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juststartn
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| Posted: June 09 2007 at 7:00pm | IP Logged
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If my life is a three legged stool, I am now going on one leg. DH is gone (leg One). And now, my IRL only friend within a 6 hr drive, is moving the end of this month to MO. Yes, I said only IRL friend. I seem to manage one at a time, for some reason (I always managed more when I was younger...maybe I am just getting more persnickety as I age?)...
Anyway, her DH is army, too. He was deployed, and came home on his two weeks of mid-tour leave. Well, he was "up" for the Green to Gold program (enlisted goes to officer)...well, he got accepted, and they will have to be out there by the first part of July. So, they are going...in less than 3 wks. A month after my DH goes, so does my only real support network around here.
Not only is she a similar type person socially, she has dc the same ages as mine...her DH is army like mine...we're both hsing, and Catholic, and veil wearing TLM mass loving women who wear skirts/dresses only.
Can you say that she was the answer to YEARS of prayers? YEARS? And we've actually only known each other for about 15-16 mos now...sigh. But now she's heading out, and while I am VERY happy for them, I am feeling a bit lost, for me. It seems every time I have a baby, my friend (like I said, I manage one at a time) of the time, moves. I'm still friends with all of them--but they are everywhere from AL to OK to MD. Not around the corner or across town. Now add MO to the mix. After my first born, Sherri went to AL. After Sophie, Kathleen went to MD, and now Robin is heading off to MO.
I'm trying to look at it as an opportunity for God to cause me to rely on HIM more, as opposed to being attached too much to the transitory things/people of this world. But the timing for the lesson is...interesting. I know that to learn a lesson like this, one needs to be "stripped"...I don't have DH to lean on...my family is a good 6 hrs away (well,the reliable family). DHs family, even farther. All of our friends are scattered to the four winds. I know I cannot do this by myself...but I suppose God feels I need this lesson at this time in my life.
I guess that the above is my way of coping with it all mentally. Turning it into a lesson God wants me to learn. Maybe it is. Then again, maybe I am reading divine motives into something where there really are none. But regardless, if it helps me get thru it, I suppose it could be worse. I am not blaming God, I am not angry. I suppose experience has taught me to be accepting of such things (plus, being a military spouse, I know it is always a possibility)...but it makes sense.
Since the boys were born my prayer life has fallen by the wayside--welll, my "formal" prayer life. I do plenty of praying--its just much more brief, and far more spontaneous. I've not made it to mass yet...the boys have been baptized, but it was privately done, on a Thursday afternoon. I've not been to confession in MONTHS now...probably a good 2-2 1/2. I went to Mass twice after I was put on bedrest, and was so worn out/had such problems afterwards, that I couldn't do it to myself again (nothing like going to a one hour mass and then going home and sleeping for four hours straight).
SO I know I need to, at the least, get back to the sacraments. I need to get to Confession. I need to make it to mass. I dread doing it, though, frankly. The boys will be the easy part, once I get the car seats into a pew. Its the wrangling the three yr old once we get into the pew...the getting everyone dressed and in the car on time so as to make it to Mass before it's reached the readings...
SIGH.
This isn't exactly a prayer request, altho if you would pray for me, I'd appreciate it. Just some sympathetic female "cluckings" and sympathetic offerings of chocolate and some lightly alcoholic beverages ....lol
Really. I am trying to keep my sense of humor....but its getting harder with each ball I have to juggle...
TIA, ladies. If anyone has any good advice, please let me know. Advice about what, I don't know exactly. But I'll take it if you'll give it.
Rachel
__________________
Married DH 4/1/95
Lily 3/11/00
Helena(Layna) 5/23/02
Sophia 4/19/04
John 5/7/07
David 5/7/07
Ava Maria, in the arms of Jesus, 9/5/08
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JenniferS
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| Posted: June 09 2007 at 7:38pm | IP Logged
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Ah...many prayers and some good chocolate for you.
Jen
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hylabrook1
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| Posted: June 09 2007 at 7:50pm | IP Logged
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Rachel -
Prayers and prayers and  and .
Peace,
Nancy
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Anne McD
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Rachel,
What a tough time!!  You have my prayers, and you sound like you really have your head on straight about all of this--remember, (this is always tough for me!!) God doesn't give you more than you can handle.
And I've got half a bottle of Arbor Mist and M&M's I'd love to stop over with! 
Anne
__________________
Anne
Wife to Jon
Mommy to Alex 9
James 8
Katie 6
William 3 1/2
Benedict Joseph 1
and baby on the way! 10/14
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Liz D
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| Posted: June 10 2007 at 8:48pm | IP Logged
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Rachel,
I think and pray about you a lot as my eldest daughter(25yo) is 33 weeks due with twins and on bedrest for the last two weeks. My dd and I are amazed at all you have dealt with for months and our hearts go out to you.
We are military, too,(well, my husband retired Jan. 1 after 28 yrs). We are Navy and the last 15 years we lived on Norfolk Navy Base. Dh would have liked to have moved but he just kept getting orders for Norfolk. Anyways, you can imagine we have seen so many people move on and it is hard. I am so sorry. The timing for you is lousy, it would seem.
I hope you will be able to draw closer to Christ during this time. But I don't like to see you beating yourself up about not getting to Mass, etc. My dd on bedrest is not getting to Mass, either (she is blessed that my 17 ds is a communion minister and has brought her communion, though). My sil whose dd had twins this winter said she was not to go to church and other places for the protection of her premies for first 4 months. Your hands are full and going places without help would be almost unsafe and unfair to your dc. When I had a 4yo, very active 2 yo, and a very colicky newborn and dh was away,I would hire a teenager to go with me and I was able to go home during the worst of it. ( And to you, my scenario would be a piece of cake)
My advice would be to make sure you pray in the am and pm no matter how short, continue your spontaneous prayer throughout your day and remember to offer up all that you do and all that you are suffering to care for your family to Our Lord and I can't imagine He wouldn't be thrilled with that prayer.
Also, let your church know you need help getting to Mass, confession, etc.Other church members would probably be thrilled to lend a hand with the kids. I've seen it at our church, esp with a mom who had twin girls and another one a year later. Perhaps, someone could bring you communion and Fr make arrangements to hear your Confession. You should be considered housebound.
See if you can hire a young girl to help with the many things that need done or to help you when you go somewhere. My 12 yo is being a mother's helper to a Marine wife with 3 small children whose dh is in Iraq. She takes a reduced babysitting fee since the mom is always there and my dd is so young.
I will continue to pray for you and wish I could help in a physical way, too.
God bless you!
__________________
Liz
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juststartn
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| Posted: June 10 2007 at 10:30pm | IP Logged
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The doctors haven't confined me to home with the boys (as far as Mass is concerned). Seriously, nothing was said about anything restrictive. Now, I'm not dragging them out all the time, all day long, handing them off to whoever.
We DID make it to Mass today, thank goodness. First time in probably 2-3 mos. Whew. It was a little hectic, but thankfully, my friend and her DH (the boys' godparents) were there with their crew, and her DH grabbed John when he got fussy and I was already occupied with David (of course, this was right as the consecration was starting up...). I made it to the Church early enough, but there wasn't a confessional time today (unfortunate, cause right before Mass is likely the only time I am going to make it...).
I'm going to be able to call and get a sitter this next week..one of the Legion of Mary leaders here locally has a dd who is in nursing school, but is home for the summer...wonderful thing, both of her parents are nurses too (her dad was a combat medic with Special Forces/Delta Force, so I doubt that my dc can dish out more than the three of them could handle collectively, lol).
I do think I will see about trying to talk to Father about it, because it is really "intersting" trying to get anything out of the Mass...I hate to say it like that, cause I know its not what we get, its what we give...but I spent the entire time either wrestling with a newborn, or snapping my fingers at, catching the eye of, or shushing one or more of my older dc. And then there's the "I'M BORED" from my 7 yr old (who wants to know why I won't LET her celebrate her FHC sigh)...and the very loud "WHEN IS THIS GOING TO BE OVER MOMMY?" from my five yr old.
It was enough to make me want to stand up and SCREAM "SHUT UP. SIT UP. PAY ATTENTION, THAT'S JESUS!!!" But somehow, I doubt that my wonderful, devout, extremely orthodox priest would have appreciated it (altho he may have felt the same sentiments before, lol).
Can you tell I am obviously somewhat sleep deprived? LOL. To top it off, because of the timing of mass/the trip home (45 min each way, mass starts at 4), we went to Golden Corral for dinner. I don't normally like eating out or shopping on Sundays, but frankly, the thought of trying to cope with two hungry screaming newborns, three hungry cranky older dc...nah. Let someone else cook and clean, tyvm.
Anyway, my 7 yr old pulled one of her (fortunately) not-pulled out of the bag very often stunts, and made herself throw up because I wanted her to finish her dinner before she got herself some dessert.
SIGH. Of course she's fine. But ARGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Where's that head banging into the wall emoticon? I need one.
Tomorrow is "throw the kids into the pool immediately after breakfast and feed them out of doors, and don't let them in for anything except for potty trips and naps all day, if possible. I've got HUGE water cooler thing, with a spigot on it, that I am going to fill up and set out for them...
But that's how today went. I feel like I spent the whole day fighting to get to Mass on time, and once there, didn't pay one bit of attention...cause I had so many demands on me...
How do ya'll DO it? I mean, if you go, and simply cannot manage to pay attention due to the dc and their needs/antics (which were genuinely not all THAT bad, just distracting, and I want them to know what is appropriate during mass, in church, period), do you feel badly? Does it seem like a wasted effort? I almost feel like I've not met my obligation (another word I hate to use in relation to Mass)...I mean, if I can't even pay attention to what is being re-presented...more attentive to what is being taught in the homily...its almost as if I shouldn't even bother going, cause its not going to make a bit of difference...I can't assist if my attention is scattered in 5 different directions.
Sorry for the ramble. Ya'll are one of the few places I can go where the folks genuinely understand. Prots wouldn't understand, and would just tell me to stay home...or plunk them in the nursery (none at my parish, nor a cry room---if the dc get too loud, we actually have to step out the door to the front steps, cause the parish is a small one)...but that's not an option for me. Shoot, even some Catholics don't get it. I just don't know where the line is drawn/where to draw it for myself. I feel if I don't go, I'm being lazy/slothful for not going...or worse, disrespectful/ungrateful for dreading the ordeal Mass is becoming, esp as the boys are getting more awake (not to mention that their grumpy time is always mid-afternoon, right during the middle of Mass) and louder.
SIGH
Rachel
__________________
Married DH 4/1/95
Lily 3/11/00
Helena(Layna) 5/23/02
Sophia 4/19/04
John 5/7/07
David 5/7/07
Ava Maria, in the arms of Jesus, 9/5/08
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Mackfam
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| Posted: June 11 2007 at 10:00am | IP Logged
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Rachel-
First, you have my prayers, and all of the virtual chocolate and red wine this connection can send - I'm offering my day for you.
With God, nothing is coincidence - your dh's deployment, the loss of your dear friend, the overwhelming pressures of your sweet children, the challenge to get to the Sacraments - are all crosses given by our dear Lord to you. God must love you dearly, because He has certainly given you much to shoulder.
I feel funny offering any advice on this - I'm living in the lap of luxury in comparison! Here are my thoughts though for what it's worth. We've all been through stressful times, and this is what I've found.
Simplicity should be your mantra. You're in survival mode right now. Give yourself permission to say no to everything not necessary to your survival - at least until you get one more leg back under your stool  .
I happen to believe that the Sacraments are the key to your survival and your ability to hold it together for your family. In St. Faustina's diary she talks about going to Mass once and being very distracted and annoyed by another sister who sat right next to her coughing and hacking non-stop. She found it almost impossible to pray or concentrate. She contemplated moving away from her, but didn't. Later, our Lord told her that He was very pleased with her prayers that day at Mass because of the distractions which He had placed there next to her, and would have not been pleased if she had moved away. This gives me great hope when attending Mass with the dc. I must remind myself that He put these dear distractions here with me, and He is pleased with my meager attempts at prayer and focus. Our Lord is pleased with you, and you NEED His graces provided you in abundance through the Sacraments. Get yourself to the Sacraments whenever and however you can. I happen to agree with Liz - ask Fr. to bring Holy Communion and offer Confession some times when it's just too much to get the kids to Jesus!
Being faithful in the little every-day, ordinary things is a beautiful prayer to our Lord, and you are offering it well. Stay faithful! I have found that in times of great suffering or stress, my mind loses focus so easily and I am unable to form any coherent thought in prayer. For that reason, I always use a book to pray with. My favorite all time prayer helps are the prayer book series In Conversation With God - they are traditional and offer much spiritual guidance and balm to the soul. The daily topics are always practical and helpful - it is a timeless treasure IMHO! The Holy Spirit takes your groans and sighs straight to the throne of God - don't let the devil tempt you into discouragement here!
God be with your dh while he is away from you, and know that our family will be praying for you and your family! Many, many
__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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juststartn
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| Posted: June 11 2007 at 4:33pm | IP Logged
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Jennifer--thank you. That makes me feel at least a little bit better...(almost as good as a really high quality bar of milk chocolate with crunchy things in it...num...)..lol.
It is a constant struggle, to keep my eyes focused on what is most important. The last few days, all I have wanted to do is pull the blankets up and block out the unceasing neediness, iykwim. Its always someone...needing something. I really don't know some of these ladies do it...whew. I know a large part of it is because I am tired, and haven't been able to take a nap since DH left (the boys schedule and the girls rarely if ever coincides, unfortunately). So the four-five hours of sleep thing is getting really old (esp since I generally function better on 9-11 hrs a night..sigh).
I keep wondering where the line is between sloth and just trying to get some rest...the house is clean, the dc fed, taken care of, errands run...but where is the line at???? Ugh. it doesn't help matters much that I read "King of the Golden City" last week for the first time...now the question is always coming to mind, am I giving in to "Self", or am I doing what I really ought?
I really need to corner my priest on this, I think. Ah, I'll have to head to the confessional asap...maybe ths Wednesday...I'll have to see.
If any of you have figured out where the line is, between sloth and taking care of oneself, between laziness and getting the rest you need...please, let me know...cause I need the advice..
Rachel (thanks, ladies, for your support and prayers...they are probably all that is holding the fort down, the ship together...ykwim.)
__________________
Married DH 4/1/95
Lily 3/11/00
Helena(Layna) 5/23/02
Sophia 4/19/04
John 5/7/07
David 5/7/07
Ava Maria, in the arms of Jesus, 9/5/08
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guitarnan
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| Posted: June 11 2007 at 6:01pm | IP Logged
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I used to drag myself and only two dc to Mass on Sundays when dh was deployed and spend the whole time chasing my very active dd around the foyer of the church, totally unable to hear what was going on. I told God every week that I'd done my best, I'd made it to Mass, and I was counting on Him to understand that I couldn't be inside the church just yet.
I think He understood just fine.
IMHO, when you have an absent husband, if everyone's basic needs are met, it is totally OK to meet yours, too. Your children need you to be (somewhat) rested and healthy.
Another thing I do often is to throw myself at the feet of our Blessed Mother, who had to stay up all night with an ill child, move on unexpected "orders" and generally cope with a lifetime of difficulties before her beloved Child was even 2. She understands us and intercedes for us. When you're tired, use those wonderful traditional prayers we all know. Keep a holy card posted on your fridge, to remind you that you're headed toward Heaven and that you have a whole communion of saints waiting for you there...many of whom have been mothers and wives, just like all of us.
I'll keep praying for you...I know it's hard to feel Christ-centered when you're so tired...and it's hard to feel welcomed anywhere when friends are leaving (that's one of those military things, so hard for civilians who've never moved to understand).
You're allowed to rest, eat healthy meals, and take care of yourself. The House Beautiful Police have decided to skip NC this year (hopefully they will skip MD as well!) and you are officially off the hook. Err on the side of keeping yourself healthy and sane. God understands. (I'm still here, aren't I?)
Many hugs...from a military spouse who really understands...
__________________
Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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juststartn
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| Posted: June 11 2007 at 7:40pm | IP Logged
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Thanks, Nancy. Thing is, my house is NEVER qualified for House Beautiful (too cluttered for that, lol).
But it is clean. LOL. The thing is, the house is small enough that it isn't the housework that gets me. The stressor? Having to go anywhere on top of my short temper because I am tired and have a natural tendency to a lower frustration threshold. LOL. That, and dealing with gassy boys (I just bought some Hyland's Gas tablets, lol). Thing is, yesterday was the first time we had gone anywhere where we couldn't just leave--or just let the boys cry a bit. Kwim? I was trying to keep the lid on the noise, cause it IS a really small church, and there is NO separate area to go and still listen to Mass...
I did offer it all up, while I was sitting there, listening to the homily...praying that God would work even thru my distractions. And that he would understand why my attention was not where I would prefer it to be...
Thanks for the understanding, Nancy. I'll pray House Beautiful skips your place, too, lol. Actually, pray House Beautiful and all of those outdoor magazines skip my house...cause the dc have made a mudpit between the pool and the backsteps...lol. But I will eventually overcome...lol.
Maybe next year ya'll can nominate me, lol
Rachel
__________________
Married DH 4/1/95
Lily 3/11/00
Helena(Layna) 5/23/02
Sophia 4/19/04
John 5/7/07
David 5/7/07
Ava Maria, in the arms of Jesus, 9/5/08
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Ruth
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| Posted: June 12 2007 at 11:37am | IP Logged
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juststartn wrote:
I do think I will see about trying to talk to Father about it, because it is really "intersting" trying to get anything out of the Mass...I hate to say it like that, cause I know its not what we get, its what we give...but I spent the entire time either wrestling with a newborn, or snapping my fingers at, catching the eye of, or shushing one or more of my older dc.
sentiments before, lol).
Rachel
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Hi Rachel. I just read this quote from St. Therese, and thought you might like it.
"I have many distractions, but as soon as I am aware of them, I pray for those people the thought of whom is diverting my attention. In this way, they reap the benefit of my distractions."
I certainly have to try that with my middle kids
I will say a prayer for you. God bless you.
__________________
Ruth
mom to 7 miracles
My family blog
Loreto Rosaries
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Mackfam
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| Posted: June 14 2007 at 9:56am | IP Logged
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Rachel,
I am still praying for your intentions.
May the Blessed Mother wrap you in her loving mantle.
__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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rose gardens
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| Posted: June 14 2007 at 12:24pm | IP Logged
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Oh, loosing friends is so difficult!
I have always felt drawn to the saints. I think of them as heavenly friends and read their writings and about their lives often. After we moved, I walked into the parish where we are now members and saw statues of a couple of my favorite saint friends. I felt that I was surrounded by friends at Mass, which we are through the Communion of Saints.
juststartn wrote:
... it is really "intersting" trying to get anything out of the Mass...but I spent the entire time either wrestling with a newborn, or snapping my fingers at, catching the eye of, or shushing one or more of my older dc. And then there's the "I'M BORED" from my 7 yr old (who wants to know why I won't LET her celebrate her FHC sigh)...and the very loud "WHEN IS THIS GOING TO BE OVER MOMMY?" from my five yr old.
It was enough to make me want to stand up and SCREAM "SHUT UP. SIT UP. PAY ATTENTION, THAT'S JESUS!!!" But somehow, I doubt that my wonderful, devout, extremely orthodox priest would have appreciated it (altho he may have felt the same sentiments before, lol). |
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Oh, I can so relate to what you wrote here. While I know in my heart that we are surrounded by saints and angels at Mass, my children certainly don't behave like them! Heck, I'd settle for my children just behaving like those statues for a moment! It can be so difficult to bring children to Mass! But as I said, I read a lot of the lives of the saints, and saints didn't start out perfect either. Sometimes I look at my children and wonder, "who are you?" Did St. Therese's mother have any idea about who her child was? My children push all my buttons, sap all my energy, and I just have to trust that God will transform the simple offerings that I bring to Mass. And I don't know why, but I'm crying as I write this.
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juststartn
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| Posted: June 16 2007 at 10:33pm | IP Logged
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Thanks for the continued thoughts and prayers ladies.
I swear (and I mean that most earnestly), this week, the prayers of my online and IRL friends has been all that has been holding me up. A long, long week, one I am glad to see the end of. I never want one like this again.
It's ok, I think I understand why you were crying. There are times, when I am thinking of things along a similar vein, that I get going..no "real" reason...I just...do. Perhaps because it taps the depths of our hearts and souls....I don't know. But it isn't a BAD thing...((hugs))
But PLEEEASSE keep praying for me, my DH, and our family. I know you all are...but I cannot tell you how very very important your prayers are--esp right now and in the days and weeks to come...we're going to need them desperately.
Thanks in advance, ladies.
Rachel
__________________
Married DH 4/1/95
Lily 3/11/00
Helena(Layna) 5/23/02
Sophia 4/19/04
John 5/7/07
David 5/7/07
Ava Maria, in the arms of Jesus, 9/5/08
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DominaCaeli
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Rachel,
I just wanted to add my prayers. I have thought of you often ever since reading your post, and I just cannot imagine the challenges you are facing right now. God bless you!!
__________________
Blessings,
Celeste
Joyous Lessons
Mommy to six: three boys (8, 4, newborn) and four girls (7, 5, 2, and 1)
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: One more leg yanked from my stool!
