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Lisbet
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| Posted: July 25 2007 at 1:48pm | IP Logged
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For those of you that saw my prayer request for a certain priest, this post has to do with that.
The previous Vocations Director of our diocese recently admitted to having an intimate consentual relationship with a woman. This priest is also a dear friend of our family. My husband and I started an "Adopt a Seminarian" program with this man, we've had him visit our home, spend time with our children, arranged trips for many homeschooled boys to seminaries with him, etc... He is (was?) one of those priests that we would always use as an example of a holy, joyful, loyal priest for our sons. My oldest son really looks up to him. He was so very highly regarded by so many families that we know.
My husband and I feel so sick by this, and so far we have shieled the children from any knowledge of the situation. Our bishop released a statement saying that he (the priest) is accuetly aware that his actions were sinful, he has confessed, and is seeking forgiveness by all. He is on sabbatical and will be reassigned to pastoral duties aferwards.
My question here is what to say to the kids. Well, really just to our oldest son who looked to this priest as a hero, a holy example. We always encouraged this too. I don't feel that we can encourage this any longer. Am I wrong? I just don't know how to, or if I even have to, approach this with him.
I feel this way often when a married couple we know seperates or divorces. We've just said "Mr. and Mrs. so and so are no longer married." and left it at that. This situation seems much more different to me though.
Any thoughts? Prayers for this priest are surely appreciated!
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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kingvozzo
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| Posted: July 25 2007 at 1:58pm | IP Logged
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No pearls of wisdom for you, Lisa, but prayers for you and yours. This is a tough situation, but I have no doubt you'll handle it well. I tend to think the less said the better. These types of things are made more difficult to handle with our kids when we're struggling with our own feelings and reactions. I also think it's ok to hold off on sharing anything until you get your bearings a bit, too.
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Noreen
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shartlesville
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| Posted: July 25 2007 at 2:56pm | IP Logged
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I would not bring up the subject at all.
*If* your son brings something up about him no longer being at the church you could just say that he is taking a kind of vacation (sabbatical) or you could tell him that he made a mistake in judgment and has been reassigned but don't go into details. At 12, most kids don't need details.
I still think that your son could look up to him in other respects and he doesn't need to know the details of his failings. We are all human and all are sinners, even priests. We have to learn to forgive and focus on the positive. As long as this person realizes they have sinned, asked for forgiveness, and is doing his best to not do it again, who are we to judge? IF he were obstinate in his actions and not wanting to stop, THEN I would say he would not be someone who could be trusted or looked up to.
I am sorry, I hope this is making sense. I am still not quite myself since the surgery.  
Blessings,
Krisann
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Krisann
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Bridget
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He can still be a hero and a holy example. He fell, like David in the OT. God can still use him for great things. Don't dessert him, I'm adding my prayers to yours for him and all priests. I would not tell your son any more than 'Father had some personal problems he needed to spend some time working out.'
Our dear old priest left our former parish under scandal two years ago. It was heart breaking. He died this week. We are devastated that his life ended on this note. Although, thanks be to God, his superior made a point of publicly stating that he was 'well prepared for death'.
I am feeling an increasing urgency to pray and suffer for the strength and holiness of our priests.
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Maryan
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Lisa, I agree with Krisann and Bridget. Prayers for this priest.
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Maryan
Mom to 6 boys & 1 girl: JP('01), B ('03), M('05), L('06), Ph ('08), M ('10), James born 5/1/12
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LisaR
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| Posted: July 25 2007 at 3:58pm | IP Logged
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I would not say anything. Unless you need to explain why you are not seeing much of him anymore, then you could say "The Diocese sent him away to further his studies". I would also encourage your homeschool friends or whoever else was close to him not to talk about it either, especially not in group settings where it is easy to forget little ears are wandering around....
As the family goes, so goes the world, or something like that. Look at the state of families, and it is no wonder that our Church Family is suffering so. If almost 50% of marriages end in divorce, is it no wonder that even a fraction of that percent of Priests are sinning in this way?
It is just about the biggest issue we pray about.
Let us have fervent hope that this is not "the end of the story" for your dear Priest friend...
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
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Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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LisaR
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PS- I hope that you continue the Adopt a Seminarian Program- it is so vital!
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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JennyMaine
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I'm so sorry you're hurting. When this priest is such a close friend of yours, it is crushing to feel so let down by his poor choices.
You've gotten some truly great advice. I think we have to say in these situations, "There, but for the grace of God, go I." We can all be so tempted and make the wrong decisions. I feel so hopeful for this priest friend of yours that he is trying to get back on track - that he hasn't just left the church and his vocation. Just imagine his shame and sorrow at this time!
How are you and your husband handling this in terms of your relationship with him? I hope you can support and encourage each other, because I'm sure you both are very discouraged. You've suffered a real loss, a hit to your faith - this is one sad example of how one person's private sin ripples into the life of the whole church.
I think if your son was older - say, 16 and up - then he'd be at an age to know the details so he could specifically pray for the help your friend needs. But at 12, I would shield him from the details. I would just say that the priest is going away for a long break, and that this would be a great time for the whole family to participate in extra prayers and sacrifices for him.
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--JennyMaine, Mom to Catherine (17) and Sam (15) "The countenance is a reflection of the soul. You should always have a calm and serene countenance." -- Therese of Lisieux
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asplendidtime
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Lisa,
I was just wondering if you know if this man brought this out himself? My thoughts were similar to Bridget's. If one sins and then publicly fesses up, regardless of how it affects reputation, is it not somewhat heroic? God called David, the "apple of His eye", it doesn't sound like the act of a small man, but a big man who admits when he was wrong. At least that is what we try to teach our son.
It is surely disappointing, I can see that, and I am so sorry.  Sadly,I have experienced a very similar situation. I just wonder that someone who tries to make something right, deserves not only forgiveness but a certain respect for the courage to tell the truth. I wonder what a honourable man he really would be inside, to have enough moral courage to tell the truth? He definitely needs prayer, that God can show Himself perfect power in weakness.
So if your son, does at some point "find out" I do think that you should be prepared. These things don't ever stay quiet. Be assured of our prayers.
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Sarah
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I wouldn't say anything to your son or others. I would let it pass since a child at that age can be scandalized easily. I would probably cut off our relationship for a while until everything simmered down. And while we should never judge someone in this situation ( we really cannot imagine how difficult the priesthood is!), we need to protect our young ones who are still in formation. These types of things can harm a person's faith in the Church (scandal).
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Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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St. Ann
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Lisa, I have many thoughts on this and I hope that I can express them somewhat coherently.
I would not break off the relationship with the Priest, but always remain open to receive him if he seeks you out. God and the Church has forgiven and the children will only understand this when they expierience forgiveness in real life - meaning at home. Even if they don't know any details of the SIN, they will have noticed something different. The time of penance is not just something interior, but also has a physical effect.
A Priest is not perfect or without sin. We are ALL sinners - no one is exempt! Our children must also learn this. If they expect otherwise they will only be disappointed and be in danger of losing their faith, not because a priest has gravely sinned, but because of the 'burst bubble'. But what a great example of Faith, when a Priest falls so far in sin and then confesses and seeks forgiveness! Your Priest needs support. Our Priests are sooooooo alone.
You and your dh must decide what to tell your ds, but I don't think that it is too much too talk about sin, penance and reconciliation. I also wouldn't go into the details now, but maybe one day your Priest will talk about it himself with you and your ds together when he is older if necessary. Something like that can be very healing and helpful for an older teen.
Your Priest is in my prayers.
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Stephanie
Wife and mother to Hannah '96, Maria '99, Dorothea '01, Helena '03
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Lisbet
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| Posted: July 26 2007 at 7:14am | IP Logged
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I only have a minute, but I just wanted to thank all of you for your thoughtful replies and prayers. Many of you have expressed what I feel in my heart, we are just shook up by the news and very protective of our children! Thanks so much!
__________________
Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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doris
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| Posted: July 27 2007 at 12:44pm | IP Logged
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Just a thought -- I've just found out about a lovely novena to St John Vianney which it's suggested we say for our priests. It might be something for you to consider?
Link here.
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: How much to tell the Children?
