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Maria B.
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| Posted: May 21 2007 at 10:26am | IP Logged
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I need some advice. My dh is so overwhelmed right now with the responsibilities of our family. By responsibilities I mean everything - size of our family, financial, job, me, just life with 10 kids. He is worried about his age and being around for the kids at the end. Not just being "alive", but being able to physically keep up with them and their activities, etc. I have been through this several time before with him, but this time it seems worse. Of course, I am praying. I thought I would seek some wise counsel from all of you!
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Maria in VA
Proud Mom to 10 Great kids!
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Elizabeth
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| Posted: May 21 2007 at 10:42am | IP Logged
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I think that part of this is because you are looking at a major transition in June. Your first child will graduate and then, before you catch your breath, he'll leave for plebe summer. The next stage of life is beginning and try as we might, we can't hold it back.
I'm curious to hear the responses, because we're feeling the same things here. I've got to think it's worse this time because this time, the big boys are men. If they're young men, what does that make their dads? Mike had a hard time with the prom pictures. He called and reminded me of our senior prom, which seems a long time ago. And then he reminded me it's nearly that long until Karoline's prom. We're in this for the long haul, for sure.
I'm glad we'll be together at graduation, Maria. I think we're going to need each other. 
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Maria B.
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| Posted: May 21 2007 at 10:55am | IP Logged
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Elizabeth and all,
Oh, I agree so much with what you said. Seeing those young men (our sons) at prom was so, so incredibly hard for me. I know Chuck felt it too.
Last summer at Cub Scout camp with out 8 year old son, Chuck called me. His message was funny, but also very telling. He said, "Maria, I am here with a bunch of other dads and I am by far the oldest dad her(47 at the time) and you know what? In eight more years, I could be here again with our next child!" (At that time I was pregnant with Lucy, not knowing if she would be a boy or girl.) He was so troubled by that. I did my best to reassure him and remind him of my parents who are now in their 60/70's. They had my sister Megan at the same age we had Lucy this past August. I was 43, dh 47. Megan is now 19 and has kept my parents oh, so, so young at heart and also physically young.
We are in this for the long haul, but for me that gives me joy. I guess for men, it is so different.
Lots to work through.
I am so glad to have you Elizabeth. The next month or so is going to be very tough ... very tough.
Much love,
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Maria in VA
Proud Mom to 10 Great kids!
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Bridget
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| Posted: May 21 2007 at 11:22am | IP Logged
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Gotta hang out together! 
We had our sacrament party yesterday. Many of our friends are about our age, or older, and have the big age spread of children. There were lots of dads discussing their high school, college and older kids while they toted a baby or toddler. They are all overwhelmed but seem to be able to laugh about it with others in the same boat.
From my own dad down to the youngest dad there, they are an impressive array of Catholic dads raising their families against incredible odds.
They need each other's example, camaraderie and their wives constant appreciation.
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Cay Gibson
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I understand, Maria.
My dh goes between wanting another little boy "really bad" to wondering if he's crazy to want. I remind him that his parents were going on 40 when they had him and what a blessing he was (is) to them, and how they were there for him through adulthood.
But he's turning 42 next month so that reasoning is beginning to fall further from the tree. 
He's open to God's will but wonders about his own.
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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esperanza
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Oh, I was boo hooing last night about this topic to dh ...he is the "go with the flow" guy.
When my oldest is 30 yrs ...I'll be 49 yrs
When my youngest is 30 ...I'll be 70 yrs old.
I don't know why I was thinking about the dc being 30?
..I just calculated it and felt soo old.
Although it seems more on a positive note when I think of my three boys being a good help to their elderly father  in their teens.
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In His Peace,
Tammy Gonzalez in VA
dh-Johnny
mom to Tara-'85, Noelle-'88, Jeremy-'91, Elizabeth-'93, Emma-'96, Dominic-'99, Gabriel-'01, Elijah-03
and Jacinta-06
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msclavel
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My oldest dd will be 13 this November and the baby will turn 1. This is also disconcerting to my dh. He is eating up our delicious baby right now, completely captivated by her, but sooo worried. He has had Type II diabetes for 13 years and started on insulin this month. I think he is terrified of not seeing her at 13. And don't even mention having any more children .
And Elizabeth, those prom picture were such a treat. What wonderful young men you've all raised! I feel so spoiled to have you ladies to look to for comfort and advice. I have been praying especially hard for all you moms with children moving on to the next stages in their life. Just talking to my dd about the changes coming for her in puberty nearly did me in this weekend.
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MicheleQ
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Well for what it's worth I think it's normal somewhat to feel this way.
My dh turned 40 last Sat. and I turn 40 in about a month and a half. We have three that are "grown" (I don't think I've mentioned it here but my 17 yr. old is in basic training right now --he's Army National Guard - getting money for school) and seven following behind.
I try not to think about how old I will be when the youngest (whoever that may be) is grown. I AM looking forward to being a grandma and staying as active and involved as I can.
My dh is having a harder time dealing with getting older. He's always been really fit and active but is finding more and more that he just can't do as much as he used to and it bothers him. I keep reminding him that's it's all temporary anyway and when we get our resurrected bodies back he can play soccer for eternity without pain! 
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Michele Quigley
wife to my prince charming and mom of 10 in Lancaster County, PA USA
http://michelequigley.com
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joann10
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My husband and I are 43 and 41. Our oldest is 20 and a full time chef. I also sent three kids to a dinner dance this week and posted the pictures a few days ago.
It is something awe inspiring when I look at the pictures of these young men and woman and see where they are now. I have so many littles, it makes me want to slow everything down and just enjoy the moment.
It helps my husband and I to be around a lot of wonderful couples our age with just as many children with great differences in their ages. We all have babies and kids in college. Some are starting to become grandparents while they are still nursing their own babies.
We joke a lot about what the future will hold.(we can't wait to play in the student/parent soccer game when our babies are 16 and we are 59).
We all are realizing together, that we have to cherish the moment we are in right now. 
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Overwhelmed Husband
