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Sarah
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| Posted: Aug 28 2007 at 9:47am | IP Logged
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What do you do with a toddler (just now 2) who bites?
Ds is biting his 4yo sister when he gets angry that she has something he wants. I've never had a toddler do this and it is very disturbing. It is so sad because she is often just playing quietly. Occasionally there has even been blood. She, in turn, is good -natured and invites him to play or even gives up what she is playing with.
He has a very sweet side, but a nasty temper.
This is hard to deal with when I have a newborn in my arms.
Can anyone relate or help with ideas?
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Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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mary
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| Posted: Aug 28 2007 at 10:14am | IP Logged
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my 3rd child bit rather than using her words. i tried lots of things but what actually worked was to give the kid who got bit a little sucker or piece of gum. i always told my 2 yr old to use her words and when she saw the boys get a sucker, she quickly realized that if she used her words, i would give her a sucker as well. good luck!
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Bethany
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| Posted: Aug 28 2007 at 1:27pm | IP Logged
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My 2nd DD, who is now almost 4, started biting somewhere between 2 and 2 1/2. My first bit as a very young toddler simply because she was teeting, it was never malicious. However, the second was definately lashing out. I know not everyone would agree with this, but after much frustration I read a John Rosemond column. I sat her down and told her she could not bite and if she did she would be in her crib alone for 1 hour. She did bite, I put her in the crib and when she came out I made her apoligize as best she could. I then told her if she bit again she would be removed and be in her crib for the rest of the day. We did it again, this time she had bit me. I put her in the crib for the day. It was right before naps, so she slept for most of the time. But I did not let her come out. My husband came home and was sympathetic, so he let her out. However, I think we may have only had 1 or 2 more bites after this.
My soon to be 2yo started to bite a few months ago. I modified this since she was so young. I would immediately remove her to a pack-n-play I set up downstairs and would make her stay in there by herself for a few minutes. Then she would have to apologize. She's very verbal for her age so I think it helped to make this phase pass a little sooner. Although she still is high strung. Actually, both of my biters can be very stubborn and "spirited", but they don't bite anymore.
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Bethany
Wife to Mike, Mommy to Amelia (6/02), Sarah (10/03), Martha Grace (10/05), Rebecca Anne (12/07), Laura Catherine (3/10) and Reed Michael 7/4/14.
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Aug 30 2007 at 10:08pm | IP Logged
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I can totally relate! I had one child who bit and it was truly shocking, embarassing, and discouraging to me.
Most children don't have the inclination to bite or if they stumble upon it as a possible way of getting their way, they can easily be convinced that biting is not acceptable. Then there is the child who has a strong intensity and reflex to bite when they are not at their best or their circumstances are overwhelming. For this child, the key for me was to do two things. First, I needed to accept this tendency connected to the child's temperament and intensity and make sure that I provided for the child's basic needs consistently. This means that I needed to make sure the child was well fed, had the fullness of my attention regularly and often, and was well rested. Doing this for a spirited child was/is a full-time job in itself! Next, I needed to deal with the child's immature way of dealing with their anger, frustrations, and disappointments. For example, I needed to limit the time this child spent in certain situations or with certain people. I learned the child's "triggers" and worked to eliminate or minimize them. I also helped our family and friends to understand and help our situation. When the biting would actually happen, I would apologize to the hurt person and make sure if it was a hurt child, I would comfort that child (as in the case of a sibling) or another adult would do the comforting. Then I would comfort the "biter." It feels absolutely awful to this little one to be so out of control that they inflict harm on someone else...usually someone they love! I would say these types of things, depending on the situation:
"I'm so sorry that you were so (fill in the blank...angry, frustrated, hurt, etc.) that you bit. You must feel just awful."
"In our family, we don't bite when we are (...), we use our words, we walk away, we get help."
"As soon as you are calm, we need to make ammends to..."
To the one who was hurt "..., (use child's name) is very sorry that he/she bit you. I'm sorry that I was unable to stop him/her. We will work very hard to not let this happen again. Will you forgive him/her?"
In your specific case, Sarah, I would also focus on helping your 4yo to not be a victim of biting by developing her own protective measures. Some ideas: play with stuff out of sight or on higher groud, see the biting coming and jump up and get out of the way, yell for help, push biter away, use words like "I don't like when you try to take my things," etc.
I hope things smooth out for you, that the biting is transient, and that you find something that works for your family. On a positive note, one way or another, this too shall pass  .
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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teachingmyown
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Excellent answer Angie!  We went through this with our third. It was everything Angie said. Heartbreaking on both sides of the issue. Especially to feel that our little guy was getting a "label". He wasn't "mean", he actually has the sweetest heart, but he couldn't control that impulse.
We did a lot of the same things, distractions, watch for triggers, watch diet(we ended up on Feingold) and just stay on top of him. It did go on for a long time. He was completely non-verbal until about four. I think this has a lot to do with it. None of my more verbal kids bit more than a couple of times, and only bit siblings from what I can remember.
Hang in there. And surround yourself with people who understand, not those who get angry and point fingers. It is not the little one's fault and it is not bad parenting. The best thing for me was when an experienced mom would shrug it off if my son bit her child, and say something reassuring. It helped me relax and deal with it rationally instead defensively.
God bless!
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Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: Aug 31 2007 at 11:50am | IP Logged
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One more thought...
The newborn in your arms could be a trigger for the biting. Your little guy has been displaced and is probably more than a little put out. Give it time and be gentle. Some kids need more extra attention when the new baby arrives.
Just do your best and remember that things will settle down.
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
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shartlesville
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All great suggestions! One more to add...
Would it be possible for the 11 and 9 year olds to take turns spending time with the 2 year old when you are busy with the baby? Then during baby's naptime, you could spend one on one time with the 2 and 4 year old.
Maybe have the older boys do "school" with the 2 year old; coloring, painting with water colors, playing with play doh, building with blocks, etc.
Jack (almost 2) usually bites Sam (4.5) when he wants something that Sam has AND no one is specifically paying attention to him.  I think he just likes to keep us on our toes.  It is usually when we think everything is fine and they are playing well together so we can leave them be.  He just isn't ready to play unsupervised even though he has moments when he does really well.
Good luck!
Blessings,
Krisann
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Krisann
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Biting 2 year old
