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Ruth
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| Posted: June 19 2007 at 2:04pm | IP Logged
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I took the boys to an appt. this morning, and when I walked in, 19 weeks along with the 3 youngest kids, I noticed the waiting room was full, every chair was taken. I took the kids to the corner and sat on the floor to fill out the paper work, and was amazed to see 3 separate men sitting there and not one got up.  After a few minutes, a woman came to me and told me she was going to step out for a little bit and wanted me to have her chair.
I talked to the boys about what to do in that situation. I was actually shocked! I wasn't looking for pity or attention. I just wish the boys hadn't seen that. Are we expecting too much from our sons? I don't think it's too early to teach them how to be gentlemen. What do you think?
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Ruth
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Maryan
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Oh Ruth --
I'm sorry. It has certaintly happened to me, and I'm probably more likely to stand there and stand at the man who should get up until he does. 
My mom started young with my brother -- now 23. He always gives up his seat, comes and gets my bags, holds the doors, etc. And growing up, I would often go for a walk with my dad -- he would never let me walk on the outside of the sidewalk. He'd constantly be switching positions as we went through our route to maintain the outside. It's something so little, but I always loved it.
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Betsy
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+JMJ+
We went to Midnight Mass this past CHristmas at our Cathedral. My husband was appaled that their was standing room only and not one man got up and offered his seat to a woman. (we were standing, so he couldn't give up his seat!)
It certainly isn't too much to expect from our sons. My boys will be taught to give up their seats to women and elderly! Infact I have asked them to already to this...I think children should respect adults and give up their seats if it's appropriate as well.
Betsy
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Tami
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| Posted: June 19 2007 at 2:54pm | IP Logged
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I'm sorry Ruth this happened. And no, you are not expecting too much, nor is it too early to teach your boys to be gentlemen. I work on this aaaaalllll the time with my guys, even from the youngest days - going ahead to open doors, looking to take packages that others are carrying, etc.
These teaching moments are important for them. And sprinkled with a bit of mercy for the others - one never knows if the others are more sick than we realize.
You did the best thing by talking to your boys! 
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teachingmyown
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My boys have been taught from very early to look around and notice when a lady is without a seat. They stand through every holiday Mass!
I would safely say that it is second nature to my teenager. My 9 yr old still needs reminding. Even my 11 yr old dd is very aware and offers to give up her seat for women with little children.
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juststartn
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I'm working on my dds--the boys aren't old enough yet. But they (the dds) also see me thanking people for being considerate, and (in the case of the men), gentlemen. I "talk it up" to the dds, so that they will expect that sort of treatment when they are grown. I wasn't sure I would even HAVE sons, so it wasn't something I really needed to work on, though..and the boys "are" only 6wks old, so they are a trifle young yet..but never fear, they'll be trained to be little gentlemen!
Rachel
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doris
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I think you were quite right to talk to your boys about this.
I'm just stroppy if someone fails to get up. I have been known to announce to a packed railway carriage, 'I am x weeks pregnant. Could someone give me a seat.' Then there are several red-faced people offering seats...
Ask and it shall be given unto you... 
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saintanneshs
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| Posted: June 19 2007 at 8:03pm | IP Logged
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Ruth wrote:
| I don't think it's too early to teach them how to be gentlemen. What do you think? |
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Ruth, I just wanted to share that this spring I had to take all five of my little ones with me to an ENT doc. apptmt for ds5. The little room we were ushered to had only 1 SEAT!  (Apparently that ENT doc wasn't set up for families like ours!  ) Anyway, the boys rushed right into the room and scrambled to sit in the only chair, a windowsill, and on a foot stool. I quickly reminded them that gentlemen ALWAYS allow ladies to go first AND they ALWAYS offer them the only available seats. After the older two allowed dd2 and myself (with babe in arms) to sit down while they stood, the nurse said,"WAY TO GO MOM! I didn't think mothers were teaching their sons that anymore."
Apparently, we moms aren't the only ones who notice such things.
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saintanneshs
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doris wrote:
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I love it.
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Red Cardigan
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I applaud all the moms teaching their sons these good manners! My daughters will appreciate it one day, I know!
Just one thing, though--I don't think that men staying seated at a crowded Mass are always being bad-mannered. I know there were lots of years when my girls were little, when I would have yelled at my DH if he'd tried to give a strange woman his seat--I needed him to help me with the girls, especially at a crowded Christmas or Easter Mass! If he got up and gave a strange woman his seat, then if I needed to leave to nurse or change the baby I'd have to take the other girls with me, and pretty soon we'd just all be standing in the back because other people would assume we left and take our seats.
It's different in a doctor's office or a bus or someplace where the family isn't seated all together as a family, IMO.
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kingvozzo
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Red Cardigan wrote:
Just one thing, though--I don't think that men staying seated at a crowded Mass are always being bad-mannered. I know there were lots of years when my girls were little, when I would have yelled at my DH if he'd tried to give a strange woman his seat--I needed him to help me with the girls, especially at a crowded Christmas or Easter Mass! If he got up and gave a strange woman his seat, then if I needed to leave to nurse or change the baby I'd have to take the other girls with me, and pretty soon we'd just all be standing in the back because other people would assume we left and take our seats.
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True, but what about the many younger men and women there without families? I remember being at Mass this past pregnancy (Ash Wednesday?), way pregnant, having to stand AND carry my 3 y/o through Mass, because he kept trying to run away . I would have been mighty glad for a seat then...
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Red Cardigan
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Noreen, you have my sympathies--that's not easy!
One thing I think that can help is when ushers are trained and can find as many seats as possible. I've seen some churches where the ushers will walk up and down the aisle, ask people if they can make room for one or two or however many, and then gesture to the people in the back, holding up the right number of fingers so people know if there's only one seat or more, etc.
This probably works better than having people randomly offer seats, because some moms in the back are there for a reason and don't want to sit down with the baby/toddler (at least, not anymore for that particular Mass!).
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Bridget
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It's not too early. My 7 year old son to my 75 year old father are quick to give up their seat to a woman or an elderly man.
Together we can change the culture to a more civil one!
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Lorri
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Oh that's just sad!
When we lived in Korea, the people were so great to moms and babies. People would give up their seats on the subway so I could sit down (not pregnant) and hold my 3 yo on my lap. Even old women would! And they wouldn't take "no" for an answer.
When we were leaving Korea, we had a layover in Japan and we needed to take a shuttle from the terminal to the plane. By that time I was visibly pregnant and we had 2 little children. The shuttle was over crowded and while my dh was still discussing the car seats we had with us, the door closed and the shuttle left. My poor dc couldn't even reach a pole or seat to hold on to! Not one person, NOT ONE stood up to offer seats. There were many English speaking people near us who I know heard me tell my dc that hopefully daddy would be on the next shuttle, so just hold on to my legs so they wouldn't fall. I wish I had had the nerve to ask someone to get up. What I did say as the shuttle reached the plane was that I sure could tell that we weren't in Korea anymore.
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Anne McD
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Whenever my 4 or (almost) 6yo boys hold a door for me in public, I make a huge, loud fuss (esp if there are other people around) about how grateful I am and what gentlemen they are. I'm lucky (or picky )-- my husband is a gentleman and they have learned by his example. We've gone to places with only a few seats in the waiting room, and I won't let them take a seat-- I remind them that they are little and are quite fine on the floor (not a dirty one, of course )or on our laps, but it really irks me when a kid (assumedly able bodied) is sitting in a chair in a waiting room when there are adults standing.
When I was very pregnant with my first, I had to go to a lab to have routine bloodwork done, and the waiting room was packed, but no one offered me a seat, so I planted my prego self on the floor in the front of the room in clear view of all of them.
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momwats8
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I agree with everyone - My boys give up their seats as well as dh; especially to a pregnant woman. It is important to teach them how to be aware of what is going on around them and to be gentlemen.
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hylabrook1
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Noreen -
I love your way of marking time, "this past pregnancy."
Peace,
Nancy
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JodieLyn
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little boys who've just learned to open doors for themselves tend to be very HAPPY to open doors for anyone at all.. and at least around here.. I don't have to say a word.. whoever they open a door for.. tend to make quite a fuss over the little "gentleman".. without any more than positive reinforcment.. I had a lady at the post office (my older boy had gone in to get our mail) stop at my van on her way to her car and tell me how polite my son was.. because he held the door for her .
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Topic: Can we talk manners?
