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St. Ann
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| Posted: Aug 14 2007 at 10:42am | IP Logged
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I have been struggling a bit about a dd's friendship with another little girl.
What factors play a role in deciding how much time your children play with other kids, when their parents are not at all interested in the Faith?
Dd3's little friend has a mother about my age, but dresses like a sexy 20something. Her dd14yrs old also dresses like a sexy 20something. Dd's friend plays more like a boy than a girl, which I find interesting because my dd loves dolls etc. This is a Yours, Mine and Ours family, and I only know the 2 girls, who always live there. We live in the same street. I have this nagging feeling...I really don't want Doro to spend much time there, because of the above. Is this a bit predjudicial of me? Just because of the way they dress????
It is not that I dislike the mom. Not at all, but we just don't have much in common.
What is your expierience with such matters?
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folklaur
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| Posted: Aug 14 2007 at 10:46am | IP Logged
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Welll......
I would always say to trust your instincts. That "nagging feeling" you are having is there for a reason.....
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CAgirl4God
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| Posted: Aug 14 2007 at 11:54am | IP Logged
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I try to steer the kids towards families and friends that share not only our faith, but our outward signs of Christianity also. modesty being a big one.
I also don't want them to be in situations where they may have to be constantly defending their faith and our family values.
that said, I agree....follow your instincts.
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Rachel May
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I may be a bit more chill, but I look more toward behavior than anything.
There are some girls in our neighborhood who "look" nice and go to our church, but I have had to tell Maria not to play with them anymore. They told her that she is ugly and that her hair is too curly (they are biracial also so this is crazy to me), and anytime they are in a group of children, they influence the group to be mean--specifically towards Maria.
Then there are other girls. Their style is more fashionable and sometimes a bit skimpy--although not sexy--but they are nearly always generous and gentle. They are fallen away Catholic, but the family is such a better family than the first.
Maybe mine is an unusual situation, but I've found in other communities also that if I can get past the clothes, I can see the person better. Good luck discerning. 
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Paula in MN
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I'm going to agree with Rachel. I may not dress *that* way myself, or allow my children to, but clothes don't make the person. I'm specifically thinking of Mary Magdalene, and the way she was treated by some people based on how she looked.
That being said, if you have a nagging feeling about the situation, follow your feeling!
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 Paula
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folklaur
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| Posted: Aug 14 2007 at 1:50pm | IP Logged
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0h, I didn't mean to judge them on the way they were dressed at all  ! I just meant if she was having a nagging feeling, I assumed there was probably more going on than just the clothes.
again, if that wasn't the way it sounded...
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hylabrook1
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I'd go with the nagging feeling. One particular time when I ignored my intuition (or maybe it was the Holy Spirit), I regretted it deeply.
You could allow your dd to continue playing with this child, but sort of manipulate things so that it was always at your house; that way you can be aware of what's going on. I would also look for other friends with whom you might feel more comfortable and spend time with them, limiting the time available to play with the neighborhood girl.
Peace,
Nancy
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missionfamily
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I agree, when I feel any sort of wariness, I just set the play times at my house or at the park and watch until I know one way or the other how I feel about it.
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lilac hill
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| Posted: Aug 14 2007 at 9:33pm | IP Logged
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hylabrook1 wrote:
I'd go with the nagging feeling. ...
You could allow your dd to continue playing with this child, but sort of manipulate things so that it was always at your house; that way you can be aware of what's going on. |
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I have adopted the "you may only play at my house and within my sight rule" for an occasional acquaintence.
And if asked, the reason is "because I said so."
Good luck, I know it is hard when the playmate is in the neighborhood, but probably all the mroe reason to set rules early.
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St. Ann
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| Posted: Aug 15 2007 at 3:17am | IP Logged
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cactus mouse wrote:
Welll......
I would always say to trust your instincts. That "nagging feeling" you are having is there for a reason.....
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All of you ladies supported Laura's comment here, which is a big relief for me!
Thank you all!
Regarding the clothing...the 14yr old does act the way she dresses, unfortunately. She avoids me like the pest! Its like she knows that I see through her , and she just can't have it. IYKWIM?
The little girl seems to be lonely and calls almost every day to play with Doro. Doro likes to play with her, but is completely satisfied to play with her own sisters too.
It is definitely better when they play here at our house.
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Stephanie
Wife and mother to Hannah '96, Maria '99, Dorothea '01, Helena '03
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Lori B
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We've had some issues with our local KOOPS* this summer, but in relation to my 9yos. Before we moved here last summer, these boys all played in a gang, though most of them didn't like two of the others. When I observed how these boys acted/ spoke/ played, I was less than impressed, and told my son so.
We adopted the "you may only play at my house and within my sight rule" just like Viv, just for those two boys- the others I have no issues with. Since the boys couldn't get away with their bad behaviour here, they stopped coming around.
Strangely enough, when my son stopped playing with those two, the other boys did as well. I think they were so used to the public school mentality that you just have to put up with everyone, that they really didn't know they had a choice.
I think 'following your gut' is really the way to go in regards to your daughter's friend. I can tell you from an experience we went through with my oldest dd a few years ago, that trying to repair the damage of exposure to wrong thinking and bad attitudes later is kinda like swimming uphill.
*KOOPS = Kids Of Other People
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Your childrens' friends
