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juststartn
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| Posted: June 11 2007 at 4:55pm | IP Logged
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Alright, I really need some help discerning this...
I'm less than 6 wks out from having the twins. I am now, and for the next 15-18mos, a geographical single parent. So I am doing it all, all the time.
So, getting only 4-5 hrs of sleep a night, and having the obligations that my vocation has dictated for me, I am pretty much feeling a bit more "whipped" every day. I'm still taking all of the wonderful vitamins and such I was taking while pregnant, and they did an incredible job then, and I am pretty sure that they are still doing a great job, cause otherwise I don't know where I'd be...
But the last few days, I think I have reached the beginnings of the end of my reserves....sleeping in til 10-12 is becoming more attractive. The boys are needing my attention every 3-4 hrs at night, but it's a good 45min-1 hr each time they get up before I get back to sleep. Last night, it took me over an hour and a half one time...Naps during the day don't work, cause the boys' schedule doesn't line up with the dds, and the afternoon is their absolute worse time of day. For some reason, 2-4 is the worst, gassy, screamy fussy not going to take a nap no matter what time. So I can't sleep when the babies sleep.
The last two mornings, I've slept WAAAY in. The girls have let me, and not been too bad...but I still don't know where the line is. My body needs the sleep, that's obvious. But how do you know where the line is between sloth and laziness, and genuinely needing the rest/sleep/help? Part of the problem is my Army wife mentality. The "I can take care of it by myself" mentality. And generally that wouldn't be a problem, but with two little ones, and being alone so soon after their delivery, welllllll....it's a different story completely. I am trying to do the right thing and let others help me...but on the one hand, there's not much for anyone else to do. I do laundry every day, and it is all caught up. Dishes are taken care of, shopping is done in short spurts, but it gets done, too. The floors are vacuumed, and I've got a guy who comes and does the yardwork. There's not much else to do...
I am going to be contacting a young woman from my parish to see if she can come and help me out, watching the dc a few times a week..but I am still not sure if that will work or not. Maybe I can get a nap in while she is here, which will help somewhat. But I do need to get some more sleep, somehow. My mood is definitely not what it should be, that is for sure...
But where do you all draw the line, in the post-partum period? I know I have to cut myself some slack, esp right now. But where on earth is the line, at such a time? I am going to try and ask my priest, hopefully this week...but I do need to get a handle on it...cause I have GOT to get some rest...
Right now I've got dinner to take care of, the boys have finally calmed down from their afternoon fussy time, but the girls are awake and wanting their dinner.
Any advice ya'll have would be extremely helpful...
Rachel
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Married DH 4/1/95
Lily 3/11/00
Helena(Layna) 5/23/02
Sophia 4/19/04
John 5/7/07
David 5/7/07
Ava Maria, in the arms of Jesus, 9/5/08
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doris
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| Posted: June 11 2007 at 5:36pm | IP Logged
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Sloth??!!
Well, only you know your own situation, but I would say that any extra help or rest you can get you should grab with both hands -- for the next few months at least. You've got twins who are barely born, three girls who aren't exactly big either, you are home educating *and* your husband has just gone abroad for 18 months! Be gentle on yourself! Your body has surely not recovered yet, not to mention your emotions given the load you are carrying.
After a few more weeks, the boys will probably be fitting into more of a regular pattern -- hopefully, one that includes a nice long afternoon nap! In the meantime, IMO you just have to do what you need to to survive.
It sounds to be like you are doing a remarkable job. My floors aren't always vacuumed nor my dishes done as promptly as they might be, and I've got a mere three dc!
Praying for you.
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Home educating in London, UK with dd (2000) ds (2002), dd (2004), ds (2008) and dd (2011).
Frabjous Days
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juststartn
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| Posted: June 11 2007 at 7:46pm | IP Logged
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Well, I keep my loads small, and use paper products where and when I can. Also, picnic lunches outside are a big hit around here, so the dc can eat outside at their little picnic table and not mess up the kitchen, lol.
The boys are doing pretty good, schedule wise--every 2-3 hrs in the daytime, and every 3-4 at night (don't know why the difference...the dark? the lack of noise and activity? Wish I knew...lol).
Today has been particularly "interesting"...John has been absolutely the most miserable child I have seen him be...he's always a bit more grumpy than David, but this? Sheesh. I just went and bough two bottles of Hyland's gas tablets, to see if that will help some. He IS gassy...but there's nothing I can do about it...
But I am just barely hanging on, mood wise. On the surface, everything looks good. I'm even getting some project stuff done. But my mood is getting progressively less "tolerant". And today, with the weather being iffy and the dc stuck int he house, on top of John's being so fussy (and David tag-teaming me with him, every 1- 1 1/2 hrs--this afternoon)...welllllll....sigh. I've been a bit stretched today.
Anywho, thanks. I feel like sometimes the only "sanity break" I get is when I am "in" here or in my other Catholic board...sigh.
Rachel (hanging on by her fingernails...now if I could JUST find that chocolate DH bought and hid before he left...)
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Married DH 4/1/95
Lily 3/11/00
Helena(Layna) 5/23/02
Sophia 4/19/04
John 5/7/07
David 5/7/07
Ava Maria, in the arms of Jesus, 9/5/08
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: June 11 2007 at 9:56pm | IP Logged
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Rachel,
Even if all was perfect (you know- dh home and maybe just 1 baby!), you would still be just barely over a month post-partum and in need of LOTS of rest! You have got your hands so full, full of blessings, but full nonetheless.
Make sure the girls are safe and happy, and then sleep! Whenever you can. A few hours in front of the tv (some good videos) won't hurt them.
I can't even imagine the idea that you are being slothful. I think of you often because I can only begin to imagine how hard you have it right now. It must really be hard for you because you seem like such a go-getter. I am the type who would relish the excuse to circle the wagons and regroup slowly.
You really need to cut yourself slack, cherish the little moments and not think of what you THINK you should be doing.
I am praying for you. I hope you find some more support down there.
God bless!
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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Dawnie
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Rachel,
I have struggled, too, with the question of the difference between laziness and genuinely needing rest.
Here is the conclusion I have come to...if I don't do something (laundry, dishes, cooking, etc.) merely b/c "I don't want to" or "I don't feel like it," that is laziness. If I don't do something because I am genuinely tired or sick, that's totally different. I don't think it is laziness when I sleep in or take a nap out of a genuine need for rest.
There were many times, during late pregnancy or post-partum, that I gated off our living room, put away anything that the dc could possibly hurt themselves with, and put in a good video while I slept on the couch. I've done the same in a bedroom...I gated off the bedroom so no one could leave, made sure that EVERYTHING was child-proofed, and slept on the bed with the nursing baby while the other dc played.
Hope you can find a way to get the sleep you need...soon!
Dawn
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Mom to Mary Beth (99), Anna (02), Lucia (04), Clara (06), and Adelaide Victoria (2/28/09)
Visit my blog!Water Into Wine:Vino Per Tutto!
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extremeknitter
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| Posted: June 12 2007 at 8:58am | IP Logged
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seriously, with 1 baby you still need lots of rest at 6 weeks pp. With two it has to be doubled or more. i don't think you need to worry about sloth just yet. My retiree dh just deployed. My youngest is 17 months. Being the only parent is wearing me out already & I'm sleeping in later because I have to. I really have to. Otherwise I don't get enough rest and I'm not my best for the kids. How much more must that be true for you with 6 week old twins!
Give yourself a break. Keep rested so you can take care of your babies. Soon enough you'll get into the swing of things again. hugs & prayers
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blessings and peace,
~knitter
mom to 6 terrific kids (ages 21 down to 1) and 10 little saints
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rose gardens
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| Posted: June 12 2007 at 10:34am | IP Logged
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Rachel,
I struggle with sloth and laziness too, but a close friend once laughed when I admitted it to her because I get alot of things done. If you do struggle with sloth, it definately appears you are WINNING that battle!  You wrote that you have the laundry caught up and the house vacumed and the groceries supplied for five children. That's an accomplishment even if you weren't caring for infant twins!
If you sleep late every now and then, don't worry. Living on only a few hours of constantly interrupted sleep takes a heavy toll. The few weeks after my twins were born, I experienced the greatest exhaustion I ever knew.
As you wrote your not sure what you'd have someone do if they came into your home, I'll share what we did. I hired a teenager come over a couple days a week simply to play with my youngest child. I thought he needed the extra attention. Also, by having her scheduled to come, I could run errands or sleep or whatever when she was here. Since my twins weren't gaining weight for the first few weeks, I often went to the doctor to check that on her scheduled days here. Honestly as I look back now, my twins weren't gaining because I wasn't producing enough breast milk, and that was probably because I was utterly exhausted. (Running to the doctor's twice a week for all those weight checks probably didn't help that--if I had to do it again I'd request a home care nurse for the weight checks.) I don't know if you are nursing or not, but if you are for the sake of your milk production you need extra sleep.
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CAgirl4God
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| Posted: June 12 2007 at 10:50am | IP Logged
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all the ladies had wonderful things to say and great advice. I agree with Molly. I am a "circle the wagons and lay low" kind of gal when things get too hectic, for ANY reason, but esp after giving birth.
Sloth...not a chance, from what I read, lol.
grab a couple of videos that the girls like and get some rest.
this too shall pass.....
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Jamie, married to John
JC, Nugget, Christina & Judy
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4 lads mom
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Be easy on yourself, Rachel....you are doing an amazing job....when my last little guy was born with pretty intense medical issues...I pushed myself and pushed myself and at about 8 weeks, it was not pretty. I didn't rest enough, and it really showed. I think extra resting is a necessary thing right now, not a sign of sloth or laziness. You can take better care of everyone when you take good care of yourself, and that includes lots of extra rest.
Keep us updated.....
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gracie4309
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What feels like laziness right now is a very real need for you to rest and take care of yourself so you can care for the little ones. It may be an overused metaphor, but the example of the oxygen mask in an airplane comes to mind. This difficult time won't last forever, praise God! I know it's easy for me to say, but it seems that you should take any opportunity to sleep that you can get. I agree with the other ladies that videos may be a help right now, but outside help is a great idea, too.
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Grace (wife to Jim, mom of Nick-16, Mary-13, Sam-8, Paul-5, and Patrick-5)
How Sweet The Sound
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Maria B.
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Rachel, rest as much as you can. You are not suppose to be super woman. After number six I tried to keep up my usual pace, keep a perfect house, homeschool, etc. and not give into my body's need to rest. I "fell" really hard and started having serious panic/anxiety attacks. You have your hands full. Rest, rest, rest!!!
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Maria in VA
Proud Mom to 10 Great kids!
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Jess
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| Posted: June 12 2007 at 1:40pm | IP Logged
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Rachel, I am too doing the "single parent" and I know what you mean about feeling like I should be getting up at a certain time and feeling a bit lazy if I don't. But (and this is a big but...)I need sleep, so a couple of times a week we sleep in a little. And you *really* need sleep because my youngest is 3 months and you have 2 babies who are only 6 weeks as well as your other children. Please don't feel like you are being lazy, if you don't get enough rest everything is going to suffer. I know you won't be able to really get *enough* rest, but more rest is what I really mean. Maybe just getting a helper a couple times a week to play with and care for the kids so you can just sleep. Don't do anything else while the helper is there, just sleep!!! Or if getting someone to help isn't possible, a video for the girls will work for a short nap. Sometimes us Army wives have to remember that in order to take care if it all by ourselves, we have to take care of ourselves.
I am praying for you!!!!
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God bless,
Jess
+JMJ+
wife to dh('96)
mama to dd(13), dd(11), ds(9), dd(6), and dd (2), and baby girl born Sept 14!
star cottage
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juststartn
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| Posted: June 12 2007 at 10:39pm | IP Logged
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Thanks, ladies. I'm feeling waaaayyyy low tonight--had a rough day (don't know if ya'll read my thread in the Fireside forum, but I added something there). But I did get a nap in today, thank goodness. I woke up feeling better this morning, that is for sure.
I think part of my "problem" has been that I had to cut back temporarily on my main vitamin, so it would last til the first of the month, when I could order my replacements. Got those, and am back to taking my usual amount...whew. Hopefully, that will help, too.
Anyway, ladies, thank you. I really appreciate your "words of wisdom". I've never really had to take it easy post-partum (I recover really quickly). And frankly, aside from feeling a bit more tired (doing two babies, IS different than only one, lol), I felt fine, when I left the hospital..even after a csection. Aside from the itching, I've not had any problems. I just don't know how much rest I NEED to give myself. That sounds kind of stupid, I suppose. But I've never had to give myself the lee-way to recover post-partum...Shoot, after my first, aside from actually holding the baby, and the slightly larger than it would have been stomach, I wouldn't have felt like I'd had a baby at all.
Anyway, that's where my problem is--since I don't know how much I need to rest in the first place, any rest seems a little "off". Thanks for bearing with me as I muddle thru this...
Rachel
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Married DH 4/1/95
Lily 3/11/00
Helena(Layna) 5/23/02
Sophia 4/19/04
John 5/7/07
David 5/7/07
Ava Maria, in the arms of Jesus, 9/5/08
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kris
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| Posted: June 17 2007 at 7:07am | IP Logged
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I would think the fact that you *are* a single parent right now would mean you should get as much res as you can and take it as easy as possible. You don't want to wear yourself down so much that you ruin your health or start catching every bug that makes a stop at your house....:)
Now that I am older I really can see how it does no good to knock yourself out for things that don't mean a hill of beans when you look back on them years later. ( and that includes having your dishes done every night, or a sparkling clean kitchen floor). That is not to say I am a fan of being slothful ( ie: watching tv all day and ignoring your housework) but taking care of babies and yourself should get top priority....even if some things go by the wayside.
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chicken lady
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| Posted: June 17 2007 at 8:39am | IP Logged
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Rachel, you made me choke on my coffee....you are an amazing hero! How could you think lazy! Get some rest, you are an example to all of us, your husband is defending our freedoms, and you are very much to thank for that. You make me see my whimpiness!! Is that a word?? If I lived closer I would love to come help you with those wee babes. I pray you can find someone to come in the afternoons and spell you, that fussy time can be sooooooo hard! Now that is with 1 babe, let alone 2! Never underestimate sleep deprivation it can really mess with your head, be careful you are at the peak for PPD!
Thanks for giving me something to offer my mass intentions for today. Be assured you will have my prayers Rachel! When you feel like giving up remember all the ladies here praying for you, you are not alone!
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momwise
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| Posted: June 17 2007 at 10:44pm | IP Logged
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Every time I read one of your posts I am tempted to buy plane tickets and come take care of you. I just might be able to do that in a few years...can you hang on? 
My mom slept all the time when she was pregnant with my younger sibs; I know you have a few more little ones to worry about so I wouldn't call any amount of sleep slothful in your situation. Just think of every bit of rest as God allowing you to refuel for your family. As our families grow and we get older we do need to adjust the way we look at resting. I am praying for you.
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Gwen...wife for 30 years, mom of 7, grandma of 3.....
"If you want equal justice for all and true freedom and lasting peace, then America, defend life." JPII
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Angi
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| Posted: June 18 2007 at 11:30pm | IP Logged
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I am responding as a mom of twins 2 year olds.
GET HELP! There is no way that you can do this alone. If you are nursing you need to be eating tons of food - easy to eat foods (tortilla with cheese/avacado/beans, raw veggies and friut). Have a preteen (very inexpensive) come over each morning and play with the older children while you sleep with the babies.
My twins turned 2 on Sat and I still fall aslep most of the time when I nurse them down for a nap. My older girls (5 and 3) are having quiet time and can come get me as needed.
Angi
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juststartn
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| Posted: June 20 2007 at 1:32pm | IP Logged
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Well, ladies, I've been "bad"...lol.
THe girls have been getting up, eating breakfast, and going back into their room (it has a "gate" on it--permanently screwed into one side of the door frame--I highly recommend them)...and I've been going back to bed between feedings for the boys.
Its worked...but I couldn't do it this morning, had company (Betsy, from here on the board). So I am going to hope to get a nap after I eat my lunch...
But the house is pretty clean, the laundry is done, and I've even been able to get alot done around here. LOL Cleaned out the enormous over the washer and dryer cabinet (its in the hall bathroom, so it holds all of that stuff, too)...got a bunch of stuff hauled to storage yesterday...took somethings to the Goodwill right around the corner, cleaned up Dhs side of the room (he's one of those army packrats who has the old old uniforms he will NEVER be able to wear again...refuses to get rid of them...a ridiculous number of boots...you name it. All gone to storage so I don't have to look at them anymore.
And, according to the scale at my dr's office, I am down a whopping 22 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight (36 from delivery weight) at my 6 wk apptmt. YAY FOR ME (I needed to lose it--I was a good 45 lbs over where I probably ought to be--and that's above that whole "ideal" weight thing--when I got pregnant. SO I am halfway to where I'd like to be.
Now, any ideas on getting rid of the twin skin?
LOL
Rachel
__________________
Married DH 4/1/95
Lily 3/11/00
Helena(Layna) 5/23/02
Sophia 4/19/04
John 5/7/07
David 5/7/07
Ava Maria, in the arms of Jesus, 9/5/08
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Angi
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Good for you for getting some sleep. Doesnt it feel great! There are times that I still (my twins are 2) get up, turn tv on for older 2, go back to bed until the twins wake up.
Um about the twin skin - do you know any plastic surgeons? Sorry that is the only way I know of to get rid of it.
Angi - who tucks her twin skin into her shorts 
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juststartn
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I finally broke down and bought some of those lovely "slimming" undergarments that reach up most of the way past my bellybutton. SIGH. I'm hoping to see some natural shrinkage of myself, but I'm not taking any chances--and I am not wearing clothes three sizes too big, just because I have a band of skin--that lovely flap--that seriously runs from hip to hip. At least it smooths everything down enough for my clothes to fit decently.
LOL
Rachel (who, btw, has lost a whopping 21-22 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight since I had the boys--a good 36-37 from my end of pregnancy weight. WHOOHOO!)
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Married DH 4/1/95
Lily 3/11/00
Helena(Layna) 5/23/02
Sophia 4/19/04
John 5/7/07
David 5/7/07
Ava Maria, in the arms of Jesus, 9/5/08
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Where is the line?
