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Tina P.
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| Posted: July 05 2007 at 2:18pm | IP Logged
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My 13 yob (tomorrow) has made a friend this past year. She's 13 (will be 14 in November). She's a good, solid, Catholic kid. She likes to play tag, hide and seek, and other outdoor games. She likes reptiles and (and she owns the following) amphibians. She likes Star Wars. She's perfectly in line with the things he likes. They can hang out in companionable silence or chatter away to each other. And my boy has never been so outgoing as he is now.
But she's not a kid anymore in some ways! She's a young lady. Her bust size is about 3 x mine! It is plainly evident that she's attracted to him. Months ago, her mom told me that she was asking if her hair looked OK before they came to our door to pick up my daughter for girl scouts. Her mom said she'd never worried about it before.
I don't *want* to be concerned. I know that there are several reasons why I should *not* be concerned. This girl is modest. She would not tease or ask anything of my 13 yo that he would not be willing to give. She's a really solid, upstanding, hardworking kid. Her mom and I are friends and I think if anything romantic ever developed we would be sure to turn it into a courtship deal where the families would go out together. But they're so young! I'm hoping *really* hard that it won't develop for decades  ... OK ... one decade at least.
I invited a bunch of families with boys around my boy's age to his birthday party. I stopped short at this family, since they have three girls. He begged me to invite them, and so I did. I told the girl's mom why I hesitated. She's so easy-going. She said that when there are other boys around mine, the girl tends to stick with the girls. She's probably way more level-headed about this than I am. Am I overreacting? My 13 yo *does* ask about whether that family is coming to whatever thing we've been invited to or whether she is coming. I don't think I would mind if they were to marry some day. Just not too soon! 
I would love to hear of anyone's experience or advice about this.
Thanks and God bless,
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
Mary's Muse
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stefoodie
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| Posted: July 05 2007 at 3:24pm | IP Logged
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I'd love to hear the answers to this one. Mine is 16 (girl) and I could have written your post. There's one boy that I'm afraid may be getting a little too close, and b/c she doesn't have a lot of boy friends I'm afraid of emotional attachments that may develop too soon. We've read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" (along with dh), and both dh and I have talked to her at length about these things, but I don't know if it's really sunk in.
While the boy in question is also from a good solid Catholic family and we know him quite well, I'm just wary of the possibilities.
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stef
mom to five
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msclavel
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| Posted: July 05 2007 at 3:34pm | IP Logged
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I am in the same rather new territory myself. In my case my 11 yo dd (yes, 11!). We have some wonderful family friends with 2 sons. The oldest is 13. Actually both my daughters (the other almost 13) are very good friends with him.
He is a wonderful young man. My 9 yo son looks up to him a great deal. But clearly, there is a little "more" between him and my second daughter. Funny thing is, it practically started the day they met 3 years ago when they were even younger. They all have common interests and genuinely enjoy each others company.
Their mom has become one of my dearest friends and I can talk to her about anything when it comes to the kids. This is probably bad,  but we often joke with both of them about their arranged marriage. The kids laugh and take it in stride and come up with their own jokes.
Still, we can all sense that one day we may not be joking. Do I mind? Partly no. What a relief to know this family and that their values are so completely in line with ours. What a relief to know him and how we was raised. What a relief to think that if this is the husband for my daughter we can play an active part as their family in keeping their relationship holy and pure, teaching them how to maybe serve each other one day as spouses. And yes, I worry. They are sooo young. So much for each of them to yet do alone. How do I keep her focused?
And worst of all in some ways is the thought that this is not the man for her and that hope and innocent love may be crushed one day and she will feel that pain.
Either way, I'm exhausting the Blessed Mother and her Guardian Angel with prayer. I work hard with my daughters to teach them modesty and humility and that doesn't just apply to how they dress. There is a part of their hearts and soul that first must be directed towards God. I want young men to be with them and walk away thinking, "Now there are some true ladies."
Well, this is rather long winded. I would love to hear other's experiences, especially any families that have gone through dating/courtship.
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Red Cardigan
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| Posted: July 05 2007 at 3:57pm | IP Logged
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I can understand the concern about not forming attachments too soon, but I also remember vividly being the kind of girl at 13 who had a new "crush" every other week; I don't think it's unnatural, and so long as moms and dads are there to be understanding and observant, I think it could be quite a good thing.
My girls are a bit younger and so far all their "crushes" are on fictional characters! I talk to them about not being silly or dwelling on romantic thoughts, but a lot of the feelings at this age are almost a kind of hero-worship that I think is very truly feminine and rather sweet.
One thing to think about is that homeschooling families are sometimes a bit different from the world in regards to dating/marriage. One of the happiest young women I ever met had finished her homeschool/high school at about 17, had worked for a bit, had become engaged to a very nice young Catholic man who had also been homeschooled, who was about three years older. When I met her, she was nineteen, had been married a little over a year, and was expecting her first baby! She and her husband were both so mature compared to the usual college-age kids.
So if God calls your children to be married, and if He calls them to this vocation at eighteen or nineteen, then beginning to allow them a little lighthearted male/female friendship somewhere between 13 and 16 isn't all that young, necessarily!
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Erin
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| Posted: July 05 2007 at 6:36pm | IP Logged
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Tina
The girl in question sounds like a lovely young lady. And from your description she doesn't sound likeshe is going to push anything. Her awareness of her appearance is a normal, natural progression and a groove that she could be stuck in for a number of years. I well remember being attracted to a local Catholic boy myself at that age, and an innocent friendship it was. I was becoming aware of myself as an emerging lady and he was a friend. Had he tried to progress anything I would have run a mile.
Your son at 13 could well remain in an unawakened state for a number of years, note his comfortableness in inviting girls to his 13th. As far as he is concerned she is a friend and just happpens to be a girl. And in its own way the different genders add a nice dimension to their growing. They will learn so much on how the opposite gender tick.
Often we panic or read too much into things because WE know to much. But most of our children, I talk fairly sheltered children here, are unawakened and if we handle this all carefully will continue to remain so for a while yet. We must be so careful not to disturb their natural growth.
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Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
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msclavel
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| Posted: July 05 2007 at 6:44pm | IP Logged
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Erin, what a lovely response. Thank you.
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Am I overreacting boy/girl friendship??
