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Michaela
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| Posted: Aug 19 2007 at 9:00pm | IP Logged
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Have you ever gotten the silent treatment from your child?
DD has decided to give it to me because DH didn't buy her something.
I can't believe how hurt I am over her attitude. 
A part of me wants to let her know how it feels. I can give as good as I get.   Yes, that's wrong and I know better. However, I absolutely dislike "games" like this. It's something my mom has done and maybe Olivia has witnessed it & now believes it's her new weapon.
After letting her know how her actions are hurting me and having a talk I asked her if she was done. She told me, "No" and walked off.
Another part of me wants to wait until she is ready (not that I have a choice because I can't make her interact with me.). I want her to know and experience that even when she hurts me, when she wants to make things right, I'm always there and always willing to forgive. Like the Parable of the Prodigal Son. Am I setting myself up for future problems with this solution?
I wasn't expecting stuff like this until the teen years. (not that all teens give attitudes because I never played this game on my parents)
She came and apologized, but then I heard her tell her brother that DH made her say sorry.
So, now you know I'm a ignorant mom who needs help. I feel like a failure because I didn't expect this from her. Never. Ever. If I make the wrong move, this could become a way she handles disappointments.
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: Aug 19 2007 at 9:33pm | IP Logged
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Oh, Michaela, here's a {{{HUG}}}. 
Remember, we are bigger than our children...in more ways than one.
Michaela wrote:
After letting her know how her actions are hurting me and having a talk I asked her if she was done. She told me, "No" and walked off.
I want her to know and experience that even when she hurts me, when she wants to make things right, I'm always there and always willing to forgive. |
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You have already talked to her so she knows your feelings. Now smother her with love.
You said yourself you want to show her that you are there for her and ready to forgive. Now it's time to walk the talk. 
Michaela wrote:
Am I setting myself up for future problems with this solution?
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No, I don't think so. If you were to give her the silent treatment in return, that is the lesson she would learn. You want to show your daughter the Christian way to forgive in love. She will learn from your example.
I was never able to apologize to people until I had children. It's still a stiff drink to swallow but I do it. Of course, you have nothing to apologize for but putting on a Christian face on in the mist of personal human suffering and rejection is just as...gulp!...hard. But you can do it. 
Prayers for you and your dd.
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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Michaela
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| Posted: Aug 20 2007 at 7:55am | IP Logged
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Thank you, Cay.
I had no idea that my 7yo's silent treatment could bring me to tears. I'm still unsure why it hurt so much. Just typing about it brings me to tears again. (Strange, I know. )
After reading your reply last night, I walked into the kitchen prepared for rejection, but ready to "snuggle buggle" as we call it. As soon as she saw me she apologized from her heart (no influence from daddy).
Today is a new day.
I plan to smoother all my children with love.
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: Aug 20 2007 at 8:08am | IP Logged
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I'm so glad, Michaela.
I was thinking of you last night and wanted to clarify that "smothering with love" can be as simple as just walking into her bedroom at night, kissing her forehead, and saying, "Sweet dreams, sweetie. I love you."
That is not hard for any mother to do and it speaks volumes to a child who has hardened his/her heart.
It's the little things that count.
I'm so glad you day is starting out better.
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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SallyT
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| Posted: Aug 20 2007 at 1:41pm | IP Logged
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I can't remember ever getting the silent treatment, but -- and somehow it's always the girls -- we have had mind-games and momentary, similar episodes of one kind or another over the years. My oldest is a teenager, and you know, she's a great person, and we enjoy each other most of the time, but there are times when she just can't overcome her inclination to push me away for whatever reason. She's not disobedient or ugly at all -- just struggling to be independent, sometimes at times when I still want her to be my baby.
Even though sometimes it's hurtful, I try not to BE hurt by it, and I do my best not to act as if her words or attitudes have affected me in any way. I treat her as consistently as I can, with the same level of love and affection, as much as she'll let me get close when she's like that. I guess the lesson I want to teach is that while I can't let her be disrespectful (which she isn't), or disobedient (which she isn't), or whatever, there's nothing that she can do or say that will in any way alter my love for her. If she breaks the rules, there are consequences, but moods just don't rock the boat. They may affect her, but they don't touch me. At least, that's the impression I try to make!
What is it about girls? I ought to know; I've been one all my life, but I don't. My 5yo son constantly and obsessively asks his 3yo sister if she loves him -- sometimes she'll say yes, but most of the time she will turn her back and primly say, "No." So he keeps badgering her. And she LOVES it. *sigh*
Pax,
Sally
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: The Silent Treatment
