,
First I wanted to let you know I understand about the kidney disease. My son had a transplant at 15 months. We were able to avoid dialysis but only just barely. I donated my kidney to my son, and so now I am 35 with one kidney and repeat C-sections. My uterus is cut in a cross so each one becomes more risky. I too, have felt the pressure to trust in God. I do, he seems to be postponing my fertility for a time after each pregnancy so that I have less to worry about with a rupture, but all in all I worry.
I worry that one day my sons kidney will fail again, and I will have a bundle of kids to deal with while we are treating him. I worry because his hospital is 2 hours away and their would be know way that I could homeschool if he was hospitalized for a long time. I worry that too many kids would mean that we might be too tired to catch the problems early. But we are still going to try at least one more time. I can only take each pregnancy one at a time. I jokingly told my friend today, that I was hoping we would not get pregnant till December so that next kid would be spaced to start K, 2 full years after our youngest....but I don't know.
I believe you. It is difficult, because walking the road with medical issues known up front, is a hard one. I am sorry that some make you uncomfortable. It is impossible to explain to someone who does not understand, what life with dialysis really entails. But still remain open to God changing your minds. My husband wanted no more after our twins (number 2 and 3). But their are 2 more now and all he wanted for his birthday was a baby brother for our only son.
Holly
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Nina Murphy
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| Posted: Oct 12 2007 at 12:22am | IP Logged
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We have serious, serious reasons in our "genes" not to have children and circumstantially. My brother is a diagnosed schizophrenic (have you seen the movie A Beautiful Mind with Russell Crowe?},I have a cousin with Disassociative Disorder, and I have two children with Cystic Fibrosis, just to mention two big issues---mental illness and a recessive inherited fatal disease, Cystic Fibrosis (1 out of 4 are the "odds" of conception; average lifespan now beyond 30).
I understand the pain and fear well. What does it mean that I am having my 9th child? It means nothing to anyone else---just to this couple, this family, to God. (We are not scientific "cases" or sociological studies---we are just a Christian couple trying to live out a life of truth and faith.)
It is certainly not easy. My husband and I have our eyes wide open, believe me. And many of you know how we struggle. I am truly and profoundly grateful for each child and for having so many different souls and beautiful unique personalities, but I have a situation and a call that is unique to me and to my husband. We would never dare to presume others are weak or selfish for not following our path, when we can be VERY weak and selfish. We are not necessarily holier because we have more children. Our Faith has been truly tested through fire and God has permitted that, has walked us through that. This is what God has allowed for OUR sanctification.
We can not worry so much what others think of us (I know better than anyone what a snare this is) but just live out our vows and our daily picking up of the cross as best we can. Do not look at the women around you with their number of children or their marriages; look at your own and focus on building up the kingdom of God in your own domestic Church. That is the only way to peace....we will never please everyone. 
But DO put your marital relationship first, I would say that; and get good advice and counseling. Extended continence is a tricky subject and needs to be determined per individual basis.
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God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
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Lisbet
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Nina, you are truely an ispiration to me. Just 'knowing' you increases my faith. Thank you for your faithful witness.
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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Nina Murphy
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| Posted: Oct 12 2007 at 11:49am | IP Logged
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YOU are to me, too; God bless you, Lisa.
I really believe we need to be there for each other as Catholic women. All of us----we're on the same side!
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God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
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Lisa R
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| Posted: Oct 12 2007 at 6:32pm | IP Logged
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Beautifully said, Nina.
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God Bless!
Lisa, married to my best friend, Ray and loving my blessings Joshua (17)and Jacob(15), Hannah(7) and Rachel (5)!Holy Family Academy
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Open to life with medical issues??
