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CAgirl4God
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| Posted: Aug 26 2007 at 9:06pm | IP Logged
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my brother is getting married next yr. to a wonderful girl.
brother is Catholic, though lasped. I do believe his fiance is also. they do occassionally attend Mass, but not regularly, not receiving sacraments etc...it is def. not a priority in their lives.
they are getting married in a nonreligious ceremony, outside, with a reception later in the evening.
am I, as a practicing Catholic, able to attend this union?? the actual wedding?
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SusanJ
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| Posted: Aug 26 2007 at 9:43pm | IP Logged
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I think all those rules are pretty lax these days. But, even if they weren't, a non-religious ceremony is fine to attend. If they were having a Mass that would be different. We had a friend in that situation this summer. My husband explained our feelings and he was fine with us just going to the reception.
Susan
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SusanJ
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| Posted: Aug 26 2007 at 9:55pm | IP Logged
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Hmm . . . I didn't feel good about my answer and checked quick in my Baltimore Catechism. Obviously, I'm not the expert here. It says that Catholics married in civil ceremonies are committing mortal sin and Catholics should not attend or show approval in any way.
As I said, I don't think this is actually true anymore, but you might want to seek guidance elsewhere. Maybe someone else knows more about the official rule these days. Comet to think of it, my dh probably does, since he's getting a Ph.D. in this! I'll ask him in the morning.
Susan
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kingvozzo
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I'll be interested to see Susan's husband's take on this. It seems to be an issue that's still being debated. Even the q&A at EWTN has differing opinions, if you search their archives. Some of their experts recommend not attending the ceremony, but attending the reception. That way, we aren't giving witness to an invalid marriage, but are keeping the lines of communicatioin open and not alienating our family.
I have a cousin whose 2 sisters are marrying outside the Church. She has chosen not to attend either wedding. It has caused hurt in her family. Extenuating circumstances are that this particular cousin's husband is a deacon, so he couldn't go no matter what...
I think for a sibing, I'd probably want to attend the wedding, but I would definitely want to share my concerns with them beforehand.
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guitarnan
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I attended my brother's wedding under very similar circumstances. In the end they had a nondenominational religious ceremony (to please the bride's family). At the time, I didn't worry about whether or not to attend; he's my only brother.
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JennGM
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kingvozzo wrote:
| I think for a sibing, I'd probably want to attend the wedding, but I would definitely want to share my concerns with them beforehand. |
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I would agree with Noreen. There aren't strict rules now, and there are so many different angles. First of all, does your brother know better? Was your upbringing very Catholic? Are your parents upset about this arrangement?
I would find a priest you really trust and talk to him about the situation. Some very, very holy priests I know have given the advice to attend. You should try to talk to them beforehand, but you are also bridge-building. There may come a time that you can bring them closer to the Faith and get their marriage blessed. Not attending the wedding can bring in hurt feelings and can be a potential wedge that will drive them away.
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SusanJ
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Dh confirmed that there is no longer a rule prohibiting Catholics from attending weddings such as these. That was changed after the Council--it was a "pastoral" decision saying, sort of, "let's choose our battles." So, given that, I'd think about how to tackle this in the case of you particular family. I certainly second the recommendation to speak to a priest if you are bothered by the situation. But, unless there is an unusually strong and understanding relationship between you and your brother, the best course is probably to go to the wedding and pray for their conversion. Look for an opportunity to express succinctly and lovingly that you think marriage should involve God. Especially since, as you said, he's marrying a wonderful girl. The bigger problem is that they are fallen away--the marriage is a good thing.
Your brother and his fiancee are not pretending to be getting married as Catholics. My sister, by way of contrast, had renounced the faith (though she is sacramentally Catholic), but then met a nominally Catholic guy and married him in the Church, with a Mass. She did not come back to the Church or get confirmed, or get a dispensation. I was the matron of honor in that wedding. In retrospect, I wish I'd been a bit more clear about concerns I had. But, I am confident that objecting to her wedding or refusing to participate would have caused major breaches in my family. As it is now, we have a great relationship and we have seen openings to lead them closer back to the Church.
I hope that helps!
Susan
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insegnante
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| Posted: Aug 29 2007 at 8:16pm | IP Logged
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They wouldn't be "pretending to be getting married as Catholics" if they were not practicing Catholics but married in a Church ceremony, unless something else invalidated their attempt at marriage, such as being unwilling or unfit to enter a true marriage (e.g., refusal to have children.)
There was actually a clarification not long ago that sets some pretty exacting requirements for a baptized person to be considered no longer bound by Church law in order to marry validly, but just not practicing the Faith for a while has never been considered sufficient.
Jimmy Akin on the subject
Theresa
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: question about attending a wedding...
